*****196:17

Lights. She jumped up and down, waggled and loosened her neck, tossed her hair, jimmied her feet, and jumped again. Ready? Ready? Come on, let's get ready!!!!

Eric grabbed her from behind, Rod tickled her, Greg and Jimmy high-fived each other, and Julian tapped his drumsticks against her shoulder. Ahhhhhhhhhhh! Ready? Ready? Come on! Let's get ready!

Out on stage! A regular light extravaganza, not as flamboyant as some, she didn't need it. But elaborate, plenty of room. The floor lit up as well, she grabbed the mike, shouted greetings, listened to the wild cheering, got hyper, and started belting out her latest hit.

Her band members, and backup always remembered later the feeling of being onstage with Tracy. She was professional, alert, ready, action packed, but so.... So confident! Everything about her oozed control of the audience. She planned out and practiced her moves and then made them seem completely foreign onstage, so much more than the practice time. Eric and Rod who had never been onstage with her had been warned by Greg who had. Warned to expect the unexpected, whatever that was....

Tonight the surprises came later, after the show. Tracy bowed out after the second encore, literally ran off stage, and Julian who assumed that meant she had something planned hung back, taking a bow, actually slapping hands with fans a little longer than necessary, knowing, knowing....

Seconds later, the wild careening spotlights were focused directly on the backstage entrances where Tracy was artfully and fiercely throwing and dashing water balloons at her band members, and they were attacking her in return. Julian could hear the screaming above the noise of the crowds, but his own laughter was drowned out. Blaze, who had played backup guitar as an afterthought the second set, was suddenly chasing Tracy all over the upper catwalks of the stage, a part of the actual stage where they had danced earlier. Greg was on the other side, he had a super soaker water gun and was waiting. Tracy taunted them, ran across the catwalks lightly and darted down the stairs on the right side, only to be met by the full force water gun war. Some of the cameras had focused on this spectacle and thrown their images up on the large screens above their heads. The crowd went crazy, and Julian was forcefully reminded of Pepper's fanatical aftermaths. This was like it.... Maybe more....

It lasted only seconds longer, before Michael had them pulled offstage, and running back to dressing rooms and trailers, where they would continue their water fights, as was Tracy's way. The backstage passes people were often issued were sometimes of no value as Tracy rarely came back out to meet her fans anymore. She was too busy having fun with her band, whoever they might be.

But tonight, she actually did go and change, from her stage costume, into maroon jeans, a light yellow tank and a pretty lacy over top, her hair, which had been tightly pulled back was let down, and cascaded crazily until she put it up in a bun, a messy bun, but up, and then she slung her arm around Julian as they made their way out to fulfill their duties.

A full on camera crew was there. Tracy laughed, yelled, waved, stopped to sign autographs, t-shirts, hats. She held a child, kissed guys she didn't know and shook hands with everyone she could touch. And kept moving, back onto the stage now, more room. More light, less confusion. And there was Ben and Joel-Wade. Hugging her, lifting her.

After interviews, small talk with reporters, good-byes for Rod and Eric, lots of shop talk with members of the crew, presents for everyone who had helped, maybe two hundred people, set up, clean up, the stadium help... she had a bottle of water, her boobs ached from needing to nurse Kylie... she gave Julian a pleading look and he immediately muscled through and took her hand, leading her out, amid the calls and laughs from all around.

They stumbled down a hall, hands and arms entwined, a familiar feeling, having been doing it for years and years...

"Is this it, Trace? Is this finally the last time?" He shouted over the din of echoes in the tunnel like exit.

"Last time for what?" she laughed back, swirling her arm around him, bumping his hip as she did when excited.

"This! The gig, the glory, the grime!"

"Are you serious? Where are you going? This isn't any such thing! I have lots of gigs planned. You're part of all of them!"

"You're getting married, Tracy, this might very well be the last time we're just us. After this, Richard will always be in the picture."

She stopped and turned to him, looking him squarely in the eyes. "Nothing will change! Nothing that hasn't already changed, Jules. We will always party together, jam together, do gigs together." Her eyes searched his in bewildered hurt. He stared into them in sudden agony. She would be gone, out of the picture. His picture.

"Trace..." He leaned forward and kissed her upturned lips.

Tracy backed up. Her eyes a moment ago betraying her panicky feeling of misunderstanding had turned distrustful. "Don't do that." She whispered. "Jules, what's wrong?"

But he pulled her close, feeling the pain of loss, the indescribable plethora of swirling emotions running and tugging them away from each other. Things were changing, had changed, would continue to pull them apart. What would become of these times? His hands cupped her face, he looked into her eyes. "I can't lose you." He said, and choked on a sob. Understanding rushed into her, Tracy grabbed him fiercely and hugged him close to her, standing on tip-toe to hold him tightly.

"No!" she gritted out in anger. "No one will ever take this away from us. You and me... we're together! This is us! It can't change, no matter what. I won't let it change, Jules. We will always be together."

He thought he knew differently, but right then he wanted to believe her. They had shared so much, no human being could take the place of their times together, their knowledge of each other. It wouldn't go away, because Tracy said it wouldn't. She wouldn't let it go away.

"Come on," she said softly still holding him, and now leaning back to look into his eyes. She kissed his lips carefully, just a brother/ sister peck. "It's okay. You're just on the after downer. It'll mellow out in a bit. Come with me to nurse Kylie in the bus."

She took his hand and as he wiped his eyes they walked quietly out to the waiting bus and together went inside to the warm interior, so different from the harsh crassness of the tunnel and the stadium: a different life. Julian felt the two worlds colliding. If anyone could pull this off, Tracy could.

*****