*****109:

She plopped the surf board into the oncoming waves and flopped down on top and began paddling immediately. Austin was right beside her. They didn't talk at all for the first half an hour, and then without warning, they found themselves sitting on their boards, further out than the large swells, and he rode closer to her.

"I'm sorry about yesterday." He began, real contrition evident in his tone.

"No worries." She quipped nonchalantly, panting a bit with exertion.

"But I am worried. That didn't go at all as I wanted it to. She basically attacked you."

"She feels she has reason." Tracy quirked a brow at him. "I am trying to look at it from her point of view. I think she's treating me a little like the old girlfriend." She splashed water onto her board and then balanced again. "Listen, I want to get this straight. I didn't go there to accuse her of leaking that story to the press, but she did. It's in her blood, it's just the way she is, and sorry to say, but that kind of behavior will alienate me from her right now."

"I know you didn't go there to accuse her. I realize that just from the way you treated it. But I also see that she is very jealous of you." He kicked into a swell and turned his board once again to face her.

"Well, maybe she just doesn't understand the way things are, and she really doesn't understand keeping certain family celebrity things under wraps."

"Well, I know I love her, but..."

"That's dumb, Austin, there can't be any but's.... none at all. You're just going to have to decide how much you love her, and then convince her of your sincerity. But I'll tell you right now, if she doesn't trust me, and you've told her all there is to tell, then she doesn't trust you either."

"I'm not really trustworthy." He stated bluntly.

"Really?"

"Yeah, that's what I think. I didn't tell you about my first wife, I didn't tell you about my boys, I didn't tell Lisa about either you or those things."

"I think Richard would say you are insecure."

"I am insecure! It's so stupid too. I should just tell those who need to be told and let the consequence follow. I shouldn't be so scared about what others will think."

"We are always scared what others will think." Tracy laughed. "That's a fact. But we can control somewhat what they think by giving them the right information before they find out from anyone else. And the worst place to find out is the media. The media destroyed our band five years ago, literally destroyed it, because its in print, you automatically believe it. It's really hard not to. So, leaking stuff to the media is... really a bad idea."

"Yeah, I know that."

"So.... I don't think worse of you for having another wife even if she was a crack whore, your words-- not mine-- and for having three little boys... what are their names, now?"

"Chris is six, Steven is five, and Kelly is four. I left Bianca three years ago, with enough money to raise the kids and get on with her life. She was clean as far as I knew, but she was seeing someone else when I wasn't there. It just wasn't working out. But I just heard from her parole officer, she's back in prison, and bound to stay there for while, and the kids are in foster care. Lisa says we should get them right away, but I am worried that having an instant family won't be good on our fledgling relationship."

Tracy was silent. He was right on all accounts, and circumstances being what they were, there wasn't any other solution. Unless.... "Give them to me. I'll foster them until you and Lisa work out your differences. You're their dad, you have to go get them, but they won't know the difference from a foster family to my house..."

"You would do that for me?" he gasped.

"Unless you think it would cause worse problems between you and Lisa. But it would be the best for the kids. I have the church, I have the home and the family.... It would be stable, I can put them in school.... Yeah... I would do that. What's a few more?"

"If Raine were here, what would he say?"

Tracy felt a stab of pain at the familiar name, and the familiar way in which it was reached out for. They had all reached out to Raine for help with decisions. He was the most stable among them, with the least amount of past. The most gospel knowledge...

She thought about it for a second and then shrugged. "I don't know... he wasn't all into the instant parenthood thing at first either. I think he would say it would be better for the kids to be with me, and better for you and Lisa not to have them right off."

"But what about you?"

"What about me? I handle what's thrown at me. I always do. Eventually."

"What were your plans before this came up?"

"I'm going back to school part time, I'm working part time, locally only, no touring or gigs. Just music. I'm getting through one day at a time." She said and then looked at him. "Listen, my mom is next door. The kids could stay with her, they'd have rooms then and their own stuff, they'd be attached by walls, just not the door, in fact, we could probably cut a door into the living room and just make it one big place with two kitchens. I can handle it, Austin, at least until you and Lisa figure it all out. It's definitely better for the kids."

"I can have them here in twenty-four hours. You sure about this? It sounds so, typical Tracy, impulsive."

"It is Tracy impulsive." She laughed. "But it's only temporary, right? You and Lisa are either going to work it out, and get married and I'd have the kids for like a year or so, or you'd take them even if you don't get married. They need their daddy."

"Yeah, that's got to be the plan." He said. Then he leaned far over and grabbed her by the neck awkwardly causing the boards to collide and tip. "You are so amazing."

There was nothing to say. He let her go and she turned away from him. Her thoughts were a jumble. The reference to Raine had thrown her off a little, and she needed to regain her composure. She couldn't let anyone, even Austin see how unstable she really felt. She had to pretend to be super-woman, and handle anything. She couldn't let anyone really see what was inside.

*****