*****148:

Tracy awoke the next morning to the smell of something yummy in the kitchen upstairs, and the sounds of little feet moving around. She turned and saw that the fireplace in her room had been stoked recently so that she didn't need to get out of bed. This could have been done by Austin, but it also could have been done by Chris who had just been given permission on this trip to start stoking and feeding the fireplaces, and he was eager to prove that he could. She smiled, knowing that he had probably snuck in here and done just that. She stretched and sat up, looking into the pre-dawn light to where the door leading out to the patio Jacuzzi showed a glimpse of the outdoors. At first it seemed to be all a blur, but then she realized that snow completely covered the door.

Snowed in. She flopped back into her pillows. A really and truly, nothing to do, nowhere to go, understandable excuse for being lazy!!! Her arms rose to cradle her head and she listened to the even breathing of the twins in their cribs. What could be better?

Exuberance made her jump up and slide her long sweatshirt over her arms and dash up the stairs only to be intercepted by Austin, helping Christopher balance a tray, followed by three little boys carrying various accouterments to a breakfast in bed.

"Go back! Go back, Mommy!" Danny yelled in dismay, as he carried whatever it was he was carrying down the stairs, it looked like a plate of toast, slipping and sliding almost to the point of falling off.

"I'm going!" She called back, waking the twins who were stirring anyway. She plummeted back into her room, and quickly cleared the small fifties style kitchenette table placed as one walked into the room. This room was and always had been equipped with a very small miniature kitchenette which she used whenever she was there to supplement their fare in the middle of the night, especially if there were other guests in attendance that she didn't want to disturb.

Austin pushed open the door as Christopher and the boys carefully brought their accomplishments to the table in artful delight.

"We made breakfast for the girls," Steven announced with pride, beaming from little blonde ear to little blonde ear, hair falling guilelessly over the collar, in a soft bright curl.

Tracy pulled up a chair, helped unload orange juice, toast, and scrambled eggs, sausage and hash browns for them all, easily setting paper plates in front of them, as they eagerly sat up to the table and started dishing up the food. Kelly said a quick blessing, making sure Tracy saw that he wasn't afraid to do it, as he had been for a while when he first came to her home. Shy, to a fault, he had simply stared at his napkin, and refused to speak when it was his turn, but now, he had overcome that, and Tracy gave Austin a nod and a wink, to let him know she appreciated his efforts as well.

"You saw the snow?" Austin asked her.

She gave him a gamin smile. "Too bad the girlfriend left. Her worst nightmare has happened."

He chuckled under his breath. "Her loss."

"Austin!" she exclaimed in annoyance. "You should be mortified."

"What: to be left alone with you and six kids for a few days? Nope, no guilt whatsoever. We're having an adventure!"

The adventure that started with breakfast included clean-up, forts, race car tracks up and down the stairs, a dance party in the living room, a game of Chutes and Ladders, hide and seek and finally hot-tubbing and then the Polar dip, outside in the snow. Late afternoon brought naps for six tired kids and a collaborated composing session that resulted in jam recording three songs start to finish.

After the children went to bed that night, and the plow had been heard up and down the resort, the starry sky clear and pristine, very cold, Tracy lay on her side of the couch, sipping her hot chocolate companionably. Austin hadn't stopped talking in over an hour.

She let her smile linger. His voice was melodic, his gestures familiar, his company easy and artful. Sometimes she listened attentively, and other times she simply sat there, and thought about other things. He spoke about the house in Montana, about the place in Alaska, about the studio idea in Salt Lake City. He talked about the children, about his life as it was now, with them at its center and the gospel propelling him onward into new and greater depths of understanding and composure. He sometimes spoke about where he might be without it. But he didn't stop. It was as if a well-spring of emotion and excitement were inside that had been stifled, and just waiting to get out.

She understood. And because of the leisurely day, she felt no rush, no responsibility to move anywhere quickly.

"You're drifting off." He suddenly accused and she grinned sheepishly.

"Um hm." She put her empty cup down on the lamp stand next to her and snuggled deeper into the couch. She'd slept on this couch a lot, she would have to ask him to give it to her when her place next door was finished.

"I thought you never slept." He laughed softly, watching her carefully.

"Oh, I sleep." She yawned. "Everyone has to sleep, Austin." And her voice was very sleepy, very relaxed.

"You've been so busy." He acknowledged.

She shrugged, her eyes struggling to stay open.

"It's okay, princess, go to sleep. I'll listen for the babies." He got up to put another log on the fire, liking that she felt safe enough to sleep with him right there. "Care if I watch TV?" But she was already gone, drifted into a dream-state with a very peaceful turn to her lips, and he was nostalgically glad, and sad at the same time.

He let his eyes wander over her figure. Wondering, not for the first time why she didn't love him the way he loved her.

Oh, he knew he'd always been half in love with her. His crazy attempt to stifle those feelings had resulted in his current obsession with Lisa. And he couldn't have picked a worse obsession. Lisa was intriguing and ambitious, but she was also possessive.

Not even slighlty like Tracy, who worked hard to be accepting, hard-working, and ignore other's faults. Look at the way she was able to forgive the insane guy who had killed Raine and Steven. He shook himself.

He knew how Tracy felt about him, and no matter how he wished it was different, it wasn't, and he had to simply live with it. Disappointment was bitter. He glanced at the TV, knowing the thought that he was there, but entertained, was a comfort to her, he sat back in his recliner and stared moodily at her. Long, straightened blonde hair fell across her neck, and wisped into a thicker fall all the way over the edge of the couch and onto the floor. Was her hair even longer when it was straight, he wondered, and then tightened his own reaction to her, by looking away. Forget her hair... he told himself, forget her pretty features.... Forget her delighted laughter and her smooth concentration as they jammed together, even recorded together.

He'd told her he got an answer to prayer. And at the time, he really felt that he had. He had fasted and prayed to know if they should be together, but his real pleadings with God had been, let her be mine....and she wasn't.... he'd witnessed her relief when she'd listened to him tell her about his supposed answer, knowing somewhere deep inside that it was what she wanted to hear. They weren't right for each other. But why not? They were compatible, they had everything in common, they both loved the children.... They loved the gospel, they both.....

What could possibly be the rejection?

It wasn't attraction.... Couldn't be. He was definitely attracted to her, and she.... Sometimes she looked at him like....

But no. Did he just imagine it? Perhaps.

Sadness engulfed him. He wanted what she offered, the problem was, she wasn't offering it to him.

*****