A/n: Evan is trans in this story. I am NOT educated in this field. Thanks

Warning: cursing, abuse, assult,  homophobic, really serious shit, read at own risk.
Evan POV

I am not a girl. I'm not a girl. I'm not a girl.

I repeated the thoughts in my mind.
It has been a year since I got surgery to be who I felt like I am.

Male.

I can't help but thank my boyfriend who paid for the surgery as a gift.

I am so happy this year my mom and his mom also agreed on a Thanksgiving together.

But, there is a problem. My father wanted to visit us out of the twelve years he wasn't.

Doesn't seem bad but he remembers me as Evelyn.

Evelyn, his daughter who he loved for a few years til his drinking got the best of him and abused the girl and felt hollow. He kept it a secret and made the girl lie to her mother and everyone that she got hit by the door, or she had fell. Evelyn still loved her daddy, even though she knew he cheated and beat her.

The smell of achohol was her comfort zone, and her mother made it leave.

Then, the house became lonlier and Evelyn missed her daddy, no matter how many times he left marks.

She was stupid and naive.

She was gone also, fading til she fully left.
 

I shook the thoughts away.

In the end, I'm going to have to go as a girl for a few hours.

I can do it.

My mother lend me some of her woman clothing and bra and kept apologizing to me for having to do it.

Not that she knows, she just doesn't want any problems or his wife to pick at me.

So, I slowly put the clothes on.

I shutter at the memories pushing in my head.

I had to stuff the bra a bit with tissue and use makeup to make it seem like I have something.

I was wearing very ripped jeans, a white deep V-neck belly shirt and an open flannel over it.

Ew.

I longed to be in the clothes I was in a few minutes later.

I can't complain though. My mother just wants to be seen as if she is better that he is gone.

So, I put on a wig that had a deeper color than my hair, almost like Connor's.

I tried my best to make it seem like natural hair on my head.
Then I added a smokey eye and a dark lipstick.

It wasn't bad as I thought about it. I am just cosplaying.

Right?

"Evelyn!"

That's gonna take a while to get used to.
"Yes!?" I yelled back in response.

"The Murphy family and your father is here!"

My stomach turned.
I forced my legs to walk down the stairs.

Here goes nothing .

I began to strut in confidence to the dining room.

The man was very noticeable.

He was tall,  and has similar features that I have.

He smiled warmly, as he used to.

"My Evelyn has grown into a blooming eighteen years old. Sorry we couldn't bring the kids, they're almost the same age, and they are stubborn. "

He walked over and gave me a grizzly bear hug.

The faint scent of cigarettes and achohol fills my nostrils.

I have memories.

They flash back at me as he had his arms around me and I had my face in his chest.

*Flashback*

"Evelyn! What happened?"

I came back inside; coming back with my dad from the 'ice cream parlor' (it was actually his best friends house where he drank)  a year before my father had left (six), and he had just beaten me.

My mother had a worried expression on her face.

I smiled at her, making her calm.

"Mommy, you know I am a kluts!" I exclaimed.

My father walked in a few seconds before my mother asked me how I got myself hurt.

"Baby, did you fall when you came in?"

I look at my bruised knees and back at him, then at my mother.

"Yeah. I'm sorry if you were worried mommy"

My dad chuckled before picking me up and bringing me to the living room where I sat on his lap and he kissed me on the forehead.

"Keep quiet baby. Daddy is sick, but when he gets better, he will make it up to you."

I nodded before paying attention to the TV that was playing in the background.

The smell that hurted me never felt comfortable and trusting.
*
"Evelyn?"

I squint my eyes before noticing my father figure is a few steps away from me and waving his arms.

I felt like I was showing my true emotions, so I began to smile.

I shook my head.

"I'm fine."

The room felt tense.

I nervously laughed.

"Wow, did I kill the mood? Was I supposed to cry and wail 'daddy!' or something?" I exaggerated and made funny movements along to what I said to make the room a bit loose.
A few people cracked up, but not all.
____
We sat at the table, having all different conversations, but soon, we were all together in one big conversation.

"Okay, so, who is this hunk of junk?"
My father's new wife, Kylie, said as she pointed at Connor, but looked at me.

Could my stomach go in more knots?

"The 'hunk of junk' has a name, it is Connor, and that's my boyfriend. We are having dinner with his family. Am I going too fast?" I said bluntly and rudely.

She smirked at me from across the table.

"It is not like I'm going to steal him dearie, I'm just asking."

Fucking bitch.

Fucking whore.

I pouted and formed a fist.

I rolled my eyes in reply.

I began to naw on my lip and think how to calm myself down before I make a scene.

"Evelyn... Evelyn?"

I don't ever fucking hear that name, why would I instantly listen to it?

"It is Evan." I said calmly back to whoever said my name.

I looked up and saw Zoe calling my name as my mother coughed.

"What? What do you mean?"

My eyes darted to the woman I hated.

"Ugh. Did I say that? I didn't mean to. He is my-my best friend. People get our names confused tons of times and so I am used to saying that. "

This is going to go badly.

I fucked up so badly.

The Hansen's are obviously going to speak up about me not being Evelyn and that I don't have a friend name Evan because I am Evan.

But they didn't. It is like they are in shock. They just ate silently, waiting to see reaction after reaction.

The questions changed to Connor and him making sure I am not cheating and such.

She is doing it on purpose too.

I mumbled 'fuck you' under my breath.

My knuckles turned white as I held tightly to the fork in my hand.

"Escuse me, but there is no way you should talk like that young lady. "

I gulp.

I lifted my eyes from the table and saw a man who had rage in his eyes.

"Maybe your mother is too damn irresponsible to teach you anything. Evelyn, learn how to control your period. And apologize."

That stung. I bit my lip intil I tasted blood.

Kylie got two strikes. One more to go before I explode.

I sighed.

"So, are you? Or did your fucking stupid mother-"

I slammed my fist on the table.

"Boo you whore! This is between me and you!"

I stood up. So did Kylie and my father.

The room had silence and fear.

Nobody moved.

"Want a fight missy?"

Fucking hate being called female pronouns. I like being called male pronouns, I like being me, so I had yelled back in anger.

"You mean boy?"

She cocked her head to the side.

"What? Are you on shit?"

I ripped the wig off and slam it on the table, on my empty plate.

She threw her head back and laughed.

"Just because you cut your hair doesn't mean shit, Evelyn"

Oooh my God. She is making my skin boil to the point where I will start burning people and make them feel pain and feel a certain way.

"I AM NOT A FUCKING GIRL!"

I grabbed the nearest thing, a glass cup, and threw it in anger.

It got her spot on her forehead, which made everyone gasp; including me.

She backed into the wall before slidding down, breaking down in sobs.

Shit. Shit. Shit.

"I won't accept it. You hurting your step-mother, and being gay and Trans."

I rolled my eyes.

"I would rather slit my throat before that snobby, stealing bitch becomes anything related to me. I don't accept you either; being a fucking abusive NOBODY!"

My eyes stung.

He heavily breathed before stomping near me slowly.

"Come'on pussy, fight me. Remember how you harassed and abused me. Bitch, come at me now pussy." I hissed at him

I began to stomp outside, in the rain and taunt him more before we began to fight.

A punch was thrown from him. Then me.

Voices filled in torchured screams and worried filled the air. But we fought on.

Memories filled me again when he punched me in the stomach.

Anger rose in me again. Soon enough he was on the ground and I was on top of him.

"Don't tell Mommy! Evan is so sick right now!"

He grabbed me by the throat.

I squeaked in response.

I got him to stop doing it as quick as possible.

I push off of him and stood up.

My mother was on the steps, kneeling, with a phone in one of her hands; the other with a knife. She sobbed into the phone as Mrs. Murphy comfort her.

Larry was probably helping Kylie .

Zoe was probably frighten.

And... Connor...he was standing on the bottom step, his mouth formed as a O.

I did this.

I began to run.

My real name was finally called, Evan.
______

The orchards is where I ended up.

I was bare footed and was in slight pain everywhere.

I winced when I took of the tourchure machine ( bra) and the low V neck shirt.

I put on only the flannel and began to Pace.

I'm never violent. They triggered a past. Is it?
______

Arms flew around my soaking wet flannel shirt.

I tried pushing them off but they held on.

"Evan....I'm proud of you..."

Connor?

I pulled away a bit to see Connor's face highlighted by the moonlight.

His hair was everywhere and he was breathing shallowly.

"You shouldn't, I was a monster-"

His lips smashed onto mine before I could finish my sentence.

I winced a bit since my lip is  split open by a punch, but I couldn't feel anymore warm.

" You were amazing. You stood up for what's right. It was a collateral beauty. Pain, yes, but you changed it to justice."

I hugged him tightly.

"It is not like I had a choice to be a girl or not when I was born. B-but, I know also, that I hated being a girl. He is an acholic and-and he used to abuse me, sexually and phy-physically. 'don't tell Mommy; I'm sick but I will make it up to you' he say to me. It haunts me, I had not a soul to talk to about exept a doll and cried. I-it made me turn into a horrid monster. "

I began to sob.

Connor whispered into my hair, mumbles of words.
_______

He brought me home, and everyone was there still.

Exept my father and Kylie.

Everyone gave me a group hug.

And then we sat on the couch, soaking head to toe, and the story unraveled.

"It started when I was four. My mother had to work and my father had gotten drunk. He called my mother's name in til he stumbled into my room. I was confused. I didn't know. He used me. Dress up and doctor he wanted to play. I was the damned fool that couldn't leave and weak. Sick bastard. Left my bedroom to go into his own and left me to cry. He told me the next morning if I told anybody he would have punish me. So I did as he told. He complemented me, said he loved me when he wasn't drunk. He took me to the park. I felt whole. I loved him. Even though I wanted to run away. When mom fucked something up, his flask was in his mouth and he drank it down. She worked longer nights too. So, his anger and Passion would be held to me. Bruises left on my body. My arms ache from fighting him. Clothes of mine splattered around the room. But I was frighten. I felt as if I would have told, I would not be loved. Not that he would take anything of his off. It was just me. The broken down doll. I fucking hate him. I tried. I tried to fight him. No way to fight him though. I was five, a year before he left, and he got more abusive. My mind got fucked. I flinched at the slight of sound.  He torchured me. He would torchure me. When he did leave...I was sad and happy. I slept more comfortable and had to sleep with my mother for a few weeks and blamed it on nightmares. And it was. He is a nightmare. "

I said in sobs.
_____________

It has been four months since it has happened. 

The cops has gotten involved in the investigation in the assult.

The air seemed more thinner and easier to breathe.

Connor held me for hours at a time nowadays.

Not like my father did

But as if he was really there.

Like he Really loves me.

And that is the way it is supposed to be.

(2347 words in total.)

A/n:sorry it got dark and such but if you relate in anyway of abuse, please contact anyone and say something. Your words and your life mean so much to people in the world. Abuse shouldn't be silented. Your not weak if you say something.

Thanks bubsy.

Love you.