204: 025

It was comforting here in the Park City house, Tracy mused, after she'd tucked Danny in his new room for the final time. This house, patterned exactly after the one next door where she and Richard had met was almost as full of memories as that one. She'd had Austin's decorators make this house an exact copy. The paint, the colors, the rooms, the flooring, the dishes. The only thing that was different was the placement of rooms. Upstairs at the other house, what they called the Blue room, was Austin's, here it would be hers and Richard's. Upstairs at the house next door, in what they called the purple room, usually belonged to a female guest. In Tracy's house it was a nursery. It was pink in this case, with a crib and all the accoutrements. Downstairs in Austin's house, had been the guest room that became her room, what they called the red room, was now Danny's room, still red, but with a race car bed like his beach house bed. And the yellow room, what they called Richard's room next door, was the twins room here, with two year old princess beds, low to the ground, with railings for two year olds not to fall out. The green room, in this house was left for guests, but tonight Richard and Zack slept next door, as per Austin's permission. Even disagreements over the last several months had not completely dented the lifelong friendships they'd all developed.

Tracy walked into her room, pulled back the covers and flipped the bedside lamp on. Her duffle bag was on the chair across the room; her new dresses, the wedding dress and the going away dress, the girls twin white dresses to be sealed in, and Kylie's blessing dress that would double as her sealing dress all hung in the open plastic bags on the closet edge. She walked to them, fingered the silk and satin, the lace, the beads.

It was real. She was going to be married, in the temple, to Richard, tomorrow morning at nine a.m. Her escort for her endowment would be Michael's wife, Janene. Their witnesses would be Zack and Michael. She backed over to the bed and sat down. This day did not go as planned. It was different, better, more amazing, more meaningful.

She went over to her bathroom and flipped the light switch. She wasn't used to being in here; her normal use bathroom in the house next door would have been downstairs. This felt like Austin's bedroom. And she rarely went in there. She looked in the mirror. It was a huge mirror that covered the entire wall. She still looked pale, but her lips.... Looked very red, bruised from all of Richard's carriage ride attention. She smiled at herself, ran her hand along the tiles of the double sinks, opened a drawer and saw that things had been placed according to her specifications. This had been done by an agent, and a housekeeping service. Michael had arranged it all, after she made a hurried list. There were bound to be things missing. She turned; at the end of the sink was a corner glass shower. She opened the door and stepped inside, she was barefoot, the tiles were dry, but a soap dispenser was full inside, and a shampoo dispenser also. Quite luxurious. Someone had arranged for scented soaps, bubbles, a bath mat. She ran the water, stripped out of her brown silky spoon skirt and blouses threw them on the floor, covering herself with warm water and bubbles. She sank into the depths of this luxury and covered herself completely, trying hard not to think, but just to relax.

They had opted to take the entire family to Hawaii to Richard's condo for a month, stay away from the press, people, any people, just get reacquainted. Then after a month they would go to New York for a huge family reception planned by their mother's, even a ring ceremony where her dad could give her away, a lifelong dream of his, supposedly. Then they would make their home base in Montana, Richard was eager to get there for a couple of months, and then off to Mongolia for six months. It was all planned out. Everything else that had been in the works was postponed. Michael had at first been dismayed, and then delighted when she'd asked him to witness her sealing, the only person besides his wife to do so. He had forgiven her immediately for all past transgressions and promised to be at the Temple early the next morning with his hair cut and his face clean shaven. She wasn't sure she'd ever seen Michael clean shaven.

She came up; saw Danny standing sleepily at the entrance to the bath chamber and beckoned him forward, checking to make sure she was covered with bubbles.

"What is it, bubba? One of the twins crying?" she had a beeper for each of their rooms, she would have heard if they'd been fussing.

Danny shook his head. "Your phone went off." He held it out to her and then turned. "Can I watch a movie?"

"Danny, its way past bed time. Let me rinse off and I'll come read you a story."

But she wasn't able to do that. She read him a story in her bed all snuggled in, but he didn't fall asleep, as expected, and the baby woke up, so she went to the living room and put in a movie and nursed Kylie and put her in her swing.

Then she sat down on the couch and stared out at the ski slopes, lit for the night, cold and pristine. Other snowy nights. Other pristine slopes.

Last year.... Still grieving, devastated....

The year before, pregnant, ready to pop, just days before....

The year before that, skiing Park City....

The year before that.... Casey... met Raine, met Richard, met Austin... in college....

The year before that... Jules in rehab....

Before that? Before the band broke up, hanging out with Casey and Daniel....

Before that? How old was I? Sixteen? The band, just the band... no Geoff.... She tried to picture him and couldn't, she'd barely known him, he wasn't a part of her life. The band had been a big part, Danny being born had been a big part....

It was all a little mixed up.

But from now on, there would be no mix-ups. This was the beginning of her new life. No insecurity, no wonder, no plans without Richard to consult. No, this was where life really started.

*****