TRAINING WHEELS—
THE AFTERMATH

052

( tw/ very brief mention of slight starvation )

"No."

It was the first thing Draco had said, and not at all what Amora had been hoping for after declaring her love to her secret boyfriend of nearly nine months. His jaw was clenched and his silver eyes were glaring into her. Amora knew that he had said it not out of disbelief or shock, but out of denial.

Her heart thudded painfully in her chest. If Amora had a Time-Turner, she would have gone back in time a minute earlier and clamped her hand over her own mouth before she could confess. However, the words were out now. They'd met Draco's ears and there was no taking them back.

It felt like he had her heart in his hands, and it was terrifying. She knew what he was going to do with it. She knew by the end of tonight, she'd probably be the one picking it up off of the floor and desperately trying to piece it back together.

"What do you mean 'no'?" Amora repeated, her voice nearly trembling.

"You can't just say that, Amora," Draco spat through gritted teeth, swallowing harshly as he tried to look anywhere but into her eyes. "You can't just throw that word around like that."

"I didn't," Amora protested, "I- I mean it, Draco. I've meant it for a while now."

Draco's lip curled and his head turned to the side. Amora felt her face and ears growing scalding hot, her heart erratic behind her ribs and her stomach in knots. She felt like she was about to be sick; Draco was going to reject her. She always had a feeling this may happen, which was why she never said it, yet deep down she thought maybe Draco would confess that he was just as in love with her as she was him.

"Say something!" The brunette ordered, praying that she didn't sound as weak and defeated as she already felt.

Tell me you love me too. Tell me that you've never felt this way about somebody before. Brush the hair out of my eyes and kiss me on the lips and tell me I have nothing to worry about. That you've been dreaming of me telling you this for ages now. Tell me that I mean the world to you.

"I don't know what you want me to say." Draco's voice was void of any emotion. "I have nothing to say."

Amora swore that her heart had collapsed. Her inner romantic wept, her childhood dreams of being unconditionally loved by a soulmate being swept under a rug that was swiftly stomped on and killed. This kind of rejection felt different to anything that Amora had ever felt before. The worst part was that she couldn't force him to say the words back. And even if she could, she wouldn't want to. She'd want him to want to say it.

"Anything," Amora whispered, "Say anything."

Draco's silver eyes flickered to meet hers. They faltered for a moment and Amora wished she knew what he was thinking. Was he going to break up with her? Was he completely grossed out or terrified that she had fallen in love with him?

"You don't love me," Draco finally said-- sternly. "You don't know me."

"Yes, I do," Amora protested, her face scrunching up slightly. "I know lots about you. I know that you love to read, even Muggle classics sometimes, and that you take your tea in the mornings without any sugar. I know that you hum to yourself when you're upset, and that, even though you say you hate Hogwarts, you think of it as your home more so than your own one with your parents. I also know that you hold my face when we kiss because you don't want me to be the first to pull away, and that deep down, under that cold exterior that you wear, you're actually thoughtful and sweet and you care about your friends and mother more than anything."

Draco clenched his jaw as it went silent and then he scoffed loudly. "Oh, save the sonnet for me, Amora. Did you also know it was me who made the badges for Weasley? And made up that little song? Even though I knew you wouldn't like it. I also made fun of Potter's dead mother on the field, and I mocked all of the Weasleys-- for being ugly and useless and dirty. Like Muggles. Does that make you love me, Amora? Does it?"

Tears stung in Amora's eyes. Her heart had fallen even further, if that was possible. She couldn't defend any of those things. Mocking Harry's mother wasn't 'post-game banter', it was cruel and sick and Draco knew exactly what he was doing.

Her silence made Draco scoff again. "Exactly. That's the real me, Amora. You don't love me."

"What are you doing, Draco?" Amora pleaded with him, "Why are you trying to get me to hate you? I- I can't excuse those actions. I don't love you for doing that, but I know I love you because instead of it making me want to run away from you, it makes me want to help you--"

"Here comes the fucking saviour complex," Draco sneered.

"So what?" Amora seethed abruptly, feeling a hot tear crash to her cheek without her consent. "So are you going to break up with me for loving you?"

Draco's jaw unclenched for the shortest moment, wobbling a little, before he gritted his teeth again. "No. You're being ridiculously stupid, though. I don't know what made you think of coming out with that."

"You're such an arsehole, Draco," Amora sniffled, running a hand through her hair. "I never expected you to say it back, but if you didn't feel the same then you could have just let me down easier than this!"

The platinum blond boy stared at her as tears strolled down her cheeks. "Why didn't you expect me to say it back?"

Previously, Amora had believed that he might have loved her, but wouldn't tell her because he was too scared. That he would try to dismiss her because his own feelings overpowered him again and he got scared and shut off from her like all of the other times. However, this didn't feel like the painful scenarios she had imagined in her head. This felt like he really didn't care.

"Because you don't," Amora croaked, "Because you don't feel the same way. Do you?"

Now. Say it now. Please.

"No," Draco said bluntly, his scowl sort of strained now. "No, I don't love you."

Fuck. Part of her seriously thought he could use that as a way of telling her that he did feel the same, but he hadn't. This was nothing like her romance novels. Amora knew she had to get out of here before she started sobbing hysterically. Her heart couldn't handle this, it was designed to love-- not for this.

"Forget it," she said harshly, well aware that Draco probably knew how much she was breaking on the inside. "Forget I even came here tonight. Forget everything."

"Everything?" Draco repeated as she began to walk away. "Everything?" He called louder as she ignored him. "Just because I won't to say it back--"

Amora whirled back around. "It's not about that! It's because you've made me feel pathetic and small and like the biggest idiot in the world. I'm a whole lot braver than you for confessing that, Draco. I didn't expect 'a sonnet' from you, but I certainly wasn't expecting for this to happen. You could have told me that you weren't ready, or that you weren't there yet-- anything but that!"

"Fine," Draco snapped, "Walk out on me then. After I've been beaten up by your so-called friends, nonetheless!"

Amora bit her lip as she marched to the door before facing him. "For what you said to them both? You deserved every punch you got, Malfoy."

D.M + A.B

Sobs racked through Amora's body as soon as she made it past everyone in the common room and into her dormitory. She briefly heard the girls in her room gushing over her, clambering out of their beds to see why she was crying, but Amora was already gone. Locking herself away in the bathroom, she sunk down to the ground and wept into her knees, her long hair forming a curtain around her shaking face.

Their faint knocking only irritated her, especially the cooing sounds that they made as they tried to coax her out. Amora's sobs just grew louder, as if to try and block them out. She'd managed to hold it in until she got down to the Hufflepuff basement, but now her dam was breaking-- snapping, twisting, contorting.

"Alohomora."

"Go away," Amora sobbed as soon as she saw the four girls standing in the doorway. "Please. Please. Just leave me alone."

"Amora--" Susan tried, but Amora forced the door back with her foot, slamming it shut in their faces.

There was a small silence before Amora began to cry again. The hot, salty tears leaked down her cheeks as her heart hammered in her chest. It had smashed to fragments and rattled in her lungs and her ribs, suffocating and intoxicating her. It made her entire body feel numb, but at the same time she felt like punching the wall and seeing if that would make her feel something other than heartbreak.

She couldn't force Draco to love her back. No matter how much she wanted him to. He was her first love, the first person she had ever confessed to, and it had backfired horribly. Humiliation made her cheeks turn red, her lips swelling from the amount of crying she was doing. Her hands reached for her hair and she tugged, chest heaving and shaking.

Amora risked everything loving him. She'd betrayed her friends, her own mother, her morals... And he didn't even feel the same. He couldn't even let her down easily-- it was like he had to break her heart, like he was disgusted by the idea of her genuinely caring about him.

If Amora had never have fallen in love with Draco, then Leon would still be her best friend today. Deep down she knew it wasn't actually Draco's fault that Leon's true colours came to surface, but it was true nevertheless. She was just trying to pick out all of his flaws, trying to get herself to believe that she hated him really.

I hate him. I hate him. I hate him.

No matter how much Amora repeated the words in her head, she knew they weren't true. That was why she was crying so much, after all.

I don't know what you want me to say. I have nothing to say.

You're being ridiculously stupid, though. I don't know what made you think of coming out with that.

Here comes the fucking saviour complex again.

No. No, I don't love you.

Amora wasn't sure how much time had passed, but when the door opened again she was too exhausted from crying her heart out to tell the person to leave. Kathy stood there, a sympathetic frown on her face as she moved to sit down next to Amora on the floor. Amora found herself resting her head on Kathy's shoulder.

"He doesn't love me back," she whimpered.

"He's probably just scared," Kathy whispered, stroking her hair. "You told me how bad he is at expressing his emotions."

"He was so cruel," Amora cried, hiding her face in her hands. "I'm so embarrassed. I thought-- Merlin, I don't know what I thought."

Kathy didn't say anything but continued to run her fingers through Amora's silky locks. Amora sobbed and sobbed and sobbed, feeling like she might never stop.

D.M + A.B

Waking up the next morning had been the worst part because for a moment she forgot all about the day before. For a few moments, Draco was still hers and he had no idea that she had fallen in love with him. It was the way that reality came tumbling back in that had her sinking into her mattress, weeping quietly before any of the other girls had even woken up.

She spent that Sunday wallowing in self-pity. Her heart ached, wondering where she could have possibly gone wrong. No matter how much Kathy tried to convince her that it was Draco's own problem and not hers, Amora couldn't help but feel like she should have done things differently. If things had been different then maybe he would have said it back.

Maybe if you were in Slytherin.

Maybe if your mother wasn't the Muggle Studies teacher.

Maybe if you didn't come with so much baggage like fake friends and a dead cousin.

Her thoughts quickly grew darker.

Maybe if you were prettier.

Maybe if you were skinnier.

Amora wasn't sure if she totally believed those last two comments, or if she just skipped meals because she couldn't stomach them. Either way, she avoided the Great Hall. Amora had never felt like she was ugly, especially not after having multiple boys ask her to the Yule Ball. Yet maybe she wasn't good enough for Draco.

No. No, no, no, no, no. I will not change for anybody-- least of all a stupid boy. If he doesn't like me the way that I am then that's his issue. Not mine.

But being without Draco felt painful. That Monday, two days after she had been shut down by him, Amora wandered into Defence Against the Dark Arts only to find Pansy sat in Draco's usual seat. Part of her was relieved that she wouldn't have to sit next to him and pretend that everything was fine, but the larger half of her felt as if her heart had been stabbed and stomped on.

Her eyes drifted to the back of the classroom where Pansy would normally sit, and sure enough Draco was in her old spot. He sat next to Blaise, but his head was down. Blaise frowned at her, as if to ask what was going on, but Amora couldn't stand to look him in the eye. Swallowing, she made her way to her usual seat and earned the same look from Pansy.

Amora never thought she would be relieved for Professor Umbridge to start a lesson. Spending the next hour silently writing lines from her textbook like everybody else allowed her mind to drift all over the place. Overall, she was pretty humiliated that this was happening to her, as well as devastated. She'd confessed her love to her boyfriend only for him to start pretending that she didn't exist.

As soon as the bell rang, signalling the end of the lesson, Pansy grabbed Amora by the wrist and tugged her out into the corridor. Amora's eyes felt like they were burning, stinging with tears that she prayed didn't fall. The silent rejection had been too much for her fragile heart to handle.

"What happened?" Pansy demanded, "Draco's back to being the biggest twat in the history of twats right now. He won't even talk to us."

Amora swallowed thickly before she replied, just to ensure that her voice didn't shake. "He doesn't love me back," she said, "We got into an argument. I'm pretty sure it's over between us."

Pansy's eyes widened. "You... You love him?"

"Yeah, that's what I said to him," Amora snapped, her heart heavy at the reminder. "Although, you'd think I told him I hated him and wanted to murder his entire family with the look that he gave me."

"Sorry, sorry," Pansy muttered, "I just... Amora, I don't think anyone but his mother has ever said that to him before. He was probably just scared."

"So scared he swapped seats with you and let me down so harshly... I wouldn't consider it 'being let down', actually, I'd consider it humiliation," Amora said bitterly, "I'm not grovelling to him and begging for him to love me back. If he doesn't love me and he doesn't even want to be near me now because I said it, then that's his problem."

Pansy grinned wickedly. "That's right, Amora. You wait for him to come to you now."

Amora's heart had pounded at the thought; what if he never came? Draco was stubborn-- more stubborn than her-- and she was pretty sure he wouldn't be knocking on her dorm room door anytime soon to declare his undying love.

Tuesday went the same way. They shared two classes together that day, and in every single one he pretended that she didn't exist. They didn't share sneaky smiles, no notes came her way with 'yours, d' scribbled underneath. No comforting look when they passed each other in the halls. It was like they were dead to each other. As if nothing had ever happened between them to start off with.

It hurt worse that Wednesday when Hermione had pulled her away from Harry and Ron, smiling. Somehow, Amora knew what was coming. Or perhaps she hadn't known, but it was all that seemed to be on her mind and was rather just a coincidence.

"So..." The Granger girl grinned, "How are things with you and Malfoy?" She'd whispered.

That had made Amora promptly burst into tears and have to be escorted back to her common room, further away from Harry and Ron who wondered what the hell Hermione had said to Amora to make her sob so badly. She was just glad that Draco hadn't been around to witness it. She was already as embarrassed as it was.

To say Hermione was furious when she found out why Amora was upset would be an understatement. Amora could tell that the Gryffindor girl was on the verge of saying 'I told you so' but held back for Amora's sake and comforted her for a while, promising to make up some excuse to Harry and Ron.

The rest of the week rolled by agonisingly slow. Amora didn't realise how much Draco had actually meant to her until he wasn't there anymore. Her entire body ached and her mind felt numb from all of the overthinking she had been doing. She wondered if Draco was doing fine without her-- after all, he couldn't be hurting more than she did-- he didn't love her.

It hurt that he didn't love her-- it hurt like a bitch, in fact-- but Amora was sure she could have handled it if he had been kinder about it. Draco, however, had been a complete asshole.

She should have expected nothing less from him.

"No more moping about," Kathy demanded, pulling the bed covers off of her that Saturday morning. "Come on, it's a Hogsmeade day. I'm treating you to a Butterbeer and you're going to forget Malfoy even exists."

Kathy had been by her side a lot since Amora had come back to her dorm crying a week ago. In fact, all of the girls were being a whole lot nicer to her, despite not knowing what had happened. Perhaps they thought she was crying over Cedric or something.

"I don't feel like it, Kath..." Amora muttered, hugging her duvet closer to her body.

"Must I get Pansy Parkinson herself to come and tug you out of this bed?"

Amora thought it was merely a joke until ten minutes later when the dorm room door slammed open, hitting the wall on the other side. She'd seen Susan sit up from where Amora was lying on her side, a horrified look crossing the ginger girl's freckled face.

"What the hell is she doing here?" Susan gaped, horrified. "This is the Hufflepuff dorm--"

"Oh, shut it, Weasley," Amora heard Pansy's snarl, causing her head to whip up.

"I'm not a Weasley!" Susan cried, "I'm just ginger--"

Pansy remained unbothered by Susan, instead taking long strides over to Amora's bed and ripping the covers off. The brunette scowled, grabbing her pillow as Pansy then grabbed the glass of water on her bedside table.

"You wouldn't--" Amora was cut off by Pansy tossing the water straight at Amora, the pillow doing nothing to shield her. "You bitch!" Amora gasped, jumping out of her bed.

Pansy smirked and gave her a wink. "That's me, darling. Now get your arse in the shower. I'm going to Hogsmeade today with you and I don't hang around people that don't brush their teeth and hair."

Amora was shoved into the shower, despite feeling like her social battery had been drained for the week. She'd planned on spending the weekend alone, drowning in her own thoughts and sorrows, but she should have known that Pansy wouldn't let her. When she emerged, the Slytherin girl was already digging through her wardrobe.

"I happen to know that Draco is going to Hogsmeade with Blaise and Theo, so you have to wear something cute..." Pansy muttered, "Actually, screw cute-- hot."

Amora was alarmed until she realised that the rest of the girls had already left the dorm, probably already heading to Hogsmeade. She stood in the doorway that led into the bathroom, her arms folded across her towel-clad chest.

"Pansy, how on earth am I supposed to dress hot in the middle of November? I'll freeze my tits off for sure--"

"Tights exist, Amora." Pansy rolled her eyes, grabbing a pair. "Hmm... Let's see..."

Amora decided to get on with drying herself off whilst she waited for Pansy, casting a few warming charms here and there. Her hair transformed to its usual long, brown waves, and she moisturised her skin and did some makeup-- just her usual of mascara, blush and concealer. She thanked her mother for her naturally thick, arched brows.

"Try this on," Pansy instructed once she was done.

Amora did as she was told, huffing slightly as she pulled on the pair of sheer black tights and her black turtleneck shirt. Pansy chucked her a burgundy pinafore dress that she had forgotten she even owned, slipping it on to discover that it hugged all of her curves and complimented her rosy lips and cheeks.

"Merlin," Pansy chuckled, rubbing her hands together mischievously. "Maybe you should forget about Draco and stay here with me, Amora..."

Amora laughed and shoved Pansy's shoulder, realising it was the first time she had properly smiled in a week now. She slipped on a pair of shoes and grabbed a coat and a hat, shrugging them on. Pansy held out her arm for Amora to link her own through it, the two of them leaving the Hufflepuff dorm and making their way to Hogsmeade.

Where Amora would hopefully be able to forget about Draco for a bit.

...

had to do it to em

pls i actually lowkey ship pansy and amora ngl.

anywaysss, thanks for reading <333

dyiansobrien.