The air felt dense, my bones were chilled, and at the same time, my muscles felt heavy. I didn't know if it was due to the autumn season or just my anxiety about the day. I simply opened my eyes, took a shower, and here I am, sitting in an armchair with a chamomile tea beside me. I can't eat breakfast, even with Eric watching me from the kitchen, I don't dare to take a single bite. I continue staring out the window until it's time to leave, but I don't know if I'll have the courage to go out and see the frightened Abnegation.

I thought I could handle this, but apparently not. It's absurd, I thought that with the boys hidden and the 15 Abnegation refugees, my mind would be at peace. Maybe it's because of the bitter taste in my mouth from yesterday, just when I saw the final stage along with the leaders. The problem wasn't Uriah, he did excellently, with 7 fears and no hesitation. In fact, it was a topic of conversation with Eric, he was angry to learn that one of the boy's fears was losing me.

My real problem arises when Tris comes through with six fears, passing perfectly. I hate seeing her name at the top. And I hate even more seeing the triumphant look on Four's face. It's a fact, he's a good trainer.

What I know is that Max will assign not only Tris but also Uriah to leadership, and if either of them refuses, Lynn will be next.

"Hey, Grace." Without me noticing, Eric was already in front of me, placing his hand over my cup, moving it aside. He took my hands, drawing my attention. "It's time."

I nodded, trying to stand up, but he didn't let me. "I want to ask you something." he murmured. "Make one last effort, that's all I ask. I need you not to be swayed by what you see or hear. Don't let your emotions cloud your judgment. Remember that those who are awake are the ones who won't refuse the attack, and if you refuse..."

"They'll kill me." I interrupted, finishing the sentence. "I know, but it's more than that, Eric. It's also because you agree with this, and you don't want Abnegation to have the government. Wiping out an entire faction is their solution for dissolving the Divergents." I shrugged. "Otherwise, this wouldn't have been carried out, you wouldn't have allowed a plan that risks my life."

I didn't know what I was saying, I left him speechless because we both knew it was true. My tongue began to spill everything I had seen during this time, and I don't regret it. Eric is asking me to have no compassion, so he shouldn't be surprised by my words.

"But hey, don't worry." I continued, moving closer to him until our lips touched, and we shared a short kiss. "I will kill all the Divergents I see when I walk out that door, and if I see an Abnegation escaping, I will fill their body with bullets. I will be the bloodthirsty woman you want, and only because I love you, but in the end, I hope that after this, you save my soul... Because I will never be the same again." I gave him one last kiss.

I got up from the armchair, arranged my weapons, the knives and cartridges, tied my hair in a ponytail, and put on my distinctive Audacity jacket. Eric, without saying a word, watched me intensely from the doorway, nodded when I was ready, and we left the room together.

I never imagined it, stepping out of the section of rooms to find a military formation at the back of the pit, where the main exit and the most direct connection to the trains are. There were Max and Hill, looking at their zombie soldiers with pride. And I couldn't help but feel nauseated.

But I promised Eric, I will be the bloodthirsty woman he wants me to be.

"Finally, they arrive." Hill spoke with a smile. "Isn't it incredible?" She sighed, looking at the audacious ones.

I nodded, looking at them. "Yes."

"They can hear and see, but they can't process the information. It's incredible." Max said once Eric stood beside him.

"And Fance?" I asked Hill.

"In the intelligence center, he disagrees with this." he snorted.

And rightly so.

I let the conversation die out, my gaze went towards the endless rows of the audacious ones who had excellent formation, each one taking their weapons and lining up at the exit, waiting for the trains.

Seeing Raphael squeezed my heart, followed by Hall, who had a lost and completely empty look. They were submerged in a deep sleep that forced them not to be aware of what they were going to do. They would wake up and never know what happened, they wouldn't see their hands covered in blood because they wouldn't be aware of it.

"What's happening here?" a boy trotted towards the pit, putting on an audacity vest. "What are they doing?" he looked at the others in confusion, waving his hand over the faces of the audacious ones trying to get them to react, but it was useless.

"Divergent." murmured Max with pride, looking fascinated by the serum's effectiveness.

I'm not proud of what I did, even though Eric drew his weapon as he stealthily approached the boy and hid it so the divergent wouldn't see it. Yet, even though Eric would have handled it, I took out my weapon and aimed at the boy. Despite the long distance, I successfully made him fall, leaving the leaders, especially Eric, surprised and satisfied. Eric turned to me with a questioning look.

"You see, Eric? It was just aim and shoot, he wasn't even looking at you." Hill shrugged with a laugh.

"The four of us, let's split up. Search the rooms, hallways, and storerooms. This one was foolish enough to come out, but not all of them are, they must be hiding." Max ordered, indifferent to what had just happened.

My heart pounded. We have to search all of Audacity. I nodded and, without waiting another second, turned around, heading to the place where I left the boys, right in the storerooms filled with papers.

I started to hear someone's footsteps behind me, so I glanced out of the corner of my eye and noticed Eric hurrying to follow me.

"I'll search the storeroom hallways. You can go up to the initiates' rooms." I said while keeping my fast pace.

"Stop." he ran ahead of me, grabbed my arm, and made me turn around. "What's wrong with you? What was that?" he asked, confused.

I took a deep breath and looked away. Hill and Max were gone, they had gone to the other side, leaving Eric and me in this direction.

"What are you talking about? Isn't this what you wanted?" I frowned.

"No, Grace. I don't want a damn bullet through my head while I'm unconscious." he frowned as well, letting out a grunt of discontent from his throat.

"My aim is excellent, Eric." I stepped back with a smile. "Don't fall behind and keep going."

After several steps backward, as I attempted to turn on my heels, a silhouette caught my attention, sending chills down my spine and freezing my blood.

Tris was standing there with a weapon in her hands, futilely watching my conversation with Eric.

Oh no.

I knew she would ruin it.

I felt my hands tremble and a chill creep up my spine. What is she doing here? But that wasn't all; I had to turn quickly so Eric wouldn't notice I had seen her and continue on my way while trying to stop my body from shaking and the pressure in my jaw.

And Four? I didn't see him, but I didn't care about his well-being. I gave them a perfect escape route to save their skins, it's their fault if they don't follow it. It wasn't the two of them that worried me, it was Uirah, whom I hoped hadn't followed them.

Eric listened to me and went upstairs while I began to jog once I lost sight of him. My vision blurred with thoughts bombarding my mind like bullets. Everything was confusing; I was thinking about everything and nothing at the same time. My priority is Uriah, he has to be safe.

But I can't think straight with useless Tris in the trenches, and surely Four is following her. Don't they trust me? Well, it's true that I haven't treated Tris well.

But Audacity is heading to Abnegation, and her parents are gone. There's no point in them going.

I don't know how I got there so quickly, but just as I was opening the door with the copy of the key, I made sure there was no one in the hallway. When I entered, I felt my soul return to my body.

"God." I exclaimed, as his arms wrapped around me tightly. "Here you are." I murmured as he released me, showing a face of relief.

"Tris ran off. I don't know what happened. Four followed her and... I didn't know what to do." he seemed distressed, anxious, and nervously stammering.

"You did well to stay here. Please don't move, don't leave until I come to get you." I asked. "I just saw Tris, I needed to make sure you were here."

"You saw her? We have to help her, they're in danger."

"They made their decision, Uriah." I shook my head.

"You can't blame them. Please, don't let them die. Tris is my friend." he murmured with a pleading look.

I rolled my eyes. "Yes, I will blame them, Uriah. This is dangerous, so if helping them puts my neck on the line, you'd better find another friend because I'm not saving her." I sighed. "Just stay here and don't do anything stupid like Tris."

I asked bitterly.

"Four already lost one girlfriend, didn't he?" he murmured. "Don't let him lose the girl who made him smile again."

I hated seeing his pleading face; it only forced me to promise something impossible, something absurd. I rolled my eyes in frustration, opened my mouth ready to agree, but the door suddenly burst open.

Instinctively, I pushed Uriah back with my left arm while raising my weapon with my right hand.

The girl's sobs somehow calmed my pulse; I thought it was Eric. But no, it was a woman, and not just any woman—it was Celeste, the one who helped me with the ultrasound when I discovered my pregnancy.

"Help me, I... I've been shot." she continued sobbing as she tried to speak, clutching her abdomen, blood all around. "I don't know what's happening, everyone is acting strange, and Max... he saw me, and I... I don't know, he just shot me and I ran."

Divergent.

"We have to help her." Uriah murmured.

I lowered my weapon. "You need to be quiet, please, just be quiet." I asked, approaching her. I took her by the shoulder and pulled her close to me.

"I can't." she sobbed louder. "I'm scared." she cried out severely.

I couldn't calm her, even with Uriah trying to help. Her cries were heartbreaking, and the bullet Max put in her was serious, but she could be saved. However, everything would go to hell if someone heard her crying.

"Grace?" Eric's distant shout made me tremble.

Both Uriah and I turned to each other with wide eyes. Panic was setting in, it was useless. Eric was getting closer, and Celeste wouldn't stop crying, staring at her abdominal wound. Seeing Uriah scared was like a blow to the heart, which was pounding wildly with the uncertainty.

To hell with it all.

"Uriah, step back." I ordered. "You, take this." I handed the copy of the key to the girl, who took it without realizing what was happening around her.

"What are you going to do?" Uriah asked. "No, wait, stop..."

But I didn't let him finish. I lifted Celeste by the shoulders, leaving her defenseless. I felt like I was wasting time and every millisecond counted. I could still hear Eric getting closer, calling my name. He was dangerously close, and I wouldn't put Uriah in this danger. So, I kicked the girl's abdomen, making her fall outside the room.

Her scream was harrowing, and she writhed violently on the floor as blood gushed out from my blow.

I left the room with my weapon raised, and as I closed the door, seeing Eric's silhouette in the distance, I shot between her eyebrows, ending her life instantly.

"What happened?" Eric asked, approaching.

I holstered my weapon, looking at her body. I approached the girl and crouched down.

"She was coming through that door." I replied. "She was wounded and said Max shot her. She tried to attack me when I drew my weapon."

"How did she get in? These doors are always locked." Eric murmured, confused.

I felt the pressure on my back as Eric started walking towards the door. I had to act quickly and, above all, appear calm.

"Here it is." I raised my voice, pulling the key from her hands. "She must have stolen the key." I stood up.

"How did she manage that?"

"Everyone's a zombie. The person in charge of the keys is outside, being controlled by a serum. It wouldn't have been hard for her to take it." I said as I approached the door and closed it, feeling the weight of worry lift off my shoulders.

"Here it is." Max's shout echoed down the hall. He was entering with his weapon raised, following the trail of blood Celeste left behind.

"This little bitch got away from me." he growled, giving the corpse a small kick with the tip of his boot.

I turned on my heel to look at the man I once called leader, the man I once felt good about pleasing. I had to mask my look of disgust, nothing compared to what I had seen in the first weeks of my initiation.

Everyone shows their true face sooner or later.

"Who did it?" Max asked.

I noticed Eric stepping forward, as if positioning himself as a shield.

"Grace." he murmured.

Max smiled. "Thank you. Who would have thought? I didn't believe you'd really help us."

I kept silent, looking at him with a serious and unfriendly expression. I didn't intend to respond and Eric knew it, so he stepped between Max and me, patted him on the back, and made him continue walking. 

"Go to Abnegation, I'll wait for you there." Eric said calmly. 

Max left with a smile while Eric turned towards me, approached, and cupped my cheek with his hand, giving me warmth. 

"Stop doing that." he asked. 

"Doing what?" I asked, not understanding. 

His hand began to caress my cheek while he showed a half-smile, shaking his head.  "Pretending that you don't care, and trying to make me feel guilty in the process. Because, Grace, I remind you that you were the one who forced yourself into the project."

I think deep down that's exactly what I was trying to do, for him to see what his cruelty was causing in me. To at least have a little bit of conscience.

I lowered my gaze, but he didn't allow it, he lifted my chin so I would look at him, leaned in, and kissed my lips. Despite the corpse on the floor and a Divergent hiding in a room beside us, his kisses were still a delight. A movement that perfectly matched mine, a glorious display of affection that sweetened my ears.

I separated from his soft lips and lifted my gaze to meet his. No matter how many years pass, Eric will always make my feet tremble at his gaze, that expressionless face and his blue eyes devoid of emotion. But within them, entering the icy mural, there was a boy who knew how to love.

"I accept everything." I whispered. "But the children, Eric."

"There are more ways to take the government, Jeanine only uses us as her puppets and doesn't hesitate to have the innocent killed... And if you love me, you know that in my pursuit of power, I never cared about collateral damage... And this is no exception." he spoke sincerely, shrugging. "I don't care if you agree with me or not, I know you love me enough not to stop me, and you know very well that with me, you'll always be safe. I won't leave you even if you ask me to."
He took my chin, caressing it. "So, I suggest you go wash the blood off your hands and join me in finishing this. Then I suggest we rest and forget about your tendency toward ethics."

               ******************************

Deaf ears, that's the only thing I could keep telling myself while, with incessant tremors of anxiety, I stood before the times when my left eyelid twitched.

Eric had told me in so many words that I had to adapt to his evil, and he knew I wouldn't stop him because I love him, and in a way, I love his evil. And I hate that he's right, but what he doesn't know is that I'm doing everything I think is right for my redemption behind his back. He sleeps peacefully and continues living in peace even with his hands full of blood, but I don't. I washed my hands, but I can't help seeing them stained.

This death was different, Celeste didn't deserve it, she helped me, she was kind, she was Jane's friend, and I killed her out of fear that Eric would discover Uriah. I killed Genesis, my first kill, but it didn't affect me, even though I remember her eyes full of fear. I killed Andrea, the woman I considered my best friend, and it didn't affect me, she was responsible for many deaths, and she tried to kill Eric.

I never considered the other small deaths in the war, it was them or me, and all for the good of Dauntless, all to give power to Eric and Max.
I didn't kill Ian, he decided to kill himself out of fear of my threat. And although it touched a sensitive nerve, I eventually stopped caring over time. I didn't kill Jina either, but I rejoiced in her suffering, and although I haven't asked, it's likely her heart stopped beating days ago. And now that I think about it, I am cruel when they are cruel to me, when they do something that hurts or bothers me. I treat them as they treat me, and that doesn't make me bad, even if I am the villain in other stories.

It wasn't pleasant to arrive at Abnegation and see the smoke from a house fire, hear the women's screams, and the cries of babies chilling my skin. Surely, I'll have nightmares. Eric knew it, even though Max was waiting for him at the entrance. Eric took me to a house where, upon entering, I saw the base the Erudites had created. There was Jeanine. Eric took me away from the screams, and I know he did it for my sake because I could see in his eyes the need to look out for my well-being.

"Grace, I'm glad to see you." Jeanine smiled.
"Thank you, Eric, you can go. I'd like you to supervise the Dauntless activities, I have a feeling there might be a few Divergents pretending."

Eric nodded, gave me one last look, and left, probably returning to where Max was.

"Did you find your box, Jeanine?" I asked, approaching her makeshift desk.

"No, not yet. I thought I would find it in Marcus's house." she grimaced, looking around. "But I see they didn't trust him with the box."

"What's the point? The serum is supposed to find the Divergents and for you to take over the government. You've already taken over, the government is yours. There's no need to control the Dauntless anymore." I said, crossing my arms and narrowing my eyes.

Jeanine turned on her heel, tilted her head with curiosity, and smiled—a small smile that screamed "naive."

"Eric didn't tell you?" she asked, frowning. "They will never be awakened, the program will continue." she responded simply, as if that act were so natural.

"What do you need zombie soldiers for?"

"I'll need an army, Grace. There will be more than one who refuses to let Erudite be the ruling faction." she shrugged. "I might wake them when I have complete control, but with this technology, I can use them at my convenience."

Hall was right, if she can control them once, she'll do it again. She's a psychotic, a crazy woman determined to watch the world burn just to have control.

How do I stop Jeanine if Eric agrees with this?
I could swear my vision blurred, my pulse quickened, and the urge to go against Jeanine consumed me. This was wrong, and Eric knows it, but he doesn't care, he only cares about his own benefit and keeping me safe.

What will I do with Uriah.

"But don't worry, I know you must have friends. Just tell me their names, and I'll take care of waking them up. Of course, they must be allies to the cause." she winked at me with a smile.

I nodded, detached from reality, confused, so many thoughts, ideas, emotions, and bouts of desperation consuming me.

However, the arrival of a Dauntless member, whose face I didn't recognize, interrupted us as he entered the house.

"We found two Divergents." he announced, breathless. "They killed three of ours in their escape attempt and..." he turned to look at me.
"They injured Eric."

"Bring them, I want to see them." Jeanine ordered.

"Where is Eric?" I asked, alarmed.

"He's in one of the Dauntless trucks, being treated there."

I didn't even say goodbye, I just ran outside the faction, where the Dauntless trucks were parked. The large vehicles had emergency kits, so it didn't surprise me that they had moved him there.

In a split second, under the bright sunlight, I turned my head to where I had come from and found myself face-to-face with Four, held by two guards. I stopped for a moment, and our eyes met.

Four and probably Tris, the two Divergents they found.

They will be Jeanine's experiments, turned into just another piece of her army of soldiers.

And I have the undeniable instinct to go, to help them, to get them out of the predicament they're in because it's Four. Tris doesn't matter to me, but Four does. Despite the fact that I hate him most of the time, he's the guy who trained me.
However, I had to choose between helping Eric or saving Four. I've never had to choose between the two of them before, and now I'm torn by an internal conflict.

But I didn't think much about it, and as Four was about to be led into that house, he saw perfectly how I turned and ran toward Eric. Because for me, it will always be him, even when he makes me angry.

************************************

They had already removed the bullet, it wasn't a serious injury—just a simple bullet in the leg that didn't do much damage.

He was silent, anesthetized, and frowning, not daring to look directly at me. A Dauntless member was calmly stitching his wound until he finished and removed everything, leaving only the bandaging to be done.

"I'll do it, don't worry. You can go." I told the guy, who nodded and handed me the bandage.

He left without saying more, giving me the opportunity to take the sterilized cloth and start covering Eric's leg. His black pants had been cut with scissors so the wound could be properly treated, so I could see his leg up to the knee.

"Will you tell me what happened?" I asked calmly as I continued my work.

He shook his head slowly, still looking at the ruins of the Abnegation houses, near the trees.

"It was always in front of me, and I never noticed." he murmured. "Four was always a damn stiff, it was so obvious." he scoffed.

I nodded, understanding his point, the reason why he's so detached from reality and focused on someone who has been in his head for years.

"Don't blame yourself, you focused on finding Divergents after your promotion." I murmured.

"And then that stiff. he said, shaking his head in disapproval. "From being the last, she ended up being the best. I never saw it, I was more focused on the other Divergent."

"And what happened? How did you end up injured?"

He rolled his eyes, angry with himself, as if just remembering brought unpleasant feelings.

"I was going to kill Four." he murmured bitterly.

I raised an eyebrow as I finished the bandaging. "How did you discover he was Divergent, Eric?" I asked, distrustful.

"I still didn't know. I just saw him and wanted him dead, for fun." he shrugged. "But that stiff aimed at Max, and Four aimed at Max. And she shot me." It was hard for him to talk, his pride was affected as he admitted that it was a girl who shot him.

I would like to hate Tris for shooting him, but I can't, knowing that Eric was about to kill Four. I promised to keep Eric in check, and he crossed the line. But looking at it from another perspective, this wouldn't have happened if Four and Tris hadn't left the warehouse.

Eric's electronic device beeped, and he took it reluctantly, leaving our conversation dead. Meanwhile, I took the trouble to secure his bandage calmly, even slowly.

"Speak." Eric answered.

I couldn't hear his conversation perfectly, but judging by the tone of his voice, I would bet it was Hill.

"Where was he?" Eric's demeanor changed, his brow furrowed. He nodded. "In which part?"

After that question, I noticed that following the response, he turned to look at me. "His name?"
I don't know if it was my paranoia, but Hill, from the other side of the line, said the word "Uriah." That was enough to make my skin prickle and to feel Eric's piercing gaze consuming me.

I looked down while Eric kept his phone to his ear, listening to Hill. I began to fiddle with the emergency kit, pretending to be busy, as if I were missing a step, something to treat his already perfectly treated wound.

"You know what to do. Send him to the intelligence center." he ordered. "Don't hurt him, you know they don't want them injured."

My hands trembled, and I had to press my lips together to stop them from showing my nervousness. Eric got out of the truck, limping away from me while continuing his conversation on the phone.

And as if destiny were testing me, I noticed the general anesthesia in the kit. If they're talking about Uriah, I can't just leave him to his fate. He was the only one who trusted me, who listened and stayed where I told him. Now he could be in danger, and I can't let them experiment on him.
But, putting Eric to sleep? Going against everything we've been through to keep Uriah safe.

I didn't know what was happening to me, but I was already filling the syringe with the anesthetic. I didn't know the dosage, I hoped I wouldn't kill him, because I wouldn't forgive myself.

"What is Uriah doing hiding in the paper warehouse?" Eric's question chilled my blood, confirming what I suspected. I had to hide the syringe so he wouldn't see it.

He already knows, or at least suspects, how important Uriah is to me. I closed my eyes, exhaling deeply. Everything is going to hell.
"Because I hid him." I admitted. "I won't let you hurt him."

"Is he Divergent?" he asked.

I couldn't see him, nor could he see me. He was behind me, about a meter away, and his voice sounded so menacing, angry, on the verge of exploding.

"Yes." I murmured. "I gave you Oliver because I wasn't going to give you Uriah."

"I saw his records, no faults or modifications."

"I managed to manipulate the computer language. You didn't notice because I disguised his records."

"Did you know about Four?"

I shook my head, pressing my lips together in fear. "I won't tell you." I whispered.

"Really, Grace? I only ask for damn honesty. You hated secrets, and look at you, doing it behind my back."

He scoffed, letting out a guttural sound from his throat. He was angry, and rightfully so. The woman he loves lied to him.

I didn't know where to hide my face, feeling ashamed, exposed. I didn't dare turn around and look at him; it would only make him more miserable.

"Surely you had something to do with Marcus's disappearance." he growled.

"Not with Marcus, but with Tris's parents. I told them to put a group of women and children aside to save them from their stupid genocidal plan."

"A plan you made possible."

"I did it because I love you, and because if I didn't, they would discover who I am." I turned on my heel, hiding the syringe in the sleeve of my jacket. My eyes began to fill with tears under his gaze. "Eric, I'm not proud of what I did. But you have to understand that killing Divergents is wrong; it's not the solution. Killing the unknown is not the right thing to do. And of course, it's wrong to kill all those children, Eric, they are children."

"You lied to me." he said, nodding and pressing his lips together in anger. "I can't believe it." he shook his head.

"Eric, please listen to me, just open your mind..."

"Shut up!" he yelled, approaching me violently. "It was all in vain, Grace. Your damn plan is fractured. Do you know why? Because Uriah is being taken to Jeanine, who is already there, along with Four, and as far as I'm concerned, you're next." he murmured, his jaw clenched, his evident fury overflowing from his eyes and the way he spoke.

"Me? You're sending me with them?" My question came out so fragile and painful.

"I can't trust you anymore. The Divergents are a threat." he shook his head. "And don't you dare cry." he growled.

He was about to grab me by the arms, to hold me with violence and without any gentleness. This definitely went to hell, everything fell apart so quickly, and his eyes showed such immense fury that it scared me.

"No, stop. I thought I would be the exception, Eric, I thought..."

"Yes, Grace! You were the damn exception! Only you!" He grabbed my shoulders violently, his eyes wider than usual, showing just how furious he was. "I was going to give you everything because I love you, and in return, I got a damn stab in the back. It was just you, no one else—how hard was that to understand?" he murmured.

His voice was so hurt, it pained me to see him like this. His eyes demanded to hit everything in his path, his arms urged him to kill me, but he didn't. He held back, his pain was too great to contain.

"Don't do this." I whispered.

I felt like scum, his blue eyes filled with hurt and desperation. He shook his head slowly, looking at me so intensely.

"I have to do it. Hill knows, she got Uriah to tell her everything. And despite being the monster you probably think I am, I'd rather see you become a soldier than be Hill's next victim." he murmured.

"I can't be a soldier, I can't," I thought to myself. I would be like that for years and never know it, killing hundreds of innocent people while my mind was disconnected from reality. All because I betrayed Eric.

I don't want to do this, but I have to. I have to erase that program and save Uriah, try to get Eric to forgive me, save his heart before someone else kills him.

"Please, forgive me." I murmured.

Without warning, catching him off guard, I lowered his hand, bent it, and inserted the needle into his neck. His eyes widened in surprise, and within seconds, he lost consciousness and collapsed to the ground.

I have to act now. There is no way out, no cordial alternative. I have to fight against the bad ones, but not all of them. I have to protect the only villain I love, the one whose heart I broke.