She could see by looking in the refrigerator that she would need to go to the store soon. Did she have a car? There wasn't one parked in the garage. He'd thought of the wet suit and the surf board.... Oh, the surf board. Oh no, she'd dropped it and run this morning, and left it out there....

That was irresponsible. She had to quit being so impulsive.

There was hamburger in the bottom of the fridge, and a box of hamburger helper in the cupboard. There were pots and pans in a lower cupboard. She turned on the stove.

The twins chirped contentedly, one from the living room floor, where she was on her back staring up at a baby gym toy somebody had thoughtfully bought, and the other in her baby seat on the kitchen table. Danny came zooming out of the bathroom, two little cars in his hands, and his pants falling down. She bent to zip his zipper for him and snap the little button.

"Hey, slow down there, little man." She cautioned as he took off again.

"Momma, can we watch transformers?" he already had the remote in his hand and the TV turned on.

Tracy sighed. TV wasn't her thing. She didn't approve of it and all it's blaring in your face advertisements and propaganda. She bit her lip. Had anyone bought her a few movies? She went to the set and checked the cabinet beside it. Empty. In fact, she didn't even have a DVD player. Yes, they would definitely have to go to the store. She stood back and looked at the room. Too small. Very small. Super small. But.... Okay for right now. She didn't want anything bigger, and no house. She liked the idea of the condo.

"But I can get a better TV in here and a better set up for it." She murmured. "No, baby. Let's eat lunch and then we'll go to the store before grandma comes, later on today, so we can fix her a nice dinner."

"But Momma." Danny abandoned the remote easily and followed her back to the kitchen. "Momma, you know you can't cook."

Tracy laughed outright. "I've said it enough recently, haven't I?" she picked up the box of hamburger helper and read it carefully. "Well, I can cook this."

Danny plopped himself at the kitchen table and began humming to himself.

"Momma, do you want to go see Raine and Steven?"

"Yeah. I miss them, Danny, what about you. Do you miss them?" she kept her back to him, kept her hands busy, felt the desire to crumple into tears and retreat into a deep forgetful sleep. Where's my will? I can't let this happen at every mention of them....

"I miss them too, Momma. I miss Stevie. I wanna play with him."

She swallowed hard, feeling the lump, and finally turned around and went to Danny, squatting on the floor next to his chair. "Give me a hug, Punkin." She said and took him in her arms. "It's okay to miss Stevie and Raine, baby. It's okay. You and me... we've had a lot of loss in our lives, a lot of loss."

"Daddy and Jolie, too." Danny said, his little arms entwined around her neck and playing with her hair. "You won't leave me will you Momma?" she couldn't answer, she felt the tears and let them fall, they had to fall sometime, she couldn't just hold them back all the time.... Maybe for the public, maybe for those of her concerned friends who would take her children away if she seemed unstable.... But not in front of Danny. If he never saw her cry, he'd never cry himself, and he needed to cry, to miss those he'd lost... he'd lost as much as her. She rocked him into her lap and sat on the kitchen floor with him. "It's okay, Danny, it's okay."

"I miss my daddy." He said and she held him back just enough to see that he did indeed respond to her tears and he was crying now too. She nodded and swiped at her tears so she could see him.

"Let's get a picture of Daddy and put it up in your room."

"And Stevie, too." He said.

"And Stevie too. We'll get lots of pictures of Stevie. We should put him up in all the rooms of our house so he can see us when we're playing."

"And when we're missing him." Danny said and Tracy hugged him close, and let their tears mingle and overflow. She had to be strong... but there was strength here, she realized, strength in grieving together. He might be a child, but they had been through it all together. And there was a sense of peace and strength in sharing this together. It was okay to cry with Danny, okay to grieve with him, and okay to let him see her grieve.

"I- I think I know where some pictures are." She said and Danny got up and reached for his little cars, tears all wiped away and forgotten for the moment. "I think, Dan, that if we go over to Rocks, I left my camera there the last time I was there, and there are pictures on it, lots of them, a whole card full that I haven't even developed. Let's go get them developed after lunch, okay?" but he was off and playing again, the grief moment past. She watched him solemnly, taking a cue from his method of coping. He let the moments come, took them, flowed with them, and then moved on. That was what she needed to do, she thought, take them... allow them, and then move on.

*****