A/n: don't fucking judge lol. I really like the book (I'm a straight up book worm, ask my friends and family, books are legit water to me) and the movie. So, I got this concept as I am cooling down before I kill one of my brothers. Also, don't mind the pic.  Also, this is not going to be direct word for word like the book.

Evan's POV
Hi. I'm Evan Hansen.
I can't leave my house. Not even if I tried or so. Not because im grounded either, just feels like it sometimes.

I have a disease, that if I go outside, I die.

So, for the last seventeen, almost eighteen, years of my life, I had been staring at the same four walls.

Everything is just plain white. Not that it bothered me, I just like it plain and organized because it only seemed to represent my life.  Boring and strick.

I don't have anything that pops out in my life that gives me a spark.

I just have myself. My mother is usually out, working to keep the house up to date and that I don't die.

I fill most of my days reading about trees.

I know, interesting.

But I enjoy how each has traits that aren't all similar and there shapes aren't perfect, even though they are the same general plant.

Every model project I do for my teacher, I always add a tree somewhere in it.

The trees are a comfort blanket for me. Even though I never had one nor felt one.
___________

I heard that there was people moving next door, the Murphy's. Well, not really heard but saw.

I was looking out my window, at the tree across the street and heard a moving truck pull in.

I watched silently, at the two teenagers, one girl and one boy, with there parents. Must feel good to be together like that.

My father had divorced my mother and by that time she was pregnant with my brother, but an 'accident' happened. And the baby died before it could see the day time. Not that it would have a great time on Earth because he would be stuck with me in this house. Unhappy as I am.
I can't even look myself in the mirror, why would I like to see a person with the same face features as me, depress and torchured of time passing.

The family wore bright colors and such, exept the boy.

He wore a beanie, ripped jeans, and a short sleeve shirt; which was all black.  He smiled at me as he noticed my snooping.

He had dimples that anybody could trip over there melting heart for.

I smiled and anxiously waved back before he went back to helping his family pull out boxes.
________________

That night, as I laid in bed after the whole afternoon of needles in my arm and finally eating, I heard small taps on my window.

Tap.

Tap.

Tap.
It is ten O' clock at night. Who or what can it be. Well, I will tell you, it is the boy that just moved in.

I walked over to my window and cocked my head to the side.

He had took out a dry erase markers and wrote on his window.

.....numbers?

I lip sync and 'oh' before getting up from the bench next to my window and grabbing my phone.

I dialed in the numbers as fast as possible before sending a message.

908-***-***-*****: hello. Evan, Evan Hansen.

908-1**-***-*****: Connor Murphy. Hey, are you like under house lock down?

*Changes names*

Treesarelegit: no. Well, maybe. But no.

Fuckuper101: hmm. Are you secretly a father of some sort?

Treesarelegit: what if I was?

Fuckuper101: than I would have to be crushing on a guy that knocked up someone.

I was fully flustered before typing again.

Treesarelegit: nope. Not grounded nor a father. Just sick

Fuckuper101: how sick?

Treesarelegit: go outside and die sick.

Fuckuper101: hm. I am sorry.

Treesarelegit: don't be. I am fine. I at least feel like I'm outside talking to you. :)

Fuckuper101: I feel safe talking to you. Guess we're even ;)

I laughed as our conversation will past on til three in the morning.
_

______
We talked like that for weeks and weeks.

My heart has really grown on him. There isn't enough words to describe my love for him.

It would over flow if I did, all over the place of my love for him.

But I don't know if he feels the same way out of his flirtatious text and have smirks from his window.

Sometimes I want to know what's running through his head.

Or just all in all, be right next to him.

___________

My doorbell rang the next week. My birthday to be exact.

Me and my mother was finishing up on a board game, ready to do what we do every single year. Watch a movie right after.

I had over heard my mother conversate with...our neighbors next door.

I ran over to the doorbell camera and see the face that I admire from far away and a new face.

She has similar face features as Connor, but has a deeper tone of skin then his pale skin.

He had a smile on his face as he presented..a cake...?

"Hi. We are your next door neighbors. Uh, we wanted to give you this Bundt cakes it is like my mom's apologies as we move in for you. " He said, a bit ackward, but confident.

"Apologises?" My mother, Heidi,  had questioned.

"Yeah. We are pretty loud."

I bit my lip to stop smiling as I looked at the camera.

"We know this Bundt isn't delicious, but we would be happy if you at least took it." The girl that was a bit shorter than Connor.

My mother had declined the offer and before they left Connor asked,
"Miss? Is your son home by any chance?"

Yes.

Yes, yes he is.

He has been waiting forever it seems to see you too.

My mother didn't reply like this. In a matter of a fact, she said she didn't have a son and closed the door; leaving the siblings at the door, sinstery smirking.
_________

I ran upstairs after I had finished the movie in silence, unhappy of what my mother's choices.

Fuckuper101: your a ghost all along?

Treesarelegit: no silly.

Fuckuper101: seems like it. Why weren't you home?

Treesarelegit: yeah, I went out, drank my hardest. Met a girl, threw up on her because she thought I was straight and went home. My mom is Soo ashamed that I left that I'm not a son to her anymore. NOT. it is just my eighteenth birthday and I was watching a movie.

Fuckuper101: wow. Just wow.

Treesarelegit: what?

Fuckuper101: you didn't tell me your birthday nor that you went out and partied. WithOUT me. Smh.

I laughed at my phone and bit my thumb before typing.

Treesarelegit: yeah. Such a rebel.

Fuckuper101: don't rebel on me now :p goodnight birthday boy.

I smiled at my phone before saying goodnight back.
_____________

I had the guts to ask my nurse to let Connor visit.

She said that I was crazy to.

But.

Things are worth risking sometimes.

Well, after I begged her daily and gave her reasons to let him come over.
_________________________________

The day has came.

I had made my own credit card and bought some blue Polo's.

My heart pounded as my nurse, Toni, had come to my room and told me that he was here.

"Do you think I look okay?"

She nodded before mumbling something about teenagers.
_______

He smiled as I walked in.

My heart pounded as I saw him standing there, present.

I just wanted to scream and wrap my hands around him. But I don't.

I hold back my excitement and sat down on my couch.

I had to put on a doctor's face mask for protection if some germ didn't get cleaned off or so.

I put my hands in my lap, to try to hide that I'm  fidgeting badly.

"Hi." I breathed. Finally letting go of the breathe I never knew I held intil then.

"Evan. Evan Hansen. Your real. And beautiful in person, even though I only see your eyes."

Luckily the mask was on because I was flustered. Badly.

"Same to you too."

We began to talk for a few minutes before I slowly got up.

My breath was jagged, my mind already made up.

I walk towards him, as he silently stopped talking.

I peeled the mask off and smiled.

We were just inches away from each other. So close. So far away.

"Hey. I am E-" I was going to introduce myself again in a new way, in person, but our lips smashed together.

We only had fifteen minutes in all to talk so, our kiss ended shortly as we collected our breaths and thoughts.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. At all. I am fine. If I had a reaction, It would have already happen." I smiled at him.

We stared at each other before I heard footsteps coming down our way.

My heart spinned as I quickly ran to the couch, repositioning like I have been there the whole time.

It only looked like I was trying too hard and I was nervous.  I put my mask on and waited for the woman to appear.

"How was it?" Toni has said to the both of us.

"Wonderful. We are like, best friends."

Best friends.

Yeah, sure.

I seen plenty of movies to know that best friends don't naturally kiss on purpose.

I held back from rolling my eyes and nodded.

Then, he had to leave.

I was back in the place I felt I was in, plain.

It is as if he is the color to my world and soul.
I couldn't tell anyone though. It would be a mess if I did.

So I kept quiet of me saying 'i like you' or that the only second one of his visits is filled with us kissing.
__________

Toni has gotten fired after my mother had figure out that she let me see him twice.

She comes home more often and don't really let me be by myself.

The new nurse is a pain in my ass as she leaves post-it notes everywhere.

I need to leave.

I need to leave.

Huh. Doesn't that seem like a good Idea?
_______________

I decided to leave on Thursday, with Connor. To. Hawaii.

I packed the night before and left it as a surprise for Connor to see me outside.
_________
*Sent 5:45 am*

Treesarelegit: come outside

Fuckuper101: ???...okay?
__________

He gasp as he saw me.

"You need to go back inside! Your gonna die!"

I shook my head at him.

"No. I got pills."

"Pills?"

"Yes silly. Pills. For my SKIDD." I shook the medicine bottle in his face before putting it in my pocket.

"Okay....then, what do you want to do?"

I smirked at him.

"Go to Hawaii."

He cocked his head as I explained everything. Then, we were off to Hawaii.
___________
*Huge time skip brought to you by my long nights*

Everything was fine. More than fine. Perfect. We traveled around Hawaii. I finally felt the beauty of nature and had warmth in my heart.
Kisses and cuddles passed back and forth, raiding with happiness every time the sun had moved away and the moon comes into place.

Nothing bad happened intil the third morning.

My heart paced and my lungs burned.

I raced to the bathroom at the speed of light; Connor following behind.

I heaved into the tub, the nearest thing, but nothing came up.

"Ev, you okay?"

My vision got blurry and his voice came to an instant faint as I plunge into darkness.
_____________

I open to see a white celling. I cocked my head as I got up and groaned.

I was back in my room again, with my mother on the edge of the bed.

She saw me and her face lit up before it turned to something I never seen before.

Before I knew it, she nagged and yelled at me for what seemed for forever.

My head pounded as she gave me a hug and said that she didn't know what she would do without me.

"Mother, what happened?"

"You almost died. That's what happened. Luckily your little friend helped you. At least you have some what of a memory of him as he is leaving."

Leaving?

The words had stuck in my throat as I nodded.

She left me alone.

As I always was.

I checked my phone to see a bunch of emails and text messages that I couldn't reach to because I was asleep and I also was grounded.

I tried to text him back but there was no response.

My heart ached as I sat in the den, where we first talked.

The phone on one of the mini nightstands.

I hesitated before picking it up.

"Y-yeah?"

"Is this Evan Hansen?"

"Yeah.."

"Hi, I'm Dr. Nacramara, the doctor who took care of you at the resort. Uhm, sorry to say but your records say you have SKIDD?"

My heart paced from talking over the phone.

"Yes. Yes, I do."

"Sorry, but I don't think you do. If you had SKIDD, you would have A sooner reaction to bacteria. You may have a weak mune system."

Silence.

"Oh. Well, thank you doctor."

I hung up immediately and ran to my mother's office.

I ran through all the files, and none of them said anything of SKIDD.

"What are you doing sweetie?"

I shook my head as tears formed in my eyes.

"Where is it?"

"Where's what?"

"Where is the evidence that I have SKIDD?"

She was speechless at me.

She lied to me my whole life.

She is the one that couldn't let go of the fact of the miscarriage and my father leaving. So, she torchured me instead.
___________

I walked outside again, with my bags in my hand.

"Baby please..." My mother begged one last time.

"I need to see the world too mom. "

Then, I was off.
____________

I knew that Connor's dad was a problem.

That's why his family has left and headed to New York, where they originally were.

The place was crowded as I search on every street to see a book store.

My heart was filled as I ran in to the book store.

I search down every isle, quitely getting worried.

"You need to find something?"

I turned around to see him.

Him.

The one that makes a whole planet swirl by his half smirk.

"Yeah, you."

I wrapped my arms around him and kissed him with a passion.
________

We walked outside, hand in hand, towards his house.

"My family is dieing to meet you. They know what we are, by the way."

I smiled at him.

"Yeah. That's nice, I'm dieing to meet them too. "

My mother nor anybody else might not know that I'm gay, but that's alright.

I don't have to tell anyone, as long as I know that I'm happy to be alive and not trapped.

As long as I have him. My everything to everything, I will be okay.

A/n: that took hella long lol. I'm sorry.