****102:

"Um... something smells delicious!" Came a voice from the direction of the front door and Tracy turned from her salad (she was actually good at salads) and ran to hug her mother.

Lorraine Harthan was five foot two, long red hair tied up in a half tail and left to cascade down her back. She looked younger than the thirty-five years she sported, having been only fifteen at the birth of her daughter. Danny looked up from his race car track, and the man who was finishing the mounting of a flat screen wall TV also smiled as he saw the reunion.

Tracy hadn't seen Lorraine since the funeral either. She'd left right away for her home in London where she took care of her mother. But right now, Tracy and the children needed her more.

The installer had her sign, and then graciously removed himself, and Tracy ushered Lorraine into the kitchen. "Did you just get here?"

"No, one of Michael's girls picked me up from the airport and took me next door to put away all my stuff before coming over." She sat down at the kitchen table. "Whoever decorated my place did yours as well." She smoothed her hand over the table and laughed.

Tracy had bought a frozen lasagna which they now sat down to eat with Danny, talking about the trip over, the condition of Lorraine's mother, and other inconsequential things. Talking took up hours of time also spent cleaning up the kitchen, bathing the children and reading bedtime stories. Once the children were in bed, Tracy and Lorraine plopped on Tracy's bed and stared at each other.

"It's going to be an adventure, Lorraine." Tracy said, looking into the green eyes that were at once familiar and yet infinitely not so.

"Yeah, I wasn't a mother all those years, and now you need me."

"It wasn't your fault you weren't a mother. You didn't have a chance." Tracy said, knowing the circumstances around her own adoption.

"I wanted you, Tracy. You know I wanted to keep you."

Tracy nodded eagerly. "I know you did. But...."

"My parents were adamant. They said I was too young, and plus, you know my father wouldn't have allowed it."

"Well, you had a crappy childhood, and I had a pretty crappy childhood, so we'll just have to make up for it now." She patted her mother's hand. There was still that awkwardness between them. They found themselves mother and daughter, without any shared history at all. They'd only known each other for five years, but in that time, they'd never spent more than a few days together. "We've never had the chance to live together, we'll just have to get used to it."

"I'm looking forward to it, dear." Lorraine said and cupped Tracy's cheek gently. "How are you feeling?"

Tracy pulled away and stared glassily at the light fixture to prevent the sudden onslaught of moisture. "It's hard. I have moments when I'm okay, and moments when I'm not."

"I can understand that." Lorraine said. "It'll take time."

"We went over to Rocks today..." she took a deep breath. "We went to get my camera. I had left it there, you see."

"Left it there?"

"Before Raine's death." Tracy took a deep steadying breath. "Yeah, we'd been out with the kids...." Her throat choked up, those kids had been one more than they were now. Steven.... Steven! "B-but we were like... I don't remember, going somewhere, and we stopped in there to- to change... I don't remember, the babies, or something... and I left the camera accidentally."

Lorraine could see the memory was causing a great deal of distress. "So you retrieved it today, is that right?"

Tracy's eyes cleared of that particular memory, the day itself, the colors, the strong hand on her arm, the smiles and laughter, the tickling and teasing, the long discussions about gospel topics....like a stab in the heart.....a stab....a twisted....blistering.....hot.....anguished.....

Focus.....

"S-so, Danny and me, we went to the photo shop today, down on Beach Boulevard, the one me and Bridge... used to take our stuff....." she shook her head. Everything... everything had memories..... Could she never get through even one conversation without images in her head? She started over. "Danny and I took the disk over and had the pictures printed out. If I'd had a computer here, I could have done it from home...." Another stab.... She'd lost all her computer stuff and her photo processing stuff in the fire... all of it, all her disks of the babies... all of it.....another twist of the knife.... Another thought too long in coming.... She hadn't faced all her losses. They were too great.... Too many.....

"We'll have to get you a computer then." Her mother said gently.

"Yes." Tracy agreed, her tremulous sigh one of regret and decision. "Yeah, that would be good, we'll do that tomorrow. Anyway, we looked through the pictures. You want to see them?" she jumped off her bed and went to the nightstand drawer. Pulled out envelopes full of pictures.

Lorraine took them. "What'd you get doubles?"

Tracy laughed through her sudden tears, anticipating what her mother would see. "Nope. These are all there were on the disk. I took several hundred pictures. They go back to....to the twins birth...... I think I must have downloaded some of them at home, but I didn't clear the disk, thank God. Or they'd be gone too." She turned away from watching her mother leaf through. She had already stared at them time after time. All afternoon in fact.... Because every picture was of Danny and Steven, Melia and Megan, Raine, Austin, Richard.....the blessing day, Christmas, skiing, ParkCity, playing in the snow....

Lorraine piled the pictures and gave them back to Tracy. "How fortunate you are to have them."

Tracy bowed her head. "You must be tired, Mom." She got up and pulled Lorraine off the bed. "You want me to walk you home?"

Lorraine smiled. "That would be nice. So, shall I see you in the morning?"

"Well, there's that...." Tracy hesitated. "Are you a morning person?"

"Not usually, but I can be. What do you need?"

"Can you come over and listen for the kids at around five? I need to go surfing."

"Surfing? At five?" Lorraine was appalled.

Tracy laughed. "It clears my head. I've been doing it since I was twelve."

Lorraine stared at her daughter as if she had sprouted horns. "You're right, my dear, we're gong to have to get used to each other. But it will be an adventure."

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