I didn't ask for his permission, I've been using Eric's hoodies for two days and today won't be the exception.

I've been faking pregnancy for a week now, and today is the last day of fights. If I could have convinced Eric earlier to switch places and let me do the war games with Four, now it's impossible to make him agree.

Supposedly, I'm pregnant, so I have to be careful and rest, move constantly but not overdo it. It's horrible, I hate doing it. My training used to be tough and strong, now I have to dial it down to take care of every detail and constantly cradle my belly with care.  I'm starting to hate every detail, lying to them and pretending. It's not difficult for Eric, he seems used to this. He doesn't show me excessive affection but knows what to say.

I've been lying here with my eyes open for 10 minutes watching Eric's situation. He was asleep, his mouth slightly open, emitting an almost inaudible snore. There was nothing about him that I didn't like, he just left me with a sigh and filled my heart. I wanted to touch him, let the tips of my fingers trace his face and tattooed neck, feel his muscular shoulders and broad arms, run through the hair on his chest, and feel his body heat. But I couldn't. If I did, he would wake up and want to start the day, and I don't want to start the day. I just want to lie on the mattress until the world stops being chaotic.

But it was useless. Horus got up from the mattress and stretched, letting out a meow, causing Eric to open his eyes lazily, trying to come back to reality and realizing that I was a stalker because I couldn't take my eyes off him.

He yawned. "Do you often watch me sleep?" he asked sleepily, stretching as his bones cracked.

"Sometimes." I murmured without taking my eyes off him.

He stared at the ceiling as if processing the day, planning his itinerary because tonight Eric would have to play the traditional dare game, capture the flag.

"Is there any way I can participate?" I asked again.

"No." he immediately replied, looking at me. "You know there isn't."

I sighed. "Well, I suggest you pick my guys, they're really good."

Just a nasal laugh. "No, I'm capable of hitting that kid who gives you eyes if I even hear your name come out of him."

I rolled my eyes, changing positions, letting my back rest on the mattress as I looked at the ceiling.

"You'll lose if you don't choose wisely and work as a team." I warned.

"We didn't lose last year, and I won't lose this year. Nobody told me who to pick to win."

His body ended up on top of mine, he lifted me by the waist to turn around, and now I was the one on top, with my legs on each side of his waist.

"You're too stubborn and arrogant, Coulter." I laughed, taking his cheeks to press my lips against his.

We immersed ourselves in a morning kiss while I thought about my next words when he returned from the war games, a "I told you so" would be written all over my face.

"You love me like this." he murmured, accepting my words after the kiss while he tightened his grip on my hips. "Remember that Jeanine wants your planning for tomorrow."

"Yeah, I know. I'll do it tonight." I replied.

I placed my palms on his chest and let my skin make contact with his as I rested my cheek on his pectoral and he caressed my back.

"Grace, the second stage starts this Monday." he whispered, feeling his chest vibrate. "You know what that means for Jeanine."

My heart squeezed as I swallowed hard, remembering my conversation with her. The bitter taste in my mouth was the beginning of my accelerated pulse and the harsh reality pounding in my head.

"I know, I have to tell them if there are any divergents." I said.

"It will be very easy, you'll immediately see inconsistencies, and if you have doubts, show me the records." he took my arms to lift me up and connect our gazes. "You got attached, I know. But you can't let it cloud your duty. You can't alter it, don't do it. Jeanine would be capable of reviewing everyone's simulations, and your nature would be exposed, the whole plan would be ruined."

I looked away, unable to stay strong. If they had told me that being a trainer would be so difficult, I would have declined the offer.

Eric took my chin to meet my gaze. "I'm willing to protect you, but only you. I can't save everyone. You'll be the only divergent in Dauntless."

It was as clear as day, there was only one thing left for me to do, and that was to pray to any god that none of my initiates would be divergent.

           ********************************

"Today, two people are leaving after the fights. Whoever doesn't make the cut will have until midnight to leave Dauntless." I sighed, looking at my eight initiates standing in front of me. "I trained you all very well these past 5 weeks, and I don't want anyone to lose. I've already lost two initiates, I don't want to lose another. I don't care if you know them, if it's a woman, or if she has puppy eyes, just fight. Is that clear?" I asked firmly.

All eight nodded, nervous, and their hands trembling. I chuckled.

"In ten minutes, we'll go to the other side of the room. Rest or practice a bit." the eight initiates began to spread out in the room, some went to the punching bags, and others sat back down. "Uriah, come here."

Uriah quickly raised his head, searching for me with his gaze. He nodded and trotted over to me. I nodded my head to walk a bit, distancing ourselves from everyone.

"Today, you're fighting Peter." I began, crossing my arms. "Edward died, and the dynamics changed. I don't doubt your ability. I trained you very well, and I assure your victory like you have no idea. But at the end of the day, when you're still the first, you'll need to watch your back. Understand?"

"What do you mean?" he asked, crossing his arms, intrigued, and approached me a bit.

"Everyone will want your position, Uriah. They're capable of killing you to get it, so I need you to tell Lynn also to watch her back, to try not to be alone, and if you see any anomalies, let me know, clear?"

I managed to plant that thorn of concern, that warning signal, and keep their guard up. Suspense and uncertainty reflected in his eyes.

"Clear." he murmured, nodding.

"And please, break Peter's nose." I asked with a smirk, to which he nodded with a smile.

He turned around and went back to his friends, his inseparable group, who were waiting with crossed arms full of curiosity for their friend to tell them something. But he didn't say anything, just smiled and patted Jake's back, showing a relaxed attitude.

********

Four and I displayed a fight chart on the board, letting our initiates see the matchups. Some glanced at it while others seemed confident in themselves.

I observed Peter, he was very relaxed and calm, thinking he could defeat Uriah. I found his confidence foolish since I saw Uriah's victory, but what worries me is what Peter might do. Uriah has been warned, and I know he'll take the warning very seriously and might do something about it if attacked.

But... What if they try to throw him over the chasm? I was a victim of such an event, and I hate the sensation. I sighed, stopped looking at the chart, and focused on Uriah. I nodded to signal the start, and he stepped into the ring.

Uriah vs. Peter.
Lynn vs. Will.
Jake vs. Drew.
Marlene vs. Molly.
Oliver vs. Al.
John vs. Cristina.
George vs. Luna.
Fany vs. Tris.

Four and I positioned ourselves a bit behind the initiates; the 14 of them were gathered around as spectators while the bottom of the chart fought.

I crossed my arms with a serious and somewhat disappointed expression. Tris started well, she performed a technique I taught her, but she was failing against my excellent initiate who, despite making mistakes, was good compared to Tris.

But with somewhat clumsy combinations that I wasn't willing to accept. It's a pity that the training weeks are over, I was capable of correcting her mistakes again.

The best part of the afternoon was when Uriah did break Peter's nose, and he was attended to by Cuatro to stop the bleeding. Tris fell, Fany managed to render her unconscious and stepped down from the ring victorious while Four carried Tris and took her to the infirmary.

Uriah.
Peter.
Lynn.
Will.
Jake.
Oliver.
Cristina.
Al.
Drew.
Molly.
Marlene.
John.
George.
Luna.
Fany.
Tris.

I'm happy and at the same time annoyed with this. Happy because Uriah continues to be in first place. Annoyed because Fany, my initiate, is leaving, along with Tris. It doesn't matter that Fany won, she's still one of the last two. So Four  and I won, but we also lost. The real outcome will be seen in the next five weeks.

I got lost looking at the chart once the initiates started dispersing around the room, satisfied with their passing, except for the two initiates.

"Do you really think I'm going to believe that you're pregnant?" Four murmured behind me, feeling his breath in my ear. There was no one around, but he kept his voice low so only I could hear.

"You should." I murmured back. "It's true."

He chuckled. I turned to see him with my arms crossed. "Have you ever had an abortion or made the same mistake again?"

"Never had an abortion." I shrugged. "I told Eric, and he took it well. We decided to keep it. I thought about keeping it a secret, but Max isn't one to keep secrets."

His eyes looked at me with irony. He didn't believe me, and I didn't know what to do to make him believe. But I had to stand firm and pretend I wasn't lying.

"You're hiding something, I know you." he murmured.

I approached him a bit and gave him a smile. "I told you it would save our skin, that's what I'm doing. So just smile and congratulate me because there's a bun in the oven." I nodded expressionlessly, indicating that he should shut up.

His expressionless face indicated that he knew exactly what I was saying, so he just nodded, swallowing saliva, and took a step back. "Congratulations."

I smiled as I watched him turn around and walk towards the initiates who were waiting.

I left the room after Four informed them about the war games in the evening. Eric arrived shortly after, telling Fany she had until midnight to leave, as well as Cristina and Will, to inform Tris. They are leaving.

I entered my room dragging my feet, I was tired but couldn't afford to sleep. Tomorrow I have to submit a plan to invade Abnegation, and it's my birthday. I'll be 18, and I plan to ask Eric to cancel my party. With a beer in hand, I approached the table with my tablet, a notebook, and a pencil. I'm alone and plan to enjoy it, I can drink without anyone noticing.

           ********************************

Jina had come up with a terrible arrangement, she intended to send the zombie soldiers into Abnegation through a single entrance and kill them in their homes. The plan was to launch an attack without any witnesses. The truth is far away, so they wouldn't notice. The idea was to trap the council members and hand them over to Jeanine. Dauntless won't notice, they're deep in sleep, and everything is in our favor. The problem, personally, is just preventing any Abnegation from leaving their faction.

The houses are two-story grey buildings, all the same and arranged on a plot of at least 2 hectares with 35 houses laid out in a rectangle of 7x5. There are at least 20 exits available.

The trains will be ready at 8 in the morning for everyone to enter. We expect an hour or two for the divergents to show themselves, and the leaders will begin the slaughter in the faction while those under the serum are transferred to Abnegation.

That's when everything gets worse. Jina doesn't know how to make a perfect entry, and Jeanine is not satisfied with what Eric proposes, she wants more. And who wouldn't? She's the evil mind, seeking privacy, making sure no one finds out she'll be in the faction. She'll set up a base to ensure everything is in order. She'll search for the perfect divergents to modify into the villains of the story.

But why? They set up a base in Dauntless to control the Dauntless, there's no need for her to be in Abnegation. She has something else in mind, and it's too much privacy even for Eric or Max to have access to that piece of the puzzle.

Anyway, it's simple. The zombie soldiers will gather in groups, twenty entrances, and I want at least four per house. The 140 Dauntless will pull the Abnegation out of their homes and place them in the park overlooking the abandoned area, Jeanine assured that they won't be bothered that day. I want three guards at each exit, and the rest on the other side of the faction where Jeanine will be guarded.

I rubbed my eyes with my clenched fists. I've had six beers, and they're gone. I can't go out and ask for more because of my fake baby, I have to wait for Eric and ask him to buy some as if it were for him.

It's already dark, and my planning is finished with the bitter taste in my mouth, feeling my emotions demanding to be let out. I was close to tears a couple of times. Jeanine is a witch, and Max is the same, all the Abnegation will die, without exception. The rule is to shoot to kill anyone wearing grey clothes, even children. What stupidity is that?

I had to bury my remorseful and guilty heart, lock it away, to finish this quickly. When all this massacre is over, I won't be able to sleep, my hands will be filled with innocent blood. I would have preferred to be normal, to have tested for Dauntless and belong here, not to be the first but to be in a good position, to have the serum injected and just wake up without knowing what happened.

But no, I'm divergent, one who is a leader and plans a massacre with other leaders. We will eradicate those who are like me and an entire faction. I chose to be the leader who gives orders, and now I have to live with it. I refused to be the sheep, and for that, I'll end up with blood on my hands. And all for love, for accepting the most dangerous, bloody, cruel, and genocidal man into my heart. But that's how I love him, and I like it.

The door was opened, Eric came in with a furrowed brow, throwing his jacket on the couch with a grunt.

He lost.

"How did it go, champ?" I asked, smiling as he approached the kitchen.

He looked at me, his eyes full of annoyance. "What do you think? Those idiots won."

He scoffed, grabbing a bottle of rum, as he noticed the beers were gone.

"And your team, Eric?" I asked, leaning my elbows on the table.

He rolled his eyes. "Peter was my first choice."

"And... Uriah?" I smiled, watching him avert his gaze with annoyance.

"I don't care, I didn't choose him, and I never would. He asked about you at least three times on the way there. You're lucky I didn't hit him." He finished the glass violently and poured himself another. "Besides, that stiff was to blame, she was the first to grab the flag."

"The stiff ? You mean Tris?" I asked, confused.

"Yes, her. She entered the tower easily, the one in charge of the stupid flag was an idiot. Being tall doesn't make her any less foolish."

"The stiff didn't make the cut, Eric. She shouldn't have participated in the games, she should have left."

"I told her, but she got on the train anyway, and I let her. I thought she would lose, it was a waste of time to take her down, I intended to humiliate her along with the other stiff." he spoke with annoyance.

"You gave her enough points to continue in Dauntless, you skipped your damn rules and let her continue." I exclaimed, crossing my arms.

"What did you want me to do?" He raised his hands. "She won, she stays, that's it."

"I want Fany back." I demanded.

"You can't do it,  she's already left Dauntless."

"Yes, you can, and you'll make it happen, Eric. You allowed the stiff to continue, so you'll allow Fany to return."

He sighed, looking at me with a grimace, shaking his head as he thought.

"Fine, I'll see what I can do tomorrow." he murmured bitterly.

"Thanks." I smiled. "By the way, I finished the planning. Can we cancel tomorrow's event? I have to go to Erudite."

He smiled, approached me, took the tablet, and looked at the report with a sketch, nodding.

"It looks good." he nodded, reading the plan. "Do you want to cancel your birthday party?" he raised an eyebrow with a smile.

"Yes." I grimaced. He took me by the waist to pull me closer and kissed me.

"Alright, it's canceled. But you're not going to Erudite tomorrow, I'll go. Jeanine refuses to see you outside the faction, you need rest."

I sighed and rolled my eyes as Eric laughed and pulled me closer. "What I need is more beers because they're already gone."

"You do remember you're pregnant, right?" he chuckled. "You can't drink. Practice for when you actually are." He tangled his fingers in my hair, causing his lips to brush against mine.

It was such a short but special comment, one that showed me a beautiful future, where he committed not only to me but to the possibility of a family.

"Do you want to have one?" I murmured over his lips, not taking my eyes off his.

He smiled, a beautiful smile showing his perfect teeth. "Yes, in about 10 years, maybe. When this is over."he shrugged. "Do you want to?"

"Yes, I do." I smiled with excitement.

Eric knows I'm divergent, but it wasn't an obstacle for him to refuse a family. He's mature enough to realize it's not the right time, but he's willing to wait.

I wish I could go to my past self, hug her, and tell her he was just an idiot who needed to love, that it's just a matter of time to realize what love is and that emotional responsibility doesn't hurt you.

"We can start practicing, Miss Cyprian." he said with a smirk, brushing his lips teasingly.

              *****************************

I woke up to the vibration of my phone, which was on the kitchen island, a considerable distance away. But thanks to my light sleep, I managed to wake up with heaviness.

I never receive messages, let alone at 3 in the morning. Something was happening, and Eric's comforting arms around my waist couldn't stop me from finding out what it was. I got up, exposing my nakedness to the darkness, my eyes still heavy, demanding to go back to sleep. I grabbed Eric's black shirt that I had taken off not long ago and put it on.

I glanced once more at Eric sleeping, letting out a light snore, and got out of bed to walk to the kitchen barefoot.

I grimaced as I turned on my phone.

"Tomorrow, don't forget. 10:00 am.
P.S. Congratulations on the new addition to the family and happy birthday."

The message was enough to completely dispel my sleep. I sighed, looking out the window, greeted by total darkness except for the faint illumination from the moon.

He knows about the fake pregnancy, he knows about my birthday, he knows about Norman, and probably even the dark secret I've been carrying since the aptitude test.

I have no way to escape, I'll have to accept whatever comes. I just hope I don't find myself facing another rebel group trying to stop Jeanine because this involves Eric.