☆和★
Cold snowflakes fell onto my face as i stared up into the dark clouds above the four of us, my eyelashes catching ahold of the gentle white crystals that fell from the sky above my family. It was our first ever Christmas together, it was a dream come true to say the least. My purple eyes shifted down to fixate onto the three people standing behind me at the top of the hill we always stargazed on. My breath floated into the air in clouds and swirled together as if it were smoke, my cold face slowly turned from a look of amazement at the sight of my very first snowfall into a look of excitement as a smile spread across my face and my crow black eyebrows rose up on my forehead. A loud laugh escaped my lips as Jared and Mary waved at me to hurry up and meet them at the top of the once grassy hill, Abigail at their side as she held her favorite stuffed animal cat in her arms.
"Momma!" I shouted as I began to stumble up the hill, my smile growing wider each second and my large glasses sliding down my nose as I tried to race up the slope.
Mary smiled kindly as she held a hand out for me to grab once I was in reach, "Be careful when you're running up here Keith... we can't have you getting hurt." Her caring voice sent a warm sensation through my body; the sensation was what most would call love.
Jared laughed as he swept me off of my feet and up onto his shoulders so that i could get a better look at the sky above us, even if there weren't any stars to be seen, I could feel the warmth the burning balls of light would always give me when I was able to spy on them from this exact position. "Can you see anything Keith?" Jared asked curiously as my heart rate slowed down and my heavy breathing finally got under control.
"Of course he can't see any stars dad, it's snowing." Abigail sounded annoyed as she sniffled, her tabby colored stuffed animal getting gripped closer to her chest as she shivered slightly.
Mary slowly scooped her daughter up into her arms and walked over to Jared's side and looked up into the sky, her blonde hair fell over her shoulders and her green eyes were bright with love, "Abigail, even if you can't see something doesn't mean it isn't there. That's what love is."
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The lights outside were flashing as I stared up at Lance warmly, "I look like because I'm in love with you. Dumbass." I stated in an amused voice.
The man standing before me; holding me in his arms with a dark blush painting his cheeks beautifully, his brown locks falling over his clear blue eyes that reminded one of the ocean and the man who had the ego ten times the size of Texas was the person who saved me from nearly being killed. He was the man who my heart belonged to. I couldn't help but feel tears welling up in my eyes the longer I stared at the overjoyed man holding me closely, he was everything I had ever hoped for in life. He was my Christmas miracle that came with its own ups and downs but was they all worth it? Of course they were.
"W-w-wait." Lance pushed my body away from his, suddenly becoming flustered in front of the police as they began to drag the unconscious Irene out of the apartment, not caring about whether or not her head lolled back and hit the door frame as she was carried out. "I thought you said you didn't love me, you said you would much rather us being roomies, remember?" He looked at me with eyes full of surprise.
I looked down at my boots in embarrassment and felt heat rise to my cheeks, "I did think that at the time, honestly..." I brought my purple eyes up to meet Lance's blue ones and I let out a dreadful sigh, "However, I don't believe it now as I stare at you. The longer I look into your eyes I remember the trips I used to take with my family to the beach, your freckles remind me of my father because they dots your face like they dot the skies above, your kind and underlying personality beneath that egotistical one you're always using reminds me of the best mother in the world and that flaming attitude reminds me of my sister." I took hold of Lance's hands and stepped closer to him, aware of my boss's haunting green eyes digging into my back like daggers and the wide brown ones belonging to Kouki as he stared at us in astonishment. Watson must've looked shocked at the sight of me being so caring unlike my normal self I showed at the workplace. "You're everything I could ever possibly love and when you came out of nowhere and knocked Irene out, I knew it at that moment and...and..."
Suddenly my head began to swim and I felt queasy, my stomach felt like it were turning inside out and I slowly fell forwards into Lance's arms from blood loss, yet again. "Oh you dumbass." Lance and Natasha said in unison as I let go of one more smile before passing out once again.
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"We thought it was a Christmas miracle you had been discharged from this hospital you know, but look where we are now Mr. Kogane." Nurse Hellen grumbled as she placed my steak in front of my face, my mouth began to water at the savory scent of grilled meat and hot mashed potatoes smothered in gravy and onions.
I didn't really mind the unnecessary comments that the hospital staff threw my way, I mean I was the idiot who did piss them off in the first place and the dumbass that happened to forget he ever had a knife lodged in his forearm and had to get medical treatment for. I was a walking bad luck talisman wasn't I? I smiled at the short nurse happily, "I thought it was a Christmas miracle that I was out of this hell hole but looks like we both got disappointing ending huh?" I snickered before taking a bite out of the potatoes and nearly coughing the forkful back up at the taste of complete and utter disappointment.
Hellen smirked smugly as she pushed a blonde lock of hair behind her ear and began to walk out of my old room, "I guess so huh? We got a new cook too; he sucks to say the least. Enjoy your stay Mr. Kogane."
I frowned slightly as I watched Helen close the door behind her smugly, my face was scrunched up in disgust as the aftertaste of the meal in my throat. To describe the taste would be like trying to describe myself in one word, it was nearly impossible. The taste was a mixture of sorts, it tasted like onions one moment but then the overwhelming power of garlic would invade my mouth and make me gag. However, much to my dismay, it was the only food I had.
"On today's new story, local detective Keith Kogane is back in the hospital after stopping The Pyxis Killer." The news anchor looked into the camera to stare at the audience with his stunning blue eyes, I was all over the front pages apparently.
Lance wouldn't shut up about it, Kouki simply celebrated it by sending me a letter saying 'Congratulations' on it with a doodle of himself showing himself giving me a thumbs up. Allura and Shiro were elated that they were able to head back to their now safe home where Allura could safely live once again, Pidge and Hunk were coming down for the holidays and lastly, Aerum Lanner was going to throw a celebration banquet for my friends and I to celebrate the hard work put into this case by Antonio. My heart sank slightly at the thought of the young detective who had finally woken up after nearly a day, the doctors said it was a miracle he was even able to open his eyes and respond to their eye movement tests since he had a breathing tube stuck down his throat.
They slipped him anesthetics whenever he became unruly, trying to get up or trying to take the tube out of his throat; they wanted to make sure he would live to see the new years party the city was having for the detective agency and for him to be able to stand up once again...but not everyone can have so many Christmas miracles on their side.
I leaned my head back onto my pillow as I began to think about how my family was doing, I knew for a fact that Abigail had lived all those years ago, I had done some investigating into their lives once I became an official investigator. She apparently dropped out of public schooling and became homeschooled, our family moved into the quiet town of Deadwood South Dakota where Mary passed away after seven years; she suffered from leukemia and left her husband and daughter to take care of each other. I couldn't find anything else about what had happened to the family who had given me a chance at this cruel world however, my heart wept for my mother for she suffered on her last days on Earth. I hadn't even gotten a chance to fix my relationship with them, I had their number for years however, I couldn't bring myself to call them.
It wasn't my place to call the people I had betrayed.
A small knock at my door sounded and I jumped slightly as it creaked open, a pair of purple orbs shined through the crack before a tall Aerum walked through wearing her normal professionally styled outfit with large heels. She held a box of cookies in one hand and a smile plastered onto her face. "Hello Seung," she greeted me happily, her black hair curled so that the locks fell over her shoulders elegantly, "I thought you'd like something sweet to eat...and someone to talk to if you uh- if you don't mind that is." The woman gave an awkward smile and turned pink in her cheeks, clearly embarrassed by how she had just barged in on me without warning.
I looked at her with sadness gripping my heart, she was my mother, my birth giver, what right did I have to refuse her offer after all these years of never speaking to her? I forced a smile onto my face and waved her over to the chair situated next to my bed. "You can sit...I guess."
She slowly made her way to the seat and placed the cookies at the table next to me, careful to not touch the large bouquet of flowers my friends had bought me. "So, it's weird isn't it?" She suddenly stated, purple eyes lingering on the orange roses she sat next to.
I cocked my head to the side in confusion, "What? What's weird? Did I miss something?" I fired questions at her and watched her awkwardness turned to dejection as her face fell slightly.
"It's weird that you're talking to me after all these years, isn't it?" She tried to be more specific with her sentence to get it through my dense skull.
Well after you sold me to the crack house, made me live through years of abuse only to find a family and get kicked out a few years later then find out my real mother is the mayor's wife of the city I live in? Man this is going to be a story to tell my kids one day. I thought to myself sarcastically, wanting to hiss it at her but at the same time I didn't exactly wanting a hormonal woman crying in front of me about her weird pregnancy problems. "Well it is weird since I haven't seen you in years but I choose to ignore the facts sometimes." I told her, wording my sentence carefully.
She swallowed slightly and looked down at her hands quietly, her face saddened. "I'm really sorry about that you know, I was in a dark time and-"
"You put me through darker times," I suddenly cut her off, my mood taking a turn as pent up anger from over the years began to show itself, "I suffered more than anyone could ever imagine over a selfish decision you made way back then for drugs. Hell, don't get me wrong, I'm happy you found yourself a new family and changed for them but no type of apology can make up for the scars placed upon my body nor the emotional trauma I've been through. So never tell me you're sorry until you truly know my pain Aerum." I spoke with a shaky voice, my hand trembling slightly as I tried to keep myself calm.
Her eyes widened as she looked up at me, tears welting up now and her bottom lip trembling as her hands found their way to her pregnant belly. You've done it now Keith, she's about ready to cry. "I know you've been through so much in your life Keith, and and I know I can't make up for it anymore but can you just find it in your heart to accept my apology... I've changed and I can prove it to you." She began to beg me for my approval but this childish act only made me disgusted to even look at her.
"No." I growled as her eyes widened, a tear fell down her rosy cheek and her mouth was opened in a silent gasp. "I can't forgive you for something like this so easily, I know you've changed from the young prostitute you once were but you cannot make up for all the painful years you've caused me. I was forced to watch as life left me behind inside of it's shadow that only kept growing, shrouding me in its darkness and despair.
Imagine your first Christmas out of a church being with an abusive asshole who would burn his first cigar of many more into your back as you cleaned up something you didn't cause solely because it protected your family. You don't deserve acceptance until you can understand everything that I've been through, there were times when I would look at a my reflection ask myself if life was even worth trying so hard at and I would quietly tell myself yes, yes it was. I hung onto that belief even as my sins were engraved onto my shoulder, the sins of a liar and a coward." I was now officially pissed off as she began to cry in front of me. What even gave her the right to cry when I had been the one to suffer for all these years? She could try and try again but no matter how much she would beg me, I would never tell her that her mistakes long ago were forgiven. There was nothing left of that innocent child she left to fend for himself now, that child died the moment she handed him off to the crack house. He was dead and all that was left in his heart for her was a sense of anger and remorse.
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"Silent night, holy night~"
Small hands trembled as they quietly scooped up pieces of glass from the dirty tiled kitchen floor, Christmas carols playing off of the old record player in the living room as the stench of a freshly lit cigar was carried into my nose. Don't mind. I thought to myself as I winced slightly, the pieces of glass harshly bit at my skin as I winced at the sight of my blood seeping out from various cuts across my palms.
As the wind blew through the gallows, the crooked man with the crooked smile quietly stared down at the young boy picking flowers next to the old wise tree who had been witness to the generations grow up.
This story was the only story I had been told during my days at the old rickety church that I used to live at. It was told by a young girl who's family had died of illness. My hands trembled and tears threatened to spill over my eyes as I continued to scoop up what seemed to be endless pieces of glass strewn across the floor. I just wanted to sleep.
'Why so sad little boy?' The cooked man wondered as he managed to kneel onto the brown grass next to the browned eyed boy.
The boy looked up at the shunned old man and shrugged ever so slightly, 'I was bullied today by the kids at school...' He mumbled
'And why is that?' The crooked man asked as he laid his cane down onto the ground gently.
The boy sighed as he leaned back onto his knees and lifted his shirt to reveal a stomach without a bellybutton, 'it was because I'm not normal.'
'Normal is just an opinion, to someone like me you seem pretty normal.' The man with the crooked smile and the crooked right leg stated. 'Being normal means you fit in with other people right? So you're normal as long as your with me.'
'I guess you're right Mister...would you like to be my friend then?' The buttonless boy asked, his eyebrows raising slightly.
The crooked man let out a small laugh as he rubbed the boys head, 'We were friend's since god gave life to us.'
I cherished that story, taking it's theme to my heart. I too had been given a trait not many held as well, the trait of purple eyes. They caused me so much pain, I had been in this home now for a few months and already I've witnessed more things than most children would in their life. I understood what it meant to be taken advantage of, I understood what it meant to feel your stomach twist at the sight of a person and I understood what true hatred was. These were things that I should never have learned until adulthood but then again, as I felt fragments of glass pierce through my soft skin, perhaps I had been forced to mature before my time.
"Seung...have you finished up?" His voice sounded and a wave of panic ran through my body in a shiver that felt as if it could've paralyzed my entire body if I hadn't started to scrape up the pieces of glass even faster, my violet orbs widening as I breathed quickly. I didn't want to get hurt anymore tonight, not on Christmas.
Without thinking about it, as I lifted the final piece of glass up from the floor I dumped everything onto the floor, dripping a trail of my own blood behind me as I dumped everything into the trashcan to twist around to see the monster I lived with standing in the doorway with an unamused look on his face.
The man casually pulled his cigar from his lips and blew a puff of smoke into the air, he had long greasy hair pulled back into a ponytail and two large brown eyes with dark circles beneath them. His skin seemed scaly and grungy, dirt caked his nails and streaks of oil covered his face from his long day of work earlier at the auto repair shop he owned. "You finished just in time I see..." His brown eyes shifted from my trembling body and onto the small splatters of blood on the floor that led over to me, a small plick sounded behind me as a drop feel onto the floor again, "You cleaned to only make another mess, how disgusting." He growled and I felt my heart fall into the pit of my stomach.
My gut twisted slightly as he approached me with narrowed eyes, "I-I'm sorry sir, I'll clean it up fast if you would only give me a minute m-" a heavy hand slapped my face making me stumble into the counter and my voice stopped instantly as my eyes widened.
I shouldn't have spoken, I knew the rule; speak only when you're given permission. I disobeyed that rule and now I was about to pay the price by accepting my punishment. "Stupid child, you're always taking the blame for the over kids upstairs who never help you. Why do you even bother saving them from heir punishments?"
That was the million dollar question wasn't it? I didn't even know the true answer as my cheek pressed against the marble counter. Was it to save them or was it so that they would owe me favors in the future? I never quite understood this sense of duty that was deep within my gut, I just felt the natural instinct to protect my family. Family? What an odd name for people who've never helped me. "I'm not sure sir...." I breathed out loud, half to myself.
I felt my shirt lift up slowly to expose my bare back to the sinful world around me, my heart pounded in my chest as I tried to figure out what would come next? Would it be like the monster's friends? Would he abuse me to his own will like they've done countless times or would he treat me differently? I squeezed my eyes shut to hide my fear from the world as I listened to him blow out a puff of smoke.
"Don't be a hero kiddo, for each time you cover for someone else, this shall be your punishment." Then without warning, he pressed the lit end of his cigar onto my shoulder blade and a new sense of pain I had never felt a day in my life took over my entire body as a shrill cry of pain managed to slip through my lips.
This was the pain that nothing else could hide, it took over my body like a parasite and left me defenseless as tears streamed down my cheeks. To be burned was the worst way to be punished, I envied those who sat in the room above me, ignoring my cries for help as I was pinned to the counter, having my sins were becoming my brand that would mark me as the child who carried other's burdens.
If god were real, then why was I suffering in a corrupted world such as his one?
To pray to god in a world of sins and disappointment would be the same as giving up on the life I was given.
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I stared at my mother through blurry eyes, she was crying into her hands now as she sat next to me, Kouki and Lance stood in the doorway with wide eyes, papers were held in Lance's left hand as he stared at me with concern. Without thinking I wiped away my unshed tears and stared down at the pathetic woman next to me. "If you want to make it up to me, raise my sibling to be the new hope for humanity, make them someone who can be happy even in the darkest times, a person who will always stay one step ahead of the world with a smile brighter than the sun. Make them pure." That was my only request for the woman who made me carry my sins upon my back.
Aerum slowly looked up through red eyes and nodded quietly. "I swear I will, even if it costs me my life, I'll give you a sibling you'll be proud of Seung." She whimpered as she grabbed her stuff and hurried out the door without looking back.
What a disgusting name, I hope that my sibling will be a girl so she won't have such a name that holds so much darkness behind it. "Keith?" Lance said quietly as he watched the Korean woman rush out of his room.
"Yeah?" I sniffed as I tried to retain a neutral face so I wouldn't be questioned about what had happened moments before. Of course that memory had to be brought to mind, after all it was Christmas.
"We brought the adoption papers you know..." Kouki stated as he hopped up onto my bed to sit next to me, his glasses nearly falling off of his face which reminded me of when I was his age.
I smiled happily and sat up in my bed so that I could look at my soulmate and the orphan sitting in front of me. "Are you sure you want to be in a family with the two of us Kouki?" I asked as I nodded towards Lance.
"What's so wrong with wanting to be a parent with me Keith?" Lance remarked as he took the seat next to me and crossed his legs.
Kouki snickered as he nodded, his cheeks were a warm pink and his eyes were filled with sincere happiness. "Of course, you're the only people I can see myself with after everything that has happened so far Mr. Kogane." Kouki replied.
This was it, this was the first step I would be taking to make myself a family that I could love forever. Perhaps there was a god looking down on me and telling me he was sorry.
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"He's so cute!" Allura said as she smiled down at Kouki with large eyes.
Kouki and Pidge had been subjected to the worst punishment the two could imagine, they were forced to wear bows in their hair for a Christmas picture in my hospital room. The whole gang had decided to pay me a visit for Christmas, Hunk brought Christmas cookies for everyone that tasted heavenly, Shiro and Allura had brought everyone gifts and gave one to their corresponding owner. They had even bought one for Antonio who happened to be under a tranquilizer currently due to another one of his fits.
"This is perfect, my child looks absolutely cute...not as cute as me but he's close." Lance stood close to the pregnant Allura as the two of them fanned over the unamused pair.
Pidge glared up at them angrily, "How come I have to wear this?" She grumbled in annoyance.
"You're only two years older than me so there's no use in complaining about it you know." Kouki remarked as he pouted slightly. In his blonde hair were two red bows making pigtails with the soft golden locks, his cheeks were painted a deep red of embarrassment.
Pidge looked over at the boy and frowned in annoyance, "You act just like Keith, I can see why he adopted you." She growled at the boy.
Hunk looked up from the food Aerum had given me earlier that day, his cheeks stuffed with the delicious food I had kindly offered him out of spite. "Guys...it's Christmas, we shouldn't be mad at each other, it's the holiday of giving you know." He pointed out.
Shiro nodded in agreement as he wore an ugly Christmas sweater Allura had probably forced him to wear. "Hunk's right, so Pidge what do you say to Kouki?"
The girl with short hair hunched over slightly as she rolled her eyes in annoyance, "Sorry." She mumbled under her breath.
I sat on the bed with a small smile. I loved seeing everyone I cared about in one room, talking happily with one another and laughing occasionally. Allura seemed to be over the traumatic experience she had earlier this month, the star still engraved into he skin however, she held no signs of sadness as she rubbed the itchy scar. Lance practically cried over Kouki as he hugged him happily, calling him the cutest child in the world and refusing to budge as Kouki tried to shove him off of him. Shiro took pictures with a smile, he seemed the happiest as he caught each moment in a shot, one with a close up of a bright pink Pidge trying to hide her face from the world and another where Allura smiled happily next to him. They were going to be amazing parents. Hunk just seemed content with the food laying about in the room as he stuffed his face.
Me however, I was just sat there admiring everyone. Their smiles were the best gift I could ask for and they satisfied me. Kouki looked up to see me staring at everyone quietly and he finally managed to pry Lance off of him and jump up onto the bed beside me, leaving an upset Lance on the floor. "What's wrong Mr. Kogane?"
I looked at him and smirked slightly, "You're a Kogane now you know, you might as well call me Keith." I pointed out before placing my uninjured arm around him to bring him in close. "I was just thinking about how happy I am to see my family enjoying themselves like this, it reminds me of my family in a different state you know."
"Oh? How are they now?" Kouki asked as he took his bows out slowly.
I took a deep breath and watched Pidge argue with Lance about whether or not he could see her newest invention. "They're fine I suppose, I haven't seen then in at least twelve years though, the last time I saw them I was sixteen and stupid." I stated.
"Call them."
"What?" I looked over at the brown eyed boy staring at me intently, seriousness in his eyes. "I can't call them now." I continued.
He raised a blonde eyebrow curiously as he stared at me, blonde hair nearly covering his right eye with his glasses as well. "Why not, it's Christmas. I'm sure whatever made you separate from them back then isn't as bad as you think it is now, hearing from you on a holiday that's supposed to be spent with family will be a blessing to them." He told me in a whisper so that the others wouldn't hear us.
I wish it were that simple, to call Jared and talk to him and have him forget about what I had done to his family would be the absolute best Christmas gift I could receive however, I knew life wasn't that simple bit Kouki still had a small bit of childish innocence inside of him. I didn't want him to have a dose of reality so soon, "I guess I should huh?"
If only it were that simple.
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I awoke to a dark room and the smell of gingerbread that we had eaten earlier. Lance and Kouki sat in the chair next to my bed quietly as they slept, Lance was holding Kouki protectively as he snored. They had a snowflake blanket covering their bodies, a gift from Allura to Lance. She had given Kouki a notebook that he could write in with his name on the cover and she had given me a new pair of glasses that were grey and yellow.
I loved my gift dearly, they were two of my favorite colors and I could wear them whenever I wanted to. I took a deep breath as I looked at the table beside my bed quietly, Antonio's gift laid on it peacefully and untouched in a tiny box wrapped in golden paper and a white ribbon tied around it. Apparently Shiro and her had bought my partner a cross after asking Natasha what the best gift for him would be. He was apparently religious even though he definitely didn't look like it.
I pushed myself out of my bed carefully and grabbed the small box along with one of the roses Aerum had generously given me earlier before stepping onto the cold floor. I was careful not to disturb my family as I snuck out of the room and down the hall to see Antonio sleeping in his room peacefully. I slowly entered and placed the box onto his chest and sat next to him quietly. the noises hear inside the room were the sounds of his machine pumping air in and out of his damaged lungs as he fought to stay alive. I wanted nothing more than to be able to bring him outside and show him the beautiful snow that blanketed the roof and the clear view of the stars the hospital provided.
"Merry Christmas Antonio, I wish you could've spent it with my friends and I. that little golden box is a token of appreciation from Allura, she wanted to say thank you for how much you had sacrificed to solve this case. She truly admires you for your hard work and that woman admires no one." I smiled to myself as I let out a small sigh, I could say anything I wanted to as long as I was in this room with the doors closed at night, he was never awake for long and though I hated the feeling of relief it gave me, I couldn't help but take advantage of this silence. "When I was a boy I never wanted to become a detective you know, I wanted to become an astronomer that would one day discover a new planet, I wanted to go down into the history book as someone more than a simple orphan boy who couldn't find his place in this world. I never quite did get to become what I wanted but I feel like I became what your god wanted me to be here and for that," I looked down at my hands and smiled weakly,
"I have to thank him for. It's all my fault that countless people have suffered, my friends, Kouki and complete strangers. I have so much blood on my hands and yet I'm so happy with the outcome, I have a family now and friends who love me dearly, a soulmate I can spend my life with and two cat's straight from hell that somehow grew on me. Am I a monster for thanking your god for giving me all this with all the suffering that I've put others through? Am I- am I selfish for being this thankful?" I felt a tear fall from my blurry eyes as I began to quietly weep next to the sleeping man who's blood also stained my hands. anywhere I looked I could only find suffering that I've caused, and yet I was so happy. tear drops feel onto my pale palms as I kept my smile plastered across my face, how disgusting was I for being happy while I stared at these hands covered in sin.
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I sat up in my bed with my throat dry and my eyes streaming with tears, my heart thundering in my chest and my body trembling. The pain from my dream felt all too real, I could almost feel the cigar burning into my skin as that monster asked me why I even tried so hard to protect my family. Tears fell into the palms of my trembling hands and quiet whimpers echoed through my bland room, I felt sick to my stomach and all I wanted to do was to curl up in a corner and cry until I could no more. There was no where I could go to escape these night terrors and yet I would go to bed each night hoping that I could dream of anything else besides that. My door creaked open and a sleepy eyed Abigail walked in as she held her stuffed cat, her green eyes were filled with annoyance as she stumbled over to my bed and crawled in beside me.
"Why are you acting like such a bay Keith?" She asked in a grumble
I didn't reply as I brought my hands up to cover my face in embarrassment, I never had one of the Frederickson's catch me cry during one of my nightmares. I was completely ashamed of myself as I tried to hide the whimpers I couldn't hold back. Abigail sighed as she stared at me quietly, her sleepy eyes taking on a sympathetic look as she placed a hand on mine and carefully removed my trembling hands from my face to stare at me. "It's okay to cry, even mommy and daddy do it sometimes Keith, it shows that you're grown up you know." She stated quietly before she wiped away the tears staining my cheeks gently with her thumbs, her little cat resting on her lap, it's black button eyes staring up at me as if telling me that it was okay to be upset. "But it's what you choose to cry over that makes you an adult or not, do you wanna talk about it?"
I sucked in a deep breath as I shook my head in a silent 'no', I definitely didn't want to talk to her about the person who had left his impact on me through my nightly terrors. I just wanted to be left alone to cry myself to sleep again. Abigail looked down at her lap to stare at her tabby cat quietly. She seemed deep in thought as her eyes changed to a darker and more depressed expression. "You know why I have this cat?" She asked me as she looked up to meet my red eyes, again I shook my head and she forced a small smile onto her face, "That's okay I can always just tell you."
It was dark in the room, a star nightlight next to my bed was the only thing illuminating our faces at the moment but I could tell how sad her smile was even without the good lighting that we would normally have during the day. "About a year ago I had this tabby kitten I named Amber, she looked exactly like this cat but instead of buttons for eyes she had light amber eyes which is where she got her name from. I loved that cat more than anything in the world and I would always play with her when I got home from school, she was the best thing I had ever received in my entire life but one day..." Her smile faded as she slowly held the tabby stuffed animal close to her chest with a despondent look on her face, her green eyes grief stricken and her voice became distant, "Well she ran out the door before I could stop her and there was this one person who always sped down the street outside and never stopped even if the neighborhood complained to the car owner.
He just happened to be driving down our street the day Amber decided she would explore the world outside. I watched as she was taken away from this world with one quick blow. I cried for weeks and suffered from nightmares after that; I was so heartbroken but then my - our- mom gave me this to remind me of how important Amber was to me and that she would always be in my heart. This was around the time our mom learned about her pregnancy and she was so happy to see me smiling again. I never go to sleep without this little guy even if it means having to fight with mommy or daddy over the fact I'm too old to have my tabby cat with me." She looked up at me and bit her bottom lip as she held back tears, "Everyone has something they want to cry over and you shouldn't be ashamed of it Keith. You have a family now and to be part of a family means you have to trust us, I'm asking you to trust me with your worst nightmare as I did." Abigail looked at me as I tried to shake my head in refusal but the girls gaze only hardened on me as if she were implying I had no other choice.
"O-Okay.." I whispered before slowly lifting up my grey t-shirt to reveal the scars on my back. Abigail's gasp echoed through the room and I winced at the noise, believing that I had scared her. "I'm afraid of the man who gave me these before I met your family." I went on to tell her the story of how I was abused day and night to save my family members in the foster home and how they never came to my aid as I had a new cigar brand on me each time one of them misbehaved. I told her about how the man's friends would come over sometimes and take advantage of my age and then leave me to cry in the home alone, no one would ever come to make me feel better; they would hide away from me. I told her about my burdens and began to cry out loud as I rambled on about how much pain I had suffered from, I just wanted someone to rant to even if it meant that my own sister wouldn't speak to me again.
I thought she would turn her head away from me like the kids at the orphanage did when I told them about my scars however, Abigail did something completely different and it made me feel real surprise for the moment, "May I feel them?" She asked as she reached her small hand out to hover over my shoulder blade, waiting for me to give her permission to touch my sins.
I nodded, half shocked and half curious as to why she wanted to feel my scars so badly. I shivered as her cold fingers gently brushed up against my skin, rubbing the scarred skin gently and she let out an amazed gasp as she felt all of them individually. "Why did you want to touch them?" I asked as I turned to face her quietly.
She was staring at my back in awe, her tabby held close to her chest as her mouth hung open slightly and her eyes wide, the emerald reflected the light beautifully and her freckles looked as if they had been painted onto her face carefully. Her green eyes slowly shifted over to meet my gaze as she allowed a small smile to show, "Because I wanted to see how many times you showed your bravery Keith. I would've thought you were this timid wimp if you hadn't show me something this personal, you're like a wounded soldier. You did this to help other people and for that I must give you this." She slowly slid her hand away from my back and held out her stuffed cat with a small smile, "Take her, she will fight off your nightmares just as she did for me."
I slowly took the stuffed animal cat in my hands and watched as Abigail fell backwards onto my pillows to stare up at the ceiling with a small pout, "Uhg, your room is so plain you know, we should probably invest in some of those glowing stars things to decorate your roof since you like the stars so much." She stated, going back to the normal and critical Abigail she normally was.
I held the black button eyed cat to my chest as I fell down next to her with a smile on my face and a chest full of warmth, "Yeah!" I agreed with her and then stared up at the ceiling to quietly thank Abigail for how much kindness she had showed me tonight. "I might like stars but I don't love anything more than I love this family; you're all my saving grace." I whispered and closed my eyes as I listened to Abigail whisper the best thing under her breath.
"And you're ours, Keith Kogane."
★ ☆★ ☆★ ☆★ ☆★ ☆★ ☆★ ☆★ ☆★ ☆★ ☆★ ☆★ ☆★ ☆★ ☆★ ☆
It was now three weeks after Christmas, three weeks since that psycho had been locked up. So much in this city had changed since that night, I was promoted to second in command, Watson had become an official detective and well, Lance and Kouki were living in our new home happily since the old apartment was too small for the three of us- I mean five if you counted the two spawns of Satan covered in fur. I sat on the roof next to Antonio quietly as he allowed the wind to push past him gently carrying his long brown curly locks of hair with it. He too had changed since then, he was able to breath on his own and he had started physical therapy in order to try to regain movement in his legs once again. that was all he cared about now, just getting a chance to walk once more. He never spoke about the night he was shot, he would carry his locket with him at all times and quietly open it when it got quiet between us sometimes, his brown eyes looked down at the mystery person's face with sorrow before he closed it once more. We asked him countless times who he had been stuck with however, he always ignored the question and tried to wheel himself away with a bilious face, trying to outrun us but always failing at it. HE wore the cross Allura and Shiro gave him beneath his shirt, he never took it off, I could only guess that he loved the gift. He barely talked now, he only said a few raspy words now and then but other times he would simply stare at the wall with this emotionless face that made me feel guilty to be around; it was my fault he was stuck like this after all wasn't it?
The doctors often conversed with Natasha and I about his recovery and how painful his physical therapy was and how he would never give up. I never understood why he was always such a little snob in the work place but I didn't care anymore now that I saw him living after such a close call. he was a natural born warrior, he fought against death himself as he stayed inside of this hospital waiting for the day he would be able to feel the grass beneath his feet again. I quietly sat on the ground next to him, two new scars marking my body for life, one on my gut and one on my arm from where I had been stabbed by Irene the nut job.
I visited her the other day, she wasn't doing as well as I expected she would in a prison for psychos like her. She had a black eye from a prison fight and only wanted to talk about art and the outside world with me now, she didn't dare bring up her history as a detective unless I asked her about the murders and why she did them. her reply would always be the same to me, "I did them to create an art piece for you MR. Kogane; art is anything done on purpose isn't it?"
Lance thought I was insane for even speaking to her now but as I wore the scarf she leant to me all those weeks ago, I couldn't help but feel some sort of emotional connection to her, she was broken like I had once been, she was trying to find her way in this corrupted world so I truly didn't have the right to judge her did I? No one understood why I even carried this red scarf around my neck anymore, Lance tried to burn it so many times with Kouki at his side, telling me it was from the devil himself but I couldn't let him destroy it that easily, it was a reminder to me of the partner I had neglected to acknowledge back then. If I had paid her enough attention back then, maybe she wouldn't have become what she is now? This scarf was a reminder that there were endless possibilities to ones life and that I couldn't pretend that other's didn't exist because of my own personal demons I struggled internally with; other people have suffered as great as me in their life and they needed as much love as I needed at point in my life.
I heard Antonio open the locket beside me and sigh quietly to himself before shutting it back up, to be honest I had forgotten he was even next to me since he didn't mutter a word half the time. "So, Antonio, what's your favorite childhood memory?" I asked. I knew the man wasn't going to speak before I did, it was a silent deal we made with each other a long time ago; for every memory I shared with him he would share one with me. I was the only person currently that could get him to mutter more than a simple yes or no. I sighed and pushed my black bangs from my purple eyes, careful to not smudge my glasses, "I think mine would have to be the time I shared my first Christmas with my foster family, the Frederickson's. They brought me up to my favorite hill when I witnessed my first snowfall and together we all watched it, it may not seem that cool to you but to some like me; this was the best thing I could've ever asked for and I wouldn't trade my life for it."
The wind blew past my smiling face and I listened to Antonio suck in a small voice, "When I got ice cream with my dad after his shifts at work, we would always go to this quiet ice cream parlor and I would always buy the same thing; a double chocolate scoop with sprinkles on the top. My dad would tell me all about the criminals he arrested that day and then teach me some new life lesson. One that I will always remember is that there are no such thing as evil people, there are only people who have lost their way in this world and cant find where they fit in the most."
And that was all he said, his brown eyes were angled up at the sky as a small tear fell from his cheeks; I didn't know what had ever happened to his father but I understood the quiet admiration he had for the man. His eyes would sparkle ever so slightly when he spoke of him. It made me feel some sort of joy in my heart knowing that there was something that could take his mind off of his current predicament. We were to go to an awards ceremony soon, hosted by my mother and her shitty husband that I had grown to dislike the more I spent time around him. He was always so worried about what the public would think of him so whenever he had lunch with my family and I he would ask Lance and I to not hold hands, did we listen? nope, well lance surely didn't since he would randomly kiss me midway through Mr. Lanner's stories just to get the man annoyed. I loved to watch Kouki quietly talk to my mother about politics, that boy was way smarter than what he should be and it made me proud to be in public with him. Lance quit his job as a pilot and Pidge dropped out of college which everyone was so angry about; she was fourteen and she had a scholarship to one of the best colleges and yet she dropped out just because. She was living with Shiro and Allura and forced to slave away in the house by doing chores. I bet she regretted dropping out. Hunk had become famous after he was featured on TV, he now cooked for celebrities and Lance was so happy to get calls from his best friend every now and then.
I managed to push myself to my feet and walk behind Antonio to begin walking him to the elevator, "We got to go to the awards ceremony now." I sighed despondently.
Antonio protested my words as he quickly placed his hands onto the wheels of his chair and stopped me from moving it anymore, I frowned in frustration as I pushed against it trying to make him move again, "Yeah, I know you don't want to go Antonio but you don't have to act like such a child about it now let go so we aren't late. I do not want to be chewed out by my boyfriend and child about missing out on our awards ceremony okay!" I grunted and nearly fell on my face when he released the wheels and let me continue walking him out the door.
We made it there in time to hear Mr. Lanner's speech about how much he cared about the lives our city had lost and how much regret he felt when it came to the little effort he put into the investigation. He made a promise to the city that he would change his ways and try his hardest in the future if anything like this were to happen again. Four people were given awards that night, Natasha, Watson, Antonio and I. Natasha was given the standard award that basically told her, 'You did a great job kiddo!' Watson got one for simply aiding the investigation, I got one for my bravery when confronting Irene multiple times and finally Antonio was rewarded for his detective work. As the crowd of people cheered for us, Lance, Kouki, Shiro, Hunk, Pidge and Allura looked enthusiastic as they did so. However, I wasn't focused on any of them as I quietly stared at the tear that slid down Antonio's cheek as he sat quietly next to me holding his locket and medal in hand.
He never did tell me why he cried that day.
★ ☆★ ☆★5 YEARS LATER☆★ ☆★ ☆
I walked into the agencies office with a yawn, it was busy as people rushed around the office trying to answer phone calls and to file documents from cases they had finished. I was wearing my old raggedy red scarf from ages ago and a long black trench coat to fight off the bitter cold outside of the heated office building. I saw Watson at reception as she read over paper with a look of pure despair on her face. "Good morning Julia." I greeted the young woman kindly like I normally did. She was wearing a pair of black pants and a plain white button up shirt, Her once long hair now cut short. She looked over her shoulder with wide green eyes.
"O-Oh Keith! Just the person I needed to talk to!" She exclaimed as she ran over to me with the documents in tow, she held them out to me with concern blanketing her face, "This is the list of the new recruits and I do not like the looks of this Shizu girl, she's such a rebellious student and she-"
I held out my hand to silence her with a pained face, "We'll deal with her when the time comes okay Julia?" I stated calmly, I was now second in command here at the detective agency.
As the years passed I watched as we got new recruits, I watched the new generations grow to become some of the best detectives that set foot into this building and with that I felt happy about, I knew when my retirement came I wouldn't have to worry about the safety of this city I called home. Allura had her twins and named them Kayla and Jay, Aerum had also given birth to a young girl that she named Nari, Pidge had become an author and she allowed her hair to grow out to her shoulder but she still refused to wear anything girly, she loved her cargo shorts and t-shirts after all.
Lance and Hunk started a small bakery together and business was booming as always, they loved being able to work together again and I loved coming home to the fresh smell of cake every night, and also the sight of my husband in a 'kiss the cook' apron. Kouki was a bookworm, he loved to draw and he was now seventeen and a senior in high school; he was reserved like he had been before but he was definitely an eye catcher and I only knew this because every time I would go to his school for volunteer work countless girls with give me love letters to pass off to my son. He had one of those freakishly popular side swept undercut hairstyles and he wore black framed glasses, he would turn bright pink at the sight of all the letter I would give him sometimes, I never understood why girls were too embarrassed to approach a dorky kid like Kouki though.
"Oh Keith before you go anywhere, you have a client in the questioning room, she wont speak to anyone except for you." Julia sighed as she slouched with the papers slightly. She was physically drained and anyone could tell by how she carried herself through the office.
"Thank you, I'll be sure to visit her now." I replied and continued to walk through the office.
A small girl sitting in one of the waiting room chair caught my eyes as she watched me with a smile of recognition. She had two large blue eyes full of excitement and two long blonde pigtails. The was wearing a red jacket as she watched me walk past her, something about her reminded me of someone from my past however I chose to ignore this sense of nostalgia as I headed into the questioning room without another thought. I pushed open the door quietly and introduced myself as I walked into the room, shutting the door behind me without even glancing at the woman with short blonde hair sitting with her head lowered.
"Hello, I'm lead detective Keith Kogane, what can I assist you with today ma'am?" I asked as I seated myself down across from her.
"Ma'am? That's a little formal isn't it Seung?" My blood ran cold as a familiar voice pierced the air, the woman lifted her head to reveal a pair of green eyes and a face full o freckles, "I thought we were siblings after all."
My purple eyes widened as I felt my heart thunder inside of my chest.
"Abigail?"
★ Chapter 25: Harmony end☆
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