Hey,
Our lovely traumatised rat is being used as a POV
Angst then Fluff!
Don't ask why there's a Sam and Colby picture up there when it's a rats smp book
Because I don't know
Anyhow I have slight motivation a headache, no idea at all so sorry if weird chapter, sleep deprivation and a minor thing of anxiety so let's go shall we commenter?
TW: Description of Panic attack, overthinking, oh and G A E Y

A normal calm morning, for once, I awoke, tended to my farm, normal stuff, on the outside at least, inside, in my mind, thoughts rocketed back and forth,

Am I good enough?
Does Owen even like me?
Am I overly worried about everyone?
Am I worth anything?
Will anyone care if I went missing?
Would anyone care if I died?
Does Owen think I'm worthless?
Does anyone care?
Am I as perfect as I should be?
Am I annoying?
Am I to loud?
Am I to obnoxious?
Do I deserve to even live?
Is death better than life?
How is death?
What does it feel like to die?
What will happen when I die?
Is my body right?
What if I drowned right now?
What would drowning feel like?
What if I just jumped into the water?

The thought of jumping into water seemed like a dream, one I seemed to want,

No, everyone cares right?
What if they don't?

I shook my head, wanting to get rid of these thoughts that could be true, I focused on my farm instead, watering and pulling out crops,
My only use that no one uses.
After somewhat of time, I stopped, being drained of energy, I wiped some of the fresh mud off my overalls,

No one would care if I took a little nap right?

I walked back into my house, wandering over to my bedroom, lifting the covers and sliding underneath them, drifting of into a peaceful dream?

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I shot up from my sleeping position after who know how long of sleeping have a dream that leaded me into a nightmare, sweat droplets dripped down my head, eyes wide pupils darting back and forth, I attempted to calm down successfully, for once.

An hour later bc motivation hates me

I sat at the end of my bed, staring at nothing, until an overwhelming sense of dread set in, anxiety decided now was time to play, and it did, skyrocketing past the point of crying,
I sat there, staring, at nothing, panic increasing ever so slightly, all of a sudden, everything seemed to blur, disorientation has came, I was shaking to, I could hear my heartbeat increase, with made me have more anxiety, with in turn, increased the heartbeat, I could feel my mouth drying out like it was all of a sudden in a desert! I felt like I was going to be sick, I gripped onto my bed just to keep myself from falling, I could feel the cold sweat drip down my forehead, my ears flattening onto my head as disorientation and nausea settled more in, I wanted to scream, but something was stopping me, my breath left, as I tried to gasp for air tears mingled with the sweat, the tears making my eyes cloudy, my throat was tightening, so I tried to spea, the only thing coming out being a gag for air, a choke on my own non existent saliva, again I tried to speak, over and over, finally I spoke, a name leaving my breathless mouth.

Scott: OWEN!!!!

I screamed the name out before coughing, trying to catch my breath, failing horribly, I heard paws pounding on the floor reaching my room, my knees bulked under me, I fell to the floor, I pushed my back against the bed frame, gasping for air over and over, my stomach churned over and over, becoming a endless loop of pain as my chest continuously tightened, waves of heat flooded through me, even though I got chills down my spine right after,

Lizzie: Holy! Scott are you okay?
Scott: I-
Shelby: Scott calm down!
Scott: I NEED OWEN!
Scott: I NEED HIM!

I continued to scream out his name, my breathlessness kicking in more violently as I screamed louder and louder begging for Owen, meanwhile everyone else was doing something I wasn't focusing on that, I was focusing on Owen.

I heard a pair of paws bounding along the floor slowing down as it got closer to me, I looked to the rat now in front of me, Owen
I wanted to move, hug him, my trembling body didn't like that though,

Owen: Hey, hey I'm here Scott,
Scott: O- Owen?
Owen: Yeah, it's me, stay calm,
Scott: I- I- i-
Owen: Stay calm, try and stay calm and with me,

Owen put a paw on my back, slowly moving up and down,

Owen: Breath with me yeah?
Owen: Ready, in

I took a very shaky breath in

Owen: And out,

I let it out,

Owen: Ready again? In

I repeated the breathing

Owen: And out
Owen: Your doing good keep going!

Owens voice was soft and calm, kind of calming the panic away,
Unfortunately the pattern speed up again,

Owen: Hey! It's alright keep going,
Scott: I- I nee- need-
Owen: What is it? You got this Scott
Scott: W- water..
Owen: You heard him go get some water!
Owen: Alright keep breathing yeah?

I took shaky breaths in and out, calm down,

Owen: You can get through this
Scott: B- but-
Owen: Concentrate on your breathing Scott,

I continued the breathing pattern again and again, stumbling a couple times

Scott: The- the th- thi- ng
Owen: What you are feeling right now is probably scary, but it's not dangerous, not at all.
Scott: Thing-
Owen: Breath, calm down right now,
Scott: I- n- n- need-
Owen: Tell me what you need please, just incase.
Scott: Water
Owen: Hurry on the water!
Scott: W- where are we? I n- need to- m- move?
Owen: Hey hey! It's fine, it'll be over soon.
Scott: H- hope
Owen: Keep going,

Someone arrived passing something to Owen, who then passed it to me

Water!

I took a sip of the water, placing it back down as I continued my breathing plan
Owen: Keep going, almost done Scott
I drank more water and my breathing slowed, everything was turning back to normal

Finally

Scott: It's over, I think.
Owen: I'm proud of you. Good job.

I drank the rest of the water in the bottle, moving it out of the way as I moved closer to Owen, who immediately knew what was happening, I fell onto his body, Owen's arms wrapped around me, his paws at my sides, my arms were drapes around him, lazily, and with that, I drifted off into a nice peaceful sleep, finally

Wooo! Sleep time.