Since Erudite proposed to the factions to postpone the elections by a month, it caused the dates we were accustomed to to change slightly, affecting the initiation process. Especially in Amity, as the cultivation process varies, and the initiates in that faction have to learn about plant cultivation. The rains come later, and the harvest last, all guidelines that Erudite doesn't care about, and Amity, to avoid problems, accepted.

Now the sky starts to cloud over, and though it hasn't started to rain yet, the sun is obscured most of the time, and the Amity initiates missed the process of photosynthesis. It's not relevant to me, and to be honest, I don't care about my old faction's problems. I don't care about their issues, but it's a way to distract myself from thinking about the blood clot I passed a couple of hours ago.

I was hoping to see a baby in the toilet, but I couldn't, and that makes me feel a bit better.

Once again, Eric didn't come home to sleep. He went to Abnegation yesterday, and I haven't seen him since. I spent the whole night with a stomach ache, fever, and a bit of nausea. In the morning, when I went to the bathroom, it all ended. I felt physically relieved, while emotionally, I was shattered.

Eric didn't notice. I went to train with the group of initiates while they made comments praising my fight with Four. Then they noticed my lack of sociability and left the topic alone. Mike disappeared and didn't come back to help me train. In truth, I don't need him, I can handle the herd on my own.

After we finished training, I ate something and went up to the roof with a grimace on my face. I didn't have a sweater, and the cool breeze gave me chills, but I didn't want to go back inside. I felt bad.

Just imagining myself with a baby in my arms makes me feel like a child, but I feel bad for having aborted. But as I've said, it's nonsense, regardless of my age, I can't bring a baby into this world. I won't risk it being Divergent. Eric would have a heart attack knowing his child and the mother of his child are among those he hunts.

I hadn't noticed, but I had tears running down my cheeks. Maybe it's just a hormonal imbalance, right? Maybe my body hasn't fully realized that I'm not pregnant anymore.

I leaned my hands on the parapet, closed my eyes, and bowed my head, letting my emotions overwhelm me once again. I'll let the tears consume me for the last time, taking advantage of Eric's absence so that only I am the accomplice of my irrational sadness.

It was the right thing to do. I sobbed, closing my eyes, trying to let the cool breeze relax me, but it only made me feel worse.

"Do you regret it?" the murmur of a soft voice came from my left.

I pressed my lips tightly together, holding back a sob. "What are you doing here?" I asked Jane, my voice strained.

"You haven't answered my question." she murmured bitterly.

"I don't like you." I contradicted.

She let out a nasal laugh. "No one knows, right? It should have come out by now, and even though I don't like you either, I can tell by your face that you're not okay."

I swallowed hard, hoping to ease the lump in my throat, but it was useless, the pain persisted.

"It's history now." I whispered. "It hurts, and I don't know why." I sobbed, closing my eyes. "I want to be alone." I pleaded.

Then I felt her hand on my shoulder, gently squeezing it as she gave a small pat.

"I'm sorry." she apologized. "In the first few days, there's an imbalance, hormones are still fluctuating, causing a lot of sadness. Just let it out, Grace."

"Why are you here?" I bit my lip.

She fell silent, a deathly silence that made me lower my gaze, while the strokes of Jane's hand were somewhat comforting, although I didn't want to admit it.

"Because I wished I had someone with me when I did it, good or bad." she whispered. "I just wanted to feel like someone told me everything was okay and that my decision was the right one." She let out a nasal laugh.

I turned immediately, still with red eyes, tears on my cheeks, and my mouth slightly open as I looked at her.

"Were you pregnant?" I asked.

"Yes." she admitted. "Sex education sucks, Grace. I didn't know how to protect myself, and well, Hall..." She didn't have that care.

"Hall?" I asked in surprise. "Does he know?"

"No, and it's better that he doesn't know." she rolled her eyes. "It was shortly after the end of the two stages, unexpected, nothing sentimental. Then I saw him with Tiana, and I knew I should keep it to myself. I went to Celeste, and she helped me. I realized that I wanted to have at least the minimum knowledge of medicine to avoid making a stupid mistake like that again." She smiled, looking at the horizon. "I didn't have anyone with me through all of this."

I felt a bit of pity, seeing the other side of the story where Jane was left without Hall and had to go through what I'm going through alone. But she somehow brought it upon herself, her attitude left her alone. Her friends kicked her out of the faction for not passing the cut, and her other friend tried to kill me. Both of us ended up alone, hating each other, yet providing support out of pity.

"I'm sorry." I whispered, making a grimace.

She nodded with a wry smile on her face, quickly wiping away her betraying tear, showing her vulnerability.

"This sucks, doesn't it? I don't hate you as much anymore." Jane said.

"I still do." I shrugged, making her laugh.

"But it's surprising to see that Jane has emotions." I widened my eyes.

We both laughed, looking at the horizon to avoid seeing each other's faces and feeling uncomfortable with our presence.

We didn't need to say more, see each other, or hug. That was absurd for both of us. We just needed to be next to each other, outwardly hating each other, and providing the emotional support we didn't dare to ask for.

*****************************

Max assigned me the task of taking my initiates to the berry field before sunset at the last moment. Mike was coming with me, and I appreciated it because I had no interest in talking to anyone.

Today, Four was supposed to go with the transfers, but plans changed. Today, I'll go with them while Four trains them, and tomorrow they'll go to the berry field.

I missed the trip to the berry field during my initiation, I remember it very well. I had fought with Jane because she called me a slut, and Eric stopped the fight. While they went to the berry field, I stayed with my leader in Amity, it was a day of many emotions. Eric had chosen me over Genesis, and from that moment on, I wasn't to his liking. Then Norman and I met again, he wanted to attack me, and Eric stopped him, promising me safety.

I know I have to teach the initiates one of the worst-paid and most insignificant jobs. I have to tell them that those who are at the bottom of the list will end up here.

With my lousy mood, we boarded the trains, the 10 initiates, Mike, and me. I stood in a corner away from the others, but Mike approached me.

"They don't know where we're going. Do you want me to tell them? I'll take care of giving them the tour in the berry field." he suggested.

I nodded. He would do the job I didn't know how to do. In fact, he might even stand beside the initiates to listen. Once the train started moving, I approached the initiates, and they immediately fell silent upon seeing me.

"To be Dauntless is more than tattoos, piercings, noise, and danger. To be Dauntless is to be protectors, to take care of the weak, and to protect the city from invasion. That's why we train you this way. So you don't give up." I raised my voice, looking at each of them. "You were born in Dauntless, you grew up with adrenaline, now it's time to see the other side of the faction, the hard work. We're going to the berry field, we'll get to know one of the lookout posts and what it entails. Any questions?"

Marlene raised her hand, and I nodded, giving her permission to speak. "Are the positions assigned, or can we go to any position we want?" Marlene asked.

"You won't be the leader, Marlene." Jake scoffed, followed by laughter from the others. I chuckled softly.

"It's based on a list. The first one on the list won't always be the leader, it could be the second. They have to have leadership qualities and earn that position. The rest will be suggested a position, and of course, they can decline and apply for another section, but it's up to this department to accept you." I shrugged. "And what Jake omitted is the second and third stages, so if the ranking hasn't changed, expect it to. It could change a lot, and you might end up in the first position."

That's what I wanted to achieve: that sparkle in their eyes full of hope, not just Marlene, but also the others who saw the first position as impossible. I refuse to let my initiates be complacent.

I nodded as everyone seemed to agree and had no further questions, doubts, or comments. I turned around and returned to my stern expression, heading back to my corner. Meanwhile, Mike shook his head with a smile.

******************************

The breeze was pleasant, I put on a sweater before coming, so we climbed the stairs with a slight chill in the air. Mike led the way, followed by the 10 initiates, and I brought up the rear. We were responsible for them, ensuring they reached the destination safely.

"Being a protector of the compound is more than just standing guard and preventing someone from entering or leaving. Only the Amity with proper authorization can leave or enter. The job involves a 12-hour shift, day or night." Mike explained as we began the tour, entering a section I never thought existed, deep into the compound. "We are the guardians. We have everything we need to prevent an invasion or large-scale conflicts among us."

Inside the compound, the hallway was narrow and seemingly endless. Only two people could fit, and I noticed Uriah gradually backing up until he was by my side. I suppressed a smile—could it be true that I was his unrequited love?

"This hallway is infinite. It spans the entire compound, so we divided it into 6 sections, and each section has weapons, explosives, first aid kits, security systems, and everyone's favorite—the break room." Mike pointed to a door and turned to address everyone. "You could end up staying a whole month without returning to Dauntless because of the shifts you have to cover here. In that room, there's a bed and an integrated kitchen for resting. Come on, I'll show you the armory."

"Incredible." I whispered to myself in surprise.

"You didn't know?" Uriah asked, hearing me.

"Nope."I replied honestly.

"Didn't you have a tour? Isn't it mandatory?" He seemed puzzled, his need to keep the conversation going amusing.

"There was, but I ended up punished because I hit a girl." I chuckled, finding amusement in it. "But don't take it as advice, just avoid fights. Trust me, it'll be for the best."

He nodded with a laugh. "I thought a fight could affect your ranking or something like that."

"It does, depending a lot on the context." I replied.

Eric and Freya backed me up, preventing Genesis from disqualifying me. But that's something I wouldn't tell him, as it would be more than evident my leadership preference.

He nodded with a laugh of his own. After Mike showed us the armory, we climbed the stairs to the top of the compound, overlooking the Amity while they harvested.

I smiled, leaning on the railing while ignoring Mike. The last thing I heard was him talking about the electrified fence, and I sighed.

Going to Dauntless was definitely the best decision I ever made. It changed my life and showed me what I truly was—the other side that I had to suppress in Amity but not here. That side that made me kill, hit, and torture.

The "what ifs" don't exist, and I know that, but I can't help but think I would have liked to see Norman's upbringing in Dauntless. I feel it would have been different. Norman would have been a good father, and I even consider he would have been like Ronald, expecting the best from Mike, pushing me to surpass myself.

Norman wouldn't have been one to hug, but he would have given me a smile. I doubt he would have seen me as his successor, and I'm sure Eric wouldn't have dared to break my heart that day.

Genesis wouldn't have dared to try to kill me, she wouldn't have been so stupid as to kill the leader's daughter, because Norman would have been that, he should have had the position Max took from him.

I wouldn't have had to watch my back for being divergent since Freya would still be alive, and maybe, just maybe, I wouldn't have aborted.

"You look rough, Grace. Are you okay?" Uriah came to my side, whispering.

"Yeah, you're not usually like this." Marlene added, leaning on the railing on the other side of me. "You usually look intimidating as a leader."

I chuckled. "I'm fine, guys." I reassured them with a lie. "Just didn't sleep well, that's all." I shrugged, downplaying it.

"Maybe there's coffee in the kitchen. Shall I make you one? I doubt Mike will refuse." Marlene suggested.

"No, I'm good, thanks." I smiled without showing my teeth.

They both sighed, agreeing. They knew I was lying, but they wouldn't push it, and I was glad. The three of us looked up at the incredible view.

"I wonder what's beyond." Uriah whispered.

"Amity farms." Marlene replied simply.

"I know that. I mean beyond that." Uriah clarified.

"Monsters." Marlene spoke again, her voice deeper.

I chuckled. "Supposedly, the war was horrible, apocalyptic. Those are places that were lost."I replied.

"Don't you guys wonder? That's all we've been told, but I doubt everything was lost." Uriah said, dissatisfied.

I laughed. "I never thought about it." I made a face. "But I think you're right. There must be more."

"What if there's another city with faction systems who think they're the only ones? Can you imagine if there are more factions and there's a war?" Marlene spoke with amazement.

"Not everything is war." Uriah frowned.

"Think about it, the war was apocalyptic, there might have been radiation, and they could be monsters with three eyes and five arms."

I laughed again, letting out several laughs along with Uriah.

"We have atomic bombs, I think we'll be fine." I assured.

Then the conversation continued pleasantly, with laughter over Marlene and Uriah's nonsense that I gladly played along with.

We ignored the others and were just the three of us in the compound with smiles on our faces.

It was at that moment that I realized what they had done. They came to make me smile, to distract me from my own mind, which was my enemy. My initiates helped me through the trip with a smile, making it even harder for me not to get attached to them.

*********************************

We entered Dauntless, Mike had to stay at the gate because the security system on the west side was malfunctioning, and he was in charge of that section. So I took charge of bringing the initiates to Dauntless. The ten of them were behind me with smiles on their faces, playing around and guessing who would end up in that place. They also talked about how tough the job is and what they would do to get Uriah out of that position and become the leader to prevent it. I shook my head with a smile without looking at them, we all had to pass through the pit to get to their room, so I directed them there.

I turned down the hallway to enter the wider one and pass through the chasm, however, Four's group of initiates was there. Four was at the end with his arms crossed and a quite annoyed expression. I frowned at him, he returned my gaze and shook his head. He looked so angry that he couldn't speak, so I walked over to where the initiates were.

"You have three options: hold onto the railing and I'll forget your cowardice, fall and die, or surrender, but if you surrender, you're out." the voice was unmistakable.

I rolled my eyes as I passed by the group of transfers who were watching the scene. I made my way to the front, seeing Eric holding a girl who turned out to be Cristina, who looked scared.

"Come on, Cris." Tris spoke from my right.

Eric shot her a murderous look before his gaze fell on me, and I understood what was happening. He wasn't going to smile at me right now, he was in the middle of a "behavior correction." so I crossed my arms and smirked.

"Time." Eric grunted when he saw that she resisted.

Both Tris and another guy ran towards her to lift her up.

"Dauntless never gives up!" he shouted, looking at all the initiates, including mine who were at the other end of the hallway, not missing the scene.

I raised my eyebrows, chuckled, and turned around, walking towards the Dauntless-born.

"The show's over, guys, let's go." I said as I passed by them, heading towards the stairs to their room.

Like cattle, they followed me without making a comment, stopping their mocking after seeing what Eric is capable of doing without caring about well-being.

"Does he always do that?" Uriah came to my side. "Eric, can he hang us too?"

"Yeah, it happened last year, and it's happening again this year. For him, it's his way of punishing cowardice." I replied casually.

"Have you ever been hung?"

I laughed and turned to look at him. "Yeah, it was when they tried to kill me after stabbing me in the leg. Eric saved me." I said with amusement.

"I always thought I knew about Dauntless because I was born here, but I guess I have a lot to discover." Uriah murmured.

"You have no idea what Dauntless is, Uriah." I laughed.