A week has passed, I don't know, I guess when Joana assigns me a daily task, the days go by very quickly. And I'm not complaining, I have to feed the horses, take them one by one to Joe for hoof maintenance, sometimes I have to take them for walks, so I walk a lot, I let them roam without having to ride them, I guess Joana does it so I can reflect on my life. And when I'm done, I leave them for Four or Tris to clean.

Regarding Four, I know he hates himself, he is truly very remorseful for what happened, so when we arrived at Amity, he went his own way and we haven't spoken a word since. I haven't seen Tris, and even if I did, I am forbidden from doing anything to her, and I also appreciate not knowing about her. I don't want to see her because I know I will regret having kissed Four.

When I arrived that night, Norman was sitting on his couch, waiting for me with a serious expression. Apparently, Four assured him that he would not follow through with his plans and would leave a day early, and sure enough, Norman was waiting for me, upset knowing I had broken my promise again. I guess he noticed my swollen lips, otherwise, he wouldn't have ended the conversation and gone back to sleep. I just hope he doesn't put two and two together with Four.

I've tried talking to Joana about the favor I owe her for having accepted the selfless ones whom I usually see and who always greet me, I suppose they feel grateful. "Alright, repay your debt to me, help yourself find who you are, not who you should be or what you are willing to do for love, but who you truly are. Forgive and keep living."

That was the last thing Joana said to me, with a smile and a strong, warm hug she continued talking with Marcus and carrying on with her meals. Apparently, everyone who arrived at Amity, even Norman, took it upon themselves to tell them about my life alongside Eric and how I became a feared leader.

Therefore, if I want to repay my debt, I have to become the cordial person I never was and now will develop. Somehow I will enhance my divergence, I only lack Truth and I could be everything... How ironic.

Tomorrow night, I have to meet with Edgar, he will give me information about Uriah. I haven't told anyone, and no one needs to know, this will be confidential. I just hope I don't run into Four again.

I took the mare Joana had given me, a beautiful animal with her stable decorated with a nameplate. I led out the white filly with a smile, she was beautiful, large, noble, and strong.

"Thank you, Joe." I smiled at the elderly man who had just attended to the mare Grace.

"You're welcome, Grace. Be happy." he smiled, the corners of his lips lifting, and his mustache formed a curve.

With the rope, I walked the mare along the path toward the stables. Since the man who cared for the horses died, according to Joe, she has been very sad, downcast, and has hardly eaten. So Joana thought it would be best if I took care of them, especially Grace, to lift her spirits. Although it's the opposite, she lifts my spirits. I guess it's mutual, we make each other feel better being together again.

Arriving at the stables was easy and very relaxing, neither Four nor Tris was there, so I had to act quickly to leave her and get away before they arrived. However, Molly's arrival stopped me in my tracks.

"I'm glad to see you outside, you needed some air and sun." she smiled cheerfully.

"Hi Molly, how are you?" I asked kindly as I put the filly in the stable.

"Excellent, the mango tree produced double the usual amount; the recent rains were a miracle."she set down the basket of fruit and took a mango to come closer to me.

"That's good." I murmured as I closed Grace's stall.

Molly took out a knife, one of those the Amity use to cut fruit, and started peeling the mango, easily removing the pit and the skin, while I focused on removing the rope from the filly, the last horse of my daily tasks.

"It's quite a change, isn't it?" Molly spoke as she began feeding mango to the filly. "From weapons, fights, risks, action, and a life in a hole that is Dauntless, to being in the open air, the fresh breeze, and the animals."

I made a face, nodding. "Yes, a big change." I murmured.

"Did you like Dauntless?" she asked softly, with a slight smile.

"Remembering is living." I sighed deeply, thinking about the grand adventure I had over the past year and a half. I cried, laughed, got angry, discovered what I'm made of, matured in many aspects, fell in love, killed, tortured, and found out that no one is entirely honest.

"I loved Dauntless." I murmured with a distant look. "Even though I think it did more harm than good, that faction gave me a lot, it made me who I am."

"And who are you now, Grace?"

"I used to think I knew." I looked up, seeing her eyes filled with brightness, curiosity, and joy. "I used to be everything, and now, nothing." my voice became slightly high-pitched, so I stopped speaking.

"You need to discover who you are." she nodded as if she understood everything. "You need to be a little happier." she murmured.

I let out a nasal laugh. "I'm Dauntless."

"No, you're Divergent." she murmured.

Her comment made me look up, staring at her as if she were crazy and with distrust. I turned slightly to see her face-to-face while maintaining a prudent distance.

"It's obvious, Jeanine exposed all of you." she shrugged. "Don't worry, no one here cares."

"And why do you?"

She tilted her head, showing me her distinctive beautiful smile. "You know why, and if you ask me, your faction choice was very foolish." she laughed.

I nodded, laughing. "Maybe, but I don't regret it, I know how to defend myself."

"You're right, but at least, no one is hunting me." she shrugged.

We both started with a wave of laughter that gradually diminished into a sigh. We looked at each other with tranquility, trust, and somehow, we understood each other. Rightfully so, we are both Divergent but chose different paths.

"You need to laugh more, Grace."

Embarrassed by her comment, I looked down, hiding my shy smile. "Dauntless made me bitter."I shrugged.

"But you're not in Dauntless anymore, you're in Amity. I have an idea, come, I'll teach you how to really have fun in this faction." She trotted to the corner of the stable and grabbed a saddle. "We'll ride, you take Grace, and I'll choose Blue."

"Why is he called Blue if he's brown?" I asked, frowning.

"I don't know, I didn't choose the name." she laughed, approaching the brown horse to take him out.

"Hey, but it's been a long time since I rode a horse."

Before taking out the horse, she stopped, turned to me, showing a victorious smile, as if my comment had been the beginning of something ideal.

"What's that? Are you scared?" she asked, the corners of her lips curving into the start of a challenge.

It was enough for me. I raised my eyebrows, understanding what she was doing, and although I knew she was doing it to achieve her objective, my pride forced me to give in to her taunts.

"I suppose it's a challenge."

"A race to the east, there's a small stream a kilometer away. Whoever arrives last handles the harvest tomorrow."

"Perfect." I agreed.

We both began saddling the horses. Despite our speed, we had to wait for each other to start the countdown and prove who was better at handling the mares. I mounted the horse with difficulty and evident fear, but I couldn't hesitate, not today, and especially not in front of Molly, who seemed to enjoy my clumsy movements.

Once up, I grabbed the reins and turned to Molly, who was just waiting for me. "Ready?" she asked mockingly.

"Me? Always." I smiled.

At the count of three, we shook the reins of our horses with obvious nervousness, guiding them east, feeling the air hit our faces. The speed of these powerful animals didn't stop us, not even Cuatro's shout as he seemed to be heading to bathe them.

With a hearty laugh, we let ourselves be carried away by the wind that whipped through our hair, the freedom and excitement of the challenge to reach first. The mare's speed was fascinating, I felt like I was flying. The wind and its freshness gave me life. I had to ignore the fear, the nervousness that ran from the tips of my toes to the crown of my head with each jump the mare Grace made at high speed. Fear shouldn't exist, nor worry or pain, escaping and letting the wind guide me was my thing. This was who I was. I was free.

I shook the reins harder to make the mare go faster, as Molly was about to catch up with me. After several seconds, I could slowly see the trees and the stream in the distance, the sound of water crashing against the rocks from a hill I had never seen before.

But, to my dismay, Molly won. When she reached the finish line, I had to stop the mare with difficulty. Once I managed to do so, I guided her to Molly, showing a grimace on my face. Molly dismounted with a smile, tied her horse to a tree branch, and I imitated her actions.

"How did it feel?" she asked, her breathing slightly irregular.

When I finished tying the mare, I approached Molly and nodded with a smile. The adrenaline was still in my system, the excitement and freedom running through my veins made me laugh.

"That was incredible." I responded.

She didn't mention anything about the challenge, it wasn't relevant to her. Now I understood, seeing her nod with victory, her intention was to bring me to this point.

"Do you understand now?" she laughed, walking toward the river while I followed. "Only your happiness matters. We don't care about anyone else, just ourselves. Look around. Why stress over negative emotions when you have this wonder?" She inhaled deeply and exhaled fully.

I approached the river and knelt, letting her have her moment with nature while I dipped my hands into the cold, crystal-clear water, a paradise I hadn't known.

"Why did I never know about this place?" I asked, sitting on the ground.

"Because Joana set a limit for the faction, and it's supposedly not allowed to come here. I don't know much, but someone doesn't want us outside the barrier, and we're far from it." she sighed.

"You know, the last thing I need is to get into trouble."

"No one comes here. They set a limit, but Dauntless doesn't consider us because they think we're stupid and servile." she shrugged. "And yes, many are, but that has helped me be here in my free time."

"It would have helped me a lot to be here, to escape life for a while." I smiled.

"That's why I brought you here. Enjoy it." she smiled. "Breathe, like I did, accumulate your problems and release them."

I lowered my gaze, dipping my hand back into the water. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Molly disappearing from view, presumably walking around. I closed my eyes, letting the sound of the water and the rustling leaves take over my senses. I inhaled slowly, as Joana had taught me, intrinsically starting to accumulate my problems: my divergence, the world's corruption, corrupt leaders, death, the blood on my hands, the guilt, the anger, the pain, the helplessness... and Eric. Before I knew it, my lungs were full. I held it for two seconds and then slowly, deliberately, and freely exhaled through my mouth, feeling my shoulders drop and the weight lift.

"This is Amity, it's not just about ignorance. It's about being one with nature, being grateful, laughing, and setting your problems aside." she murmured behind me. "And of course, having fun." With a small laugh, I felt a stream of water drench me from head to toe.

I stood up from the rock, turning in surprise to see myself completely soaked, thanks to Molly, who was laughing uncontrollably with a gourd in hand.

"Oh come on, want to play?" she offered me another gourd, identical to the one she used to soak me.

I took the gourd, and as soon as my fingers grasped it, she ran across the stream. I had no choice but to fill it with water and chase her around until I managed to splash her back.

And that's what it was about. I relived my childhood beside that woman with light brown hair. We soaked each other with crystal-clear water, laughed until our stomachs hurt, and before we knew it, we were in the pond, throwing mud at each other until we were covered in it. Our clothes were drenched, and although we tried to get the mud off, we couldn't completely. But that didn't matter. When we came out, we simply decided to play again, this time racing to climb a tree to the top. I'm happy to say that this time, I won.

Molly made me laugh with energy. If I fell, I just got up, smiled, and started again. She turned something so absurd into something wonderful. She showed me that Amity could be quite fun if you set your mind to it. You just have to cooperate.

So, lying on the grass, looking for shapes in the leaves that blocked the direct sunlight, was a good way to dry off and rest.

"I've never seen you laugh like that." Molly murmured with a shy smile.

"No, I don't think I ever dared to do these things." I reflected, still looking at the shape of a dolphin playing with a ball among the leaves of the trees.

"Can I ask you something?" she asked.

I turned to her. She had a shy look, her eyes bright with curiosity, with mud on her forehead and cheek. I nodded.

"Why were you and your father always so serious? I mean... it seemed like every time you were about to join our games, you'd stop, look at your father, and just say no. You were always very reserved."

In her eyes, I never saw a hint of malice or double meaning. Her question and curiosity were uncommon in our faction, making her distinctive timidity as she tried to understand my reasons. I understood her.

"He, like me, was from Dauntless, and due to problems, we ended up in Amity. He had me in his arms." I sighed, looking back at the sky. "He didn't raise me as an Amity because he never was one. He raised me as the only thing he really was, a Dauntless. I suppose I had two upbringings in my childhood, and I don't know, I'm a divergent who developed over time." I shrugged. "He never let me play with mud, get wet, dance, ask questions, speak loudly. He forced me to be silent, to obey, and showed me discipline, something they teach you there. So it wasn't hard to adapt once I started."

She nodded slowly and innocently, moved by my sad and bitter story. She looked back at the sky and inhaled deeply, exhaling slowly.

"And you? How did you find out you were divergent?" I asked in a murmur.

She smiled, letting out a nasal laugh. "The girl who tested me said I was Amity, Erudite, and Dauntless. She warned me not to tell anyone since they'd come after me. She wrote down Amity, and for my own good, I had to stay here. As soon as I got home, I told my mom," she laughed. "She hugged me tightly and said she would always be with me, that it was best to stay with them and just forget that I was divergent. They forgot, but I can't. This faction has so many flaws, but being here gives me peace, reminds me why I'm here, and I just forget, at least sometimes."

"It's good that you listened to the girl who tested you." I assured with a nod. "I didn't listen and chose Dauntless."

"I'd like to see Dauntless, get some training, be brave, experience and live all those things." she sighed.

"You did well to stay here, Molly. Over there, it's all cruelty, sadism, and evil. It's not safe for anyone in Dauntless."

"But you'll fight, right? You'll defeat the evil."

"I think so." I said with a grimace. "I'd like people to stop seeing divergents as a threat." I smiled. "I'll make sure you get to see Dauntless, Molly. I promise."

She nodded enthusiastically, her eyes filled with hope. "Let's be friends, Grace." she asked.

A pain settled in my chest, reopening poorly healed wounds. It was like feeling my heart pounding intensely, and I immediately turned to look at her.

"My friends tend to die. Generally, everyone I care about." I murmured. "At first, I thought it was a coincidence, but maybe I'm the one with the curse."

Andrea, Tiana, Freya, Hill, and Oliver. And until I have certainty, I don't plan to add Uriah to the list, because if I lose him, there won't be much hope left in me.

"I'll take the risk." she said, closing her eyes with a show of bravery, like she was about to do something reckless, exuding a total aura of excitement.

I smiled and nodded at her look. Of course, I wanted her as a friend, she had made me feel good since I arrived, but everything is rosy until I involve them in my problems somehow.

"Let's be friends." I agreed. "But promise me something: never give your life for me, never fight by my side or put yourself in danger for my sake or against me. Let me take care of keeping you alive."

"I know how to take care of myself." she frowned.

"I know, but I'll make sure of it."

She sat up from the grass, leaning on the ground with her hand, and looked at me in surprise. "What do you mean? Wait, are you saying that...?"

"Yes, Molly. If you let me, I'll train you, at least the basics." I stood up, showing her a smile without baring my teeth.

She hugged me, a strong and joyful embrace that I returned. I realized that displays of affection would be very common with her.

****************

We returned, this time not letting the horses run but simply trotting calmly and enjoying the view as we reached the faction, though covered in mud. Both of our hair looked terrible, and our clothes were dirty and dry, smelling of wet earth. Still, we arrived at the stables where Joana was waiting for us with her arms crossed.

I couldn't tell if it was a scolding, but after she gave us a lecture about how dangerous it was to leave the faction's boundaries, especially in my situation, I explained that we had only gone for a trot and it had been incredible. I flashed a big, genuine smile that eased her irritation and made her smile back.

She let us go to bathe, and we only put the horses away in the stable before heading home with the promise to meet up for dinner. And here I am, in the shower with warm water. This is the second time I've put shampoo in my hair because I still feel the sensation of dirt on my scalp. But it doesn't matter, it's worth it. Every second spent washing my clothes and bathing is worth it. Spending time with Molly will help me, I know. Even my disheveled appearance seems almost amusing; I would have liked Norman to see me and get upset, but he has no choice but to keep his anger to himself, as he already understands that I'm no longer the person he raised.

My thoughts were interrupted by several knocks on the door, which made me jump.

"Occupied!" I shouted with my eyes closed, as the amount of shampoo was too much and it was all over my face, so I didn't want to open them.

However, I couldn't hear anything, just some mumbling that was starting to frustrate me. "I can't hear you!"

"What?"

And to make matters worse, the shampoo got into my eyes. I had to turn to the water immediately, not without letting out a groan. The door opened, and I was grateful to know there was a partition separating us, as I had forgotten to lock it.

"Where is Norman?" Four asked.

"Four?" I asked in surprise, while trying to rinse the shampoo out. "I don't know, umm... I guess... in the harvest."

I groaned from the sting in my eyes as I tried to wash it out.

"What happened? Are you okay?" Four asked with concern at my groans.

"Shampoo got in my eyes." I grumbled.

"Do you know how long it will take him to get here? I need to talk to him." he asked again after a few seconds.

"Agh, I don't know! Damn it, Four, I'm bathing!" I shouted in hysteria. "He always takes his time, he'll arrive after dinner."

I managed to get the shampoo out of my eyes, and slowly the water washed it out of my hair. I opened my eyes and could still feel the sting, but it wasn't as torturous as a few seconds ago. Judging by the sensation, I could bet they were red. In a matter of seconds, the bathroom door closed. When I thought he had finally left, the partition door opened quickly, and Four stepped into the shower.

"What the hell is—"

It was all I could say before Four covered my mouth with his hand, pinning me against the bathroom wall. With a soft and delicate "shh." he signaled me to be quiet. He slowly removed his hand from my mouth while taking the liberty of letting his hands wander from my neck, shoulders, and arms to my waist.

The look he gave me was enough to understand everything. He licked his lips, his gaze roaming over my naked body, and only then did I notice that he was also naked.

"I thought you were ignoring me. I mean, I feel guilty too, and I don't blame you..."

"Just be quiet." he whispered, placing his finger over my lips to indicate silence. "That's all I ask."

It was then that his lips met mine, kissing me, and I clumsily followed the kiss without thinking too much about what was happening. But that emotional void of being alone again was being filled by Four's arrival. His touches were driving me wild, the way he touched me, with his open palms while the artificial rain drenched us both, only urged us to continue.

Everything happened so quickly, so intensely, and within seconds we realized we didn't need any external stimulus. We needed each other in a way that frightened me, and with guilt crawling up my neck, I allowed him to lift me by my thighs. As he did so, I could already feel the tip of his member at my entrance.

We stopped kissing, and I gripped the back of his neck, digging my nails into his skin. We shared a look full of desire—one I never thought I'd feel with the man I had claimed to hate more than once—while I let him enter me slowly, making me desire him even more. It was impossible to explain. I suppose we were lucky that Four didn't slip in the shower, as the intensity increased violently and deeply. It was also lucky that I stopped digging my nails into his skin, as they would have left marks, or perhaps it was the fact that he asked me to be quiet after I moaned like a madwoman lost in pleasure. At least no one had discovered what had happened here, and we took precautions to make sure no one suspected... or at least, that's what we hoped.

But we were out of touch with reality. His thrusts became stronger and merciless, driving me to madness and making me collapse at his feet. In that moment, I wasn't thinking. Despite still hating him, it didn't matter because, with resentment, I gave myself to him, belonging to him.

I bet Andrea is turning in her grave.

However, I stopped thinking about my deceased friend when I began to feel that tingling in my stomach and the sensation of an impending explosion. And he knew it, so he kept up the rhythm until I felt so close that I allowed myself to reach climax. I had to suppress the urge to dig my nails into his back, and before I could muffle my moan, he kissed me, biting my lower lip hard. It didn't take long for me to taste the metallic flavor in my mouth; his teeth had drawn blood.

But not only did he open my lip, he pulled out before coming inside me.

"You're an asshole." I murmured, breathless. "Without a condom, idiot."

He lowered me from his arms and regulated his breathing. "That's not true." he murmured with regret, running his hands over his face. "I... I'm sorry. Is there medication here?"

I half-closed my eyes and shook my head slowly. "There's medication for headaches, Four. But Amity doesn't allow pregnancy interruptions, let alone those damn emergency pills."

I exhaled forcefully, turning off the shower as I realized the neglect and waste of water I had caused.

"I'll take care of it. Just go, I'll figure out what to do." I continued.

"Grace, this is wrong." he grimaced and left the shower.

I followed him, noticing how he took a towel and handed it to me. I took it while he grabbed another one.

"I know it's wrong, but, Four, you were the one who came in." I grimaced, wrapping the towel around my body.

He shook his head, not out of disagreement with my comment but as if he were acknowledging my point and hating himself for it. He quickly put on his clothes, head down, presumably feeling regret and embarrassment.

"Why did you follow my kiss? Why did this happen?" I asked softly.

He finished with his shoes and stood up, looking at me seriously. He made a pained grimace, then approached me. Gently, he cupped my face, kissed my forehead, and held it there for several seconds.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done this." he said, sighing at the end. "I'll take care of the pill, don't worry."

To my disbelief, he lifted my chin, gave me a soft, deep kiss on the lips, then turned and left the bathroom. Moments later, I heard him leave the house, leaving me confused, guilty, worried, and strangely satisfied.

He says he feels guilty, and I understand that, but why the farewell kiss?

Maybe it's my fault. I shouldn't have initiated the kiss, and none of this would have happened. I wouldn't be the woman used for fleeting moments.

I changed into a green dress, typical of Amity, which made me feel better, cleaner. With a towel on my hair, drying it from my scalp to the tips, I left the bathroom. I hung the towel in the backyard and, as I headed to my room, Norman entered the house.

His gaze landed directly on me, and he squinted his eyes, studying me intently. "Did you shower?" he asked, walking toward the kitchen, leaving his bag on the table, resting against the island with his arms crossed, still watching me.

"Yes." I answered plainly.

He nodded, giving a nasal laugh. "I brought you a pear. Take it." He gestured towards his bag with his eyes.

I frowned. "Thanks." I murmured.

Even with his gaze on me, I walked towards that backpack with discomfort and a bad feeling in my spine. I took out that fruit that I loved so much in my hands.

"Was the bath good?" he asked.

I turned to look at him, and my skin bristled. I had to swallow before speaking, just to avoid the tremor in my mouth being noticeable. "I suppose so." I shrugged. "I went riding and got dirty." I nodded slowly. "I'll go brush my hair, thanks for the pear." I murmured the last part, smiled, and walked back to my room.

But he spoke again, and this time he stopped me immediately, leaving a bitter taste in my mouth.
"And did Four also enjoy the bath?" he murmured.

I turned around slowly, trying to appear innocent and confused.

"What are you talking about?" I frowned. "He didn't bathe, he just arrived and asked about you. I told him you weren't here, that you'd be back after lunch, and he just left."

He raised his eyebrows, nodding, showing surprise and above all, disbelief. "Grace, be careful. Don't do anything stupid, especially with him, he has a partner."

I let out a nasal laugh, a laugh filled with nervousness, shaking my head. "I don't know what you're talking about, nothing happened." I raised my hands in a sign of innocence.

"And do you think I'm an idiot? Four left the house with wet hair and blood on his chin. He came in and found you freshly bathed with a swollen, split lip." he huffed, shaking his head in disappointment.

I had no more defenses, everything matched. He had discovered us, and unconsciously, I lowered my shoulders, sighing and looking away.

"Hey, listen, I don't want to know about your sex life. I assure you it's the last thing I want to know. I just ask you to respect yourself, have a little dignity. Four is a total idiot for cheating on his girlfriend, but you, you'll be a nobody for being the other woman, and for your sake, I don't want to hear a single whisper about you in the faction."he exhaled in annoyance, stood up, and walked to the door. "I only came for you to eat, but I'd rather go alone. Treat that wound and come up with a believable story." And with a loud slam, he left the house.

I hate that he's right.