[Monday, June 24, 2019]

I did it.

It took me months of building up courage, but it's finally been done.

I came out to my mom.
With...a letter...
(Yes, I'm a wuss.)

I left it on the kitchen counter because I knew that she would see it before going to bed. She texted me about 30 minutes later to go see her before she fell asleep. So I went in and she told me to grab my pillow.

Oh boy. Here we go.

44 minutes later, we hugged for the third time since the conversation started and I went to bed. It went well overall. I wasn't surprised that she was willing to be open-minded about it. I came out to her as bisexual almost 4 or 5 years ago. But being trans is different. I understood her reluctance, but I held firm in my strong belief that I was this way because I was born like this. Not because of outside influences.

I obviously cried when she asked me if I felt relieved that I finally told her. I cried hard. I told her, "yeah, you have no idea how awesome it feels." I feel free, liberated, empowered.

I told her that I would look up gender therapists and find some in our area. Little did I know that there were plenty who've dealt with transgender or questioning children before. I'm amazed, honestly. Our state isn't the best when it comes to pride or supporting LGBT+ people. I guess because I grew up in such an LGBT unfriendly environment, I am bound to think that that is how all of the residents feel.

I know that that's not true, but I'm still afraid to come out to my family and father. I have talked to my father about it before, and I'm confident that he would be supportive (he said that he would), but he hasn't been throughout my earlier life. I guess that fear has been ingrained into me? I wouldn't be surprised.

So, coming out to the rest of my family will be hard. Harder than with my mom. They might not take it as easily as her. But I know that I'll have the support of my immediate family regardless.

It will take some time for my mom to get used to this fact about me, and hopefully, when we go see that gender therapist, she'll have a firmer belief in my identity, and so will I.

I will update whenever I can.

Thanks for listening/reading. All of my lovely followers and the wonderful people I follow give me strength to do these things that I otherwise wouldn't be able to do on my own. I thank all of you so much.

I'll do an update similar to this on Wings Of Fire Amino if you want to check it out! My username is PitayaLovesSnow.

Bye! See you all in the next chapter!