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Chapter 49 - Absolution

A/N - Hello, hello, hello my Reylo lovelies.  WOW.  JUST WOW.  This story hit 5K in reads today  (Nov 8th, 2020) and I am over the moon ecstatic!  I never could have imagined such a response, and it has totally made this shitty COVID year of 2020 worth it!!  Thank you to each and every one of you who has taken the time to read - and hopefully enjoy, my imaginings for Rey and Ben so far.  We're definitely nearing the end, but there are still a few surprises to come.  I truly hope you enjoy this chapter!  Thank you again for following along, and please, please, please send me some comments and don't forget to hit that little star to vote.  Enjoy!!

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"Sir.  The bounty hunter is here.   He has been cleared to land on Deck C-15."

"Thank-you Lobot.  Have him escorted to my office immediately.  I don't want him hanging around here any longer than necessary."

"Yes, Sir."

Lando Calrissian sat back in his chair, deep in thought.  After the news he'd recently received, he was greatly concerned about the safety of his little domain.  He'd been the Baron Administrator of Cloud City for decades, and had somehow – with a bit of skill as well as a little bit of luck – had managed to keep them free of first Imperial and now First Order rule.  But a few days ago, he had heard a rumour that the First Order was planning an attack to take over not just Cloud City, but also to bring the whole of Bespin under their rule.  A bounty hunter by the name of Ramik Flir had contacted him to exchange information for a favour – or credits.   Not only was he determined to find out what the First Order was planning, he was also intrigued about the potential exchange of info for a favour.

It wasn't long before the door to his office slid open, and a helmeted man in red was escorted into the room by his faithful assistant Lobot and two security staff. Lando nodded to the man.  "I assume you're Flir?"

"I am."  The man answered, his voice altered by the modulator in his red helmet.

"Has he surrendered his weapons, and been searched?"  He asked the security agents.

"Yes Sir.   He handed this over, and we found no others."  One of the agents replied, handing over a small, cylindrical object that Lando immediately recognized as a light saber.

Lando's eyes widened as he looked back up at the bounty hunter, shock clearly apparent on his face.  "Are you some sort of Jedi?"  He demanded.

"I am no Jedi."  The modulated voice responded brusquely.

Lando thought he could hear a tinge of bitterness through the modulator.

He took the saber and nodded to the others to leave.  "Have a seat."  He motioned to one of the chairs on the opposite site of his desk.  "So.  You mentioned some important information that you chanced to come by, regarding the First Order's plans for Bespin....?"

The man studied him for about a half a minute before reaching up and unlatching the helmet.   Lando's face and heart froze for several seconds as he recognized the young man in front of him, before jumping up and grabbing a blaster from beneath his desk.  He pointed it straight at what he knew was the man's black heart.  "YOU!"  He boomed.  "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE!!??"

Kylo stood as well, holding his hands out in front of him in a gesture of supplication.  "Please Uncle, I mean you no harm.   I... I just want to talk."

"YOU DON'T GET TO CALL ME THAT ANY MORE!!"  Lando growled at him, hatred flashing in his eyes.

"Fair enough."   Kylo responded, feeling a small pang in his chest.

"Glad we understand each other.  So you can just turn around and march your ass back to your ship and out of my City!"

"Please....I just need 5 minutes.  Please hear me out."  He implored, taking a calming breath.  "If you don't want to hear more after that, I'll turn around and you'll never see me again."

Lando studied the face of his onetime nephew.   Ben Solo.   No, Kylo Ren.  He hadn't seen him since he was 15 years old, and thought he'd never see him again.  Although not related by blood, he'd considered the boy to be part of his family ever since he was a baby.  Then he was sent away to Luke's Academy for a few years.  Not long after, Lando had heard of the massacre, and that Ben Solo had died, rising to become Kylo Ren.  For years the twisted young man undertook the role of Snoke's Dark enforcer, wreaking havoc across the galaxy, before one day he committed his most heinous deed ever.  The murder of his own father - Han Solo.

Lando's emotions were starting to get the best of him.  His throat closed up with a combination of sadness and anger at the memory of his dear friend, and his senseless death at the hands of his own son.  "How.   How could you do it, Ben?  Just.... tell me.  Tell me why?"  Lando asked quietly, his voice a hoarse croak.

Kylo had known that this question was coming.   It was one of the reasons he had dreaded this meeting.  But he had known that his former Uncle would ask – and deserved an honest answer.   The weight in his chest was crushing as he spoke.  "There's nothing I can say to explain it – nothing I can ever do to make up for it.  It....was a very dark and twisted time for me.  Under Snoke."  He breathed in deeply and let out a long exhale.  "It was the single biggest, stupidest, most monstrous thing I've ever done in the name of power – for the Dark Side.  But it didn't bring me power – instead, it broke me.  And I have to live with the pain – the horror - of it, for the rest of my life."   His eyes were glassy and pleading as he looked up at Lando.

Lando's gaze was unwavering as he continued to study the young man.  Sorrow and regret were clearly written all over his face, and in that moment, he realized that this was not Kylo Ren standing in front of him.   It was indeed Ben Solo.   Lando's eyes also became glassy at the realization that even though he'd paid the ultimate price for it, Han had indeed set his son's feet back onto the path towards the light.

Letting out a sigh of resignation, Lando sat back down in this chair and motioned for Ben to do the same.  "So, tell me, what do you want with my City?"

"I...I'm sorry for the ruse.   I don't want anything to do with it, or with Bespin.  The First Order will continue to leave you alone.   I....just need to speak with my Mother."  He told him earnestly.

Lando's face showed surprise again.  "I see."   He pondered.  "I would've expected her to be heartbroken - but a little more forgiving - and want to speak with you, regardless...."

"Surprisingly, she was."  Kylo began.   "I have seen, and spoken to her several times....recently.   But something else has happened..."    He inhaled deeply. "And now she won't respond to me at all..."

"Ahhhh."  Lando responded perceptively.  "Is this about Vandor-1?  We heard that the First Order blew it from existence a couple of months ago."  Lando's eyes were harsh once again.  "How could you do that?  Knowing what Leia went through after the Empire destroyed Alderaan?"

"Yes.  That's indirectly what this is about."   His eyes flicked up to his Uncle's, resignation in his gaze.  "I didn't do it.  I would never do that.   It wasn't the First Order.   I didn't even know that that ship had the capability to do that!"  He raked his hands through his hair, and hissed out a breath - a frustrated growl escaping with it.  "It was a new battle cruiser, and one of my General's secretly incorporated the design for that firepower into it.   And then he took delivery of the flagship – and blew up Vandor-1 – to hide his own treachery."

Shock and horror were evident on Lando's face as he absorbed the news – and all of the implications of it.  "All those people......gone.   And.... you can't let the galaxy know that, can you?"

Kylo shook his head, shame and chagrin written on his face.  "But...there's more..."  He said quietly, pain written in his eyes.

Lando's head tilted as he deliberated the look on Ben's face.  A knowing gleam appeared in eyes, as he sat back in his chair and smirked at the young man.  "Wait...I know that look on a man...I've seen it hundreds of times before.....this is about a woman!!??"  He said in amazement, and started to laugh.  "Force, can it be true?   Is Ben Solo in love?"

Kylo's face reddened, but he didn't say a word.   Lando continued to chuckle as he got up and took a decanter and two glasses out of a nearby cabinet.  "Oh, I think we're going to need a drink for this!"  He poured two fingers in each glass, and nudged one towards Ben with a nod. "Corellian whiskey."  Taking a generous sip of his own, he continued, the smirk on his face blossoming into a wide grin.  "Okay.  Now you have my undivided attention.  Because if its one thing that ole' Uncle Lando can help with – its women."

****

The ship's ramp descended and Leia watched in excitement as her guest made his way out of the spacecraft.  She smiled in genuine affection, and her eyes twinkled with merriment as the dashing, swarthy-skinned, caped man made his way towards her.   Recalling their first meeting so many decades ago, she acknowledged that he was still a very handsome man.  Once he was standing in front of her, he took her hand and bowed ceremoniously over it, then kissed it with a mischievous smirk.  "My Princess."

She giggled at his exaggerated flair.  "Lando!  Still ever the womanizer I see!"  She chuckled. "Come here you old charmer!"  She opened her arms and they embraced tightly, laughing heartily.

"Old?  Who you calling old!!??"  He laughed, then stood back to admire her.  "Ahh... let me look at you!  Still as beautiful as ever."  He purred, smiling his classic smile.

"Okay, okay.  Come on – let's go to my office."  Looking around her, she noticed that quite the crowd had gathered at the unexpected visit from the legendary Lando Calrissian.  "Don't you people have anything better to do?"  She barked.  "Shoo!"  She motioned with her hands.  "Get lost!"   Rolling her eyes she turned back to Lando, mischief twinkling in her eyes.  "You'd think they've never seen a war hero before!"

"Now, Leia.  I don't think of myself that way..."

"Oh hush!  Just shut up and enjoy the moment!"  She jokingly griped back at him while they walked.  As they made their way to her office, she noticed that many of her rebels stopped and stared at the infamous man beside her.  Most of them were women.   Ah, to be young again she thought.  She hadn't seen him in almost a decade, and although he'd aged, he was still the same Lando she'd known all those years ago.  They had a lot to catch each other up on, and chatted non-stop about inconsequential things, old acquaintances, and of the Resistance in general.

By the time they'd reached her office, she was feeling nostalgic, but happily content at finally being able to see one of her oldest friends after such a long absence.  She immediately began making some tea, as they continued to chat.   Eventually, it was time to get down to the matter at hand.   "So.  While I'm ecstatic that you've come for a visit after all of these years, I suspect you have a reason for coming halfway across the galaxy to see me."

Lando sat back and sipped his tea, marveling at the amazing woman before him.  She was so strong, and had endured so much.   Her son, Han, Luke – all gone.   But still she carried on with strength and grace.  He hoped that the news he brought could help her in some small way, but he also knew that broaching the subject would also cause her some pain, and so was trying to figure out the best way to start.

Leia waited patiently for about a minute, until the silence started to make her jittery.  "Whatever it is, I'm not getting any younger Lando.  C'mon – out with it!"

Lando laughed.  "Patience was never your strong suit."

"It wasn't.  It's still not.  Sooo...??"

He took a deep breath.  "I had a very interesting visit yesterday from the last person I ever expected to appear on my doorstep....He had quite the tale to tell."

****

Kylo paced around in the small conference room he'd been sitting in for the past half hour.  He'd been back and forth between the Finalizer and Bespin twice in the last 3 days, but had raced to return to his Uncle's city as soon as he'd received his brief message this morning.  "She'll see you.  Meet us back in Cloud City this afternoon."

His nerves were frazzled, and his stomach was in knots.  What would he say to her?  This was about more than Rey.  Throughout everything so far, they hadn't actually spoken – about the things that really mattered.   His father.  His actions over the past decade.  Now the time was upon him, and he was scared shitless.

He needed to do this.  Knew in his soul that his Mother was the key to finding Rey.   And when he finally did find her, she would be happy that he'd finally done this.   Had finally really spoken to her.

The doors to the room suddenly hissed open, and there she stood, with Lando at her side.   Neither of them spoke, nor broke eye contact for a full minute.  At that point, Lando quietly excused himself.  "Why don't I give you two some privacy...."  Leia turned to him, giving a small, nervous smile and a nod before finally stepping into the room.

They stayed like that, just staring at each other warily for another minute or so.  Kylo's eyes were wide and nervous; Leia's were calm, but hesitant.  It was Leia who finally broke the silence.   "I wanted to tell you before – when we were on Coruscant – how shocked I was at how much you'd grown – how tall and handsome you've become."

He scoffed nervously.  "I'm almost thirty years old Mother.  It's not like I sprouted just yesterday.   I was only a few inches shorter the last time you saw me...."

A small flash of hurt passed through her eyes, before she smiled wanly.  "Yes, but you were....gangly, back then.  Now you've filled out."   Her voice was filled with maternal pride.   "I also wanted to tell you how proud I am of the leader you're becoming."

At this, he turned his back on her and started to pace again.   His voice was dripping with sarcasm.  "Really Mother?   After all I did to get here?"

Her heart clenched.  She knew he wasn't intentionally trying to hurt her – well, maybe he was – but he was lashing out because he didn't think he deserved her pride.  Because he couldn't forgive himself.  She walked over to him and placed her hand on his back.  "I know the things you did, son.  While under Snoke's influence.  I'm not proud of those.   I'm proud of you.  For being able to break away from him, and for trying to reform the First Order into something different – something better."

He turned on her, raging.  "It wasn't all Snoke!   I chose to do those things!   It.  Was.  Me!!"

"Really, Ben?"  She asked calmly.  "And if you had chosen not to do those things, would Snoke have let you be?  Or would he have punished you?  Tortured you more brutally than he already did?"  She could see his eyes widen in shock.  "Oh yes, Rey told me about the things that bastard did to you!"  She was angry now.  "About the voices in your head since you were a child... How I wish you would've told us Ben...."  Leia looked at him tearfully.  "That was our fault – your father's and mine – for not being there enough for you to trust us with that.... And although I know you could never forgive us for that – I'm sorry."

She looked at him with a regretful smile and continued.  "So no matter what you say, that while you think you may have had a choice, you actually didn't.  You may have honestly believed that you wanted to do those things – that they were necessary to achieve your goals.  And I'm sure they were – at the time.  For your own self-preservation.  You just didn't realize it then.  Because the moment – the very minute that twisted evil bastard was dead – you started to see how wrong they were.  It took a few months for his influence on you to disappear – but eventually it did.  And here we are."

Kylo's mouth was hanging open, unable and unwilling to believe his Mothers words.  His throat closed up and his eyes filled with tears.  His bottom lip quivered.  "But......Dad...."  He choked out, a sob escaping with it.

Leia's eyes also began to glisten once again.  "Your father knew exactly what he was doing."  She took a deep breath, trying to chase away any lingering bitterness, as she reached up and placed her hand on his cheek.  "He loved you.  I'm sure he fully expected to come home that day – but he also knew what was at stake.   And I'm telling you this Ben – so please hear me – believe me – that if he knew what the outcome would've been that day, and everything that's led to today, he'd do it all over again.  And... so would I."  Tears now spilled freely over her cheeks as she gazed up at her son.

"Mom."  He croaked, as she wrapped her arms around his waist and embraced him in a tight hug.   He leaned down and sobbed into her hair.  "I'm.....I'm sorry!  I'm so damn sorry for everything!   I'm sorry I never told you about the voices!   About Uncle Luke!   About....just....everything!"

She pulled away and looked back up at him – amazed at how much bigger than her he actually was.  "No!  We failed you!   I failed you!  I'm sorry we didn't pay enough attention to you – to spend enough time with you to see what was happening to our beautiful boy.  Maybe if we had, you would have told us, and maybe we could have helped you – could have stopped it all at the beginning.  I'll have to live with that for the rest of my life."  She hugged him again, and then leaned back to wipe the tears from his face in a very mom-like gesture.  Leia rolled her eyes when he pulled away in embarrassment and finished wiping his face himself.

"Lando told me about Hux and Vandor-1."

He nodded, trying to regain some of his composure.  "I would never do that Mother.  I know what you went through when anyone would mention Alderaan.  And its just – insane – to take that many lives for....nothing.  I didn't even know about Hosnia until it was too late.  I would have tried to do something - to stop it - if I could have."

"Thank you, son.   I love you.  I want you to know that.  I've never lost hope that one day you'd come back to me.  To us.   I'm so happy that day has finally come."  Reaching over, she stroked his cheek with a soft smile, and he leaned into her palm.

"I love you too, Mom.  And...Dad."  He swallowed thickly.

Gazing at her, he knew that the time had come.  "Mom....why didn't she...?"  His voice broke as tears came to his eyes and he looked away, embarrassed at what she'd see.

Placing a gentle hand on his arm, she told him.  "I did try, Ben.  She was frantic – upset.  Felt betrayed and hurt.  None of us would ever – could ever – have thought that what had happened actually did.  Everyone always just assumed that the Supreme Leader is fully in charge, and that no one would dare commit an act like that on their own.....So, to the rest of the galaxy, it looks like you did that as retribution for trying to assassinate you."

He took a deep breath that shuddered out of his chest.  "But...she knows me, Mom.  She knows..."   He shook his head as tears tracked down his cheeks once again, and he dashed them away with the back of his hand.  "Or, at least, I thought she did...."

"She was very confused that day Ben."

"It.....hurts.....that she didn't trust me enough to even ask.  It hurts that she ran from me.  Shut me out."  He took another shaky breath.  "We're different from others.  Our bond – it makes it hard to be apart.   Like half of yourself is missing."   He collapsed into one of the chairs and put his head into his hands.  He felt so broken.  "I need her Mother.  More than anything.  Like I need air to breathe.  And she needs me – just as much.   I have to find her Mother."   He looked up at her, still glassy eyed.

"I know you do son.  She does need you – more than you even know."  She smiled back at him, her heart at peace, knowing that she finally had her son back.  She went over and sat in the chair beside him, placing her hand over his and giving it a squeeze.  He looked like he'd been to hell and back.  It was time to put him out of his misery.  "Chandrila.   She's at the house on Chandrila."

Looking across at her, relief and chagrin were written all over his face.  "Of course she is."  He laughed and shook his head.  "The one bloody place I didn't think to look...".  He scrubbed his hands over his face, and leaned over to hug her.  "Thank you, Mother."

"You're welcome Ben.  Now go get her and bring her home."

****

After leaving Cloud City with a promise to Lando that he'd bring Rey by for a visit, Ben sat in the cockpit of his shuttle on the way to Chandrila, deep in thought.   He'd finally see her again.  But he was terrified of what he'd find when he got there.  Would she be happy to see him?  Or angry.   It didn't matter – he'd tell her what really happened – make her see that she wasn't deceived, and if she still wouldn't accept him – wouldn't trust him – then so be it.   He'd die inside – he knew that.  But if she couldn't trust him, then they only had their bond.  He'd love her until the day he died and into eternity, but they couldn't be together if they didn't truly trust one another.

She'd hurt him.  He knew that he could – and would - forgive her, but he couldn't keep living through this hell if she didn't trust him completely.  Because if she didn't, every time something bad happened, she'd wonder if he'd hidden a part of himself away from her.  And eventually it would break him.  He pleaded with the Maker, the Force and all the Gods that they could get past this.  He closed his eyes, and began to even out his breathing, needing to meditate to calm his rioting nerves and his fear.

Rey had been right.  He'd needed to see his Mother – to speak to her.   To ask her for some small kernel of forgiveness.   It was necessary for his soul.   Now he felt – free.  He'd still live with what he'd done to his father – and all he'd done to the galaxy – forever.  But knowing that his Mother loved him, had had faith in him, and always had, was somehow the last puzzle piece that had been missing.   While he would always fight to control that kernel of darkness that still lived within him, that puzzle piece had fallen into place, and in his heart and soul, he knew that Kylo Ren was truly dead and gone, and that he was finally and completely Ben Solo once more.

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