Rey made her way across the Resistance base, her mind lost in thought.  She had been trying to fix an old broken speeder for the last two days, and was still missing a few parts.  Replacement parts were a rarity on the base, and so she often had to make due with poor substitutes, or sometimes repurpose the part from something else, if possible.  Feeling frustrated, she was on a scavenging mission to find what she needed to get the job done.  To keep herself, and her mind occupied.  To keep from thinking about.....him.

Since Crait, she'd kept herself busy, almost to the point of exhaustion.  Training daily with her staff, reading the Jedi texts to improve her understanding of the Force, organizing the base, fixing things, and hanging out with her friends Finn, Poe, and the girl Rose, whom Finn seemed to dote on.  Rose was just recently released from a long stay in the MedBay after being badly injured during the battle of Crait, and Finn seemed thoroughly smitten.  Rey was initially a bit sad to have been replaced as the object of Finn's affection, but she didn't feel that way about him, and so was happy that he seemed to have found someone.  She didn't know what she would do without all of them.  They were always there for her, and were now her family – one given to her by the Force.

The problem was, even though she loved them all, she didn't really fit in.  She knew that, felt that every single day.  She was different than the rest of them.  They treated her as one of their own, but there was a certain wariness to how they behaved around her.   It was almost as if they were afraid of her sometimes.  Afraid of her power, which they didn't understand.  Which meant that they really didn't understand her.  And because of that she couldn't help but feel apart from them on some level.

There was only one person whom she had ever felt truly understood her.  And he was gone.  Even after such a brief connection between them, his absence had left an aching void in her soul. She could still feel his presence in the Force, and in some ways that comforted her; but for the most part it tortured her.  The silence.  She wasn't enough to bring him back.  And no matter how hard she tried to hide it, her friends could sense that something wasn't quite right, that something was eating away at her.   No matter how close they were, she couldn't tell them. Couldn't let them know that she was practically pining for their enemy.  She didn't fully understand it herself.   It felt so disloyal, in so many ways, but she just couldn't help it. Sometimes, she thought she might have lost her mind to be feeling this way.

These feelings were visceral, and no matter how hard she tried to push them down inside her, she just couldn't keep them buried for very long.  If she kept her focus and emotions tightly reigned, she could sometimes go two, maybe three days without thinking of him.  But it was exhausting to do that, and eventually her guard would weaken and it would all come crashing back in.

At night, she desperately tried not to think of him while she lay in bed.  Not to remember the way their hands felt as they touched for that brief instant on Ahch To, or his face and the way his eyes had always seemed to speak to her, saying things he couldn't – or wouldn't - put into words.  And how her breath seemed to speed up every time their eyes had locked on one another.  To do so only left her feeling unexplainably restless and edgy.

Even Leia had sensed that something wasn't quite right with her.   Either that, or her friends had gone to her with their concerns.  Without warning, she was summarily hauled into Leia's office one afternoon.  Rey sat in the chair opposite Leia's desk and squirmed for a few minutes while they exchanged pleasantries, unsure of what she could have done wrong.  She was surprised however, when Leia began speaking.

"Rey, are you happy here?"

Rey looked back at her in confusion. "General..... of course!  I'm not sure why you would even ask me that?"

Leia smiled back at her indulgently. "Rey, its plain for everyone to see that something is bothering you."  she leaned back in her chair and steepled her fingers. "You know you can talk to me, right? I 'm an exceptionally good listener.  And please, call me Leia."

"General...Leia..... really, I'm fine.  Its just hard for me to get used to living everyday life among so many people."  Her eyes met Leia's for a second and then flicked away.

Sensing that there was clearly more to the story, Leia pressed on. "Of course.  Such a change is always difficult.  But Rey, honestly, you haven't seemed quite like yourself since Crait.  And I'm worried about you."

At this, Rey met Leia's steadfast gaze dead on. "I know."  She sighed.   "I'm still trying to come to terms with everything that happened."  She took a deep breath and plowed forward.  "I just wish....."  she sighed  "I just wish I could have brought him back to you."

And to me... She thought briefly, then gave herself a mental shake.

After Crait, Rey had briefed Leia on most of what had happened leading up to the battle.  She hadn't told her about the connection with Ben, but had instead told her that a vision through the Force had told her that he would turn, and that she felt the need to go him on the Supremacy.  And that he almost had turned.... but in the end, didn't....

Leia reached out her hand, and Rey put hers into it.  She was gentle when she told her.  "Rey, I know you tried.  You did your best.  But I know my son is gone."  Leia took a deep, shuddering breath. "You need to let it go – put it behind you.  For your own sake, as well as everyone else's." The conversation over, Rey gave Leia a small nod, and left.

But she couldn't get it out of her head.  He wasn't completely gone.  She knew it.  Ben Solo was still in there somewhere.  She could feel it.  However, her friends were clearly concerned about her, and she didn't want them to worry.  So she put on a brave face and continued on, outwardly appearing that nothing was wrong while she went on with life in the Resistance.  Inside though, there was this knot of something in her chest, that wouldn't go away.  Waiting for the next time they would meet.....she knew that eventually, they would.

**

Chaos. It was pure chaos. Kylo Ren stalked through the now destroyed village, his vision obscured by pillars of smoke and fiery remains. He entered a small clearing, what was once the village circle, and stopped, listening to the terrified screams of fear and grief from the remaining survivors.

Taking a deep breath he looked around at the carnage and destruction. Hux. He thought. Like always, what should have been a relatively simple mission to gather information on the Resistance's whereabouts turned into a bloodbath. And still they were no closer to finding them. Clenching his fists, he felt the anger coursing through his veins. He would find them! Whatever it took, he would succeed in eliminating them. And the girl, the Scavenger.......When he found her, he had special plans for her. His breathing sped up as he thought of it.

Lost in his vengeful musings, he didn't hear the Stormtrooper approach. "Sir."

Kylo was silent for another minute. "How many survivors?"

"Eighteen, Sir."

"How many men?" he asked.

The Trooper was confused. "Sir?"

Kylo yanked him closer with the Force, and held him immobile. "It's a simple question." He growled. " How many of the survivors are men versus women and children?"

Stuttering, the Trooper replied. "Sir....uh, five men, Sir."

"Good. Bring the men to the ship for interrogation. Leave the rest." Kylo released the Force hold and turned to begin walking away.

"Sir?" the Trooper asked incredulously "Lea-....Leave them? Here? Alive?"

Kylo's head snapped back. "Is that not what I just said?"

"Yes, Sir. Of course Sir. It's just –" the Trooper continued to stammer, till Kylo's gaze snapped to him once again. "I'm sorry Sir."

Kylo stared at him impassively a while longer before spinning on his heel and walking away.

He was tense and his thoughts were spinning as he furiously stomped back to his shuttle. Why did he do that? He rarely knowingly left any survivors after a raid. However, this was Hux's raid. They were supposed to have gone in, picked up some informants, and brought them back for interrogation. Instead, Hux blasted his way in, destroying everything in his path. They'd be lucky if any of the prisoners they took would have a shred of useful information on the Resistance and their whereabouts.

Still, he was conflicted. Although he recognized that he hadn't felt quite as angry as usual of late, he couldn't understand what had suddenly come over him to allow the survivors to live. Would this be viewed as a sign of weakness? Stopping, he considered. There was still time to change his order....Snoke certainly would have expected him to give no quarter, and leave no survivors. He closed his eyes and clenched his fists. No. He thought on a sharp inhale. The remaining survivors were not important. There was no need to eliminate them. If he changed his order now, he'd feel even more conflicted later. Straightening to his full height, he continued on to the shuttle.

Upon arrival at the Finalizer, he went straight to his quarters and picked up his holopad to call the Communications Deck. The nervousness was evident in the officer's voice as he answered the request. "Yes, Sir? How may I be of assistance Sir?"

"Summon my Knights. Immediately."

"Of course, Sir."

Kylo ended the call and thought. If Hux couldn't find them, then his Knights certainly would. He would end this once and for all.