Molly was already able to go out, but Aixa gave her another week of rest since she was still weak and the cold had hit her hard.
As for me, I got a scolding, one where Joana came up to us and thanked me, followed by another reprimand for having lied. I wasn't sick; I did it all to get out, and during my escapes, I saved Monica, who was still bedridden.

She survived. Norman, along with a boy from Amity who had some medical experience, helped set her jaw. She's forbidden from speaking and has been like that for five days; we believe she'll be able to open her mouth in a few more weeks. For now, she's being fed with liquids.

Joana, despite being grateful for saving her, let me know how stupid and dangerous it was. I told her what I knew, and of course, both she and Norman preferred not to ask how I ended up in that place. Although Norman knew I was there because of Eric, he didn't reveal it, all because of Four, who wasn't tolerating my silence. He was angry with me.

But he was too discreet to confront me; he has no right to do so. However, he did have the right to tell me that bringing Mónica was a way of revealing our location.

I lost his trust, his confidentiality, even though we shared a common secret.

Taking care of Monica is my therapy, even though she doesn't need help. It's my escape from the silence, my moment to relax and see what I want. She doesn't speak—she can't—and I don't either. We both just stare at a fixed point in the room until one of us falls asleep.

Her gray eyes look at me, expressionless. The bruises gradually faded. We both wait for the time when we can talk, to somehow get to know each other.

Sometimes I feel like I'm caring for Eric's enemy. I'm with her, waiting for her to regain her strength, stand up, and go after my man to kill him. I don't blame her, in her place, I would do the same.

However, she must understand that I won't allow it.

And while I'm helping the man I still love dodge bullets, I have to be with Eric, waiting for his change, because I know he will—I'm very sure of it.

My days had become routine, and here I was, sitting in a chair in front of my bed, watching Mónica sleep. I had been taking care of her. I tended to her wounds, fed her, and protected her.

Joana didn't want her in the infirmary, she thought it would be counterproductive in case there was an inspection. In other words, I brought her here, so she was my responsibility.

The door opened, and in walked Norman.

"Hasn't she woken up yet?" he asked in a murmur.

"No, I'm waiting for her to wake up so I can make her a smoothie," I replied.

When he got to my side, I noticed that he had brought a liter of smoothie as breakfast, setting it down on the nightstand. I frowned. He had left all the responsibility of caring for her to me, and now, suddenly, he was bringing her food.

"It's just her jaw, she still has both arms. Better say you feel guilty that your boyfriend did this to her," he said with a nasal laugh. "Come on, let's go out."

"He's not my boyfriend anymore, I don't consider him that. We've hurt each other too much to keep the relationship alive. What we have here on the fence is just a reunion, nothing to bring us back together. Even if there's a possibility, everything would have to start from scratch."

I got up, following Norman, thinking that he was right. I do feel guilty that Eric was responsible for so much cruelty and harm to a woman. As I left the room, I saw from afar the couch with blankets and a pillow since, ever since Monica arrived, I've been sleeping on the couch.

"You're acting on impulse, Grace," he began.

I immediately rolled my eyes in annoyance. "I know, I know it was suicidal to save Monica. Everyone here seems to be smarter than me, telling me how stupid I was. But I don't regret it—she's still alive, and with that, my mind is at peace," I interrupted.

"That's not what I meant," Norman growled, annoyed that I had interrupted him. "You're falling out of favor with Four. Consequently, with Tris too, and that's not good for you. You're not superior to them, so get that out of your head. Everyone here is a fugitive, and until Jeanine and Max are taken down, you're all equals."

I crossed my arms, knowing that, in a way, he was right. I wanted to earn their trust, and this was the complete opposite of what I should be doing.

"You need a plan B if you don't want anything to do with them," he pointed his finger at me. "But they're strong, and going off on your own won't get you anywhere."

"Four is annoying," I muttered, almost like a child throwing a tantrum, irritated that he constantly demanded to know my every move as if he were my leader.

"There was a week when you two were getting along really well. What happened? It was Eric's arrival, wasn't it?" he said with a nasal laugh. "Grace, getting along with him isn't about having a relationship, it's about being a team."

I looked away, realizing that there aren't any problems when Four and I are having sex—that's what connects us and keeps the peace between us.

"Did I guess right?" he asked in surprise. "Did you do it again? Come on, Grace!" He rubbed his hands over his face in frustration.

"You think I don't feel bad about it?" I asked, frowning. "It's over, I didn't allow it to continue, and that's why he's acting this way. He doesn't know about Eric, but I think he suspects."

"Well, it's time to set aside those stupid decisions and focus on what really matters. Talk to him, for real, Grace. Without anything ending in sex. You have a mission, and even I've put my neck on the line for it. I don't want it to fail just because you couldn't decide who to be with."

"I don't know what you're talking about," I muttered with a growl.

"Enough. This is for mature people. If you're not up to it, you better stay behind and start back at the harvest. Or act like an adult and make peace with Four," he said sternly.

And I hate that he's right.

But it's also true that Four is responsible for his annoying behavior, as if we were in a relationship.

Even when Peter hinted that he knew what was going on between us, all Four could do was complain about the hickey on my neck. He's the one who needs to grow up.

"I'll take care of her," Norman said, gesturing toward the room where Mónica was. "You should start by making allies, even with Aixa, who's got you on her blacklist."

                **************************

Bringing Aixa two apples, walnuts, almonds, cranberries, and a mango cocktail in a basket was difficult. It was even harder because I no longer had the power of a leader, and my work isn't valued in Amity.

I promised Joana so many things that I doubt I'll have the strength to fulfill them. But seeing that it was all to get Aixa to forgive me, she agreed without asking for anything in return.

She feels betrayed. I lied to her, and even Norman did so on my behalf. I skipped the harvest for several days, which caused delays. We were short on supplies, and with Jeanine demanding more than she should, Aixa didn't know what to do.

She accepted my apology, hugged me, and I left with the promise that I'd return to my usual routine tomorrow.

Getting back in the game was going to be very difficult, though not impossible. It would take time to regain Four's trust.

And just when I thought everything would return to normal, I slipped up again—this time in such a stupid and weak way.

I don't remember much of what happened, or maybe I don't really know how it happened. I suppose the sun melted my brain.

The barn where the chickens and ducks usually sleep was empty, it was the time of day when they go out to bask in the sun while the Amity members collect the eggs.

It was also where Four was, and I went to negotiate in my own way, crafting a story that would satisfy him. I don't know if he accepted it—I haven't asked if he believed me. Right now, he's too busy going down on me, and he doesn't want to talk.

On the second floor, where the hay bales are stored, is where we hid, in silence, even though there was no one else around but us.

Closing my eyes and biting my lip as I pulled his hair, craving more, was a good way to avoid thinking about the fact that it was Four. Because, although he'll never know, it comforts me to imagine that Eric is the one responsible for this pleasure. And since the mind is very powerful, I wasn't really worrying about anything. The moment was utterly delicious. I didn't even notice that it was Four leaving marks on my thighs and neck.

When he finished, he leaned in, kissing my lips, ending with his teeth slowly biting my lower lip, letting me taste my own fluids. I had to open my eyes, and the weight of guilt settled on my shoulders when I saw his brown eyes. He grabbed me by the thighs, preparing to enter me for the second time that day. He looked straight into my eyes, but his gaze was distant, filled with pleasure and a hint of madness.

This is exactly what I should have avoided.

I should have refused and spoken to him clearly. But it had already started, and I doubted I had the strength to stop it. So I just closed my eyes again, letting myself feel the forceful thrusts, the rough friction that would surely bring me pain later.

                             *************

"It wasn't supposed to end like this," I murmured, lying on Four's shirt, atop the hay. Four was beside me, massaging my back, relaxing me to the point where my eyes were closing.

"How was it supposed to end?" he asked in a whisper.

"Not in sex," I grimaced, turning to look him in the eyes, causing him to stop the massage. "Norman knows, and he's right—it has to stop. We're a team, not lovers."

I wanted to continue talking, but he silenced me by attacking my lips, kissing me again, and I, as if my words held no weight, followed his lead.

What was happening to me?
Was I feeling something?
My brain demanded control, insisting it would stop this, but my brain wasn't in charge. And if it wasn't, then who was?

I don't love Four, my heart would do the same as my brain, rejecting what was happening with him. Instead, it would go to Eric and beg for his love.

I suppose it was the allure of the forbidden, the thrill of something new and unknown, that was driving me to do such foolish things.

He stopped. "This is goodbye," he whispered. "I wanted to have you one last time before letting you go. I don't know who it is or what's going on with you, but you've met someone else, and it made me realize it's time to stop. Forgetting you is for the best."

"It's over?"

"Yes," he nodded. "I hope it's Uriah, the guy who has you so distracted," he added with a nasal laugh.

I laughed too, quickly looking away, avoiding his gaze at all costs. If only he knew who it really was—he'd hate me.

We both knew this was the end. What we had in Amity would stay here, no one else needed to know.

And despite the fact that we each had someone else in our hearts, that mutual sexual desire still lingered. But it was a desire we'd have to drown out for the good of everyone.

                      *********************

The air was humid, so I had to tie my hair to keep it from puffing up and looking terrible. The clouds were growing denser, and the weather changes were starting to worry me. It's something that alarms the Amity members because, according to them, their crops suffer from imbalance. More specifically, Aixa has an anxiety attack when she can't control the weather.

That's what she told me that afternoon when I talked with her. She asked me not to go out again, saying that, even though I saved a life, it was risky for her faction. Of course, I smiled, looked her in the eyes, and nodded, promising her I'd never do it again.

Clearly, I didn't keep that promise. I was outside, passed the boundary, and sat on the rock where I usually meet Uriah. A free spirit who, even though I missed a meeting, I knew would be out here today. I looked up, watching as the clouds gathered with increasing speed, causing lightning. I just hoped it wouldn't rain.

The crunching of branches started to become audible, and with it, my inevitable smile. Uriah didn't understand stealth, he would snap branches even if he tried not to. He was good at everything except keeping quiet.

"We've been walking for hours, kid. You better not be leading me into a trap," a second voice came from a distance.

I closed my eyes, waiting patiently in the darkness, listening to Hall's voice.

"Stop calling me 'kid,' you're only a year older than me," Uriah's grumble was unmistakable.

"Then stop acting like one. You had me walking through the forest for two days with nothing to show for it. What makes you think today will be different?" Hall snapped. "Grow up."

"You're too pessimistic, I can't imagine you working with Grace."

"And you're too childish with your story about seeing Grace and forming an army."

"Can you both just be quiet?" And that voice, God, I never thought I'd hear Raphael again.

Silence fell over them, and with it, the sound of their evident proximity intensified. The branch moved, and out stepped Uriah, who, upon seeing me, relaxed and smiled. Hall followed, his frown disappearing when he saw the reason for Uriah's smile.

And then came Raphael.

"Guys, silence is your best virtue. When you're out in the forest, I suggest you keep your mouths shut and stop stepping on branches," I said with a smile as I got up from the rock.

Raphael was the furthest from the three, and Hall was the first to approach me. He walked toward me with a skeptical look, as if I were something unreal.

I raised my arms to greet him, and he hugged me tightly.

"I thought you were dead," he whispered in my ear. "Then martial law started, and I saw your face as a Divergent fugitive. I thought I'd never see you again."

"At this point, I think I'm immortal," I whispered back with a hint of mockery.

"I knew you'd do the right thing," he nodded. "I knew you wouldn't let the Abnegation be killed."

My face grimaced at his evident joy and confidence. I didn't want to shatter that illusion. He believed I had taken the initiative to dismantle the program when that wasn't the case.

I only came up with the idea because Eric discovered me, and everything fell apart. Also, Jeanine was determined never to awaken them, which I couldn't allow either.

But I couldn't take away his happiness, nor did I want to lie to him, and it was clear that this wasn't the time.

Raphael's arrival gave me a chance to alleviate the conflict in my mind. Hall stepped aside, and my tattooed number one embraced me tightly, lifting me up to his height.

Silence was our virtue, our best companion, and the way we managed to mend the damages, or at least that's what I hoped to do. I felt like a dog with its tail between its legs, hugging the man who had repeatedly told me that things wouldn't end well.

And it was yet another reason not to tell them that I was responsible for so much suffering—that because of me, they were subjected to an injection that robbed them of their own control.

The sound of branches snapping returned, indicating someone who clearly didn't know how to move silently through the forest was approaching, and with it, our danger alert was activated.

"Who could it be?" Uriah whispered. "The abandoned one?"

"No, Edgar could be behind us and we'd never know," I whispered, pulling away from Raphael.

I drew my weapon from its holster, loaded it, and aimed as I positioned myself in front of the three boys. However, none of them seemed to agree with this, and they took their places beside me.

But when I saw the person emerging from the woods, I lowered my weapon.

She emitted several whimpers, clearly uncomfortable and terrified by the darkness. She looked up at us, raising her hand and pointing at me with her index finger.

"You're a liar," Aixa exclaimed. "I spent hours in the forest and lost your trail. You promised me you wouldn't go out again." Her eyes welled up.

"Aixa, calm down. This is necessary," I whispered, taking a step forward. I turned to the boys, noticing that Hall hadn't lowered his weapon. "Lower the weapon, Hall."

"Who is she?" Raphael asked.

"She's from Amity, completely harmless. Relax," I replied.

"If someone sees you, my faction is in danger," Aixa shouted. "Don't you understand? Of course not! You only think of yourself and your stupid rebellion. You could get us all killed, and I'm the only one who can see it."

Her words struck a chord. She was right. Her fear was palpable, and I felt responsible for it.

"I need you to stay silent. Someone could have heard and followed you," I said, taking Aixa by the arms.

"I understand why you're in Amity, and it doesn't bother me, but I need you to think not just of your own benefit, but of ours as well." A tear rolled down her cheek. "I want to go home, but I don't even know where it is anymore," she whispered, lowering her gaze.

I grimaced, nodded, and turned to the boys. Hall approached Aixa and offered her his shoulder, where she collapsed, crying.

"I'll guide her to Amity," Hall said. "Talk to them; I'll wait for you there."

"You don't know the way out."

"She'll tell me," Hall replied.

I wanted to squint, laugh, and shrug, but I couldn't ignore Aixa's vulnerability. I nodded in agreement as Hall comforted her by gently stroking her hair.

I wanted to remind him that if she was lost, she'd be even less likely to find her way back to Amity. They were both disoriented, but I didn't want to ruin Hall's growing interest in Aixa. I only hoped they wouldn't get lost.

As Hall and Aixa slowly left, I turned to the other two boys, who had smiles that were hard to hide.

"Two loud ones and one disoriented in the forest—what could possibly go wrong?" I shrugged.

"Love can do surprising things; I think they'll be fine," Raphael said nonchalantly. He came closer, moving slightly away from Uriah, and gently caressed my hair. "What's the plan?" he murmured.

"Our goal is to kill Jeanine and Max. As for the plan... there isn't one yet," I shrugged. "We need weapons."

He chuckled and nodded. "Are we in trouble?"

"Yes, we're in trouble," I nodded.

"Do you know what's good about all this?" Raphael asked.

"What?" I squinted.

"That I was right, and after all, I told you so," he said with a chuckle.

I rolled my eyes in annoyance but couldn't help laughing at his laughter. I removed his hand from my hair, making him laugh even more.