Caves become artificial wonders in China with paved floors and multicoloured florescent bulbs to show off stalactites. I go through the 'rebirth' cavern where my chest and behind stick and narrowly make it through.

The next level has a mud bath.  We strip down to suits and jump in. The mud is quite cold and not inviting. The guide insists we pose for a few pictures after slathering ourselves with the muck for show.

Moments later, a Chinese tour group swarms in like paparazzi. I duck and turn away, but the shutters click away. We run off with our towels.