Song: All she wrote by Ross Copperman

I ran to the restroom. I go into the very last stall and try to organize all my papers and notebooks the way they are supposed to be. I hate things being out of place. I hate myself more for being so freaking shy. I hate when I panic before anything even happens. I mean he was just handing me the book that's it...being nice to me. I mean it wasn't like he was asking me out or anything. He was just trying to be nice. Or was he? No...no...no...why would anyone want to date me anyway. I'm a nobody, I'm nothing and honestly I'm just a plain girl with so many issues that no one would want to date me. I'm the weird awkward girl that flips out over the silliest little things.

I leave the restroom and head to my next class and for some reason I look up and he just so happens to be in this class. I wonder how long he has been here and I am just now noticing him. I know he said he was new but how new is new. That just goes to show you that I stay in my own little world. That's where I like to stay anyway, in my own little bubble. I look away when he looks up and sees me looking at him.

I try so hard to avoid him the rest of the day, but I keep having this feeling that he is watching me and then my mind starts to race and I think maybe my hair is out of place or I have something on my face or something between my teeth even though I don't bother smiling so he can't see my teeth. I just don't know why every time I see him he just so happens to be looking back at me. My hands start to get all clammy like and I wonder if I just might pass out.

I can't wait to go home at the end of the day. I jump in my car and take off. My parents were very iffy about getting me a car and letting me drive myself to school because they were afraid and still are. The think that I will be driving and have a panic attack and flip out and wreck. I promised them if I felt one coming that I will pull over and try to calm myself down before driving again.

Today I just want to get out of the school parking lot. I want everyone to stop staring at me and therefore I make it home in record time.

"You're earlier than usual," mom says when I walk into the kitchen. She always smiles at me, even on days she doesn't even feel well.

"Am I...sorry. I got homework to do." I grab an apple and run up to my room.

Once there I shut the door and think about doing my homework, however I lie on the bed and look on Facebook. I know crazy right. I don't know how to explain it, see I can talk on here easily and have lots of friends because first of all I'm safe in my room within these four walls and two I don't even know half of them. And it's not like they can see me, right.

I'm scrolling through all the post and happen to notice that I have a new friend request. I click on it and I'm shocked to see it's the guy from school. I stare into my screen at those honey golden brown eyes on his profile picture. I debate whether I should accept his request or not and I don't.

Why because I have to see him again tomorrow and probably the rest of the school year. There is no way that I call talk to him here and not at school. He would never understand. 

When I should be sleeping, I can't seem to sleep at all. Why because all I think about is him. I know he will be wondering why I didn't add him to my friends list. I know he can't like me so why does he even want to be my friend it's not like I plan on hanging out with him.

I wake up late and I'm so tired because I didn't get any sleep. I know I look like crap today and so debate on not even going to school at all.

I yawn when I go into the kitchen and my mom looks up at me with an expression on her face. "Do I really have to go to school today...can't I just stay home...please," I beg.

"Ophelia, are you sick? Do you have a fever? Do you need to go to the doctor's office instead?" She starts to walk over to me to place her hand on my forehead. 

"I just don't want to go mom and besides I'm so tired." I yawn again.

"You have to have a better excuse than that. I'm sorry but you will just have to go and try to deal with it."

I roll my eyes at her. When the episodes started two years ago my therapist stated that I still needed to attend school because I was staying home more days than going. Now my parents are like no fever, sorry go to school. But I'm not fine and I know I don't need to be around others. "Fine...I'll go." I grab my backpack and my keys and head out the door.

I arrive ten minutes after the bell, which means I have to go to the office and then be late for class even more. Which also means that everyone will be staring at me when I walk in and find my desk...yay. And of course the first thing out of my teacher's mouth is,  "Ophelia...you're late this morning."

No crap. I hand her my tardy slip. "S...s...s...orry." I walk to my desk and avoid all the eyes staring at me. I can feel my cheeks starting to turn shades of red and I'm ready for her to just start the lesson already so that everyone will focus on her and not me.

Finally she starts talking and my nerves start to calm down a little. Someone taps me on the shoulder and hands me a folded up piece of paper. I roll my eyes in annoyance mainly because I can't stand folded up paper. I try to unfold it very carefully and slowly so that no one can hear the paper unfold.

Inside is scribbled handwriting...

'You're ignoring me? Why?'

I fold it back up and glance behind me and he is looking right back at me so I quickly turn back around. My cheeks go from a light shade of pink to a dark shade on milliseconds. A second later I get another note.

'Can't we just be friends?'

I fold it back up and try not to smile. I try to focus on the teacher at the board writing down math problems. I don't send a message back or even look back for that matter. Maybe if I ignore him he will just let it go. But I was wrong, so wrong because the next time the girl behind me taps my shoulder she hands me several notes and all of them have numbers on the outside to which order to read them. Instead of opening them up and reading them,  I grab my backpack and dump all of them in. When the bell rings I dash out before he can stop me.

The whole morning I avoid him. I run to the restroom and pray that when I come out he is already gone. I peek out the door and thankfully he is nowhere in sight. During lunch I grab a sack lunch and find a place outside behind a tree.

I don't have time to be thinking about him or any boy for that matter. Hell I can't even handle myself most days and besides how am I supposed to explain to him about my issues. I put my ear buds in and turn on music from my phone. Music seems to drown out everything around me. I dig into my backpack to retrieve my sketchbook and a few of the notes fall out. I throw them back in but then decide to take them back out. What will it hurt to read them. I put them in order and the first one is a just a crazy face with uneven eyes and a crocked smile. The second one is a sad face. The third says 'hi!' they go on and on like that...

'Friends'

'Please talk to me'

'Why are you ignoring me???'

'Please!'

'You're cute...'

'When you act so shy'

'You know you want to talk to me'

Dear lord this guy is not going to give up on this. I fold each piece of paper back to the way he had it folded and throw them all back into my backpack. I take out my sketch pencils and start to draw. I'm in my own little world but out of the corner of my eye I see someone sit next to me. I don't need to look up because I know that it is him.

I see him talking and I look up at him...my music is on so I missed everything that he was saying. He notices the ear buds and reaches over to take one out and smiles at me. "As I was saying...I was thinking maybe we could hang out sometime?"

"And do what?" I roll my eyes in annoyance. I can't believe he touched my ear buds, dude really.

"Uhm...I don't know...just talk. I want to get to know you."

"Why?"

"Because you're cute...when you're so quite like that."

"You want to get to know me because I'm cuter because I'm quite...seriously." I close my sketchbook and carefully place it in my backpack not to bend any pages. I get ready to stand up and he touches my arm. I'm about to freak out.

"Wait...don't go. It's just you're different than the other girls...and I like that...look I just..."

"Want to be friends. I know you told me like twenty times already." I reach into my bag and pull out the folding up pieces of paper and hand them back to him.

He looks shocked and sad that I handed them all back to him. "Sorry, I was just trying to get your attention," he frowns.

"And you did..." I try to smile back at him.