***096:

Tracy got out of the shower wrapping a towel around her head and twisting it on top to hold her longer hair and help it dry. Her eyes once again sought themselves in the mirror and she grimaced. Dark circles protruded, her lashes seemed colorless, her skin, not a healthy tan, but a kind of sickly greenish color.

What would she have done? Before....?

Gone running on the beach. It always soothed her.

Or surfing, she could have surfed-- she used to surf--

All her teenage years the band had surfed. Why not now? She was back here, at the beach where she felt comfort and freedom...

The clock on the dresser read 4am. Normal, typical... she never slept past four am. Why not now? It was a good time... watch the sunrise... actually, she thought, it was a little early, five would be better for surfing. It was a little too dark at four. But she padded into the twins room and assured herself that they were still asleep. Then she walked carefully down the stairs to check on Danny. Still out like a light, sprawled all over the place. It was the first night he hadn't come into her bed and slept with her in a month. Safe... he felt the safety of this place, the slower pace, more child-oriented, more focused on his little world.

In the kitchen was a wall monitor and she hit the adjacent button to ask Robin to come do her job. She didn't feel bad about it like she would have with anyone else. Robin had assured her that any time she needed to have her watch the kids, including the middle of the night, she was available. That's why I pay you the big bucks, Tracy thought as she clicked off the intercom.

She opened the door to the garage, not really knowing if Michael would have remembered her surfing days or thought about getting her wetsuit....The light popped on and she squinted into the grayish cement color all around and sure enough, a wetsuit was hanging....

Was it hers? She walked to it... not hers, tags still on it....he'd thought of her needs though and made sure she had one. She pulled it down and dropped the towel to put it on.

She heard the front door open and close. Robin's shadow appeared in the light from the kitchen.

"Going surfing?" she yawned.

"Yeah."

"It's pretty foggy."

"I've surfed in the fog."

"Let me wake Jake."

"Jake is here?"

"Yeah, they got him his own place, he and Nancy and the kids are all just across the street, and he's on call just like me."

Tracy's heart sank. A bodyguard. Did she really ever go anywhere by herself?

"Robin, that's not necessary. I don't want to wake anyone else, waking you was bad enough, please just let him sleep."

"You know I can't do that, Tracy."

"Oh." She came up the steps out of the garage and switched off the light as she passed Robin. "You don't work for me, you're actually my warden. That's right, I should have known. I'm not actually an adult yet." But I will be in a couple of weeks, she thought in annoyance, and then we'll see about all this....

"Tracy, you don't need to be sarcastic with me...." Robin was reminding her that it was four in the morning and that she didn't need to be treated badly at this hour either. But Tracy reminded herself, this is her job....she chose this....I don't have to feel bad about getting her up, that's what she signed up for.

She felt a moment of remorse, which was typical for her, not wanting to inconvenience anyone on her account, but at the same time, feeling atypically powerful, and realizing that Robin was employed on her account. She paid her.

She walked by. "The kids are asleep. And will be for another hour or two. I'm going surfing."

Robin had pulled out a cell phone. "Just a minute while I get Michael on the line."

Tracy started to respond. She didn't like being treated like a child, but she supposed that recently she had behaved incapable of handling her own life. She stopped at the front door and drew in her breath sharply. "I don't need permission from Michael to go surfing. I've been going surfing since I was twelve. The beach is practically right outside my front door." She opened the front door to prove it and felt a rush of salt breeze and fog assail her. It felt good, alluring. She wanted to be alone out there.

"Tracy, just a minute." Robin had followed her to the front door and watched as she raised the garage door by hand and took out the surfboard Michael had provided.

"Robin, please just go in and sleep on the couch and listen for the kids till I get back, okay? That's all I need you to do." She started out the front walkway and unlatched the gate at the side of the house that led down to the beach.

"Michael? Michael, sorry to bother you at this hour, but Tracy's' going surfing by herself.... She found the board you left in the garage, yeah.... Oh, okay.... You don't care? You said to bother you if anything unusual happened.... I rather thought this was unusual.... I see, not for Tracy.... Are there any other idiosyncrasies I should know about? Surfing at any hour of the day or night that she wants to? Alone? Okay, whatever....no, I want the job...." Tracy could hear the frustrated voice as she walked away and smiled grimly to herself, a kind of smirky little grimace. Michael knew she would be safe. There were probably others out by now anyway, it was closer to five. She walked down the pathway between houses and out to the sandy shore, feeling the relief of cold sand between her toes, and anticipating the actual freedom of weightlessness and dark....

*****