Around five in the morning, Clara is tired enough to sleep in the apartment above the café. It's probably about time I get home and try to fall asleep myself. Nathan insists on driving me home, and I don't have the energy to tell him no. At the same time, though, I don't feel tired. He doesn't look tired either. Not that I try to look at him. Not since he distracted Clara from asking more questions about Morgan. So I stare out the window and count my breaths.

"Are you awake?" Nathan asks, his voice gentle.

I sit up a little straighter, turning to look at him. "Yeah. I'm awake."

He nods. "What are you thinking about?"

I look out the window again, crossing my arms. I dig my nails into my sleeves. "Why'd you change the subject?"

I don't need to elaborate for him to know what I'm talking about. "I figured you wanted me to."

I look down at my shoes. "I did, but..." How do I finish this? I swallow, digging my nails even deeper into my sleeves. "Clara's curious about Morgan, so I figured I might as well just say something about him every once in a while. Just to keep her satisfied."

"Until she asks again. And then you're uncomfortable again." My emotions are very obvious apparently... Nathan parks the car in front of Hannah's house and cuts the engine. He unbuckles his seatbelt and rests an elbow on the center console as he leans toward me. I meet his eyes out of instinct, spiraling into his gaze. "It's okay if you don't want to talk about your brother. There are some things I don't like talking about, so I write."

"Does it help?"

Nathan tilts his head from side to side, looking towards the roof of the car. "Yeah. I think it does. For me anyway." He smiles at me. "I was hoping it would help you, too."

I don't know if it's the sincerity in his voice, the gentleness in his eyes, or just him, but something about Nathan always makes the warmth spread throughout my chest. It's particularly intense right now, and I have to glance away before it gets too overwhelming. But I feel Nathan's eyes on me, so that doesn't really help.

"It does kind of help," I say.

He exhales. "Good. I'm glad it does."

I nod, unbuckling my seatbelt. "Me too."

Nathan gets out of the car to walk me to the door. "It also helps when you talk to me about my poems. About stars. Feels like you really get me."

I turn to face him when we're on the porch. "Does it?"

He smiles. "All the time." He looks down at his shoes, locking out his arms as he slides his hands into his pockets. "I guess that kind of makes me a little selfish." His eyes flicker to me and back down, a small smile playing on his lips. "Because you're one of my trailing stars."

I blink, playing with my keys. "I am?" He nods. "I don't feel like a star at all... If anything..." I swallow, gathering my courage to finally ask him about black holes. "If anything, I think I'm a black hole."

Nathan's eyes snap to me, and I feel my breath catch in my throat from how intense his eyes are like stars turning into supernovas. "Not at all." He narrows his eyes. "What makes you think you're a black hole?"

I gesture at him with both hands, letting them fall to my sides. "You got in an argument with Clara because of me."

"That wasn't on you—"

"But you keep feeling the need to fight with her because of me." I wrap my arms around my stomach and look down and off to the side at the worn-out wood of the porch. "I really do think you and Clara are basically siblings. Close siblings at that. Maybe you can automatically forgive each other now, but..." I grip my jacket, tightening my arms around myself. "It won't always be that way, especially if you keep fighting. And if I keep making you get into fights with her, I'm destroying a great friendship. How can I not think I'm a black hole?"

Nathan audibly exhales, taking a step toward me. "Mona..." I keep my eyes on the floor. "Look at me, please." I swallow, forcing myself to look at him. He offers me a smile. "You know that black holes are stars that die when a supernova explodes, right?"

I inhale, gritting my teeth. If people are really stars, Morgan was a supernova, and I guess I was in his wake. I try to push the thought from my mind before Nathan can read it on my face. "Sounds familiar..."

"Well, you can't be a black hole if you're still a star. And you are a star."

I let out a humorless laugh. "Nathan—"

He shakes his head, cutting me off. "No, really. That's why Clara and I argued. That's why she's trying to ask you about your life. That's why I like talking to you so much. Clara might not know about the whole trailing stars metaphor, but I don't have any doubt in my mind that you're a trailing star to her." He pauses, his eyes scanning my face before they settle on my eyes again. "And you're one to me, too. I'd say you're one of the biggest stars I've ever had, and I don't want it trailing for a long time."

I swallow, tucking my hair behind my ear. "Why?"

He swallows. "Because..."

I lift my chin. "Because what?"

He smiles, but it doesn't quite reach his eyes. "Because we're friends."

Oh... Well... what else was I expecting to hear...? I try to muster a smile because being friends with Nathan really is worth smiling about. Knowing he and Clara see me as a star and not a black hole is, too. It makes me feel like I can really shed more light than I take.

My lips part as I inhale, looking off to the side again. "Thank you." When I compose myself, I meet his eyes again. "For making me feel like I'm a star."

"Of course." He takes a step toward me, lowering his voice like he wants to share a secret. "You really are an important star. Not just to me but in general."

I swallow. "I imagine you are, too."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. Definitely."

He lets out a breath and takes another step toward me. Not too close that it's uncomfortable—not that I can see standing close to Nathan as uncomfortable—but close enough that either of us could reach out and touch the other if we wanted to.

"Mona," Nathan whispers.

I lift my head in answer. His lips part and I swear he's leaning toward me. My eyes start to flutter shut, but they widen when I hear the front door open behind me. I whirl around, gripping the keys so tightly that the teeth dig into the palm of my hands. Hannah stands in the doorway, glancing between me and Nathan. Her expression slowly turns from disbelief to concern to anger.

Hannah's grip on the doorknob tightens. "Please tell me you just got up." I don't even have time to think of an answer before Hannah reads the truth on my face. Her voice comes out completely flat when she says, "Why don't you come in? I'm sure it's been a long night."

I nod. "Right..." I turn to Nathan. "Thank you."

I don't have to specify what I'm thanking him for. He clearly knows I mean for everything tonight. He nods and smiles at me. "No problem. I'll see you around, Mona."

He takes a moment to nod at Hannah before turning to leave. I wish I could leave, too, but I make myself walk into the house and let Hannah march me into the living room. I sit on the couch, and Hannah sits on one of the armchairs.

She crosses her legs and sits back. "Do you want to explain?"

I clear my throat, but my voice still comes out hoarse when I say, "I couldn't sleep. So I went out."

"You couldn't sleep..." Hannah intertwines her fingers and puts her elbows up on the armrests. "You could've watched TV or read a book like a normal person." She drops her hands. "It's like you want us to worry."

And just like that, I feel like a black hole again, destroying my family's sense of peace. My heart catches in my throat, and the back of my eyes starts to burn. "I really don't. I just wasn't thinking about what I was doing until I was doing it."

Hannah sighs and moves to sit next to me on the couch. She takes my hand. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. I just mean..." She exhales. "You should really think about what you're doing before you do it. Something could've happened when you were out there in the middle of the night, you know?"

I nod. "Yeah. I know."

She squeezes my hand. "And if you're hanging out with people who make you go out in the middle of the night—"

I pull my hand out of hers, shifting away. "I'm not." We both pause. Hannah narrows her eyes at me. I swallow and look at the ground. In a calmer voice, I repeat, "I'm not. I was awake. Nathan was awake. And—" Probably not the best idea to mention Clara "—we ran into each other. So we hung out. That's it. He didn't make me hang out in the middle of the night. I wanted to."

Hannah sits back against the couch. "So you wanted to stay out longer because Nathan was up?"

I shrug. "Well... Yeah. I guess."

Hannah inhales and slowly exhales, but it still feels like she's holding her breath for my reaction when she says, "Then, maybe that means you shouldn't hang out with him if he's starting to get you back into bad habits."

My head snaps to Hannah, and I grip my knees, digging my nails into the fabric of my jeans. I'm surprised they don't tear. "He's not getting me back into bad habits. I just—"

"Stayed out later than you probably would have because of him."

I stand, throwing my arms out. "It's not because of him, Hannah. And even if it was, why is it such a big deal?"

Hannah frowns. She stands and takes a step toward me. "Mona. I'm just worried. I just want you to be okay. You know that, right?"

That takes all the fight out of me because, of course, I know she just wants me to be okay. But to blame Nathan and suggest I shouldn't hang out with him? And because of one night? That seems extreme.

"I know," I say, letting my shoulders relax. I look down at my shoes. "So are you gonna tell Mom and Dad?"

"No. I won't. Just..." Hannah sighs. "Think before you do something like this again. Be safe and careful, you know?"

I nod. "I know. Thanks."

I turn towards the stairs. I'm just putting my foot on the bottom step when Hannah calls my name again. I glance at her. Her eyebrows are furrowed and her arms are folded over her chest.

"Really," she says, her voice gentle. "Think about whether you should be hanging out with Nathan."

My jaw tenses, but I nod with a jerk of my chin. I don't want to be a black hole, but a part of me wants to be selfish enough to be one. I want to be selfish enough to spend time with Nathan even if it means worrying my family. Worrying Hannah. I can think about it all I want, and my answer won't change. I don't think Hannah's thoughts on Nathan will change either. It makes me wonder how things would have been different if Mom and Dad were the ones to find me gone instead of my sister.