TW Trauma, flashbacks, PTSD, abuse, sa, vomit, blood, slight NSFW, child abuse, very disgusting, horrible men, screaming/caps.

This fic isn't for the faint of heart. Please read at your own risk. Its also a long and graphic one, so buckle up. Also a very wholesome ending.

Mikan was trapped. Trapped in this horrible memory. She just wanted it all to end. This memory was one she could never forget. It played in her mind constantly. It wouldn't stop. She hated it.

Mikan was curled up in the smallest, darkest, spot she could find. She felt safe. They wouldn't find her. She hoped.

Mikan was frozen in a fetal position, another memory played out. A very bad one.

*Flashback*

Mikan was sitting in her room, playing with dolls. She acted like a normal 4 year old at the time. Until *it* happened. Her mother called for her to come downstairs "Mikan! Come downstairs! We have visitors!"

Mikan, being the good child she was, obediently put her dolls away and went downstairs. She wore a long, purple dress with spaghetti straps. Her hair was tied up in pigtails using blue and purple beads.

When she got downstairs, she saw a bunch of big men and a guilty, pained expression on her mother's face. She looked at her mother in confusion, "Mama who are dese peopwe?" She asked innocently.

"Th-the...uhm...the...your babysitters..." her mother responded in a shaky voice.

"Okay Mama! Will you be weaving soon?" She asked slightly sad. "Yes, dear...I'm leaving now." She gave the young Mikan a rushed hug and kiss and fled for the door.

Mikan looked to the big men and said in her sweet, high-pitched voice, "Heddo! What's you guyses names?"

The men didn't respond but smiled at her with malice, which she hadn't recognized at the time. She smiled back, "Wanna go to my room and pway dolls wiff me?"

The men nodded hungrily. She took one of their hands not knowing what would soon happen and said, "Okay come wiff me!"

She led the men to her room with a giggle. She layed down 7 dolls, one for each man. "You tan each pick one!" She said enthusiastically.

"We aren't going to play dolls that way." One man said menacingly.

Mikan tilted her head. "What do you mean?" She asked shyly.

"This is a special game. You'll be the doll. I promise its very fun."

"Oo okay! What do I do first?" She asked, her pure eyes glittering with excitement.

"First take off that dress." One man said. His eyes were dull and evil. His face had creases from his constant frowning. His body was bulky and strong, but he had a large beer belly. The other men fit the same description.

She undressed obediently but asked why. The first man responded, "Well don't you dress up your dolls, kiddie?"

She nodded, "Yeah! I wove dressing my dollies! I put dem in pwincess dresses!" She said joyously.

She had finally gotten her dress off and the men slowly surrounded her. "Time to play." One man muttered.

-the memory was blurry and scenes seemed to flash-

Mikan remembered feeling tons of pain.

"STOP. THAT HURTS!" she screamed

"TAKE IT OUT!"

"THIS ISNT DWESS UP!"

She vomited, screamed, cried. Trying desperately to get them to stop.

"P-PWEASE! PW-" something was shoved in her mouth.

"MMMNNFFFFFFFFHHHH" she tried screaming.

They grabbed her and groped her and made her hands do stuff. She hated it.

Suddenly she felt a massive jab in her stomach and then the feeling of something spraying. And then she passed out.

When she woke, she was still on the floor. Except it was covered in vomit, blood, and a weird white liquid. She threw up at the sight of it.

She looked at her own body. Her stomach was bigger. She was covered in vomit and blood. And she felt something pouring from her privates. She saw a ton of dark purple and brown bruises covering most of her body. Suddenly the shock was over and she was overrun with so much pain she passed out again.

*End of Flashback*

Mikan finally escaped the memory. She hadn't realized but she had thrown up while in the flashback, and she had been screaming.

She immediately slipped in to an impure regression. Rocking back and forth and wailing.

Ibuki, her caregiver was out shopping, but returned a minute or two after she had slipped.

Mikan heard the click of the door and let out a tiny gasp, she cried harder. 'th-they're back......' she thought.

But she heard Ibuki's voice. "Mikan! I'm home!"

Mikan kept quiet. It could be a trick.

"Mikan? Where are you, bun?"

Mikan heard footsteps approaching the wardrobe she was hiding in, and curled up tighter.

"Mikaaaaan?!" Ibuki shouted.

Mikan flinched at the sudden loud sound. The footsteps got even closer. And then stopped right in front of the wardrobe she was in. She hid behind the clothing hanging in the wardrobe and curled up even tighter.

Ibuki opened the wardrobe door. "Mikan? Are you in here?"

Mikan screamed and tried to run, "I DON'T WANNA PWAY DWESS UP!!!!"

Ibuki caught her before she fell out of the small space.

"Hey woah!" Ibuki exclaimed, shocked and confused.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH LET GO PWEASE STOP NO NOT AGAIN!!!!!" She shrieked.

She kicked and scratched, and bit at Ibuki, desperate to escape who she thought was one of the men.

"Mikan its me! OW! MIKAN!!!!" Ibuki yelled out of confusion and pain.

Ibuki realized what was going on. It took longer to find out because she couldn't really think when there was a kicking and screaming person on you.

"MIKAN! UH! THE CODE WORD IS BANANA MUFFIN!"

Mikan froze. She recognized that. Suddenly she went limp, sobbing on Ibuki.

Ibuki knew asking what happened would be a terrible idea. So she rubbed circles on Mikan's back to calm her down. Mikan flinched at the touch but accepted it.

Ibuki lifted Mikan up only to see that both her and Mikan were now covered in vomit.

"Eugh...." Ibuki almost gagged.

Ibuki carried the crying Mikan in to the bathroom, to clean her up and make sure she made it to the toilet if she were to throw up again.

"Are you crying because you threw up?" Ibuki shook her head. "You wouldn't attack me over that, would you?"

Ibuki sighed, and tried to take off Mikan's puke covered apron.

Mikan started screaming and fighting again.

"ACK!" Ibuki yelped. "MIKAN ITS OKAY!! ITS JUST ME IBUKI!!!!" she screamed desperately.

Mikan finally looked up at Ibuki. "M-m-m-mama....?" she whimpered quietly.

"Yes baby its me. You're safe now."

Mikan burst out sobbing again. "DONT WET DEM GET ME!!! I DONT WANNA PWAY DWESS UP!!!! PWEASE!!!!! IT HUWTS!!!!!! MAMA PWEASE!!!!!!!! I DON'T WANNA!!!!!" She begged.

Ibuki's eyes widened. What was this about? Had.....no......oh no.......my poor baby...........no.....no.....no.....

Ibuki put the pieces together. PTSD. Someone....or something....had done something unimaginable to her sweet girl.

"Shhhh....its okay sweetpea....I'll never let anyone do that to you. You're safe with me. No one can hurt you now. They'll never hurt you again. Mommy will fight them. Mommy will do anything to protect you. There's no one here but me." Ibuki whispered gently.

Mikan whimpered and looked up the smallest bit. "P-p-pwomise?" She lifted her pinky.

Ibuki intertwined her pinky with Mikan's. "I promise, baby."

Ibuki held her little tight. "I think you should take a bath. Do you need help getting undressed?"

Mikan flinched. "P-p-pwease don't do anyfing..."

Ibuki rubbed Mikan's chin. "I'm only here to help. I'd never think of hurting my baby."

Mikan looked away. "O-otay..."

Ibuki smiled lovingly at Mikan. "I think a bath would calm you down, too. Ill go get your bath toys from the closet, okay?"

Mikan perked up a bit. "O-otay...d-don't go faw..."

Ibuki grabbed a large sack of bath toys, like rubber ducks, dolphins, sinkies, bubble bath, and bath dolls.

She showed Mikan the sack and she got a bit excited.

"Feeling a bit better, honey bun?" Ibuki asked calmly.

Mikan nodded softly. "Mama h-hewp me get w-w-weady fow da baff."

Ibuki set the bag down by the bath and helped get Mikan undressed.

"Okay sweetheart, do you want the bath to be warmer or colder?"

"W-wawmew pwease." she said softly.

Ibuki turned the bath on and tested the water. "Bit too hot," She adjusted the temperature. "Okay, that's good. Hop on in!"

Mikan climbed into the bath and immediately covered her privates with bubbles. She was still scared the big men would come back...

Ibuki started washing Mikan's hair. It was matted and covered in puke. Ibuki had to stop herself gagging a few times.

After a bit of work, Mikan's hair was smooth, clean, and covered in bubbles.

"Alright. Now you can play!"

Mikan splashed excitedly and made grabby hands for the bag of toys.

"Which ones do you want?" Ibuki asked while opening the bag.

"Duckies an sinkies pwease!" She responded in her sweet voice.

Ibuki grabbed a handful of rubber ducks and a handful of sinkies that were shaped like animals. "Here you are, Mimi." Ibuki dropped the toys in the water.

Mikan went straight to playing. Ibuki watched happily, until she noticed something...

She noticed Mikan seemed to be reenacting something. She watched with more interest.

Ibuki made a sudden, morbid realization. It was Mikan getting...attacked? by a group of larger ducks. She noticed Mikan mimicking screams. 'No...' Ibuki thought. 'She isn't getting attacked........oh god.....she was......she's playing out what happened. Was she having a memory? Ah........Mikan was assaulted.......' Ibuki's heart sunk.

"Hey Mimi, what are you doing?" Ibuki asked concerned.

"Oh! D-dis is what da big men did to me! Dey.......d-dey stuck....dese f-fings....in pwaces.....i-i don't wike.......an......" she started to cry again.

"Hey its okay. I shouldn't have brought it up. Don't forget, you're still safe with me!" Ibuki exclaimed, panicked.

Mikan wiped the tears off her delicate cheeks.

"Here bunbun, how about we get out of the bath and cuddle." Ibuki said.

Mikan nodded and made grabbing hands for Ibuki.

"Not yet baby! I need to dry you!" Ibuki chuckled and grabbed a towel.

After Mikan was dry, Ibuki got Mikan a sippy cup full of angle milk, some jammies, a paci, her comfort stuffie, and a big fluffy blanket.

She carried Mikan to their bed and turned her favorite cartoon, Bluey on. Ibuki gave Mikan a gentle kiss on the head and whispered "I love you."

Mikan responded with a soft "Wuv you, toos." Before falling asleep in Ibuki's safe, loving embrace.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thank you so much for reading!

I'm sorry if this story isn't very accurate!

I hope you're all safe and that this didn't hurt anyone!!

I thought about writing angst and decided to do what I thought could be a part of Mikan's childhood. It reminded me of  Kotoko's backstory a bit.

I'm sorry if its too triggering or sad for you to read!

I really hope you guys liked it. Any tips are appreciated since I'm a new writing.

Id also like to mention my writing is inspired hy Kawaii_Hooman! I really like their fanfics and it made me want to write too!! >♡<

Shout out to Kawaii_Hooman!!!!

Anyways...Bugs signing out!

(Holy moly almost 2000 words. I ALSO JUST NOTICED THIS TOOK 2 HOURS TO WRITE FHHFHRHDHDH)

Word count - 1908