Max is a damn bastard that I hate with all my being, and by the way he looked at me a few moments ago, I knew he hated me too and didn't care. We both know that since Freya isn't here anymore, I no longer have the power and protection I once had, and Max won't hesitate to kill me if I fail him, and he knows it. He knows that as much as I hate him, I won't do anything to him because there's something that binds us together, and that's Eric. That blond with blue eyes prevents me from burning Dauntless with Max inside.

Now I'm in the infirmary waiting for what Max instructed me to do. I have to check Eric's health since he refused to stay in Erudite, and from what he told me this afternoon, he hasn't bothered to answer his phone, I suppose he refuses to answer because he answers mine. I have a box of thermometers, aspirins, and a blood pressure monitor.

The Dauntless is at the back of the infirmary, in the storage room apparently looking for blood pressure medication, while I impatiently wait for the rest, watching Kate from afar lying asleep on a bed. The cafeteria already has my pizza ready, it's just a matter of picking it up, the problem is the Dauntless who is new to the place and doesn't know where things are.

"What a joy to see you again, I thought something serious had happened to you." The arrival of the blonde in a blue suit made me turn.

Apparently, she was passing through the hallway as the other Erudites and Dauntless  waited outside for the leader.

I forced a smile. "Nice to see you again, Jeanine." I got up from the bed, shaking the blonde's hand.

"It was so unfortunate about your health, how are you doing?" she asked, taking her papers with a smile without showing her teeth.

Health?

"What do you mean?" I asked, not understanding.

"To the hepatitis you had." With her free hand, she approached, taking my chin. "Eric gave us the terrible news and the reason for your demotion in the project, it's a terrible disgrace, the substitute is nothing but a pity." she grimaced.

I knew it, Jina only came to replace me.

"But you look very well, how do you feel?" she asked gently.

That woman hurt Eric, she's a harpy with probably insane plans, I can't just go against Eric.

"I feel much better, still under observation but I can go out now, Eric helped me a lot." I smiled, turning my face away so she would stop touching it.

"Speaking of Eric, how is he? It's a terrible setback what happened to him with that serum."

"In fact, I'm going to see him. You mentioned serum, what serum are you talking about?" I asked intrigued.

I glanced back at the items Max had given me for Eric and smiled. "Perfect, I suppose that's for Eric. We gave instructions to Max to check on him. Eric tends to be quite stubborn and refuses to continue his recovery in my faction, but it comforts me to know he'll be in good hands with you." she said, giving my shoulder a squeeze. "You asked about the serum," she returned to my question. "Aren't you aware?"

"No, after the hepatitis, I haven't heard anything else." I grimaced. "Actually, I'd like to catch up."

Normally, I'd feel guilty for lying, but she's the exception. I'm totally sure her good behavior and charismatic attitude are a facade.

"It would be perfect. Jina would leave, and you'd come back. We should discuss it in my faction, have some tea, and refine the project. I know your vision will help us expand it." she winked.

The problem is Max, he doesn't allow me to integrate again, he says it's unprofessional of me.

I didn't know what I was getting into, but my curiosity was getting the better of me. First, I find out from Max that Eric submitted my resignation without my knowledge. Then Eric shows up with a secondary reaction to a serum they created in Erudite, making me believe it's the same one Four taught me about. And if that weren't enough, Jeanine tells me her version of the story where I had hepatitis, and again, Eric gave notice of my departure. Eric doesn't want me with them; I hate not knowing why. That man doesn't have an ounce of consideration, and if I won't get answers from him, I'll get them the hard way.

"It's nonsense, it was just hepatitis. I'll take care of that." She winked back. "Wait for my invitation, it will be in a few weeks. I have other matters to attend to, and my schedule is packed. Once I give you the invitation, I'll gladly welcome you to my faction."

"Perfect." I smiled, forcing myself to do so. As I smiled, my vision started to blur, and I felt dizziness and slowness creeping in, causing my eyes to widen. I raised my hand, prepared to hold onto the bed, but Jeanine's grip supported me.

"Are you alright?" she asked, raising an eyebrow. "Looks like you still have some lingering effects, Grace. You should rest."

"Yeah." I sat on the bed. "It's just dizziness, I'm fine." I swallowed, feeling nausea creeping up my stomach. "I haven't been sleeping well, I'm busy and tend to forget to eat." I excused.

"I can't let my favorite Dauntless weaken. Eat well and rest. I have to go. It was nice to see you again, Grace. Take care." she said, elegantly leaving the infirmary, leaving me alone. Well, Kate was there, but unconscious, so she doesn't count.

I paused for a moment, letting the dizziness pass completely, while I pondered the danger I was getting myself into.

Maybe I'll die.

Maybe I'll end up hating Eric and provoke a rivalry.

Maybe I'll end up being the new Andrea, but I can't back down, I need to know the truth.

But there's a problem, there's always a catch. I don't think I have the strength to go against the only man who made me feel alive.

               **************************

I have no idea what to think or what position to take.

Seeing Eric shirtless, asleep, hugging a pillow, and letting out a slight snore reminded me that I'm fighting for him.

It might sound stupid and unrealistic, but he would be my religion. I'll stand by him in whatever he believes is worth fighting for. Eric is loyal to Max because he's his successor, and I'm willing to plunge into an abyss for him, even if I have to see innocent people fall.

I rolled my eyes and returned to the kitchen. What's wrong with me?

I want to know the truth about his secrets, and I'm willing to do anything to find out, even if it means becoming what I swore to destroy. But I'm also willing to do anything for Eric.

I need to sort out my priorities.

Shaking my head to dispel the conflicting thoughts, I grabbed a glass and filled it with water. I took the bag with the medical instruments and returned to the room, opening it with my foot.

I entered and sat on my side of the bed, leaving the water on the nightstand. I noticed Eric gradually stirring.

"When I'm not here, does the pillow replace me?" I asked, opening the bag and taking out the blood pressure monitor.

He opened his eyes and let out a chuckle, stretching and leaving the pillow. Since we started sharing a bed, I've noticed that's what he does. Every night, he either hugs me or the pillow. I don't know what it means, but it's always been like that.

"Did you sleep in Erudite?" I asked as I watched him sit up on the mattress, rubbing his eyes with a sleepy look.

"No." he grunted. "I have a headache." he announced.

"Then they thought of everything." I said, leaving the blood pressure monitor on the bed and taking out an aspirin, then handing him the glass of water. "Here, take this. Consider me your nurse." I smiled without showing my teeth.

He took the glass of water and approached me. I understood his actions, and we both pecked each other's lips.

"What a sexy nurse. Will you be taking off your clothes?" he asked with a smirk, then took the pill and swallowed it.

"Depends. I'm also a detective, and I'll do it if you answer my questions, one article of clothing per answer. Fair enough." I said, taking the blood pressure monitor and opening the box, thankful for the included images.

"No deal. I'll let you take off my clothes and avoid answering." he replied, lying back down on his back and placing the glass of water on the nightstand. "And put that away, I'm fine."

Rolling my eyes, I took the blood pressure monitor. Without warning, I straddled him, one leg on each side of his waist.

"I'm not asking for permission." I replied bitterly. "Jeanine personally told me how sorry she is and that this is necessary. We don't want another reaction, do we?" I raised an eyebrow in question, gripping his wrist as I observed his tense features.

"Did you talk to Jeanine? Is she here?" he asked seriously.

"Yeah." I said, placing the blood pressure monitor and giving him a quick glance. "I should be offended. How is it possible that my boyfriend doesn't know that I got hepatitis when I was 6, not 17? You had smallpox at 8, Coulter, and I'm not going around saying it just happened to you." I placed my hand on his chest, leaning against the pillow. His gaze was intense, I knew I had caught him again. "Can you explain?" I pressed the green button as the monitor did its job.

"And by the way, don't move." I continued.

He looked away, licking his lips indecisively. "Yes, I lied to her. That's it. She's not our leader to be giving her explanations. You yourself told me how complicated it would be for you to train those misfits; you were putting in a lot of effort. I gave you the space you needed."

"No, Eric, maybe you could fool those women perfectly with your incredible Erudite talk, but it won't work with me." I hissed disapprovingly. "You don't want me in that project, Eric."

The monitor started beeping annoyingly. I took his wrist to check the screen.

"120/80 mmHg." I frowned.

"What's this?" Eric brought his wrist closer to him, reading the numbers. "It's a normal blood pressure." he shrugged.

"Why those letters?" I asked.

"Milimeters of mercury is a measurement. Blood pressure is measured by the force of blood. If it were 190 instead of 120, I assure you the pressure would be very high. But look, everything is fine." he removed the monitor and set it aside on the mattress.

"What does the planet have to do with all this?" I frowned.

Eric laughed, sitting up and pulling me into his arms so we were both sitting on the bed, with me on top of him.

"How did you put it? It's just Erudite talk." he murmured with a smile.

Listening to him speak like a true Erudite left me speechless, his aptitude test led him to that faction, he was born to be an Erudite. He totally mesmerized me with the knowledge he acquired there.

Then he kissed me, our lips meeting with intensity as his hand slipped under my blouse, unhooking my bra.

It was a perfect distraction, that was his plan, and it worked.

I allowed him to remove my blouse and then my bra. He touched, kneading my breasts as he pleased until I stopped him, pushing him onto the mattress. His back hit the bed with his hands up, realizing that I wouldn't allow any more distractions.

"Don't change the subject." I murmured over him. "Why don't you want me in that project?"

"I don't want anything to happen to you, you don't know them. You said it yourself a long time ago, they are the people like me who benefit from bad things." he murmured in the same tone as me.

I released his chest, feeling self-conscious as I looked at him. "What are they going to do?"

"Something very bad that you won't like, and they're willing to destroy anyone who gets in their way."

"You're talking about Freya, aren't you?" I stood up from his legs, moving to sit beside him as he sat up. "I confessed she was my mother, and after what she did, you think I'll be just like her, that I'll turn against you." I frowned slightly.

"Grace..."

"No." I interrupted, turning away from him to sit on the edge of the bed with my back to him, rubbing my hands on my face.

"It wouldn't be the first time." he spoke from behind me.

"What do you mean?" I asked, furrowing my brow as I looked back at him, feeling puzzled. He sighed.

"Freya changed the law, and everyone hated her. I didn't care much since there's always a way to kill the condemned. Truth is corrupt and easy to manipulate. But others disagreed and formed a plan to get rid of her. Then you came along." he chuckled. "You didn't care about the law, but you cared about your family ties. I went against those I promised loyalty to for you, and even though it didn't turn out as we hoped, at the end of the day, my decisions were for you." He said. "Now this is different, we're not going to stop, and I can't let you get in the way. The last thing I want is for you to be the next threat." he averted his gaze for a moment, shaking his head with a grimace. "I'm protecting you from them. Even though Jeanine loves you for no apparent reason, I can't let her become a danger to you. The farther away you are, the better."

Wow, what a lie, I wasn't even fully convinced of that. Eric's perspective sent shivers down my spine, it caused a lump in my throat, I wanted to scream at him to stop, to tell him I wasn't a child to be looked after. But I couldn't, I felt loved and protected, but also deceived. I lived in evasions because I knew there was more, I knew Eric was withholding details.

I should leave, get some air.

I heard him approaching, he stood behind me, his hands caressing my shoulders. I closed my eyes, refusing to give in, but as if fate hated me, I felt his lips on my ear.

"I love you." he murmured in my ear.

Electricity surged through my chest, his breath on my neck left me speechless and breathless.

"I don't want you to be like me." he kissed my shoulder. "I want you to be better."

I turned to look at him, I needed to, to know that this was real and that Eric was saying it again.

"Don't you get it? I want to be with you, I want to be like you, but you won't let me. You insist on keeping me in the herd like just another sheep following orders I shook my head, pressing my lips together. "I won't get in the way." I murmured.

The first time he said he loved me was when we both thought the other was dead, and now he said it again, only this time I felt confused. This was his way of making amends, soothing my confusion and calming my heart.

He was showing his feelings and opening his heart a little to say those two simple yet powerful words that are hard to say because not everyone deserves to hear them.

I grimaced, letting out a soft chuckle. This was all messed up, and I even felt tired.

I don't know why I overthink so much, although I can live without him, I didn't want to. There's no point in staying mad at him and insisting on him telling me. Jeanine will tell me the truth while I allow Eric's words to sweeten my ears.

I don't have the willpower I should have.

"Let's go to bed, screw Dauntless and Erudite, today I just want to spend the day with you." he kissed my shoulder again.

I agreed.

He was the only thing I had left to hold onto.

**********************

This was different, the smell of death lingered in the air, and the overwhelming atmosphere made me feel like I was dreaming. But I couldn't control the dream, I was tied to the metal chair with spikes, my head and body ached from the severe beatings.

This wasn't a dream, it was a nightmare, and I knew it because of Freya's lifeless body on the floor. She was already dead. The worst part was my lack of mental strength to stop this, I couldn't do it, I couldn't wake up.

Jeanine entered the room of the final judgment, what a stupid name.

She had no papers, both hands were free as she walked with elegance, her brow furrowed slightly. Behind her were Max and Eric, the latter showing an expressionless face, not a hint of emotion.

"It's a waste, I thought what I detected in you was intellect. I never thought you were one of them. I admire your tenacity in resisting categorization, but you're a human race we can't coexist with. You're a threat to the faction system." she said, picking up the weapon from the torture instrument table. "You were helpful in my experiments, but I can't leave any loose ends. I should kill you, but it can't be me. Not only did you lie to me, but you lied to everyone." She grinned maliciously. "You're not mine, your blood has to spill by someone else's hands, someone who I assure you will enjoy it."

As expected, she handed the weapon to Eric, who took it without hesitation.

"Let's leave them alone." Jeanine suggested, and both she and Max left, closing the door behind them, leaving me alone with Eric.

He ran his tongue over his teeth, his furrowed brow not leaving me from sight. He shook his head.

"I should have believed Genesis when she told me there was something wrong with you." he admitted. "Everything made sense after Freya. Like mother, like daughter."

I scoffed bitterly. "Now I not only have to kill you but also what's inside you." he pointed at my stomach.

"What?" I whispered, confused.

I looked down at my flat belly. Am I pregnant in my dream?

There was a warm feeling in my chest that spread to my back and heart. It felt good, but I didn't understand. I felt scattered, and my reasoning wouldn't let me process what was happening. I wanted to stop the dream, but I couldn't. But feeling the barrel against my forehead again reminded me that it was just a product of my imagination, and I was about to die in it.

"Do you think I'll allow that to come out like you?" he continued. "I won't let my child be a divergent. I won't risk it."

It was like a bucket of cold water pouring over my back. Eric pulled the trigger without giving me a chance to think.

*******

I jerked awake, opening my eyes to darkness. A pair of arms held me firmly.

"Are you okay?" Eric murmured, still half asleep.

"Yeah." I nodded, settling back into his embrace.

He welcomed me warmly, noticing my slight trembling. He took a deep breath, relaxing his muscles.

"It was just a bad dream, calm down." he reassured me in a husky, sleepy voice, drifting back to sleep easily.

But I couldn't. I lay there with my eyes open on Eric's chest, waiting for the steady beat of his heart to calm me.

Is divergence hereditary? Maybe what happened with Freya and me is just a coincidence. But I can't be sure, there are no records or precedents for divergents.

I swallowed the bitter taste in my mouth. I'm young, and a baby isn't in my plans, but I can't help but think that if it's really hereditary, I wouldn't want my offspring to suffer and live with uncertainty. For a moment, it felt good to know that there was a living being in my womb, even though it was a product of my imagination. It felt really good, and it's sad to know that I won't allow it to happen in reality.