It's been one week since our Irish encounter. A whole dam week and I can't seem to get him out my mind. Nine days to be freaking exact. I keep recollecting how good his large hands felt pressed up against me, his lips so soft and inviting. I find myself dazing off into space, my thoughts diving deep into his blue eyes, the eyes that never looked away from the moment he saw me. Arden. Oh, why couldn't he have stayed longer that night. 'Arden' god, even his name is perfect.

"Emerson, you're up next"

I imagine how those hands would feel sliding up my sensitive skin, and those lips covering me in soft kisses ...."Emerson Roy, are you listening. I said you are up next. Are you all stretched?" booms my dance coach, Madam Sophie. She's pissed, and quite rightly so. I have been utterly distracted, and these run through's are crucial to getting our performances correct.

"Yes, Madam Sophie, I'm stretched and ready" I stand quickly, getting ready to take my position.

https://youtu.be/HO4e4nCYBEo

The song begins and I sweep onto the dance floor, running through my solo act, my body taking over, my mind being subdued by the music. This is the only time I'm not stuck in my thoughts, driven instead by the melody, the lyrics, the music. As I plié, tendu and arabesque through my routine, my sole focus is on ensuring all my steps are flawless, my muscles operating from memories of years in training. This is my happy place. This is when I am most like me, my true me.

Abigail has joined Sam and I for lunch, knowing we can't get away from the studio today. I love her for always knowing what we need. Pushing my salad around my plate, I'm still distracted, I need to pull myself together, I have so much to lose if I don't focus. We lasted roughly fifteen minutes of general small talk, but I knew it wouldn't last.

"So Em, have we seen our mystery man again yet?" Abi asks, never been one to beat around the bush. 'And there it is....so much for keeping my focus'

I sigh, "No, nothing. Sam even made another visit to Clover on Saturday but never saw him" I wistfully respond. I won't lie, I am disappointed. I've never felt this way about anyone, I'm obsessed, inquisitive, and my body calls for him, yet I know nothing about him at all.

"Aw Sam, such a devoted bestie you are" Abi quips, giggling and giving him a gentle shoulder nudge. "I'm sure you went JUST to help out our gal here huh and absolutely nothing to do with a hunky bartender, what would Jeremy say?"

"Girl, my man is completely satisfied, and he knows I always come home to him. Just because I'm chained to the fence, does not mean I can't bark at the passing cars" jokes Sam. It's true though, Jeremy has seen Sam in full force, and he's not bothered at all. I can't help feeling envious, I want so much to have that bond, that total trust and security, the stability and the love. Geez, what's with me today.

"Look I appreciate you guys trying to help, but it was just a moment, more like a dream really. We didn't even have a conversation. I don't even know his full name" not that i didn't want too, because truth be told, besides dancing I've never wanted anything more.

"We saw the chemistry Emerson; you can't fake that. It was real. He wanted you. You wanted him. It's meant to be, I just know it!" Abi's positive and persistent, I will give her that. Sadly, the past two years have left me scorned and untrusting, so unsure of anything

"I'm not denying that Ab's, but if Arden wanted to be found, he'd have given me more to work with than just a first name. Besides, I need t..."

"Focus" they both said, as I rolled my eyes at their not so subtle reminder of my predictability.

"Whatever. Look thanks for lunch babe, but I need to get back into the studio, I need to get a job with a company or I'll be heading back to Uni to retrain," I am straining myself, trying hard not to be too pissed with them, I know they want what's best for me.

'Emerson, you goof, don't get like that," wrapping me in a hug, Abigail kisses my cheek, "Love you, hun"

"Yea, I love you too, now don't you have a job to get too?" These two are my family, and I'd never been able to stay mad at them, especially when they haven't done anything wrong. I'm feeling flustered and discouraged, emotions I've never been particularly good at controlling. This was certainly not Sam or Abigail's fault, thankfully they're tolerant of me and my tantrums.

"Hell, I'm late. Sorry guys, going to love you and leave you," she squeals loudly heading for the door, breezing out as fast as she'd arrived.

"Looks like it's just you and me love. Let's get back to work, our contemporary number needs work" Sam's bouncing back to the studio with that same energy he always has.

Sighing loudly and dragging my feet, I follow his lead, apprehensive about where my head is at. I can't afford any mistakes; god I wish I could snap out of it.

----------------

Curling up on the couch with a glass of my favorite pinot, I scroll through my options on Netflix, having given myself the evening off. I need to get back on track but I just can't shake the feeling I get when I remember his hands on me. The scent I could easily have got drunk off as the air around held me hostage in his close proximity.

Placing my glass on the nearby side table, I lay back on my plush sofa, closing my eyes and imagine him being here with me. I press my hands on my thighs, spreading my fingers trying to make them feel as large as his hands did. The memory of his stubble makes my skin tingle with goose bumps, from my shoulder and moving up my neck, a shadow of his warm breath on my ear like it happened only hours before. I start to gently rock my hips as I feel a stirring in my groin, sliding my hand inside my tights and between my slick folds. My fingers begin a circular motion over my bud, an agonizing slow speed to match my memory of the band's final song of the night.

My breath quick and sharp as the pressure builds, I hear his whispers again "thanks for the show" I speed up now, opening my eyes to stare into his bright blue eyes gazing at me while he enjoys the new show I'm putting on for him now ...
"Ar..Arden.....oh god Arden ..." I stutter as I feel myself nearing to climax.

I'm now furiously rubbing myself, while slipping fingers into my wet opening, and rolling my nipple between my fingers, my head falling back in pure ecstasy as I climb higher and higher...
I'm so close now, my body starting to shake uncontrollably and I add more pressure to my pulsating bud. Just when I think I'm about to lose control completely, I'm pulled from my daydream by the sound of my doorbell.

"Shit" I gasp, "I'm coming" calling out abruptly, 'oh god I should be coming' I think as I feel the knots of frustration forming in my stomach. I pull myself from my couch, aware of how alone I really am, and make my way to the door, attending to smooth out my hair from its dishevelled look and hoping my cheeks aren't as flushed as they feel in this moment. I pause at the door, straightening out my blouse to ensure my erect nipples aren't protruding too much, grab the handle and take one last deep breath before opening up the door.

I stand there, more than frustrated to find no one on the doorstep. I step out cautiously and look up and down the road, straining my eyes in the darkened cool evening. Turning on my heels to move back inside, I spy a single pink peony laying on a Cream embossed card laying on the step, near my feet. Carrying it inside, I feel a nervous excitement opening up the card, a smile curling on my lips the moment I read it -

Emerson, Saturday 6 pm, be ready for me .... Arden x

Oh. My. God! He was here. I know I should be concerned. He was HERE. At my home! How did he know where I lived? How did he know my name? Surprisingly, I'm not worried. Nope, but I am curious, I am overjoyed and I can tell you one thing, I'll definitely be ready.

Finding a vase in the kitchen, I place my stunning flower inside and set it on the dining table, this simple token bringing me more happiness than I could have expected, and I'm secretly happy it's not a generic red rose. It's such a sweet gesture, and leaves me feeling like a giddy teenager. Giving up on my plans for a night of Netflix, and my lost orgasm, I decide on an early night. Slipping into my baggy T shirt which I swear is now ten years old, I proceed to do my routine breathing exercises, making a mental note to discuss how much longer I need to continue these with my therapist. Setting the alarm for 3.30 am silently cursing Sam for his commitment to our training, I burrow into my pillows feeling warm under my heavy duvet. I drift off into dreams of a handsome Irish stranger........ Arden.

My chest is tight, as I try to take a breath but my lungs just fill with water, my body sinking further and further, into the deep abyss. I'm kicking my legs furiously, trying in a frenzy to move toward the surface but I'm just treading water, my direction unchanged. My arms are heavy and I'm tired, so tired. Choking on the endless supply of water, I vaguely see a silhouette of a person hovering above as my eyes fade, closing one last time .....

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Sitting up in a flash, my heart is racing as I swipe at alarm clock. 'Holy shit, the nightmares are back.' My skin is covered in a cold sweat, and every inch of me is aching like I've run a marathon. I'm still gasping in quick short breaths like I've been denied of oxygen for far too long. The covers of my bed are in disarray, so I know I've been tossing and turning. Throwing my legs off the bed, I head straight for the shower, tossing my drenched T-shirt in the hamper as I go. Making short work of the controls, I climb straight under the hot water, sinking to the floor in a heap as the tears finally begin to slide down my cool cheeks, my head resting on my knees. My shoulders shaking uncontrollably as the sadness oozes from me in waves.

Not even sure how long I've sat here, I lift my head to find Sam turning the shower off as he lifts me to my feet, wrapping a towel around my body.

"Sssshh baby girl, I got you" he coos, lifting my drenched hair to fix it above my head.

"Th... the nightmares Sam"

"I know sweetie, but I'm here now. Come on let's get you dried off then I'll make us some coffee"

I nod through a new set of tears building up, begging to be set free. Sam, the beautiful man that he is never leaves my side. He towels me off, then helps me into my warm sweats and jumper, then settles me into the armchair with a blanket before moving to the open plan kitchen to put the kettle on. He busies himself, but is glancing up at me often, a look of concern growing on his face.

"You want to talk about it" he's cautious not to pry, this hasn't always gone well in the past.

"Not yet"

"Well, let's have a cuppa and watch a chick flick then aye baby girl, I think a morning off the gym is in order" Holy shit, this is serious if Sam is taking a day off gym!

"Thanks Sam" I'm trying to remain calm, staring out into the dark outside, but my body still feels frozen in time, and mind is racing. I feel numb.

"You need me to contact Dr Blackthorne" Sam's voice dragging me back to the now.

I shake my head, no. "We have a session booked for Thursday Sam; it can wait"

"Cool, you're the boss. So, what are we going to watch?"

I wave an arm to demonstrate my utter detachment, leaving Sam in charge of viewing selection. He hands me my toasty hot coffee, and proceeds to scroll the multitude of movies available to choose from. Movies is my number three - Ballet, Family then Movies, but today it's just not in me.

It's been a few months since my last episode, so this nightmare has left me wondering if I am having a setback or if there was another trigger involved.

Sam eases back into the couch, a content smile on his face, he's obviously chosen and is clearly feeling rather pleased with himself. I stare at his perfect profile for a few more minutes, feeling my muscles start to relax in the safety of his company. Finally, I turn to face the TV, and see the cheeky bugger has put on 'P.S. I love you,' where the male lead is Irish, and played by none other than Gerard Butler, whom I happen to be a fan of.

"Seriously Sam?! I exclaim, a smile tugging at the corners of my mouth.

"You complaining baby girl?"

Now seemed like a good time to toss a cushion at him, but I missed him by miles, another reminder of why I chose dance over ball sports, I am a terrible shot and even worse when it comes to catching them! He eye's me sideways, looking like he's about to retaliate but I hold up my hot coffee in front of me, almost like waving a white flag. Both erupting into giggles, I feel the last of my anxiety seep from my bones and snuggle down into my chair, sipping my coffee, I return my gaze to the 60 inch screen now streaming one of the most beautiful love stories whilst listening to yet another sexy Irish accent rumbling through my surround sound.

"Sam?"

"Yea baby girl" he murmured, obviously already invested in the movie.

"Thank you"

Flashing me an award-winning smile, there are no need for words. Sam would quite literally do anything for us, as would Abigail and I. Having been friends for the best part of our lives, we have so much history, good and bad, but most importantly, we have love. Lots of it, and that's what will keep us taking care of one another.

A few minutes passed, when suddenly he clears his throat "I know baby girl, I know".

I move over to the couch and curl up under his strong warm arm, slinging the blanket back over my legs. Feeling blessed to have this man as a best friend is an understatement.