4 days and I haven't stopped thinking about what happened, I don't know what hurt me more, whether it was Oliver's suffering or knowing that Eric caused it.

The first day, I was afraid to be near him, I kept my distance as much as I could, I felt that I would be next. That at any moment Max or Jeanine would come and order Eric to do the same to me, that I would end up without skin, exposing my muscles, my tongue would be gone and probably my eyes would be taken out due to my constant tears.

The second day, I left those thoughts in the past, I was exaggerating. Especially because of the effort Eric was making for me to be by his side. He loves me, in his own way. He is the villain in the fairy tales and I just had to ask myself if I really loved that aspect of his personality, am I really willing to love his sadism?

On the third day, I could answer my question, definitely yes. There is no difference between him and me, I just have to look at my blood-stained hands and remember how I opened Genesis's stomach, I enjoyed so much seeing her face in pain, and although she was not a pleasant person, I know that for someone she was, and for that person, I am the villain in their story. I can also remember how I threw knives at Tris, although I didn't hurt her like the blonde, I scared her, I played darts with her body and I enjoyed it; of course, to her friends, even Four, I am the villain in their story.

On the fourth day, I came to the conclusion that I love Eric, I love him with all my being and without him, I don't feel worthy of daring. I concluded that I am not better or worse than him and that I have to accept that he tortured a boy I cared about, because, to begin with, I was the one who handed him over in the first place. Now I have to deal with this and the burden of Uriah.

I haven't been very present, I know that Four is taking care of it and Zeke must be helping him. Now he is practicing for the third stage, he passed the second one successfully. And what I hate the most is seeing Tris in first place, because that means only one thing; I lost the bet.

"This place belongs to you more than any other, they should put your name on it." Four's voice made itself heard along with his footsteps.

I let out a nasal laugh while watching the sunset, as expected, I was on the rooftop getting some fresh air, feeling the cold season approaching.

"No one comes here, it's very quiet."

"It's very abnegated and cordial of you." he let out a nasal laugh.

"Yes, Four. I remind you that I am divergent." I murmured. "What are you doing here?" I asked, turning to my left.

"Uriah wants to see you, he needs the confidence to pass this last test and he can't get it. He says only you will know how to help him pass." Four replied, crossing his arms. "He only has one week left, Grace. And he can't get through it."

"How could he pass the second stage but not the third?" I asked incredulously. "Both stages are very similar."

"Zeke and I believe the difference is you." he shrugged. "You are not with him."

I felt a pang in my heart, a wave of heat emanating from my chest as I felt that emotion reminding me how much I missed that guy and how he made me laugh.

"I don't want to get involved with the initiates anymore, I can't let Max see that I'm helping them, it will be suspicious that there is another divergent." I said, biting my lips and feeling a shiver. "No, I can't let them hurt him."

I bit my lip, holding back my concern.

"What happened?" asked the brown-haired man seriously, turning to analyze my profile since I didn't dare to look at him. "Grace, what happened?"

I turned with my eyes glistening, "I can't get over Oliver. I just can't get him out of my head, he trusted me and because of me, he ended up like that." I said. "Oliver is already dead." I whispered. "I couldn't do anything, and I came to the conclusion that I can't let Uriah end up the same way. Getting close to him is telling everyone that he is a divergent. And I really hate this, I hate you because you're right, I couldn't handle it." I pressed my lips together to stifle a sob.

"You said it, didn't you? It's you or him, but Grace, when you're between a rock and a hard place, don't give in. You get a bigger weapon and get out of the predicament."

"I hate your moral lessons." I growled, causing him to laugh.

"What's the plan?"

"The attack will be the day after the final test. I'll find a safe place for you and Uriah to stay until I tell you it's safe, and if possible, I'll ask Evelyn for shelter. I'll distract Max, and you will return to your usual routine." I shrugged. "I'll find a way, and in the meantime, help Uriah pass."

"They will notice our absence."

"No, I will cover your tracks. No one will be keeping an eye on you."

"Would you do this even if it's against Eric?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Once this is over, everything will go back to normal, or at least I hope so. We won't be anyone's target, saving them is a way to redeem myself, to find some comfort." I shrugged. "Eric doesn't have to know, and I will return to my life as usual."

"A life that hurts you."

"Agh, just thank me and shut up. I'll figure out where I'm happy." I rolled my eyes.

I turned around, ready to leave. The relationship I have with Four is quite strange, I hate him but he is a great support. I keep my distance because of Eric, but I must admit that he is my moral conscience. He is willing to fight for the collective good, and although my decisions are not what he expects, he is always here waiting for me to do the right thing.

"Wait." He stopped me by grabbing my arm as I passed by his side. "I have to show you something first." he murmured.

          ********************************

"Is this a damn joke?" I exclaimed in annoyance.

I crossed my arms with my eyes wider than usual, surprised and above all annoyed to see Tris sitting on the bed with a scolded puppy look.

"She has to be included too." Four requested.

"Is she the divergent you fought so hard for?" I asked with a laugh, scoffing, tilting my head to look at the brown-haired girl who looked fearful of the situation. "Why didn't I see it before? You ascended very quickly." I murmured.

"Grace." Four warned.

I approached him and smiled. "You have a pattern, Four. Are brown-haired divergents your thing?" I asked, raising an eyebrow. "For your sake, I hope she doesn't start a coup."

Tris stood up, looking shy and scared, which caused Four to approach her before she could leave.

"Where are you going?" Four murmured.

"You told me I would be safe, is this your solution? Telling a leader what I am? As far as I'm concerned, they kill divergents."

I rolled my eyes, turning around to walk towards the living room where Four lived. I approached the window, trying not to interrupt their conversation.

"She is not like that."

"How can you be so sure? She dates Eric, everyone warned me about him, why would I trust her?"

"Because she is also divergent, and Eric doesn't know." Four concluded, leaving Tris speechless while I turned around, annoyed.

I had no intention of contradicting him; I can't let anyone know that Eric knows I'm divergent. It's just not worth it, he will never change, he will never feel empathy for anyone other than me.

"If you want, shout it out, idiot." I exclaimed, approaching him.

"She has to trust you." Four excused.

"I don't need her to trust me." I scoffed. "I haven't even said I want to save her."

"Grace, please."

The brown-haired man left Tris behind, approaching me with a pleading and serious look. "She doesn't have to be a burden, she isn't. Do it for me." I scoffed at his comment.

"For Oliver." he corrected.

Tris, Uriah, and Four, three people Eric doesn't like, and I'm about to save their skins to redeem myself. I rolled my eyes, letting out a sigh. "She won't be a burden?"

"No."

"Fine." I agreed, stepping aside to look at Tris. "Hey, you'll do what I say. If I tell you to hide, you hide. If I tell you to run, don't look back. Got it?"

"What's going to happen?" she asked. "Why is Erudition in Dauntless?"

"They're going to attack Abnegation and take the divergents with them." I replied.

"Why?"

"To gain power." I shrugged.

Tris looked surprised, scared, and above all annoyed to see our faces so indifferent as I answered her.

"We're not going to stop them?"

"No, on the day of the attack, you will stay where I tell you and don't come out until it's over." I responded.

"They're innocent people, we can't do nothing," she exclaimed. "My parents are there, save them too."

"No." I raised my voice in annoyance. "I already have enough with the three people I'm going to save, I'm not going to include the entire faction. So remember the damn faction system motto and start another life."

"I won't let my parents die."

"And I won't allow anyone to feel entitled to mess up my plan and ruin my life." My words had been harsh, enough to make her shut up and step back. "Faction before blood, just don't mess it up."

I gave a final look at Four, who responded with a grimace showing his dissatisfaction, annoyed by the stance I had decided to take with this girl.

Tris was one of the weakest, it was so obvious she would be divergent, now she is at the top of the list and the next future leader. I just hope she doesn't become one, I don't intend to deal with her.

I'm starting to hate her more and hate doing so because it only makes me think about the small but important similarities we have in common.

The others didn't see her divergence or suspect her because I handed over Oliver almost immediately, I distracted them and now the boy I trained is dead and she is unharmed.

             ****************************

The cold is approaching, which means that Eric's birthday is coming soon, right after the massacre in Abnegation, and I just hope to be emotionally stable for his day, although he doesn't care much about celebrating it. He hates being told "happy birthday," although I am the exception. I've seen him roll his eyes when people approach him to congratulate him.

Even though it's not mandatory for me to behave exceptionally on his day, it's worth noting that he tricked me on my birthday. But I'm not resentful, at least not with him. However, I do plan to remind him of it just as he did with Tom.

And I think I'm only thinking about Eric's birthday to avoid the truth, that harsh reality that forces me to redeem myself. I accepted Tris because Four asked me to, and I'm afraid she'll mess it up. She's a Divergent, one who refused to follow the leaders' instructions when we cast her out of the faction. She will do what she thinks is right.

I should inject her with a sedative and lock her up in the janitor's closet, even if Four gets angry, but I know he will thank me for keeping Tris safe. I could contact Evelyn and leave them with the factionless a day earlier, but I need a distraction to make Max overlook Four's disappearance, who is one of the men Max would notice being absent.

The door opened, bringing a gust of air that made me adjust the handmade shawl, a very nice white fabric. I rarely wear it, in fact, I had found it deep in the Dauntless clothing, and since it wasn't distinctive of the faction, it was never sold. The girl gave it to me, saying it was either that or use it as a rag for cleaning.

"Meeting standards isn't your thing, is it?" asked the blond as he entered the room with a laugh.

I let out a nasal laugh. "It's part of my nature." I shrugged, showing indifference. "You call it rebellion, and I know it as divergence. Besides, white suits me."

He sighed, not seeming pleased. He looked so uncomfortable as he removed the weapons from his body along with the vest. He didn't dare look at me after my comment until he finished and approached, kneeling in front of me on the floor, running his fingers through my hair, taking a strand.

"Yes, but don't take it lightly. We can't let anyone hear that." he murmured.

I smiled. "Do you think we're a plague?" I asked in a faint whisper.

His eyes detailed my face, leaving me exposed, dazzling me with those blue crystals that I loved so much. His silence only confirmed that he didn't know what to say, and the way his jaw tightened made it clear that he didn't know either.

"You are not a plague, Grace."

"And the others? Are they? Eric, I am just like the other Divergents, I am like all those who..."

He interrupted me, his hand cupping my cheek and stealing a kiss that left me breathless. Keeping me in his cloud and not letting me come down, I returned the kiss in the same way until he stopped.

"I don't care about the others, only you." he whispered over my lips. "You will be safe, I'll protect you... even from myself."

"Only me?" I asked.

He nodded. "Only you." He confirmed. I think he was smiling, but he only showed me a grimace, one where he shook his head along with a sigh. "I don't deserve you." he whispered. "I don't know how you've managed to stay by my side after everything I've done to you."

I shrugged, I didn't know either. I was really ignoring my emotional well-being to be by his side, even when he hurt me, I stayed with him. His toxic company filled with adventures and suspense was addictive to me, I couldn't leave him and I think it was mutual. I didn't know if we hurt each other more together or apart.

I suppose that's what happens when you love someone. I tried to respond.

He nodded, agreeing with my words. "Is it selfish of me? To love you but not want to let you go." he asked in a whisper.

I took his hand and caressed it. "I wonder the same." My shawl fell over my feet as I approached him.

"Sorry, I'm not that fairy tale prince."

I let out a nasal laugh, shaking my head. "It doesn't matter, I don't want a hero."

He kissed my lips again, this time with intensity, wanting to show the love he claimed to have for me, and I couldn't resist that pleading look, his heavy and agitated breathing, especially with his dilated pupils.

I felt so vulnerable, I didn't feel capable of stopping him, it was quite the opposite. I needed him, even though his wickedness scares me because I also like it.

      **************************************

Another day and another beginning, I woke up in Eric's arms and couldn't help but feel foolish, manipulated, and in love. All he had to do was tell me his feelings, just what I wanted to hear, and make me fall at his feet again. And at this moment, I am in the Erudite faction's lounge, wondering if I caused all this remorse or if it was fate that hates me.

Although I would love to go against Jeanine and Max to eradicate the Divergent hunt, I have another problem, in fact, two: Hill and Eric will be the next obstacle, and I can't go against my boyfriend and my new, unexpected friend.

I would also love to stop having that moral compass that only causes me pain, the one that makes me think about what is right and if I should really take action. A moral compass that I only have when I spend time with Four. I guess it's just about accepting and moving forward, understanding that my hands are tied to a faction system, and that if I really want to continue with my life, I need to accept those bloody scenes that Eric provides, as he seemed quite comfortable performing them.

"Grace, I know I said we wouldn't see each other until that day, but I couldn't resist, you are the exception." Jeanine entered with a smile.

We shook hands as I returned her perfect smile. "What do you need me for?" I asked.

"You see." she sighed, wrapping her arm around mine and guiding me to the elevator. We walked unhurriedly, with soft steps as she spoke. "I perceive an exceptional intellect in you, and I would like us to join forces in the future. I enjoy your company and know that, with your skills, we could achieve anything. So, I simply invited you to my faction to show you again what we have accomplished."

I squinted in confusion as we entered. "So, you want to chat." I deduced, concluding that Jeanine either needed a husband or a friend.

"It's boring to invite Max, no matter how much I talk to him about this, he will never understand. Except for you, you manage to understand what I'm talking about and I like that. Before, I felt surrounded by ignorants." She sighed. "With Eric, I never saw interest. Of course, he understands what I talk about, processes the information, and stores it, in fact, he has a brilliant mind. But the age difference and, I think, the resentment towards his former faction make him ignore me." She let out a smile. "And Hill, I don't trust her."

"You know you can talk to me, Jeanine. I enjoy your company." I lied with a smile.

It was clear that Jeanine suspected Hill's plans. She knew that Hill could overthrow her once she gained power, and it was understandable that she was just trying to keep her distance from a worthy rival. She might even suspect the interest in recruiting loyal people, willing to fight in her name. And she's wasting her time; she won't get loyalty from me.

"I know." she smiled narcissistically.

The doors opened, and we re-entered the floor where Jeanine keeps her toys and experiments with them. The difference was the personnel; there were few Erudites working.

"After the test subject you gave us, I put everyone to work. Thanks to you, we made great progress on the Divergent issue."

"That's incredible. What did you discover?"

"Not all Divergents are the same. Some are stronger than others, and the boy you gave us was almost normal, at least 10% Divergent. This made him almost useless with the serum, but effective in the research."

"So, did you make it work on Divergents?" I asked.

"I'm afraid not. Despite the 10% divergence, we couldn't make him react to the serum, and unfortunately, we couldn't conduct more experiments because he had a stroke and three heart attacks. We had to suspend everything when he killed a member of our team."

My initiate put up a fight. I sighed internally, trying to recall his memory.

"It's a pity." I murmured with a growl.

"Yes, a total pity, but we put that aside. We can't let anything delay us. Especially with the new information from Abnegation."

"What information?"

"Education, Grace. We suspect that Divergents are not only born, but also made. Abnegation's education makes them Divergents, confuses them, and causes cognitive underdevelopment that exceeds our tolerance."

"The smarter they are, the bigger the problem for us?" I asked with a frown.

Jeanine smiled. "No, of course not. It's a problem for us when a person can't adapt to a faction, it's a problem when they try to destroy the peace we have created."

I nodded at her diversion point; her intention was so clear. She seeks a society full of ignorants who don't think, emotionless soldiers to achieve her slogan, faction before blood. And, of course, she will be the leader.

We continued walking through the corridors, empty chairs where once there had been guinea pigs that were tortured, manipulated, and treated inhumanely.

"What happened to the other test subjects?" I asked.

"They died. Apparently, if you administer one milliliter more than what we established as indicated, it causes an overdose, or in the case of the boy you gave us, a stroke." she replied indifferently.

I couldn't help but look at her and feel disgust. If I used to complain about Eric's sadism, it was nothing compared to Jeanine's. She is the devil incarnate, and I'm increasingly convinced to give the government to Hill.

"We only have two test subjects left, but I doubt they will last. They are struggling, and one has already gone insane." she grimaced, leading me to a group of Erudites. "The human is very weak." she commented with annoyance.

When we made our presence known, the Erudites stepped aside, all nodding to Jeanine in greeting and respect. I think they also greeted me, but I didn't know, I was so focused on that test subject.

My surprise was not pleasant, that was clear. I was filled with confusion and pity, my skin prickling as I saw Jina's face lost on the floor.

She was sitting, had too many needles in her body, was so out of touch with reality that there was almost no light in her eyes. Her face was downcast, with a visage full of pain and more than one bruise on her face, arms, and neck.

"Jina?" I asked, frowning as I watched her tremble.

My voice was enough for her to slowly lift her face, her blue eyes looking at me with suffering, her lower lip trembling.

"Yes, she's been here for at least two weeks. In fact, I wanted to suggest a more effective training tactic in her faction. We found that Jina has an IQ lower than average, almost the same as an Factionless, we can't allow an Factionless to believe they belong to any faction."

"Why is she here?" I asked, unable to take my eyes off the girl's suffering.

"It's obvious, Grace. When she was dismissed, I couldn't risk her divulging secrets about the project, and since she was always useless, I had a great idea, and look, she was never as useful as she is now."

I nodded, understanding her method. She wasn't useful, and Max had involved her, Eric had removed her, and Jeanine had agreed, it was too risky to leave her free, and they had to take cruel measures. But at least for them, it was common.

I had always wished to see her suffer, but this was different, I felt pity for her. I didn't plan to take her out of here; I'd probably forget her once I left Erudite, but that didn't mean I couldn't show some emotion.

"Help me." Jina whispered with a soft, fragile voice, almost inaudible, as a tear fell from her left eye.

Am I evil?

I don't know, but I tilted my head, looking at her closely. "Will she die?" I asked Jeanine.

"Hmm?" she asked, disconnected from our conversation. "Oh, yes, she will die. She has at least two days left. The other boy has only minutes." She replied, returning to her conversation with the other Erudites, oblivious to my interest in Jina.

I walked towards her with delicate and precise steps, calmly and with a smile that didn't show my teeth. I leaned slightly, bringing my mouth close to her ear.

"I know you were the one who personally arranged my kidnapping. I also know you want me dead. And I'm sorry, darling, but I won't help you. This is, as many call it, your karma." I whispered. "Goodbye, Jina. You should have learned to let go and understand when someone no longer loves you. But I know in the next life, you'll do things right. I hope you die in your sleep, that you don't suffer like the boy next to you, and that your remains are thrown near the abandoned, where you belong." I sighed. "See you in hell. In the meantime, I'll take good care of Eric, I promise."

I also have that evil side, and I feel like a hypocrite for judging Eric when I took two steps back to give Jina one last look.

Blondes and the truthful are the first to die.