Rey slowly opened her eyes to the cheer of bright daylight and took a deep breath as she woke for the day.  Running a hand over her face, she gave herself a minute to wake her sleepy mind up too.  Lying there, it all came back to her.  Last night.  He finally came to her last night – through the Force, through their bond.  A sense of relief flooded through her.  It wasn't dead.  Thank the stars.  She thought

She sighed sadly as she thought about it.  Their behavior towards one another was so different now, since that last time on Crait.  It had been months since Crait.  How many?   Maybe three? She had stopped counting at 5 weeks, when the ache in her chest began to hurt too much.  It had felt like a piece of her was missing, which confused the hell out of her.  They had literally only been in each other's presence – either in person or through the bond – no more than a handful of times.  How could she feel this way?

She wasn't sure what she had expected out of their first meeting after Crait, but they seemed to be back at the very beginning, true enemies once again.  Tears threatened for the umpteenth time since last night, and she forced the feeling away.  She took another deep breath and let her thoughts drift back to last night when he showed up...

When she felt that tingle, followed by a deafening silence, she was shocked – as was he. According to Snoke, this was not supposed to continue, since he said that the connection was his doing.  But they had had that last connection as everyone boarded the Falcon on Crait, so obviously Snoke lied about that too.  And there he was, sitting across the room, posture stiff, looking down at the floor.   Anger, resentment and most of all hurt, radiating off him in waves.

As for her, she'd initially felt utter joy that the bond wasn't dead with Snoke.  This was followed by the keen disappointment once again, that he chose to be Kylo Ren instead of Ben Solo.  He chose the dark, instead of the light.  It still hurt her deeply, that she wasn't enough to get him to turn.  His desire for power, and the Dark Side too great to overcome anything he may have felt for her through their connection.

Despite her encounter with the Knights on Onderon, she knew that he had been actively searching for her, that the First Order was relentlessly pursuing the Resistance to finally finish them off.  Their allies had quietly let them know when another planet or outpost was attacked under the assumption that they were harbouring the Resistance, or when prisoners were taken and tortured in attempt to get information on the Resistance's whereabouts.   How many more people would Kylo Ren hurt or kill while trying to find them?  Trying to find her.   Would he kill her if he found them?  Her heart hurt every time she thought of it.

When he appeared, she didn't know how long they sat like that, patently ignoring each other, but acutely aware of the other's presence.  Finally, she turned to face him, and said  "Look-"

But she got no farther.  Ben snapped his head to her and raised his arm out as if to Force choke her.  His face was a red, angry visage and there was murder in his eyes.  The scar she gave him on Starkiller stood out in sharp relief to the rest of his skin, and she realized that she had never seen him look that way before.  Had never seen him look at her that way before.  Even in the interrogation room, or in the forest on Starkiller.  At this, something inside of her snapped, realizing that what they had once shared was almost certainly now gone.

Rey's eyes narrowed to angry, tear-filled slits as she stared at him. "Do it.  After everything, you might as well."

He just sat there, arm extended, breathing heavily, with that angry, tortured look on his face.  He dropped his arm and just looked at her, now shaking.

She knew it.  Deep down, she knew, no matter how angry, how unstable, that he could never hurt her.  She didn't know how she knew it, she just did.  She felt the connection break, and he disappeared.

After the long months of silence, and his surprisingly angry, borderline violent behavior towards her during the connection, she promptly burst into tears.

**

Afterward, aboard the Finalizer, the loud hum of a lightsaber slashing away, over and over could be heard by nearby Stormtroopers and staff, who wisely stayed far away.  Something had set the new Supreme Leader off, and he was having one of his tantrums again.

Soon, the slashing was accompanied by screams of uncontrolled rage, and the corridor outside the small room currently being destroyed emptied even further.   It was deserted when Kylo Ren exited the room several minutes later, lightsaber in hand, breathing heavily.

**

The next time they connected was nearly 3 weeks later. She had to admit that while it was busy, it was a pretty peaceful 3 weeks. It gave her time to reflect, and put things into perspective.  Once she thought about it more, his behavior during their last visit really wasn't all that surprising – for Kylo Ren.  After all, they didn't really know each other.  Sure, they had felt each other, had each seen visions of the future, and had a glimpse inside of the other's minds.  During that brief glimpse, each could see the loneliness and longing; but in reality, neither really knew what made the other tick.   It was then that she realized that her expectations had been too high. If he was going to choose the light, choose her, it had to be his choice, for his reasons.  He had to want to do it.  And maybe, she thought with a pang in her heart, he never would.

But she wanted him to – so badly.  Was she crazy?  She thought to herself.  Does he even feel the same way?  Why would he ever consider choosing her?  Over the dark.  But he did ask her to join him......told her that although she was nobody, she wasn't to him....that had to mean something, didn't it?

All those things considered, her behavior when she left the Throne Room still bothered her.   It was nagging at her – deep in her gut.  She felt guilty.  Her actions had led them here.  He had saved her life on the Supremacy.  Snoke had intended for her to join them or he would have killed her.  Ben saved her by killing Snoke.  For the briefest of moments they were a team, and he asked her to stand by his side.  Then she just...left.  Left him there, unconscious and alone.

After everything she had been through herself – being left on Jakku as a child – being abandoned, she knew better than anyone else how that felt.  And yet, she did that to him.  How could she do that to him?  she thought to herself.  Her greatest fear even today was getting too close to anyone in case they abandoned her – in case they left.  She shook her head.  When she left him on the Supremacy, that's exactly what she did – she abandoned him.  Her breath hitched as she stifled a sob.  If their roles were reversed he would never abandon her.  She didn't know how she knew it – she just did.  So she was to blame for where they were now.   It was her fault. She should have done things differently.  She just didn't know how she could have, and still saved her friends.

Of course, his decision to stay with the First Order – stay Kylo Ren, also contributed to the current state of their – what could she call it?  Friendship?  No, they weren't friends right now, but maybe after Ahch-To she had considered him a friend.  Relationship?  Definitely not.  She didn't know what it was.  They were inexplicably connected.  Deep down, she knew – could feel - that he was supposed to be her partner – the other half of her soul.  But he was still lost.  If she wanted Ben Solo as part of her future, could she rely on fate to allow him to make the right choices to get there?  Or could she help guide him to what those should be?  She didn't even know if he wanted her with him anymore.  But when he offered her his hand...... she shivered at the memory – at what she saw in his eyes.  What did that mean?  It was all so confusing!  The only thing she knew for certain was that, knowing the connection was still there, she was starting to miss him – Ben Solo, not Kylo Ren.

When she felt the bond connect this time, she wasn't sure what to do.  After the last time, she didn't think that it was a good idea to try to speak, so the whole ordeal was really awkward and tense.  They completely ignored each other; didn't even glance at one another.  Eventually, of course, the connection fizzled out, and she was alone again.

But afterward, she felt a bit haunted.  She felt like she wanted to talk to him, to get him to understand.  But he was so separate from her, so closed off, that she would never reach him.  It felt foreign.  She now realized that she had been used to feeling him there, a tiny sliver in the back of her mind that she had been unaware of at the time, but he now seemed to be completely blocking her somehow. Never knowing something was missing until it was gone. Hmm...could he really be doing that?  But still, he didn't seem to be able to control their visits, since they were still happening....so maybe not?

Given his current attitude toward her, if he could stop them he probably would.  What if he figured out how to stop them?  she thought, panicking.  Then she'd probably never see him again.  The idea of that made her chest tighten and ache.  She was completely at a loss as to how to reach him though his hurt and anger.

"Don't give up Rey."  A voice said from behind her.

Turning, she gasped in surprised shock to see Luke Skywalker standing there.  He looked like he did the last time she saw him, except that he shone with an odd bluish glow.  "Master Luke?"  she asked, shock and happiness coursing through her.  A bright smile shone on her face. "How is this possible?  I thought you became one with the Force?"

"I did.  But no one's ever really gone.  You've probably heard my sister say that a time or two."  He looked upon Rey with warm eyes, and a sardonic grin on his face.

Rey nodded, smiling. "Master, I'm so glad you're here!  I need your guidance so badly.  Its about...."  Hesitating, she recalled the last time they had seen each other, and the fact that they had argued about Ben as she had left.

"Ben. I know."  Luke told her.  "Rey, I was wrong."

Rey looked at him in open mouthed shock. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, we underestimated the effect Snoke had on him."  Luke paused for a moment  "We know Ben's a darksider, but without Snoke, there may be a chance to bring him back.  To bring balance to the Force.  And we think your Force bond is a part of that."

"How?"  she asked, perplexed.

Luke gave her a small smile.  "We're not completely sure.  But we know that you are such a deep source of light, that its unlikely you'll ever be turned to the Dark Side.  And because of that, maybe you are the one that's supposed to bring him back."

"Wait."  She asked.  "Who's we?"

He was a bit cryptic when he answered. "Like I told you, no one's ever really gone.  Maybe one day you'll get to meet a few more of us that have been part of this story from the very beginning."

Rey nodded.  Thinking for a moment, Rey remembered something.  "Maybe you're right.  That day I left you and went to the Supremacy, Snoke said something to me.  He said something like 'darkness rises and light to meet it', and said that I was Kylo's equal in the light."

"That's interesting, coming from Snoke."  He was quiet for a minute. "I'll have to talk to the others and meditate on that.  But the important point here is that you shouldn't give up on Ben. We wanted to give you some hope."

"But....how?"  she asked.

Luke chuckled as he began to fade away.  "Just continue to be yourself.  We're pretty sure he won't be able to resist that."

She wasn't quite sure what he meant by that.  But once he was gone, she sat and thought about everything from the very beginning.  Every encounter between her and Ben/Kylo Ren – good and bad, replaying what happened, and the things she saw of him when she was in his mind.  Her confidence buoyed by Master Luke's visit, she resolved that next time, she would speak to him.