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If you're lost you can look and you will find me, Time After Time.
If you fall I will catch you, I'll be waiting, Time After Time.
Cyndi Lauper.

Back to Alice, where I belong...

Thoughts of the future whipped around my frightened mind's roller coaster, while I slogged through Wednesday inventory in the stockroom. The simple and familiar task allowed me to mentally rehearse my upcoming date with Alice on Thursday night. I had decided to tell her, "I love you," then we could move forward or split up.

Time to be brave...

"Raaaayyyy!"

My heart leapt when Tracy dramatically sang my name as she breezed down the stairs. I had not seen or heard from her in five days, and I figured she had changed her mind about going out again. White overalls over a black tank top made up her ridiculous outfit. Of course, it looked adorable on her, and upon close examination, I noticed her nipples poking through. My leering made Tracy blush, and she playfully hit me.

I hugged her. "Hey, my love. I didn't expect to see you until your shift tomorrow. What's going on?"

Damn, I shouldn't say stuff like that to Tracy, even though she really likes it...

I released her, but she continued to embrace me. "Ray, Thursday is my last day here, then I'm moving away to college."

Relieved she was merely saying goodbye, I put my arms back around her. "Oh, right. College. Well, Tracy, I'll miss you, and never forget you. Maybe someday, you and I..."

You never know, right?

Tracy kept her legs and hips against mine, grabbed my tie and leaned backward. "Ray, listen. You need to pick me up after work tomorrow night. It will be our last chance to be together for a long time."

Women ordering me to take them out had become a thing, and no longer surprised me. Ironically, Alice had done the same thing for our first date.

Tomorrow is Thursday. Shit...

I had intended to take Alice out for dinner at the beach on Thursday. She couldn't miss work, so the hotel room was out, but I still planned to spend the night with her. Alice had excitedly called me on Tuesday to tell me about the new dress she bought for our date, then added, "Ray, wear your suit. We're going to be the hottest couple there!"

It wasn't a total exaggeration. I was used to getting comments on Alice's beauty whenever I took her out, but the last time we went dancing, she had confided, "Ray, a woman in the restroom told me, 'Lady, that is one sexy man with you."

I didn't want to let Alice down, but I had given Tracy an open invitation, and wanted to finish what we started.

Ahh, well. I can't have it all.

Right? Hmm...

An evil solution oozed into my mind. Nailing both Alice and Tracy on Thursday evening could be a possibility. I liked the audacity of it, and it would be a great story to tell.

A Daily Double. Heh...

I almost had one the previous year, in an eerily similar circumstance with my ex-girlfriend Rachel and coworker Karen.

Sometimes life gives you a second chance...

Without thinking it through, I responded, "Okay, Tracy. I have plans with Alice tomorrow night, but after I'm finished with her, I'll be here at ten."

Still supported by my tie, Tracy scrunched her face up, somehow making even disgust look cute. She plainly disliked my mention of Alice, but I needed to know where we stood. If she still wanted me to pick her up, it would clearly be for sex.

I fully expected her to say, "Hell no, Ray. I'm not doing that!" She might have even slapped me.

Instead, Tracy gave me a sardonic look. "Well, well, well. I heard you were like this with women. Ray the playboy."

She slowly released my tie, finger by finger. When she finally let go, I grabbed her tiny arm to stop her from falling.

Tracy kissed her finger, then touched my nose with it. "You caught me, you big softy!"

The way she sang the rhyme was deliberate. Where did all this stuff come from? Tracy was a Candyland volcano, spewing out sweet bits of molten cuteness at me.

I felt manipulated, but couldn't help myself from playing her game. "Tracy, I'll never hurt you."

She raised a hand, wiggled her fingers, and threw it back at me. "I'm not sure I believe you."

It stings because she's right...

Tracy went on with an exaggerated sigh. "I guess it doesn't matter, because I'm leaving anyway. It's why I'm single, Ray. My ex didn't want to do a long-distance thing with me."

It slightly bothered me to hear about her ex-boyfriend, even though he was out of the picture.

I'm a hypocrite...

The previous year, my friend Miguel had become jealous when his Sancha Sylvia had a fling with me. I thought it was ridiculous at the time, but I felt a rare twinge of empathy.

Cheating on my girlfriends provided illicit fun and excitement, though the more my feelings for Alice grew, the harder it was to handle. The logistics didn't pose a problem, but the emotional and moral burden wore me down. Ending my philandering run with the spectacle of two women in one night appealed to me, highlighting a last dance with infidelity. I saw a balance to it, because Tracy did everything with a flair. Alice and I would be costars in her dramatic headlining performance.

Tracy twirled into me with her back against my chest, then pulled my necktie onto the front of her shirt, as if we were wearing the same tie. It served as a unique representation of bonding, and could have been cheesy, but she somehow made it special. Tracy was right about me being a softy, and I might have instantly fallen in love with Alice, had she performed similar demonstrations.

Tracy tilted her head backwards to look up at me. "Yes, Ray. Meet me here at ten."

************

"You're such a cretin!"

Nick's reaction to my despicable plot didn't surprise me at all when I mentioned it during our evening songwriting session.

"I'm a cheating cretin!"

"You're a cheatasuarus!"

"I'm Creticheatus Maximus!"

"You will cheat in a bar..."

"... I will cheat in my car..."

"... You cheat when you play guitar..."

That was enough. I still felt bad about singing Alice's song to Tracy.

Nick asked, "You're really going to do this?"

I shrugged. "I don't know. I really want to, but I don't think it's going to work. I can't decide... Maybe..."

I pulled out a coin.

Nick laughed, "No, no, no, don't tell me you're going to flip for it?"

I argued, "If I leave it to myself, I'm going to do it for sure. This at least gives me a chance to do the right thing!"

I always abided by the coin toss. It was something I did when inclined towards a path of stupidity and ruin. The fifty-fifty chance had saved me a few times in the last four years, but Nick still found it awful.

"Here we go! Heads, I fuck Alice and Tracy tomorrow. Tails, I cancel with Tracy."

Nick interrupted, "You could cancel with Alice, and just fuck Tracy."

It was a fair point, "I'll toss again for that."

I let Nick toss the first coin. He yelled, "Heads! Congratulations Tracy, you get the cretin bone!"

I grabbed the coin. "Ok. Heads, Alice gets it first, and tails, she gets nothing!"

I flipped the coin in the air...
"Heads! Alice wins!"

Nick frowned "No, I don't think Alice wins."

Damn, Nick. Way to ruin the fun...

No matter, the coin had spoken. I just had to figure out how to pull it off. Tracy wasn't a problem. She was onboard with my plan, or at least didn't seem to mind too much.

The hard part was Alice. My sweet and sensitive lover would be hurt if she found out, and I fought back the tiny wisp of pleasure I felt at the thought. That awful part of me was always ready to enjoy the pain of others.

***********

The first step was to change plans with Alice, so I picked up the phone and started dialing. I wouldn't have time to take her to the beach restaurant, stroll on the shore with her, return to her apartment and make love to her by ten. She didn't like quickies, and would want to cuddle for at least fifteen minutes.

Damn, it won't work even without driving to the ocean and back...

Playing music sometimes led to solutions, so I put down the phone and picked up my guitar. Apparently, playing music activates the creative part of the brain. I had learned that lesson from my band director in high school, Mr Stevenson.

He was my favorite teacher, and I had looked up to him. I smiled as I remembered how Mr. Stevenson had cheated on his wife with Heather, one of his students. He married the pregnant teenager right after she graduated, and a year later, his fourteen-year-old son Jason was in marching band with us.

It was surreal to see Mr Stevenson, Heather, their new baby, the ex-wife, Jason, and the other band mothers together at band events. They all seemed to get along for the sake of sanity and the organization, and Mr. Stevenson remained a respected part of the faculty for many years. I wondered how many other students he banged before and after Heather, because I knew from experience just how aggressive high school girls could be with men in their twenties.

Mr Stevenson would know how to handle my situation. After a minute of guitar licks, the band director/pimp once again gave me inspiration. I just needed to leverage the self-deception many women used to deal with men like him. He had made it look so easy...

If I arrived at Alice's home right when she was ready at seven-thirty, we could eat at a restaurant six blocks away. She loved holding hands while strolling, so the walk back, then drinks and dancing in her apartment, should suffice to get her in the mood.

I would give her a quickie, and pretend it was an accident. "Oops, sorry Alice. You're so hot, I couldn't control myself!"

Afterwards, I would briefly cuddle with her, until a few minutes before ten, leave with some excuse, then go pick up Tracy.

It seemed like a halfway decent plan, with a good margin of error, but Alice was the wild card. She could be finicky about sex, and sometimes nothing I did made her want it. There were a number of things that usually worked, but it was often a spin of the seduction wheel with her.

That left one other issue. My leaving would make Alice suspicious, because I always stayed past midnight if I didn't spend the night with her. However, she would probably tell herself it was nothing, as long as I made the excuse halfway credible. I was certain that Alice viewed me as being completely devoted to her, because I behaved as if I were.

Except for the cheating, of course...

If worse came to worst, Alice would considerately use her mouth on me, then I would spend the night with her. Though I had been spoiled by some truly skilled artists, Alice's competent oral usually satisfied me, and most men never got that treatment from a such a beautiful woman. She had always been willing to take care of me when she didn't feel like coupling, because we both tried hard to meet each other's needs.

Tracy would be mad at me for standing her up, but I could live with that. My worst option was better than most men's best option, and far more than I deserved. Mr. Stevenson would have been proud of his star student!

***********

Alice picked up the phone with a friendly greeting. Her gentle, soothing voice always made me feel welcome, and hearing it made me think of all her other wonderful qualities. She really was an awesome lady.

Can I actually do this to her?

"Hi Alice, I just wanted to let you know how much I'm looking forward to seeing you tomorrow. I dreamed about you last night. It was... messy!"

Alice laughed. She didn't always want me to say things like that, but she never told me to stop. "Oh! It's that kind of call?"

I answered, "No, I actually need to change our plans tomorrow night."

Silence. Alice almost never showed anger, but became quiet when unhappy.

"Alice? I need to take you someplace else. We won't have time for the beach, but on Sunday, I'll call out and take you there."

Being on salary, I was kind of a workaholic, so calling out was a big deal for me. I had never done it for Alice before, and I hoped she appreciated it.

She replied, "Ray, that... might be better. I've been moody all day, and I don't know how much fun I'll be tomorrow."

This might work out. "Do you want to skip tomorrow?"

"No, come over. I miss you, and want to make your... dream... come true."

Alice could be very sweet sometimes.

That sounded promising. "You always do. With the dreams, and the coming... uh, true. I love...making love to you... Alice."

She taunted, "Wow, that was smooth. Where do you want to go?"

"Let's go to that new place, Olive Garden, then have tequila shots in your apartment. I know, it's not as romantic as the beach. What's important for me, is that I'll be with you, my beautiful Alice."

More silence. I may have laid it on too thick.

She carefully asked, "Is something wrong?"

Yes Alice, as a matter of fact there is. I think I'm slowly falling in love with you, but I'm afraid of what it means, and telling you terrifies me. Oh, also, I sometimes just want to fuck you without any romance, and I'm anxious about spending the rest of my life with you. Hey, you probably don't know this, but I like to fuck other women, and I met a woman at work who makes me crazy, but I still want to fuck her really bad, and I'm nervous about the awful thing I'm going to do you tomorrow night. Thanks for asking!

Maybe I could be that honest with my next girlfriend...

More sensibly, I said, "I'm okay, I just wanted to make you feel good about tomorrow. I hope your new dress shows off your legs. I love seeing your... legs. I might love your tits more, though. It's hard for me to choose. Wait, I don't have to choose, it's all... you, right? Your hair and eyes, I think they are sexy too! Your lips, yeah good lips...on you... Alice, you're so damn hot."

Sometimes, being awkward has its advantages.

Alice chuckled, "Yeah, that's more like you, Ray. I'll see you at seven thirty. I love...when you call...thank you...um"

"Smooth, Alice."

"Haha, bye."

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