[Wednesday, July 15th, 2019]

Okay, so...
   My mother and I found a counselor who was licensed to help people with Gender Dysphoria (and apparently they have other patients with it as well).
   So, the appointment was today at 9am. Fun, right? It's the middle of summer, I have a garbage sleep schedule, and I get really nervous/anxious when I have to interact with someone I'm not used to. So this is gonna go crazy.
   I try to get some decent sleep the night before by going to bed early. I doze off for maybe 30 minutes to an hour, then my body refuses to fall asleep again until about 4:30 or 5:00 in the freakin morning.
   I am just struggling to fall asleep all night. And this time, it isn't because I'm nervous. I was actually excited to do this! To finally get some answers.
   Well, I eventually slipped into sleep around 5:46 (the last time I saw my phone clock when my alarm went off), and my mom had to wake me up around 7 so we could leave at 8.
   My mother and I get ourselves ready and are driving out of our neighborhood when my mom gets a phone call. It's from the counseling place. She laughs and goes, "I hope they aren't canceling or anything."
   Lo and behold, the voicemail stated that our counselor had a family emergency and that our appointment had to be postponed until a later time.
   Great. Just great. My nerves are fried and my heart had just sunk into my stomach. I thought, Seriously? Is this really happening? My mom, of course, tried comforting me, but it only made things worse for me. I just couldn't get out of this headspace of 'I went through all of this just to have the rug tugged from under me.'
   I still feel pretty bad, but at least I'll get to sleep a bit. I just hope that whatever family emergency my counselor had, that everything ends up okay.
   I know it's 11:30 (as I write this), but I've been trying to wear myself out and get ready to nap a bit. Without an alarm.

   So, I guess that's it. Thank you, to those of you who read this. I mostly made this journal to get my thoughts and experiences out there and maybe help someone in their time of need, but it's helped me cope with this more than I could have imagined.
   Thank you and see you in the next update!