A/N - Don't get too excited! Slowly my Reylos....slowly.  I hope you enjoy! :)

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After Coruscant, life went on as normal for Rey at the Resistance base.  Fixing broken equipment, upgrading older units, and marveling over new acquisitions that loyal supporters would sometimes anonymously donate.

But still, almost a month passed after the debacle on Coruscant and there was no visit from Ben. It was twenty-six days to be exact.  But who was counting?

She missed him, and was starting to feel a bit frantic that he hadn't been in contact for so long - again.  Somehow, he had misunderstood something about Poe carrying her back to the ship.  But she didn't know why.  He'd been jealous of Poe's arms around her – she knew that - but could the fact that he picked her up have sent him over the edge?  Since then, she'd felt almost nothing through the bond – his end was tightly closed.  Just before he slammed it closed, she felt an overwhelming sense of hurt from him. 

She needed to talk to him.  She'd been trying to figure out how to initiate the connection with him since a few days after Coruscant, but couldn't get it to work.  They had come so far since the force visitations had started again, and was terrified that whatever he believed happened had set them back yet again.

Sighing heavily, she blinked back tears.  Every time they connected, they seemed to grow closer. Especially after he connected with her on Coruscant, until it ended so badly.  She replayed her memories of the last visits – how he had touched her that night in her room – and she shivered with the memory.  It was a caress – no doubt about it.

Then he had tried to take care of her when she was hurt.  She recalled how it felt to be in his arms, her face snuggled into his chest.  He had been so warm, and smelled so good.  It had felt like he had completely enveloped her, and she sighed, wanting to feel his arms around her again.

And then there was that thing with their lips – both in her room and when he returned the action on Coruscant.  The thought of it made her feel warm, and she let out a frustrated breath.  She had to stop thinking about it or she'd go mad.  On one hand, it frightened her.  Her experience with men was literally zero, and she wasn't entirely comfortable with people touching her.  She didn't mind the occasional hug from a friend – so she was fine now when Finn or Poe did it, but that was something she was still getting used to from others.   Yet here she was, possibly willingly going down such a path with her enemy – a path that would likely only lead to heartache.  On the other hand, the memory of his brief touch created this need, this longing that she couldn't explain.   Was it desire?  She was afraid that it might be.  What would that mean?

The reality of the situation was like a dousing of icy water every time she thought of it.   It terrified her, and because of that she had been avoiding these thoughts as much as possible.   Regardless of everything that had happened between them, the Resistance still thought of him as their enemy, and probably always would.  The fact that her feelings toward him appeared to be shifting made her feel extremely disloyal – and guilty – to the Resistance.  She should not be developing any type of feelings for him.  That implied even more involvement.  But the Force had bonded them, and because of it he was changing – they both were, both had changed.   It was clear that he was not the same person he once was under Snoke, and she was not the same person who arrived on Ahch-to seeking Luke Skywalker.

Letting out a frustrated breath, she leaned her head in her hands.   It would all mean nothing, have been for nothing if they didn't connect again soon – if she couldn't talk to him – and find out what had hurt him.

Once again, she was so confused.  And jittery.  She decided to go train to work off some of this jumpy energy.  Grabbing her staff, she headed back to what she now affectionately termed her "meditation meadow".

She was in the middle of her third round of practicing her forms when she felt the bond connect. She stopped for a second and looked over to where he was standing, a profound sense of relief to finally see him again washing over her.

Taking a deep breath, she lowered her staff, and was about to take a step toward him  "Ben-"

He cocked his head, and cut her off, his face completely expressionless. "I see you're training. Good.  Continue."

Rey rolled her eyes, huffed out a frustrated breath and kept going.  What did she expect?  Maybe something along the lines of Hi, how have you been?  Did your wound heal okay?  It's been awhile since we last connected... She sighed and tried to focus on her forms.

He watched her intently while she cycled through them, and came closer, walking around her to observe her movements from all angles.  She was on Form VII when he motioned for her to stop.

He walked behind her again. "Your stance is off.  You need to widen it more, and keep your left leg slightly in front of your right."  He came closer to her and nudged her feet apart with his foot. "Also, your elbows need to be bent more."

She snickered at him, put off by his distant attitude  "It seems to be working just fine for me, so far."

"Yes, but its taking too much effort and you're using too much energy. Trust me – keep the stance wider and bend your elbows.  Start again at Form I."  He backed away again to give her space.

She narrowed her gaze. "I don't remember asking for your help."

He shrugged, his face impassive, trying to appear like he didn't care. "Fine.  Don't do it. Suit yourself."

She practically growled at him, but continued using the widened stance as he suggested.  After a few more minutes he reiterated  "Bend your elbows more!".  She continued for another minute or so and he called for her to stop again.  Walking behind her, he reached below her arms to adjust her elbows.  It was warm out, so she had left her arms bare today, and when he touched her, she jumped.  He leaned down and muttered quietly into her ear "Settle down – I'm not going to hurt you, I'm trying to help you."

Rey had gone completely still, completely stiff at his touch.  His breath whispered across her ear as he spoke, and she shivered.  Kylo felt it, and suddenly realized his proximity to her.  He inhaled deeply, catching her scent, and had to clench his teeth to prevent his own shiver. Drawing on the recollection of her in the pilot's arms to bring back the anger, he tamped down the feeling, needing to resist the overwhelming draw he always felt when he was near her. However, he didn't remove his hands right away, and couldn't help running them up the back of her arms as he withdrew.   "Now try that."

Rey had to give herself a mental shake.  Focus, she said to herself.  She started over again, and continued going through her forms, surprised that although it felt a bit awkward, she had better reach and response.  She finished the last one, and stopped, looking over at him, brow raised in a questioning visage. "Better."  Was all he said.

"Thank you."  She grumbled down at the ground. "I didn't know my stance was off.  Master Luke never corrected me."

He walked up to her, standing a bit too close, forcing her to tilt her head way up in order to meet his eyes. "You still need a teacher.   And I believe you know my opinion on Master Luke."  He said the last part sarcastically. "Also, its about time you built your own saber, don't you think?  You're not suitably armed without one."

She shook herself out of his gaze, before she got lost in his eyes, and walked over to her pack to grab her canteen and take a swig.

Ben noticed that she suddenly appeared to get very nervous. "I've been trying to repair Master Luke's, but I don't think its possible.  The Kyber crystal split in half."

His eyes snapped up. "So you do have it."  he hissed a bit angrily. "It's technically mine you know."  He took a calming breath, and tried to let it go.

She just gazed at him silently, one brow raised in question.

He looked away, clearly annoyed. "If the crystal split then its done.  You might be able to use the pieces for some other small things, but if you're going to build a saber then you'll need to find a new one.  Unfortunately they're pretty rare now – since Ilum was destroyed."  He started pacing around.  "You could try the caves on Christophsis.  That's not too far, assuming you're not somewhere in the Outer Rim.  If that doesn't work you could also see if you can find any remnants on Jedha."

She nodded.  "Thank you.  Those are good suggestions.   I'll go soon – maybe tomorrow.  I would really like to get back to training with a saber instead of only a staff.  Its just too different."

He tilted his head and looked at her for a minute, clearly thinking. "You're quite good with that staff - your technique is very much suited to it.  Perhaps you should consider building a two-sided light saber?"  he paused again  "It would be a bit more difficult than constructing a normal saber,"  he looked away "but...I... could help you."

She smiled.  Typical Ben.  He obviously was intrigued with the concept and really wanted to help, but didn't want to let her know how badly he wanted to do it.  "Thank you.  I'd really appreciate it.  I think I'll need the help."  She said softly.

He simply stared back at her and gave her a brief nod.

Steeling her courage, she took a deep breath before asking her next question. "Ben,"  She began hesitantly, "where have you been for the last month?"  Through the bond, she could feel his emotions spike and then close off.  "Its been awhile since the bond has taken that long to reconnect. I....I felt your anger – your hurt – just before the bond ended on Coruscant.   And then pretty much nothing since then."   Her eyes flicked down to the ground before resting on him once again.  "What happened, Ben?"

He looked away from her. "Nothing. There just hasn't been much time.  I've been very busy.  I had some extended visits to a few different systems, and literally endless meetings every day."

Hmm.  She thought.  Not the truth.  She saw him stiffen slightly, meaning he probably heard her thought.  Good, let him know she knew he was keeping something from her.   "So, you can control it now?"

He looked away yet again, uncomfortable. "Sometimes."

"Did you control it today?"  she looked at him expectantly.

"Yes."

She looked at him pointedly  "I see."

His eyes snapped up to hers, and he snarled. "What exactly do you think you see?"

She sighed heavily.  Every once in awhile, Kylo popped in to visit too.   "Ben, I don't want to argue with you."

"Really?  It doesn't feel that way to me."  He scoffed, looking away again.

She gritted her teeth. "Fine, Ben.  Let's continue.  What I see is a man who abruptly ended our last connection with bad feelings, but won't tell me what caused them.  Instead you say you were too busy to bother with these little visits, even though you can only seemingly control them sometimes, but could control it today.  If you could control it today, it doesn't matter what systems you were visiting."  she took another deep breath. "That kind of feels like you've been avoiding something – avoiding me – even though prior to the last month or so that didn't seem to be the case."

She was pretty certain he really did growl at her this time.  He stormed over to her and got right into her face.  "I am the Supreme Leader of the ruling order of the galaxy!  I command thousands of staff, in hundreds of systems.  Do you have any idea how much time that demands?"  his breathing was labored, and he seemed really angry, but Rey held her ground and stared right back at him, as evenly as possible, which only seemed to frustrate him even more.

He turned and stormed away again, letting out a frustrated shout  "GAAH!!  I am trying to lay the groundwork for the changes I would like to make, and that takes time!  I can't keep getting distracted, or I'll never make any progress!"

Her head snapped up as she looked across at him.  She might have pushed him a bit too far, unnecessarily.   Especially knowing that he was a bit more Kylo Ren today than usual.

His back was to her, fists clenched, breathing laboured.  She wasn't entirely sure what had gotten into him, but he seemed to be saying that she distracted him.   A warm feeling washed through her, and she was immediately sorry for goading him.  But she was still mad that he had avoided her for so long, and still didn't know what had hurt him to cause it.

She walked over to where he was standing and laid her hand in the center of his back, standing still for a minute, then keeping it there while she walked around to face him.  His head immediately snapped down to the ground.

"I'm sorry."  she said as she wrapped her other arm around him too in an awkward hug.  He took in a deep breath, and exhaled, shuddering a bit, seeming to calm.  He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her in for a closer hug. "I'm sorry too."  He was quiet for a minute, before mumbling. "I missed you.  I shouldn't have stayed away so long."

"Why did you?"

He couldn't look at her. "I...... Rey," he swallowed thickly  "is there something between you and the pilot?"  His heart was pounding, and a sick, gnawing feeling rose in the pit of his stomach as he awaited her answer.

Suddenly it all snapped into place.   She reached for his hand, and entwined her fingers with his. "Ben, I know you were upset that he had to help me back to the ship – that he ended up carrying me.  But why would you think that?"

He exhaled on a shudder.  "Because of the way you felt when he looked at you as he carried you in his arms."

Her eyes widened.  "Ben.  No!  I was about to pass out, and felt nauseous.  I was grateful that he picked me up – nothing more."  Then she giggled.  "What you didn't see is me almost throw up on him when we got to the Falcon."

The corner of his mouth turned up slightly.

"But Ben, why did you wait so long?  Why not come and ask me about it sooner?"  her eyes flicked down, and then bored into his intently.  "I was starting to get worried...."

He didn't answer right away.   Just looked at her warily, and shrugged his shoulder ever so slightly.  His eyes glanced away, before he said.  "I... "  he let his breath out on a long exhale.  "I was stupid."

What he didn't tell her was that over the past month he'd imagined all the different ways that she was with the pilot, and how he was probably making her happy.  He'd tortured himself with those images, and for the first two weeks afterward, started feeling like his old self – the one he no longer quite liked.  The one who was quick to anger, and even quicker to take it out on those around him.  When he realized that his Generals and staff were starting to tip toe around him again, he decided that he didn't want to go back to that.  He liked the way everyone treated him now, and worked with him rather than just for him – no longer afraid of what might happen if they didn't carry out his orders, or spoke their opinion.

When he realized that was what was happening, he started meditating for long periods to clear his head, and began thinking objectively about what he saw between Rey and the pilot.  What if he had been wrong?  She had seemed so open with him on Coruscant. What if his perception had been clouded?  It took him a few more weeks to work up the courage to come to her through the Force again, and now he was glad that he did.  It was all a misunderstanding.....his misunderstanding.  He shook his head at himself.  He was a fool.  A jealous fool at that.

Her heart softened, recognizing that it was likely not easy for him to admit his feelings. "You did it because you thought I was falling for Poe?"

"Yes."  He drawled out, through clenched teeth.  She could feel a tinge of embarrassment reach her through the bond.

Hoping to inject some levity into the situation and break the tension, she looked up into his eyes and smiled, chiding him gently  "You're right, you are stupid."  She snuggled closer into his chest, enjoying this new closeness with him, the feel of him against her.  "I missed you too."  She felt his arms tighten a bit more, and suddenly everything felt right once again.  Her mood softened, and was lighthearted, even happy for a few minutes in his arms.  She pulled back slightly to look up at him, and reached up to stroke his cheek ever so lightly.  Their eyes locked, and the intensity of his gaze caused her breathing to speed up and her belly to flutter.  In that moment, she felt like nothing else in the universe existed except the two of them.  She was lost in his eyes, and her breath caught as she saw him begin to lower his head and he lightly brushed his lips against hers.

A flash of electricity flowed between them, and she sighed as she kissed him back, melting against him. Emotions flooded between them through the bond – relief, desire, excitement – and both of their breaths quickened. Her hands moved up his chest to loop around his neck, and he groaned softly as he pulled her closer and they both deepened the kiss, feeling the Force begin to spark and hum between them.  She felt his hand move up to thread through her hair and a small sound of pleasure escaped her throat.  He pulled back on a sharp exhale and rested his forehead against hers.  It took a minute for their breathing to quiet. "I've been dreaming of doing that every damn day since I last saw you."  He told her quietly.

"That was....really nice.  Kind of amazing, actually."  She sighed into him, blushing  "I...I've never been kissed before."

"Me neither."  He replied, his voice sounding deep and rough.  Reaching up, he gently caressed her cheek with his thumb. "That was a pretty remarkable first kiss."

She smiled, and reached up to place her palm on his cheek.  He leaned into her touch and sighed, seeming to be at peace for a rare moment.  Tracing her fingers lightly along his scar, her eyes were sorrowful.   "I've never really gotten that chance to tell you I'm sorry for this."  she told him, continuing to stroke along the line on his face.

He could feel her regret through the bond, and didn't want her to dwell on it.  He put his hand over hers. "It's just another scar.  I have many, and it doesn't bother me."  Hesitating briefly, he told her. "It probably sounds crazy, but when I see it, or run my hand over my face, it reminds me of you."

Her eyes flared slightly, and she gave him a small nod.  Although she really was sorry for it, a part of her couldn't help but feel that it branded him as hers.  Her breathing quickened again, as something primal and hungry sparked in her belly. Hers.  He must have felt it, because she felt an answering flash of possessiveness from him through the bond, and his intense gaze suddenly bored into hers with an unnamed, powerful emotion.

She looked away for a second, the intensity a bit too much for her.  When she flicked her gaze back into his eyes again, she told him  "Thank you for coming to help me on Coruscant too.   For making sure I was all right."

He simply nodded at her in response, his throat still a bit too tight to speak.

Absentmindedly running her fingers over the scar again, she asked softly. "Please don't stay away like that again?"

"I was an idiot for doing that.   I won't repeat it."  He leaned down to kiss her again.  Rey moved her arms around his neck and smiled up at him, pulling herself closer in to kiss him at the same time.  This just feels so natural, she thought to herself.

They had barely brushed lips when they could hear her name being called.  She jumped back, startled. "Shit, that'll be Finn and Poe who have likely been sent to haul me back to the base for some reason."

Ben looked in the direction of the calls and scowled at the interruption.  She grabbed her stuff, walked back up to him, and gave him a quick kiss and a smile. "I have to go.  See you soon?"

She was momentarily taken aback when he gave her a beautiful smile.  "Yes.  Now go."

She could feel him watching her back as she walked away, and the connection ended.

She kept thinking about him throughout the rest of the day, and couldn't help sighing every time her mind drifted to their kiss, and that feeling of possessiveness from him.

At one point, she was so distracted she almost stuck her hand in a moving oscillator, which likely would have resulted in a serious injury, or at least a few missing fingers.  Luckily Poe had noticed her distractedness and stopped her with a loud shout, just in time.

"Rey, what's wrong with you?" he yelled, running over.

Rey stammered.  "I'm....I'm sorry Poe.   I think I'm just tired.   Maybe I shouldn't be working on this so late today."

He shook his head  "You know better than that."  He reached out and touched the top of her shoulder, giving her an affectionate squeeze.  Again, she caught something in his gaze that made her a bit uncomfortable, before he quietly told her with a soft smile "Go and rest, or do something harmless if your head isn't in it.  We need to keep you safe and whole."

A flash of annoyance sparked through her.  "Thanks Poe.  And again – I'm sorry. I won't do that again."  She left, wandering back to her quarters, unsure whether she was imagining these little feelings from Poe, and uncomfortable with his last statement about keeping her safe and whole.  As she was experiencing things with Ben, she was becoming a bit more attuned to men's reactions.  Poe was a nice guy, and she liked him, but he just wasn't Ben.   She smiled to herself, a little shocked by how caught up in him she actually was to let her mind wander so much.

What is this?  she thought.  It was like suddenly all she could think about was being in his arms, his hands on her, and kissing him.   It scared her a little bit.

She had to get her mind off of him for a little while.  Maybe she should go to Christophsis tomorrow to try to find herself a kyber crystal.  Or two, she smiled, thinking about a double-bladed design.  She'd love to have her very own, unique light saber.

**

Kylo returned to his quarters after a gruelingly long day on the Finalizer.   He wasn't exaggerating when he told Rey that he spent his days in endless meetings.  His duties were so heavy that he barely had time to train anymore.  But other than dealing with Hux, he was starting to enjoy it.

He could see how he was starting to shape some change from within.  But sometimes he still had to resort to fear tactics to get things done.  He hoped that eventually all the officers and staff would learn to respect him enough to carry out his orders without having to invoke fear.

After showering and changing, he ate a quick meal and thought about the days events with Rey. The thought of her brought a smile to his lips.

Rey.... He'd thoroughly enjoyed helping her train.  Watching her grumble about his suggestions, but accepting and using them in the end – her forms clearly improved once she did.

He chuckled lightly.  And she was pissed at him.  Not hesitating nor afraid to give him hell for staying away for so long.  She missed him.  He exhaled deeply.  He had tortured himself over the pilot, but missed her so damn much it had become hard to breathe, which is why he simply couldn't stay away any longer.

He had thought about her almost every minute of every day since Coruscant.  She had given him such a scare, and then afterwards he kept remembering how she felt in his arms.  And then there was her 'kiss', and his sensual response to it.  He couldn't get it out of his head – and was literally useless for a week afterward, vacillating between anger over what she may feel for the pilot and desire for her.  For days afterward he dreamed of her, and woke up in the middle of the night, hard and aching.  Then he would recall the image of her in the pilot's arms and feel the corrosive jealousy begin to eat away at him again.  But he was definitely stupid for staying away so long.  It certainly hadn't helped anything.

When they had cleared the air between them, he had kissed her at the first opportunity today. He simply couldn't help it.  She had let him, and even kissed him back, with as much passion as him.  And it had felt so damn right.   He shuddered, afraid that this was beginning to border on obsession.  But there was no way he was going to stay away from her like that again.  It was like self-torture, not to mention having to face her wrath afterwards.  But he'd take her wrath any day over not seeing her.

He smiled again, shaking his head at his foolishness, and climbed into bed.

She really was his weakness.  And he no longer cared.  He was done fighting it.