heart

here's the thing about seeing things a certain way
it stuck with you
like how love was beautiful
and every time you think back to the way it felt
when his fingers brushed against yours
and the way his beats changed every time
you laid your head on his chest
but that was not our love
that was the love everyone talked about
no one ever talked about what came after
or what it felt like after
no one talked about what it felt like after that beautiful
beautiful love was gone
no one told you that you
could be capable of crying for seven hours straight
and the tremors that lasted for days
no one told you that after he did what he did
you'd be left feeling like that for the next four years
and not even your parents could have warned you
about an addiction like that
because i could've sworn i knew what i was getting myself into
i could have sworn i was wearing an armor
i was prepared but ****
****ing
****
no one told me that the insides
of my heart would tear open and roar in pain
it's like you were holding it right in your hands
as you looked at me and kept clenching around it
leaving me crying out in physical pain
that wasn't even real
and wanting things i never wanted
and you changed the way i saw this world
you killed the girl that i once was
and she never got  the chance to thank you
for showing her how cruel this world can be