how amazing is the new cover? made by anveshi-! the stunning gif to the side is also made by her!

edit above made by gul! Reid-I-Gul it's so beautiful!

Matsya's POV/ a few minutes earlier:

MY HEART THUMPS, with an unknown feeling that sets fire to every part of my body. I want to leave. I want to go home -- a home with someone I loved instead of facing the potential death of the only person who cares about me. Amir, unknowing the amount of emotions that burns me, watches Nirvaan with a smirk.

I wanted to slap him. I want to do something but I'm trapped by my sweaty hands and his threats. Threats of him torturing Nirvaan. It's easier for him, and me, for him to be quickly shot and killed off . . . But at the same time, I'm so so sorry.

I'm so sorry I ever talked to him, about that day when we became friends on that terrace. I wish I never saw him. All because of me, he's sitting on the ground with his eyes widen in fear. He knows death is near, that he'll be dead in a few moments -- all because of me, and my selfish reasons.

I bite lip, tears threatening to spill. It's strange; in all of my years of living, I have never felt sadness or regret so strongly until now. It's as if Nirvaan flipped a switch in me, turned all the emotions on.

Amir moves the gun higher, moving or directly towards Nirvaan and I do the unthinkable. As soon as he tries to pull the trigger, I shove him, the gun hitting the floor and a scream being heard from Nirvaan. With panicked eyes, I look up to see Nirvaan clutching his arm with gritted teeth.

"I am so sick of you, of the way you pretend to love me with your manipulation, this friendship that should've died along with our parents -- why can't you just let me be happy?" I ask him, my hands waving wildly as he watches me with a stunned gaze. His eyes betray his agape mouth, showing his sadness to me.

He had held that same gaze when I had found him downstairs with all the dead bodies, when I had raced downstairs with my hands gliding on the wooden rail and a smile on my face to only see blood everywhere and tears in Amir's eyes.

"You're all I have, Matsya. Without you, I'll be nothing --"

"-- and with you, I am nothing. You don't let me do anything, and instead you always manipulate me with the mere fact we've been together for everything. This entire relationship is based on me praying you'll get better. That you'll return to my childhood best friend, the one before our parents died."

His eyes glaze over, and I start to run out of words. I could go on and on about the pain he's caused me and the happiness that Nirvaan taught me but when the latter is shot, I need to get my priorities right. I turn my back on Amir, hoping he won't follow me and would wallow in his self pity instead.

Nirvaan smiles at me, a bright smile that seems to shine on for days -- until a deafening bang is heard and my heart falls. He looks downwards, searching for the bullet that grazed him with shock until he falls over backwards.

"Nirvaan!" I yell, my voice ripping through the silence. I run until I reach him, my hair falling in a wave-like motion towards him. He's still smiling, a smile that sends me warm pangs within my heart with throbs of pain.

"I think I love you."

My eyes widen for a still moment, but then the breeze blows once again and my hair flies past my eyes. My heart swells up with an unknown feeling; a feeling of trust. Somehow, this stranger managed to make me love and trust someone once again.

And once again, Amir will end that with his gun. He'll end all the happiness in my life within a few shots. A sick feeling comes to my stomach, twisting everything within my gut. I won't let it happen. He can't do this -- he cannot kill Nirvaan.

"You choose the best time to admit that, mera darpok!" I yell out, my words freed with the wind. A small smile plays on my face, which slowly fades away as I take in his bloody body. "But, I think I love you too."

But love isn't enough to get rid of the blood upon his chest, his arms or to light his eyes up back with life.

He's struggling to stay awake. The bright light in his eyes, the happiness is fading away and a tear falls from my eyes. "Nirvaan," I croak out, my eyes on his too still body. I hear footsteps behind me, but my eyes solely remain upon Nirvaan.

A strong hand grabs my forearm, thrusting me backwards as I scream. I'm forcefully turned around, my hair whipping behind me as my elbow hits Amir's sturdy chest. Tears poke in my eyes and I feel like a lost cause, staring at my worst enemy yet the only person I have.

"Leave me alone!" I screech, my words breaking out into a sob in the midst of my words. "He's dying, Amir!"

The words hurt so much to admit. My eyes glance over red that drips onto the dust filled roads, my heart growing heavy as tears sting my eyes. "Matsya, look at me," Amir sternly says, yanking my arm so I'm facing him instead of Nirvaan. "The first bullet grazed his arm, that's why there's so much blood. The second completely missed him. He's not going to die. Yeah, he'll have a nasty scar but he'll live if you make it to the hospital in time."

My eyes widen in disbelief. Amir lets go of my arm and I stumble backwards for a few steps. "What are you waiting for? Grab a car and start driving," Amir commands, "he'll die of blood lost unless you start gassing it."

I start to nod, my eyes solely on Amir. What just happened? How is he showing remorse? Before I could possibly ask, I start to run. I'm running out of time that I don't have and I need to save Nirvaan before Amir changes his mind.

Perhaps Amir has overcome his fear that he'll loose the power he has over his people. That it's okay to let people have free will, that sometimes you need to let go. I don't know what just happened, but I am beyond grateful for Amir's last gratitude.

□

AMIR PRESSES THE GAS THROUGH A RED LIGHT, my eyes upon Nirvaan. His head lies on my lap, and my fingers stroke his brown strands of hair. There's a faint smile on his lips, and his eyes are glued shut. Hollow breathes escape his lips, becoming more ragged with each moment.

"I can't believe I'm driving," Amir grumbles. "After this, I don't want to see either of your faces again. Live happily in love, I don't care as long as I'm no longer on Matsya's most hated list."

"Thank you," I mumble as I look towards Amir. "But what changed your mind about killing us?"

The car comes a hard stop, making me fall forward and then back as Amir swears. "You're my best friend. And even though you don't love me, I don't want you to hate me," Amir says, "I'm doing this for your forgiveness. But don't expect me to stay behind. I can't bare to watch you in love with Nirvaan."

I nod slowly, watching his eyes in the review mirror. He's only watching the road, although the mirror is tilted towards me. His eyes keep jumping back to me, as if he's afraid he'll loose me. I wonder if he knows he's already lost me all those years back and that I'll never love him as a friend or a lover even if he drives me through a thousand car rides like this.

But I can forgive him. I think all these years, Amir was confused and afraid of loosing me, the only person who he loved. His life spiraled out of control and he wanted to be in control. For that, he killed and became a gang leader. Throughout his way of regaining control over life and everyone surrounding him, he took away our power and made us his toys so nothing like his parent's murders will ever happen again.

Fear is a funny thing. It makes us loose control on life, while pretending that it's giving us power.

Amir hits the breaks. "Go. And never talk to me again," he says, his eyes already on the road. "If you ever think about me, just know that I'm still a don."

I nod, opening the car door.

□

I'VE NEVER BELIEVED IN A GOD, but my hands are clasped together as I mumble some words. For good measure, I add an amen although I'm a Hindu.

God has never listened to me. My pleas have gone unheard, faded into light all these years until I got rid off all my statues and everything to do with religion. Why would I worship someone who doesn't listen to me?

But God has placed something good within my life for once, and I am unwilling for it to be gone too. I need him in my life, I want him here with me.

I wipe away tears with my hand, my eyes watching the door impatiently. Should I call someone? Apologize for destroying Nirvaan, for leading him astray and into this madness? Or do I ask them to come?

Besides Tina, all Nirvaan has was Diego. I bite my lip, debating on if I should pick my personal grudge over Nirvaan's happiness or not. In the end, I walk towards the reception.

I've memorized Diego's number -- from the papers Nirvaan gave to me a few weeks back to hand to a cilent. At the time, I thought it was useless but I memorized it anyways. I'm thankful I did but my hands are still sweaty in fear of talking to Diego.

He's a sweet guy, but his parents are awful people. Every time I see him, I get reminded of how cruel people can be and the deaths of my parents. There's a bit of Diego within the way he holds himself and walks regardless of the fact he shares zero genetics with them.

"Hey, I can borrow a phone to call someone?" I ask the receptionist. When she turns, her curly hair twists alongside her and reveals a white phone held to her ear. She smiles and nods, pointing towards a large blue stand where a phone sits. "Thank you!"

I wipe my hands on my jeans, my eyes lingering back in the corridor where people are cutting Nirvaan into pieces and where he slowly gets blood within his veins once again. I breath in and out, my eyes darting back to that phone.

With shaky hands, I dial in the number. It picks up within the third ringtone. "I told you to speak to my agent!" Diego angrily says, chocking back a sob as he says. "I can't organize Tina's funeral. Please stop calling me. My agent's number is -- "

"- Diego! It's me, Matsya!" I say, praying he remembers me, "Nirvaan, he's in danger."

"Am I supposed to care?" snaps Diego, his tone dark and unfriendly. I sink away from the phone in embarrassment, and a bit of shock. Why is Diego acting so rude? I thought Nirvaan was his best friend. "When I needed him the most, he ran off with some random girl. Our -- I mean my best friend is dead. And Nirvaan, even when I helped him in his times of need, he ran off."

"Sorry to interrupt your pity party but Nirvaan is dying. In a hospital, with no one besides me and you left within his life," I state, cutting him off. Anger fuels through my veins, and I harshly whisper the words. "Fun fact of the day; Tina's murderer was trying to hunt Nirvaan and I down. He ran away so he wouldn't endanger his own and your lives!"

Diego takes a sharp inhale, and I could imagine his eyes narrowing as he processed this news. "What?! Explain all of this," he demands. "Why didn't Nirvaan tell me?"

"I don't know -- but Nirvaan is bleeding out to his death right now, and he needs you here," I say, my tone softening a bit. "I'm at Riverside Hospital which shouldn't be too far. Hurry up."

I slam the phone back into the dialer, my eyes drifting back to the door. In confident strides, I walk back to my seat in front of the door. I know Diego will come, he would've easily picked up upon the subtle threats within my voice.

It's good to know I can channel my tough Matsya mask whenever I need it and that Nirvaan hasn't changed me completely. I'm still the same Matsya, still that girl who tries to be tough and knows how to scare off people with a snap of her fingers. But, with Nirvaan I don't need that mask that often anymore. He's allowed me to be more soft more often -- he's not some magician that changed my personality completely. All he did was tell me that I didn't have to wear my mask of terror so often.

□

I TIGHTLY HUG MY JACKET, my eyes closing shut as I almost fall asleep again. My feet are perched upwards on a chair, and my hair falls onto Diego's shoulder who stares at the door in defeat. As soon as Diego saw my eyebags, he told me to go to sleep and that he'll wake me as soon as there's any news about Nirvaan.

Diego was truly a sweet guy. He prioritized my sleep over his desire to know the truth. On top of that, I think I may have drooled onto his shoulder while taking a small nap. Something came over me as I slept, and I no longer feel so driven to kill Diego's parents or to get revenge. I would much rather spend the rest of my days with Nirvaan in a normal life and leave the revenge to Amir.

I want to forgot all the anger I had, and replace it with days of love. The days where I terrorised people, where I burnt down buildings out of sheer annoyance and blindly followed Amir are gone. Along with it, I have to sacrifice my dreams of killing Diego's parents to start a new page where hatred doesn't fuel me anymore and love does.

"Matsya," Diego softly says, pulling me out of my half asleep state. I wipe the sleep away from my eyes. "We can visit him now."

His words make me snap my eyes completely open. I stand up, dusting off my jeans and pulling a hand through my hair. We start to walk within the room. "Did the doctors say he's fine now?" I ask, pushing the door.

"He said that Nirvaan only needed eight or so stitches. If you didn't come earlier, he may have died," Diego says. "Fortunately, he'll be discharged today."

I nod, my eyes already glancing towards Nirvaan who is still asleep. His eyes are closed, but with every tap of my heels, they start to flutter open. "Matsya," he mumbles, his eyes opening as he smiled at me Diego. "Diego!"

There's bandages wrapped tightly all over his arm, disallowing us to see the freshly made stitches. "I feel like shit," Nirvaan says, strenching his back slightly. "My arm hurts so much. I thought I was going to die."

I bite a chuckle, causing Nirvaan to sharply glare at me. With his small pout, I start to laugh alongside Diego. "Dude. A bullet only grazed you," Diego explains. "There's no way eight stitches could've killed you. You only fainted apparently because you wear so afraid."

Nirvaan sighs. "Hey! I don't see you defeating some don anytime soon," he proudly exclaims. "I singlehandedly defeated him. With the help of Matsya."

I don't point out how that his statement was very contradictory. Instead I laugh and smile at this idiot that managed to turn my world upside down. Without thinking much about it, I kiss the side of his forehead. "I'm so glad you haven't changed one bit," I say.

At first, Nirvaan raises an eyebrow and watches me with surpirse. It lastes a few seconds before a large smile takes over his face. "I was hoping Nirvaan was lying about your anger," Diego sighs, "I don't think you've changed that much either."

I guess the only thing changed was our lack of masks and need to cover our true personalities with either causing fear or cowering in fear.

"She threatened you?" Nirvaan asks, his eyebrows knitted together as he tried to grasp what happened while he was passed out. "How much did I miss out on?"

I shrug as Diego shoots Nirvaan a sharp glare. "Obviously not as much as I did. Apparently you found the love of your life, angered some mafia and ran away within two months?!" Diego bitterly says. "If anything, you guys should fill me in."

Nirvaan raises a finger to say something, his hair falling over his forehead in a messy way. Instead of saying anything, he chuckles. "When you say it like that, it sounds much cleaner than what actually happened," Nirvaan explains. "If anything, the last two months are the most chaotic thing I've ever been through but of I'm honest, I don't really regret it."

A small smile comes over my lips, and I lean against the wall as I watch the two converse. The light falls onto Nirvaan's eyes, shining and making his eyes a soft shade of brown as he happily laughs. Diego tries to act frustrated with Nirvaan, often crossing and uncrossing his eyes but his eyes gleam with the same happiness as Nirvaan.

The hospital glean with the same disgusting detergent scented walls. Last time when I was in a hospital was when my mother died because of a bullet wound. It was filled with tears and the start of my need for revenge. This time, I'm in the hospital because of a bullet but I'm laughing and I no longer what revenge. I don't see darkness in my future anymore. I see happiness -- I know that my future would be brighter now days and I can't wait to begin my new life.

"What are you thinking? About yours and Nirvaan's next adventure?" Diego jokes, grinning a wide smile. "Perhaps this time some undercover agent would try to mess with Matsya and poor Nirvaan here would get roped in again."

"No one messes with me," I claim, pushing my shoulders back and smile. "End of story."

Nirvaan dramatically rolls his eyes, lazily picking up my hand as he holds it. "Baari ayi," he mumbles under his breath. "Although, I highly doubt anyone can mess with Matsya."

Diego smirks, his eyes watching my burning cheeks carefully. I think he knows too. No one messes with Matsya is now a joke, ever since Nirvaan entered my life and made everything into chaos and caused me to fall in love. Nirvaan messed with my emotions and made me into a softer edition of Matsya.

Nirvaan messed up my entire life and turned my globe upside down. However, there's no way I'm telling him that so instead I and Diego exchanged a look. "What?" Nirvaan says, his eyes watching us both carefully. I shrug.

"You guys are so gross," Diego says, upturning his nose. "I'm going to get some coffee. You guys can make out until then or whatever couples do."

With that statement, Diego turns on his heels and walks out with much grace. I watch his retreating back until Nirvaan squeezes my hand. My eyes glance towards Nirvaan, my small smile broadening until it kisses my cheeks and lights my eyes up.

"So . . . You know how I said I think I love you?" Nirvaan says, his eyes shining with warmth. "Yeah, I lied. I know I love you."

I raise an eyebrow. "You've become confident. Where is this all coming from?" I ask. My heart drums, slightly afraid of rejection. I swallow my fear, cursing myself for being more afraid of Nirvaan leaving me than guns. "And while we're at it, I love you too."

In response, Nirvaan squeezes my hand again and causes my heart to do strange backflips. One thing is for certain; although guns may not terrify me or set my heart pounding, Nirvaan can. The slightest upturn of his lips sends fire through my heart, the blood of his upon floor makes me even more terrified than a gun in front of my heart and his comments can make my day. Everything has gone haywire with even the smallest movements of his.

He's definitely messed up my entire life and emotions. And I love him for it.

□

THE END

y'all it's over. how was the chapter? And the entire novel? keep in mind that endings are not my strong suit so any feedback will be deeply appreciated!

i'm gonna miss writing about matysa and nirvaan so badly. i might do an epilogue. do you guys want one or do you guys think i wrapped it up neatly enough?

although nirvaan's and matsya's journey may be over, my journey with you guys isn't over yet! i'll be posting the acknowledgements next. stay tuned i guess!

vote?

- a very emotional maya