I'm one of the last ones to wake up. This wouldn't be a problem if it was just me and Hannah, but now that the rest of the family is here, walking into the kitchen feels like walking into the Supreme Court. But at least Hannah slides a plate of pancakes to me when I sit at the table. I doubt a judge would be kind enough to give me pancakes while sentencing me to jail.

I drown my pancakes in syrup, making Dad smile. "Some habits don't change."

I eye his syrup-drowned pancakes. "You have the same habit."

"That's probably where you get it from." He ruffles my hair. I smile down at my breakfast. I miss this. "So tell me more about your friends." But I don't want to hear that. Hannah and Mom stop their conversation to listen. My grip on the syrup bottle tightens, making Dad arch an eyebrow. "That's a lot of syrup..."

I nod, inhaling. "Right..."

I set the bottle down and stab a pancake with my fork, trying to think of something to say. I could go back to the names I listed yesterday, but I can't make myself say anything about them. If I'm supposed to give more details to Dad, I'd rather have an honest answer than a lie.

I fight to keep my breathing level when two names clearly appear in my head: Nathan and Clara. Those are the names I say aloud.

"Who?" Hannah's eyebrows furrow. "How come you never mentioned them to me before?"

I shrug. "We only met yesterday."

Her eyes flash, and she leans forward. Wrong answer. Overprotective big sister mode activated. "Yesterday?"

I nod, running my hands down my pants. "Yeah. Yesterday."

"What are they like?" Mom asks.

From the way Hannah's studying me, I have a feeling that if I say I don't really know what they're like, she's going to do a full investigation herself. "They're pretty cool." I glance up at the ceiling as I try to think of something else to say. For someone that talked to Nathan for over an hour, I'm blanking pretty hard on facts about him. "Um... Nathan likes poetry. Clara thinks it's okay."

"Poetry," Dad muses like it's the most character-defining thing he's ever heard. "Do you think we can meet them before your winter break is over?"

"Maybe the new year," Mom suggests.

I grit my teeth. Please don't talk about the new year...

"Christmas comes first," Kate yawns, rubbing her eyes as she comes into the kitchen. She pulls out the chair next to me and sits. "Besides, New Year isn't as important."

"Yeah," Dad jokes, "because the day your sister was born doesn't matter."

Kate points a finger at Dad. "That's not what I meant."

Hannah laughs, but her eyes still narrow when she looks at me. "What do you want to do for your birthday?"

Kate scoffs, waving her fork around. "Traditions of course."

She looks at me for a reaction. I try not to give her anything to go off of, but it's hard to keep a neutral expression when I think about what we usually do on my birthday and how it started. Morgan and I were turning twelve, and we tried to see who could stay awake the longest for our birthday. We even took naps and set an alarm for midnight on January 1st. Sometime throughout the day, it became a team effort, and if one of us fell asleep, the other would smash a snowball in the other's face until we both passed out at midnight on January 2nd. Everyone found it funny enough to join us the next year, so now we always try to stay up for the full 24 hours on my birthday, eating cake, watching movies, and keeping each other awake to make the most of it.

Mom nods slowly, giving me a small smile. "We could do that, but if you want to do something else, Mona, let us know. We can even go back home if you want."

All eyes are on me. Mom and Dad look expectant. Hannah's expression is carefully neutral. Kate's eyes flicker between all of us like she's waiting for something big to happen. I take my time swallowing my pancakes, gagging at how sweet it is.

Home, huh? I don't know if I'm supposed to feel anything about the suggestion, but I really don't. Just a weight settling on my chest, and I don't know what to connect it to or if I want to even explore that much. It's just... there...

I give a tight-lipped smile. "There's nothing wrong with tradition."

Mom and Dad exchange glances, but they smile at me. So does Hannah before they quickly look away. Kate pours orange juice into a glass and that's the only sound in the house for a while.

***

By noon, Kate declares that she's bored and wants to do something, so Mom and Dad suggest getting out of the house. I grab my wallet, phone, and ice skates—because there's no way we're not ice skating when all of us are here—before meeting everyone outside.

Mom and Dad are already in the front seats, and my sisters are in the back, leaving me a window seat. I take a deep breath before climbing in and shutting the door. Once we're all in, Hannah gives Dad directions to the nearest park. I keep my eyes on the passing scenery, counting my breaths and listening to my family talk.

I sit up a little when we pass by Poems and Tales. The open mic is tonight, isn't it? I haven't given it much thought since Nathan and Clara invited me considering... I glance at my family and back out the window. But now that I am thinking about it, I'm still not sure if I want to go. So maybe it's better if I don't say anything about it right now.

When Dad parks the car along the street, we pile out. The first thing Kate does is fall backward onto the snow with her arms and legs outstretched to make a snow angel. Dad falls next to her. Every time his arm swings back and forth, his hand grazes Kate's head, so when they stand, it looks like the bigger angel is making sure the smaller one is still there.

I'm sure that's something Dad would do even if a certain child isn't an angel.

Once Kate and Dad are back on their feet, they race towards the lake. Mom and Hannah trail behind, and I stay between the four of them. I hear my name a few times from behind me, but when I glance over my shoulder, it's obvious they're talking about me, not to me. I pick up my pace. I'd rather not hear what they have to say about me. Good or bad. And I'm sure there's a lot for Hannah to say about me even if I'm "just perfect."

By the time I get to the lake, Kate and Dad are already on the ice. I watch them do tricks and race each other while I lace my skates up, my fingers fumbling the closer Mom and Hannah get to me. I don't hear them say my name anymore, but the potential of it hangs in the air and makes my fingers stiffer than the cold air ever could.

Mom chuckles, kneeling to help me. "Has it been that long since you've skated?"

Good alternate explanation, Mom. I shrug, rubbing my hands together. "I think it's been a month or two."

Morgan's and my rule was always to skate with someone. But after he died, I kind of didn't have a choice but to skate on my own, especially once I came to live with Hannah. Sometimes she'll come skate with me, but she's usually too busy for that. And it's not like anyone at school wants to come with me, so it's better to not skate at all.

Mom finishes tying my skates for me and pulls me to my feet, giving me a worried look. "Be careful on the ice."

I nod. "I will be."

I still feel Mom watching me as I walk toward the lake. I stand at the edge and take in the expanse of ice, everything else falling away. The cold air biting at me. The sun reflecting off the blinding white snow. Any and all worried eyes looking in my direction. It's just me and the ice.

I inhale and slowly let out a breath in one long stream, forcing the anticipation to build up. When it's at its peak and it feels like I'm about to burst, I step on the ice. The second I do, I take off. I almost can't remember why my chest feels so heavy. It's just me right now. I don't even register that I pass by both Kate and Dad in the middle of their race until Kate calls my name. Even then, I don't stop until I reach the edge of the lake. And when I do stop, I'm buzzing on my high, heart racing and blood pumping. Something I haven't felt in a while.

"Did you start in the middle of the lake?" Kate asks, coming to stop next to me.

I arch an eyebrow. "No. Why?"

She scrunches up her face. "Because there's no way you could've passed both me and Dad unless you did."

I look past Kate at Dad. He laughs, shrugging. I look back at my sister, feeling the corners of my mouth turn up. "I'm pretty sure I started at the other end. You probably just need more practice."

Kate scoffs, straightening. The corners of her mouth clearly start to turn up, but she fights it. "Maybe I just need new skates."

I shrug. "That could be it, too."

A pause. Kate's smile wavers before completely falling, making my own smile slip. I know this isn't how our usual banter goes, but I haven't been able to meet those standards in a long time. Not since Morgan died. And definitely not with Kate. She's so much like Morgan, it makes me think one second we're bantering and the next she'll be gone. Just like that.

Just like Morgan.

But I didn't realize how obvious it was that I'm not trying. It has to be, though, because Kate nods and skates away. I start to skate after her, but she's already taking Dad's hand and dragging him away. When she looks up at him, I see her smile, so maybe I don't need to say anything. It's probably better that way, too, in case I mess up more.

I try to get lost in skating for the next few hours, attempting tricks and winning races. I just stick a landing when I hear someone call my name. I spin in place until I see... Clara. She waves at me, a smile on her face. I wave back and skate over, stopping right where the ice meets the snow.

"You're amazing on the ice," she says.

I smile, my head still fuzzy from my high. "Thanks."

"Did you used to figure skate or anything?"

I shake my head, some of the fuzziness seeping out of me, evaporating into the cold air. "No. Just skated for fun and picked up a few tricks." Clara starts to ask me another question, but this is too much conversation about me. I note the name tag on her shirt. Perfect. "Are you on break right now?"

Clara shrugs. "Kind of. I wanted a break, so I took one. Nathan's mom goes easy on me since I've known her since I was like seven, so it's whatever. Nathan jokes about firing me sometimes—not that he can—but he probably doesn't even notice I'm gone when I do this on Saturdays."

"How do you know?"

"The open mic is tonight, so he's always busy practicing reading his poems aloud." She rolls her eyes. "Not that he needs to."

A hint of affection in her voice tries to find its way out of the annoyance. There's that familiar feeling again... I try to push it aside to focus on the conversation. "I'm guessing he's really good?"

Clara's smile broadens as she leans towards me, balancing on her toes. "The best. I think you'll really like his poems." A second later, she makes a face. When she's back on her feet, she points at me. "But don't tell him I said that." Again: very familiar. Before the thought can bother me too much, Clara's eyes shift past me. "Is this your family?"

I glance behind me. Hannah is watching us. She points Clara out to Mom, and Mom points her out to Dad in turn. They skate over to us, and Kate follows. When everyone's here, I make introductions.

"So this is Clara," Mom says.

"Aww..." Clara presses her hand to her chest. "You talked about me."

Hannah nods, her eyes flashing. Overprotective big sister mode. "She didn't say much. Just that you met yesterday."

Clara scrunches up her face. "Well... technically. I've seen Mona around Poems and Tales a lot since I work there after school, but yesterday was the first day that we've really talked." She checks her watch. "Speaking of which, my break is almost over." She smiles at me, tucking her hands into her pockets. "You wanna come with? We can hang out and you can make the time go by faster for me."

I feel Mom, Dad, and Hannah tense beside me. They glance at each other, and Hannah decides she should be the spokesperson. She skates forward, clasping her hands together. "Why don't we all come with you?"

Clara glances at me, arching an eyebrow. I shrug, looking down at my skates. Even if I wanted to explain why they're acting this way, I can't comment on it with everyone here.

Clara offers them a smile. "If you want to, but you don't have to. We'll be fine on our own."

"We're sure you will be," Mom assures her. "But we..." Mom's eyes flicker to me, her smile faltering. "...want to see more of Mona's life here since we haven't seen her in five months."

Clara's eyebrows furrow. "Oh. Really?" She points between me and my family. "You guys don't all live together?"

Dad shakes his head, wrapping one arm around me and the other around Hannah. "Nope. My two oldest daughters live here together, and we live about three hours away."

If Clara finds that weird, she doesn't let on. "Well, that works out then because I got to meet Mona."

When Clara smiles at me, I feel something swell in my chest. It's strange, but it's not uncomfortable. Just unfamiliar. I don't know if it shows on my face, but I see Mom, Dad, and Hannah glance at each other. I can't pin what they're thinking, but it has to be at least a little good because the next thing I know, we all have our shoes on and place our skates back in the car, following Clara on foot to Poems and Tales.

I trail behind the group while Clara talks with my family. Mom and Dad ask her questions about life and school. Hannah listens and contributes with nods and murmurs. Kate jumps in with questions whenever she can just to be included. Clara handles it all with grace, always responding with something witty but sweet. It's pretty mesmerizing to watch. I'm almost disappointed when we get to Poems and Tales and Clara slips behind the counter, going into semi-professional barista mode.

She takes all our orders, keeping up the charm. Dad pays, and my family goes to push two tables together. I grab my mug of hot chocolate and move to help them, but Clara calls me back. When I turn to her, her smile is replaced with something more contemplative.

She props her head up on the counter, looking past me at my family. "Your family is kind of overprotective."

I grip my mug, letting the heat sear into my skin until it's unbearable enough for me to move my hand. "Oh. Yeah. A little bit."

Clara arches an eyebrow. "You seem pretty okay with it." She tilts her head to the side, her dark brown hair glinting in the dim lighting. A smile plays on her lips. "I thought for sure you'd have a rebellious streak."

Not anymore. I take a sip of hot chocolate. "I guess I don't." I eye her. "I'm guessing you do, though."

Clara gives me a knowing look as she straightens, planting her hands on the edge of the counter as she leans forward. She doesn't confirm or deny my statement, but she asks, "Does this mean you're not going to the open mic tonight?"

"The what?" My head snaps to Mom as she reaches for the napkins next to me, and I feel my heart thud against my chest. "What's tonight?"

"An open mic," Clara explains. "We always have one every Saturday at six. A friend and I invited Mona yesterday."

Mom furrows her eyebrows at me. "Why didn't you say something sooner?"

I shrug, taking another sip of hot chocolate. It tastes bitter. "Must've slipped my mind."

An expression flashes across Clara's face. Annoyance? Maybe anger? Her bright tone doesn't give me any hints. "I'm glad I reminded you then. We wouldn't want you to miss it."

"We as in you and Nathan, right?" Mom asks.

The corners of Clara's lips turn up as she glances at me. She doesn't tease me about liking her and Nathan enough to talk about them again, but the way her brown eyes seem to glow tells me all I need to know about her thoughts.

"Yeah," she says, turning back to Mom. "I mean Nathan."

Mom nods. "Where is he? I'd like to meet him."

Clara barks out a laugh and rolls her eyes. "Probably off somewhere reading a poem. I'll go get him."

She disappears behind the back door. The moment it shuts behind her, Mom turns to me, a gentle smile on her face. "I can see why you like Clara so much. If Nathan is anything like her, I think he'd be a good friend for you, too."

That's a very Mom thing to say, but at the same time, I think there's some truth to it. It makes me feel lighter knowing they have her stamp of approval. "You think so?"

Mom nods. "I do."

The moment she says the words, she stops giving me that apprehensive look and her shoulders finally relax. Guess she really means it.

We join the rest of the family, and she fills them in on Nathan and Clara's invitation. We stay standing while the others sit, so it's hard to miss the way Hannah keeps looking at me, her eyebrows furrowing more and more as Mom goes on. And the more Hannah looks at me, the harder it is to swallow my hot chocolate. I keep sipping anyway, hoping it'll drown out the buzzing in my head.

By the time Mom finishes sharing, Clara comes back with Nathan. He stands right next to me, leaving an inch of distance between us. I glance at him, offering a smile out of politeness. He smiles back, and it seems a lot more sincere than mine does. It makes his eyes shine like the sun glinting off silver. I inhale and look down to get the image out of my head, taking in the battered composition journal tucked under his arm.

"What's that?" Kate asks, pointing at the journal.

"It's a journal of poems." Nathan holds it out to her. "Want to read them?"

Kate makes a face, leaning away like it's actually a vial of diseases. "No, thanks. Poems are weird."

Clara gasps, pointing at Kate. She smirks at Nathan. "See? I'm not the only one that thinks so." Her smirk turns into a smile when she looks back at Kate. "You get me."

Kate smiles back, laughing. The corners of my mouth turn up, too. If I can't make Kate laugh anymore, at least someone can.

Nathan waves Clara off. "Whatever." He turns his attention to my family, his smile turning polite again—but it's not any less sincere. "I'm Nathan."

"Arthur Chainfield." Dad stands and holds his hand out for Nathan to shake. "Mona's father."

"Jenna," Mom goes next.

Hannah's eyes flicker back and forth between Clara and Nathan. Her eyebrows are still furrowed, but no one else seems to notice. They don't seem to notice the clipped way she introduces herself either. Especially when Kate states her name with no hesitation, beaming specifically at Clara.

Nathan smiles, gesturing to them with his free hand. "It's nice to meet you all."

Hannah doesn't return the smile, narrowing her eyes. "Do you write poems?"

Clara snorts, shaking her head. "Don't get him started."

Nathan elbows her, keeping a smile on his face. "I do."

Hannah leans forward, resting her clasped hands on the table. "What are they about?"

Nathan's smile doesn't even waver. "You could find out tonight. Saturdays are always open mic nights at six."

Hannah frowns. Her eyes flicker to me like I can explain why Nathan isn't crippling under her gaze like most people do. I keep my expression blank, hoping she doesn't take that as more reason to scrutinize Nathan. But she does because she's in overprotective big sister mode.

Hannah turns her gaze on Nathan and Clara again. She forces a smile on her face, making her blue eyes flash. "Well, we'd love to stay, but we really can't."

"Well, we can't." Mom gestures to everyone but me. "But Mona definitely can." I blink. Everyone in the family stares at Mom. She ignores our looks and plows on. "She'd love to stay."

Would I? My heart is pounding, but when I turn to look at Nathan and Clara, I don't feel the usual heaviness that comes with nerves. At least I don't think I do until I meet Nathan's eyes. His expression softens in an instant, and the heaviness doubles down.

"It's okay if you don't stay," he says. "I'm sure you're busy."

Clara gives him a weird look. "We already invited her."

Nathan elbows her. "It's not like we gave her the chance to answer us."

They bicker in low voices, oblivious to the rest of us. This feels familiar, too. Everything about Nathan and Clara interacting feels familiar. Maybe because—

When it hits me, I inhale sharply. Hannah glances at me, her eyes widening. She plants her hand flat on the table as she prepares to get up. I give her a closed-lipped smile, shaking my head. When she doesn't look away, I mouth, "I'm fine." She considers me for a second longer before nodding and glancing away. She settles back in her seat, studying Nathan and Clara again. I let out a breath, studying them, too.

They're still arguing. Almost exactly like how Morgan and I used to. From what I've seen, they almost always act like Morgan and I did whenever we were together. The more I think about it, the more true and familiar it all feels.

"Mona."

I straighten, glancing at everyone. They're all staring at me. My heart pounds for an entirely different reason, pumping blood into my cheeks until I'm sure they match my hair. I clear my throat, gripping my mug.

"Sorry, what are we talking about?" I ask.

"Do you want to stay?" Mom prompts.

Oh, right. I swallow. "Sure." I glance between Clara's hopeful eyes and Nathan's understanding ones. "I'd love to stay."

Mom smiles at me. "Then, the rest of us will be on our way. Text us when you think you're gonna head home, okay?"

I nod. "Sure."

No one moves until Mom gives them meaningful looks. Dad and Kate stand. Hannah hesitates before she follows suit, shooting me a worried look. She looks at me one last time before ducking out into the cold with the rest of the family. When the door shuts behind them, I try not to flinch at how harsh the bell sounds. I take a deep breath and turn to Nathan and Clara. They smile at me.

"You won't regret staying," Clara promises.

"I'm sure I won't," I say in a neutral tone. That's what I want to feel: neutral.