My name is Jung Hyejin. Hyejin, for short. I'm 17 years old, living with my single mum. My dad died because of an accident when I was 5 years old. You're asking me how it felt? Well, to be honest, my dad and I aren't that close because he was too busy with his work but either way, it's upsetting for me to lose someone who's a part of this family.

My life isn't really entertaining for you guys. I'm just a typical high school student. Not many people wants to be friends with me or even talk to me. I always get bullied no matter what. The girls at school were mean to me, even boys. I don't know why. It must have something to do with my appearances.

However, there's one guy at school who treats me differently. He's name is Lee Chan, or what I like to call him 'Dino'. He's the person who stood up to me the first time I transfered to this school. He's different than any other guys. He's special

We've known each other for 6 years now and we're close ever since. I remember the first time he said that I'm his bestfriend. I was flattered but one thing that concerned me, does he wants to be friends with me because he pity me?

For some reasons, I told him he's my bestfriend too. He was quite satistfied with it and hugged me tightly. I was happy to have someone to depend on, someone to talk to, someone I could share my secrets to, someone I can show my true self and a shoulder to cry.

Whenever I'm with him, I would always feel safe. I didn't even care about the bullies because of him. He would always told me to ignore them and said that they're just jealous. I smiled, hearing him said that but I didn't believe what he said. There is no way they would be jealous of me, it's just not possible. I'm not beautiful.

Up until now, I still think our friendship is just because of him feeling sympathy towards me, even though we've been friends for years now. Besides, him and I have nothing in common. For example, he's talented and I'm not. He's really good at dancing, rapping and singging. I'm only good at sleeping, if that counts as talent.

It's like years ago, he auditioned for Pledis. I remember him calling me in the middle of the night, telling me that he got in. I literally screamed through the phone. I was absolutely happy for him. Since then, he would always come to practice after school. Sometimes, he would invite me to watch him practice with his other members but I rejected his offer just because I have a strict mum.

Although it's been years since he became a trainee, I've never laid my foot on the Pledis building. I've never even meet Dino's members but I really would love to. Everytime I asked my mum if I could visit Dino at Pledis, the answer would always be "No!". It breaks my heart that I couldn't go. I couldn't even watch their live performance.

Dino would always be there for me but somehow, I can't promise him anything. I felt awful because of it. No matter what, he understands me but I could see the sadness in his eyes when he says, "it's fine. I understand." He always end that sentences with a smile which looks forced. I wish my mum would be like any other mothers.

My mum never liked Dino. Why, you ask? Well, that's because there's this one time Dino took me to a party without my mum's permission. I told him that I wanted to have fun for my birthday and without hesistation, he took me to a party after asking me if it's fine for the hundreth time.

It was fun at first. Dino was the one who asked me to join and dance with him, I did. I was having fun. I also told him it was the best birthday ever. In one day, I learned how to dance and drink my first beer. It felt great until something else happened, that changed my life forever.

Dino was busy on the dance floor, dancing and I was laughing my butt off. I got to be honest he did great but one thing that made me laugh hard is when he bumped into someone while dancing but he continued without even say sorry.

All of a sudden, a guy sat next to me. He was eyeing at me. I tried my best to ignore him but he suddenly spoke to me. I turned to him and we started to communicate. He was good looking but I'm guessing he's years older. He was telling me some funny jokes and I laughed hard. I don't think I had laughed this hard before in my life.

I turned to the clock and saw it was already midnight. I stood up from my seat and was about to tell Dino we should leave but the guy pulled my wrist, causing me to stop. He told me that he'll take me home and when he gets back, he'll tell Dino that I left already.
The stupid person I was, I followed him. I didn't noticed that he was locking the door of his car when I got in with him. He started to put his big hand on my thigh, causing me to flinch on the passenger seat. I told him to stop when his hand got higher. I tried open the door to escape but it was locked. He then began to attacked me and everything went blur.

After he was done with me, he dragged me out of his car. He left me, sobbing on the ground. I took off my shoes which was heels and walked home. I was crying my eyes out while walking and was trying to forget to what just happened.

When I reached home, I was about to open the door of the house but then the door burst opened, revealing my anxious mum. She pulled me by the ear and dragged me inside the house. I collaped on the floor, my legs were numb because of certain activity.

Mum asked me where I've been and I told her the truth but I didn't tell her that I was with Dino and I also didn't tell her why I was crying, she didn't ask me.

The next day, I woke up with stained tears on my cheeks. Mum locked me inside my room and punished me by taking away my phone and laptop. I couldn't contact Dino just because of it, which was a good thing. I didn't want him to ask questions. I didn't want him to know what happened.

Suddenly, I heard some yelling from downstairs. I wanted to get out and see but unfortunately, my mum locked me inside. I put my ear near my door to hear what's going on.

"It was all my fault. Please don't punish her because of me." My eyes widened when I heard that familiar voice. It was Dino. Why was he here? And why did he claimed that it was his fault? It was clearly my fault. I was the one who wanted to go to the party with him.

"Don't ever come near my child again." That was the words I heard from my mum before she slammed the door. I then sat on my bed, hugging my legs onto my chest while waiting for my mum to come and talk to me but no, she didn't come. She didn't even spoke to me the whole day, except when she came in to give me some food. Though, she only says "eat." I didn't even know that one simple word could give me such guilts.

Don't worry though, my mum and I are fine now. If I could recall back, I think my mum made me promise to stay away from Dino. At first I refused to but then I felt bad and made that dumb promise anyway.

I avoided myself from Dino after I made that promise. Though, it's not just because of the promise I made, it was also because of what happened at the party. I didn't want him to question about it. I've been keeping that secret to myself. I felt dirty. Besides, if he knows about it, he might think of me as a slut even though it's not my fault.

Everyday, Dino would greet me early in the morning before school starts but I would always walk pass him. Don't get me wrong, I felt awful to what I did but it's for the best.

Desperately needed to express my feelings, I wrote all of my thoughts and feeling through a book. It works, I felt better. I hide my book under my bed, so that no one could find it; not even my mum. Everynight, I would always write the things that happened to me.

I didn't even noticed that it had been 2 weeks since I've talked to Dino. I really missed him. So, I decided to talk to him. However, I've noticed that he haven't been coming to school this pass few days. Worried, I tried to call him but there's no answers.

One day, I saw him walking to school after a week of absents. I headed over to him who was at his locker, shoving books in it. I took a deep breath before tapping his back. He didn't respond. 'Maybe he didn't felt it' I thought. I tapped his shoulder but this time, he turned to me. I was about to say something but he just walked away without even say hi.

What's going on?

In class, I was sitting on my usual desk which was next to Dino's. The whole time, I was staring at him, wanting to get his attention but instead, all I get was an annoyance glare from him.

School was finally over. I found Dino was walking through the hallway. I yelled his name a few times until he turned to me with a glare. Luckily, there's no other students in the hall.

"I'm sorry." I cried. He was still giving me a cold look on his face. "For what?" He questioned, obviously knowing what I did. I told him that I was sorry for everything. I was sorry that I ignored him, I was sorry for not being there when he needs me, I was sorry that I look pitiful enough for him to be my friend.

His expression started to soften. He sighed and told me it's fine. He walked closer to me and hugged me. "Hyejin, I want to be your friend, not because you looked pitiful, it's because you're different. You're special." He said. That's exactly what I thought about him too. He's different, he's special.

I asked him if we could start our friendship all over again but answer that he gave me hurts like a knife. "We can't. I'm leaving because I'm preparing for a debut which is this year." He told me. My heart stopped. As happy I was for him, I can't just let him go but I have to even if I don't want to.

A tear slipped from my eyes as I tried to wipe it away. I gave him a weak smile, nodding my head. "That's great news." I said to him. His expression was unreadable, whether it was confused or sadness in his eyes. I hugged him one more time.

"I'm sorry." Was the last word he said to me before he disappeared from my life. I haven't been crying this much in my whole life. Since then, people at school kept on bullying me because I don't have anyone to stood up for me.

What makes it more crazy is I don't think bullying is worse than losing your bestfriend.

Yours Truly,

Hyejin