I don't fall asleep until three in the morning and somehow get up at eleven. I blame my thoughts, but that's what I get for writing that poem so it's my own fault. It's always my fault.

I drag myself out of bed to get ready for the day before I head downstairs to get something to eat. Mom and Hannah are in the living room while Dad and Kate are in the kitchen. Probably better to be with Dad and Kate than have Hannah ask more questions. I spare Mom and Hannah a smile and wave before I head into the kitchen.

The second I sit at the table, Dad slides a bowl of cereal over to me. "What time did you get home last night?"

"Around eleven," I yawn.

"Doing what?" Kate asks. "Reading poems?"

She says it like we were really out murdering people in cold blood, and I have to laugh. "Yeah, for a while. Then, we went ice skating."

Kate's eyes light up and she leans forward. "They ice skate?"

I glance up and off to the side. "Well... Nathan's just learning. Clara claims she knows how to skate, but she didn't last night."

My sister's eyes dim, and she settles back in her seat. "At least that's better than your old friends." Dad arches an eyebrow at Kate. She shrugs, looking away. "Just saying..."

Dad laughs. "There's nothing wrong with Kassie, Leah, and Jason."

The look on Kate's face says otherwise. She tightly crosses her arms and shifts slightly away from us. "Sure, Dad."

Dad glances at me, and I shrug. As far as I know, those three never really interacted with Kate. Most of their focus was always on Morgan. He always had a way to draw people's attention to him whether he wanted it or not. And most of the time, he wanted it. So I wonder what happened between those three and Kate if my sister thinks there's something wrong with them...

"Nathan and Clara seem cool," Kate says, stirring her rainbow-colored milk around. Her eyes flicker to me and back to her bowl. "Are you gonna hang out with them again this break?"

The doorbell rings before I can answer. Dad gets up to see who it is. I watch him slip out of the kitchen before turning back to Kate. She's already looking at me, her expression blank but expectant.

I shrug. "I might if I run into them again."

Kate doesn't say anything for a second, her expression unreadable as she studies me. For a moment, I think I see her eyebrows furrow, but the moment I blink, she's emotionless again, mixing the remnants of her cereal.

"Okay," she says.

Unlike yesterday, Kate doesn't even try to start a banter going. I slowly set my spoon against the bowl, sitting forward. Kate catches the movement, and her eyes flicker up at me. We watch each other. She doesn't make a move to say anything, so I guess she's waiting for me to start the banter. Except nothing comes to mind. We sit in silence until Dad comes back.

"Clara's at the door," he says.

I do a double-take. "She is?"

Dad nods, frowning at my reaction. "Do you want me to send her away?"

I shake my head, standing. "No. It's okay."

My eyes flicker to Kate. She's already staring down at her cereal again. I take a deep breath and turn away to head for the front door. Maybe we'll have a conversation another time. Maybe things will be okay. Another time.

I take a deep breath once I'm staring at the front door. Sure enough, when I open it, Clara's there. She smiles when she sees me. "Hey. I wasn't sure if you'd be up. Nathan wasn't when I called him."

"Right..." I draw out. I'm gonna assume she asked Nathan where I live.

She rubs her hands together. "Anyway, do you wanna hang out?"

I blink. "Right now?"

She exaggeratedly claps her hands together, her gloves making a muffled thudding sound. "And I'm taking that as a hard no."

She smiles as she says this, so I know there aren't hard feelings if it is a hard no. Which it's not. I just need to start over. I take a breath and offer her a smile. "Give me a second, and then we can head out."

I step back to let her walk in. She ducks inside and greets my family with a smile while I run up to my room to grab a jacket. I shove my phone, wallet, and keys into my pockets and head back downstairs. By the time I come back, everyone is gathered in the living room with Clara at the center of attention.

"...prefer not to," she's saying.

Kate makes a face. Her chin rests in her hands and her feet are tucked beneath her as she looks up at Clara. "What's the point of hanging out with Nathan if you don't like poetry?"

Clara shrugs. "He's interesting to be around."

Kate scrunches up her face. "Interesting how?"

"Just interesting." Clara starts listing things off her fingers. "He's really good with words. Talking with him about anything gives me an existential crisis. He's willing to try new things like ice skating yesterday."

Hannah sits up. "Oh, so you did go ice skating yesterday."

Clara blinks, lowering her hand. "Yeah. Mona didn't tell you?"

Hannah waves a hand in front of her. "No, she did. It's just—"

Mom cuts Hannah off with a pointed look. "Not all of us heard about what you guys were doing last night. She came home pretty late, and she just got up."

Mom shoots Hannah a look again, but I don't think Hannah deserves it. I don't blame her for wanting someone to confirm where I was, but I have to admit it still takes me off guard knowing she does. I thought she'd trust me by now considering she thinks I'm "just perfect," but I guess I have to do a lot more to gain that trust.

Clara shifts. "Oh, well, that was on me and Nathan. Not on Mona."

Mom smiles at Clara. "We're not mad. Just wondering."

Clara nods, her eyes flickering from my parents to Hannah. It looks like she's about to say something else, but she notices me and pushes herself off the couch. Her eyes are a little glazed over, but her tone is just as light as ever.

"Ready to go?" she asks.

I nod, keeping my eyes on Clara. "Yeah. Let's go."

We wave goodbye to my family. Hannah gives me a pointed look as she tells me not to stay out too late. I nod, forcing a smile on my face. My eyes flicker to my parents to see if they have instructions for me, but their attention is on Hannah. I don't really know what to read in their expressions, but I have a feeling there'll be an argument between my parents and Hannah at some point. And I can't say I'm not happy to be out of the house for it.

Once I shut the door, Clara turns to me. "Your sister doesn't seem to trust you."

Oh, so it's obvious... "She's protective, I guess."

Clara raises her eyebrows. "So much that she thinks you're lying all the time?" I don't respond, and I'm sure that tells Clara almost everything she needs to know. Hopefully, that doesn't include how much the thought bothers me. It really shouldn't, though. I know where the distrust comes from, but still. "At least she lets you out of the house. Where do you want to go?"

I swallow, forcing a smile on my face. "Wherever is fine."

Clara's eyes light up. "You mean that?"

I blink. "Sure..."

"Great." A conspiratorial smile settles on her face. "Let's go."

Clara shoots me a sly look before bounding down the porch steps. I look after her before I slowly follow. What did I just get myself into?

***

About fifteen minutes later, we're standing outside Blackwater. Clara walks right up to the main entrance and types in a code to get in, saying it aloud in a sing-song voice. She does the same when she shuts off the security system inside, looking at me with a smile and a glint in her eyes.

"Let's go," she says.

I follow her. "Go where?"

She smirks. "You'll see."

Clara goes down a few hallways before taking me up multiple flights of stairs. When we reach the top floor, she leads me into a classroom and pushes one of the windows open, climbing out onto the roof. She looks back at me, arching an eyebrow when she realizes I'm not immediately clambering out after her.

Well, I followed her this far. Might as well go all the way. I climb outside, the snow crunching beneath my feet as I sit on the edge of the window and glance around. Every square inch of the roof is covered in snow except for the area beneath a small roof shade, including two chairs with a bookcase and basket full of snacks between them.

I gesture to the setup. "I'm surprised I haven't noticed that before. I have class in this room every day."

Clara shrugs. "Nathan and I made sure it was out of sight. That was the agreement." She nods toward the teacher's desk. "We're pretty close, so she doesn't tell anyone we're out here unless we're ditching class." Clara holds her index finger out, giving me a meaningful look. "Which we don't unless it's a friend crisis."

Clara seems open to talking about what's considered a friend crisis, but she might ask me about my life if I ask about hers. Probably better not to leave any opening for that, so I change the subject. "If it's not a friend crisis, what do you guys do when you're out here? Read?"

She follows my gaze to the bookshelf. "Those are actually all of Nathan's old journals."

My eyes widen. "Really?"

Clara laughs, nodding. "Yeah. He writes pretty much all the time. He's weird like that."

I don't know if weird is the word I would use. More like dedicated and thoughtful. But I don't push the point. "Do you think he would mind if I flipped through a journal?"

Clara shrugs. "I don't think so. Go ahead."

I cross the roof and pull a journal out at random. I sit on one of the chairs and flip through it, skimming the poems. They're different but similar to the ones he shared with me yesterday. Still about stars, but I think his newer ones go more in-depth about what stars are and how they form and what happens to them. These feel more experimental like he wasn't sure what he was writing about.

"Hey," Clara says, breaking me from my thoughts. She takes the other chair. "What was your poem about?"

I blink, my grip on the journal tightening. "Mine?"

She nods. "Yeah. I don't know you that well yet, so it was hard for me to figure the poem out."

I shake my head. "There's not much to say. I just wrote whatever came to mind."

Clara sits up, her eyes darkening. "We're friends, right?" I wouldn't really call us friends since we barely met, but I nod. I don't know what I expect her to say, but it's not, "Then, why are you lying to me?" I blink. How do I even respond to that? I don't have to—thank god—because Clara sighs, relaxing in her seat. "Sorry, but not sorry. Nathan's always telling me I shouldn't say things like that, but I want the truth from my friends."

I play with the edges of the journal. I want to look away, but I feel like that'll make Clara think I'm lying again. "I wasn't lying. There isn't really anything to say about the poem. It's just something I promised to do."

The corners of Clara's mouth turn up, and her eyes lighten. "Don't let Nathan hear you say that."

The mood lifts, and we move on to other topics. My favorite is probably how Nathan and Clara became friends. It's not at all surprising that it was all on Clara's part, but I find myself laughing at the details anyway.

"He always wanted to share his writing in class," Clara smiles, her expression softening. "But if you asked him to share it with you one-on-one, he'd get so shy, it was ridiculous. I stopped asking at some point because I didn't want him to feel like I was harassing him."

I sit forward, holding my chin in my hands. "So what'd you do instead?"

"After he finished sharing his poems, I would tell him how much I liked them and ask what they were about and how he came up with them. That was the only time he was willing to share anything about his poems one-on-one. So I kept complimenting him and asking right after he shared, and if we weren't supposed to talk, we passed notes back and forth about it. Eventually, he got used to me, and now we're best friends."

I smile. "You two sound really close."

"You have no idea." But I do. I would give anything to be that close to someone again. Actually, not someone... Morgan... I swallow, hoping that fills the void that just opened up inside of me. I think it does a little bit because Clara doesn't ask me about my change in mood. "Anyway, I feel like I've been doing all the talking. What about you? Any childhood friends?"

A twin doesn't count as a childhood friend, right? "No. Not really."

"Then, any close friends I should know about in case they come and accuse me of stealing you?"

I shake my head. "No. No friends."

"What?" Clara leans against the armrest. "That doesn't make any sense." She narrows her eyes. "Nathan mentioned you just moved here, but don't you still talk to your old friends from when you lived with your parents?"

I shrug, sitting back. "We drifted apart." Before Morgan even died. My fault, I think.

Clara frowns, scrunching up her face. "Well... I guess it's not so bad. Now that you have me and Nathan, you'll never make friends or think of your old friends without thinking that they suck compared to us."

I feel the corner of my mouth turn up. "Definitely."

Clara laughs, her eyebrows shooting up. "Really? Just like that? No argument?"

I shake my head. "No argument."

She laughs again, and I listen to her voice fill the space around us, sure that she's not far off on her prediction.