136:

She arrived at her office after a short ride in an elevator, and closed the doors between her and her secretary who was smiling good mornings all over the place. Glad for something to do, no doubt, Tracy thought, and pressed her hand to her forehead. Are you sure this is what you want to do? She wondered fretfully. This could be really hard. She glanced at the clock. Maybe enough time between appointments to write Richard a quick note. She pulled paper out of her desk without thinking and penned a quick note, wrote the memorized address, and dropped the envelope in her "out" box, then slipped into the bathroom and out the door, those same heels clicking.

This appointment promised to be more fun, she thought in anticipation. This girl had already been here several months. She was bright and intelligent, and had kept her baby after taking the classes, and seeking help. The system was working for her. Not to say that it didn't have its ups and downs. Oh no, there had been times when Emma had wanted to go back to her former life, when she'd felt so alone, but she'd pulled through.

The apartments were on the top floor, and looked a lot like dorm rooms. On the outside were closets that were loaded with supplies by the caretakers. This was Tracy's idea. No central storage where girls had to go get their own things, but closets just outside their doors in the hallways that could be loaded with things they needed by one person. She knocked on Emma's door and turned the knob at her cheery, Come in!

Emma, a short, immature 98 pound sixteen- year- old, with long, fairly stringy brown hair, and deep thoughtful brown eyes, was sitting on her living room couch, nursing Annie May, her daughter. A big smile greeted Tracy as she entered, and shut the door behind her. She wished once again, that it were possible to just drop by and say hi, instead of making an appointment, but in this setting that was not possible. Teaching Emma respect, and to be respected by others was of paramount importance to her not being taken advantage of, nor taking advantage of others. Tracy came in, stepping carefully so as not to alarm the nursing baby, but then leaned in to give Emma a hug.

Annie May was three weeks old. A little, peachy fuzz head, glued to her mother's front, not covered in a blanket as some preferred. Emma was quite open and honest about her condition, and her healing process.

"Tell me how you're feeling, Miss Emma." Tracy said gently, eyeing the clean apartment, the boppy around her middle holding up the baby, her spit rags next to her, attesting to the fact that she was "getting" it.

"Oh, I'm feeling great! My mom even came to see me and Annie yesterday and it went well. I'm so happy." Typical teenage response, Tracy thought. The ups were way up, the downs still way down.

"Bleeding let up some?" Emma had hemorrhaged quite a bit after the birth.

Emma nodded and tucked a fallen string of mousy hair behind her delicate ear. "Yeah, it seems to be. It still hurts quite a bit."

Tracy smiled encouragingly and managed to make another blurb of small talk take fifteen minutes. She actually liked Emma as if she were a little sister, and felt good about helping her. It was easy to help those who wanted help.... Harder to help those who didn't....

After leaving Emma Tracy went back to her office to make a couple of reports, record her work for the day, and then closed up shop, eager to be getting home. She could feel her own breasts filling with the milk from several missed feedings as Megan and Melia weaned themselves. She rubbed her sides painfully, shrugged her tension-filled shoulders and then checked her messages and saw that one was from Austin. She hit redial and he answered right away.

"Hey there." He said with exuberance in his voice. "Want to go skiing this weekend?"

"In Utah?"

"I can't go all the way to Montana right now, takes too long and there's too much to distract me. The flick is taking all my energy." He said, referring to their home building endeavor in Montana.

"I can probably spend a ski day with you." She said. "What about Lisa?"

"I'm sure she'll be coming too." He said, and the first part of the sentence had sounded hopeful and upbeat, while he ended it on a less than confident note, remembering her feelings about Lisa.

"Are the kids coming?" she asked, ignoring his discomfiture.

Relief swelled within his answer. "Yeah, the kids...." He breathed. "They'll be excited to see Danny."

"He'll be overjoyed to see them." she laughed. "So.... How are things?"

"With what? Lisa? The Montana project? Or my film?"

Tracy shook her head. "I guess you have a lot going on. Well, what are you up to tonight?"

"Quiet night at home, Lisa's in production, on location."

"Want to jam?"

He considered. "Where, your place?"

"Oh, the little jam center across the way from my place, yeah." She invited, knowing Blaze was coming also, and she wasn't sure she wanted to be alone with him, or just with Greg and Jimmy, having Greg's brooding eyes on her. He'd never forgiven her, nor understood why she'd led him on.

"Yeah, actually that sounds relaxing." He said, and there was wariness in his voice, a slight hesitance that she caught on to.

"But..." She prompted.

"Just as friends?"

"What else? There are others coming. I just thought you might want to get out a bit, out of the routine." She explained, instantly feeling annoyed, and worried at the same time. Why had he brought up that friend reference? As if they could be more than friends? And that's why she was asking him to jam with her? He'd already told her about his impending wedding plans with Lisa. They'd gotten back together, they were engaged. She was glad, very glad.

"Should I bring Lisa?"

Now Tracy was really annoyed. "Why? In case I fall all over you? Compromise you? Austin..." She warned.

"Stop it." He cried in defense. "I wasn't insinuating that."

"Then what were you insinuating?"

"I don't know, forget it."

"Then don't come. If it's a problem, don't come, I don't care." She hung up.

What in the world was wrong with him? Why did he act so weird sometimes? He couldn't still be harboring feelings for her. He knew how she felt about Richard.

Those same uneasy feelings of betrayal assailed her. Tracy pushed back from the desk and shot to her feet, slamming her purse and the cell phone inside it. Jules.... Austin.... Blaze..... no! No! This was stupid. They were friends. Just friends! Kind of close like proverbial brothers, but not.... They were wrecking it.... Or she was. Not brothers...! The closeness was dissipating..... like..... ah!!!!!!

*****