Shivaay tossed in his bed, restless. He wasn't anywhere near a wink of sleep. Maybe because he had slept through the day, he assured himself. The lights were dim and he looked at the door curiously as Anika walked in. She had been sitting with Priyanka outside, busy with her laptop. Now that she was finally in the room, she shut the door. For a while, Shivaay only heard shuffling feet around the room. As she went to the bathroom, probably to change, Shivaay turned a bit. He felt weird, sharing a room with anyone after so long. Would she sleep right beside him? When the door opened, Shivaay shut his eyes at the bright light entering the room before Anika switched it off and closed the door again. He felt her move towards the bed. He expected her to sleep on the other side so when he felt the bed dip right beside him, he had to control a curious expression.

He felt Anika's hand on his forehead and Shivaay relaxed a little bit. "It's good to have you back, Shivaay." she mumbled softly. Shivaay was confused whether she knew he was awake or not. When she got up again and moved to the other side he understood she had been talking to sleeping Shivaay. He turned a bit, conspicuously, only to realise she had taken a pillow and shifted to the couch. 

Shivaay sighed. He turned to face the ceiling. His hands by his side, Shivaay felt the world closing in. It was just him and his thoughts. Movements from Anika's side had ceased, it was obvious she had fallen asleep. Shivaay realised she might have had a field day with him. Why was he being so difficult?

Minutes passed, maybe even an hour or two. He couldn't help but think how the day had been a stark contrast to his routine in the last five years. It all came in like water from a dam let open, everything that brought him here, to this day. He didn't realise if he was conscious anymore or not, his body seemed unable to move.

He could hear distant gunshots, each one louder than the previous one. He could hear little Prinku's cries as she wailed about missing Maa, his own muffled sobs in the dark of his room. Pinky shooting Shakti played in front of his eyes like he was witnessing it for the first time. It looked more gruesome than the previous nightmares. Shivaay knew it was a nightmare, he willed himself to stop going through the torture. He saw Tej in front of his eyes, air knocked out of his lungs after Shivaay shot him. Tej's face crumpled with pain, the blood from the bullet wound beginning to spread over the white kurta. Om and Rudra rushed to his side, begging for Tej to not close his eyes. Janhavi came in next, accusing Shivaay of snatching her husband from her. Shivaay willed it to stop, begged himself to make it stop. Suddenly it was Pinky, pointing the gun to her forehead. Shivaay wanted to run to her, stop her from commiting it again but his feet were stuck to the ground.

"Maa." his voice was a whimper, knees buckling up.

In a second, it was all over and Shivaay gasped for breath. His eyes flew open as he heard Anika calling out to him. Shivaay looked at himself. He was curled up in a foetal position, head in Anika's lap.

"Shivaay, it's okay, you are okay." Anika whispered, wiping the sweat off his forehead. Shivaay took a deep breath of air and sat up, hands trembling. "I am sorry Anika."

"Shivaay, why are you apologizing?" Anika softly whispered, still caressing his back.

"I have been a nuisance. I am being so troublesome. You should catch some sleep." Shivaay mumbled. He got down the bed and stumbled before straightening himself.

"I am going to go out for a while."

"Shivaay, it's 3 am."

"Doesn't matter."

"It does. You are sleeping right now." Anika's voice was commanding and Shivaay turned to look at her with a frown.

"Anika please."

"Shivaay."

"Anika I-"

"Chalo we'll talk."

Shuvaay looked at her, confused at her absurd suggestion.

"You just said it's three."

"Yeah but who doesn't like to talk in the silence of the night." Shivaay could see the excitement in her eyes.

"What will we talk about?"

"Anything." Anika shrugged. "I mean, you had a life before me na. You tell something about yourself and then I'll tell you something about the world while you were away." Anika locked her fingers around his wrist and pulled him again. Shivaay sat forcefully. He could still hear his thundering heartbeat in his ears.

Anika made him sit properly, turning him while he obeyed.

"So, tell me."

"I have no idea how you talk at three am."

Anika frowned. "Spoilsport."

So, Anika began. She told him about Om's marriage and Rudra's marriage, about the small amounts of happiness that he missed on. The version of five years she narrated was happy, nothing like it actually had been. Shivaay listened closely, trying to think of himself as a part of all that happened. As if what had happened, didn't. He would smile when she told him something about Sahil and Rudra,  frown when she told him about a few losses here and there.

Shivaay didn't realise when they had lied down with her, facing each other. "Life went on without me, didn't it?"

Anika paused for a few seconds, trying to collect the correct words. "Time went on, we grew old, life happened but everyone around you was on a pause." she raised a hand and placed it on his cheek.

"I killed someone, do you not feel any fear? Repulsed? I- I did so much of wrong Anika. Why are you still here?"

"Because I want to be."

There was silence enveloping them, soft sounds of the night. "Shivaay, I am sorry about shifting out of the Oberoi Mansion and not taking you there today."

Shivaay looked up at her face. "They hate me, don't they?"

"From what I know, they are upset, angry, confused but I don't think anyone from your family is capable of hating you."

"They are too good then."

Anika shook her head. Shivaay's hands went upto her face, pushing behind her hair. "Anika, I wanted to tell you something."

"Hmm?"

"I stopped Prinku purposely, in the kitchen." Shivaay began, immediately catching her attention. "I overheard bits of your conversation. Tell me this,  do you think knowing what happened will do any good to you?"

She blinked back the sudden tears, "I don't know anymore, Shivaay."

"Please let it be in the past."

"Shivaay, you should sleep." Anika sniffed and turned a bit.

"No Anika, tell me. Why is it so important to know that?"

"Maybe one day, you'll know why I needed to know." Anika bit the inside of her cheek, hoping he would stop.

"I am sorry that you had to go through all of this."

"Shivaay, I don't want you to tell me about it anymore. Sleep."

"You don't?"

"No. Now sleep."

"You are weird."

"Okay fine, I am weird. Now sleep."

"I was awake when you came to the room."

"Why are you narrating all your professional detective skills?"

Shivaay rolled his eyes. "I missed you too."

Anika stared at him with doubt. He held her gaze, sincerely.

"Before you sleep, should I get an appointment with a psychologist tomorrow?"

Shivaay stiffened. "I don't know."

"How long have you had these nightmares Shivaay?"

"Anika I don't need to see anyone."

"Shivaay answer."

"It's been a few weeks now. Since they told me I'll be released."

"You should have informed someone there."

"Jail is not that easy Anika and those are just bad dreams."

"I got on phone with Dr. Mathur last night. He says if the nightmares are consistent, you'd need professional help."

"I-"

"Nobody is forcing you to settle for one. We'll go to different ones, find someone you are comfortable with."

"Why do you want to involve anyone else?"

"I don't want to involve anyone Shivaay. I want someone to help ypu help yourself."

Shivaay could only listen."I'll tell you when I am ready."

Anika smiled and they fell asleep, breathing turning even.

---

At this point, all I can say is, I don't know how it would turn out. I don't have an idea about how mental illnesses work, except from personal research once in a while. Also, promise this was the last installment of a single day :P

Hopefully, the story catches speed now, big revelations coming anytime soon ;)

BlackManiacx

Also, I have no idea how that 'nightmare' was. Terrible from the looks of it :/ Working on it, hopefully I'll get better!