boyfriend

i remember being excited that i have a boyfriend
its been three years and i felt like i finally can
i am okay and it was lovely
the small touching and the sneaking around
our first kiss with your large hands and my small waist
quick breaths and fingers trailing
but our relationship was like walking on hot stones
i went through all the three stages of it by myself
the thrill of being able to do something others cannot do
the pain of the heat against the soles of my feet
the numbness of the consistent pain to the point where it becomes normal
and i'm sorry i pick me over your emotional being
i'm sorry i walked away feeling nothing