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"But you're alone."

"I'm not." She said. "I'm actually very taken."

His eyes looked up in astonishment. This was something he didn't know. He glanced at her fingers, but there were several rings, not the least of which was a wedding ring, which he knew belonged to her former deceased husband, Raine Maverick. He'd thought that Blaze was serious about her, but hadn't realized they'd made it official. 

She could see it in his eyes, and rushed to change his mind. "Oh! Not what you are thinking. I'm not dating Blaze, although he'd like to think so. We're just friends."

He shook his head. "You have someone else?"

"Yes." She answered without elaborating.

Ramiro sat back. He was older than her, with a hugely different background, but being around her had opened his heart and mind to thoughts and experiences that had never entered his mind before. He wasn't sure what he wanted from her, or why he was making himself a part of her life. He didn't know her well enough for that. But he was attracted to her nevertheless.

"And this person knows about your addition?"

Tracy nodded, gazing at this dark-haired rogue in fondness. She reached over as he was leaning to look at Kylie and smoothed a strand of his thick hair. 

Touch.... 

Always touch with her....

 She pulled away as he looked up at her in surprise. Touch meant something different to people. She nodded.

"He knows."

Ramiro's eyes were troubled. "You got a minute? Can we talk?"

She looked into the living room, no one was paying any attention to them, but she sensed that Ramiro needed a little more privacy. "You want to go for a walk?" He nodded.

Tracy leaned out the sliding glass door and caught Sam's eye. "Hey, can you keep an eye for a minute?" He gave her a thumbs-up. She leaned back inside. "Janene? I'm going to walk on the beach, can you watch Kylie?"

They walked quietly out on the sidewalk and unlatched the gated and private use bars leading to the shoreline. Paparazzi were lounging close by, they perked up as Tracy and Ramiro came outside. Tracy shook her head. Each and every move had to be weighed, she thought, I can't even take a walk on the beach with a friend without having it in the tabloids tomorrow. Was the walk worth it? He seemed to be in need, yes, it was worth it. They wouldn't bother them.

"What's on your mind, son?" she began.

"I've been thinking." He said, recognizing that they didn't have much time, and none for preliminaries. He wanted to get this out while he could. "I can't sleep for thinking of it."

Tracy swallowed, nodded, tried to clear her mind, hoping it wasn't any kind of huge confession type disclosure. She might have a degree in psychology now, but that didn't make her a psychologist. She watched him looking out to sea, watching the waves, the clouds, the sea gulls. She took his hand, connection seemed the best. He looked startled, then rubbed her fingers gratefully.

"Tracy, I've been partying all my life. It's my lifestyle. You know? I worked my way into the field, spent a lot of time kissing ass, landed a couple of awesome parts and do the club scene. I jet around now, hanging out with people, no lasting relationships, no ties, no responsibility. I liked it that way, till I met you."

She sighed. "I guess I bring out the best in people?" She tried to keep it light-hearted, a squeak there at the end.

He chuckled and squeezed her hand. "Blaze says it's that you live your religion, and that if I got involved with you I'd just be at odds with myself because it's so far from what I know."

"If you weren't raised with religion it could be a lifestyle disrupter, but only if you want it to be." She could tell he was trying to comprehend how a religion could change your lifestyle. He probably knew plenty of Christians who went to church on Sunday and then lived how they wanted the rest of the time.

"Okay." He tossed out his other hand. "Is it the religion that defines you Trace? Do you agree with that?"

She blew out her breath, considering honestly. She licked and then bit at her lower lip. "Partly it's my personality, I think."

"In what way?" He wanted to beleive that it wasn't just religion. Religion meant that the secret to her success meant overcoming huge obstacles for him if he were to try it.

"I'm like you. I like to be good at what I do. I have a fear of failure, so I try really hard to do the best I can. I don't give up." She said easily, although this admission had not come easily. In some ways, it could be a flaw, rather than an asset.

He liked that. He liked that she sensed that about him as well. No mediocrity, just a determination to do the best one could. Better than that even. 

But..... He realized that to be the best partier, the best image promoter, wasn't making him happy. It didn't satisfy certain needs, and he felt he couldn't even identify those needs, until he got in conversations with people like Tracy who were actually doing something with their lives.

She knew what he was thinking. "Ramiro, listen, it's who you are inside." She stopped walking, let the ocean breeze whip her loose hair into her eyes and then caught it and pulled it back with her free hand. 

"If you don't like who you are inside, then you need to do something about it. Some religion can help with that, some religion can actually make it worse. And I'll tell you right now, religion isn't just going to church. If that's all you do it will make what you're feeling worse."

"So, why do you go to church?"

She shrugged. "It's part of my religion." She laughed and caught his eye and winked. "Seriously, religion is what you believe, not what you attend. Religion is based on how you plan to spend your time, what you plan to do with yourself, not where you go on Sunday."

"Ah... the crux of it. Tell me this." He said with a nod and a sigh.

She shook her head. "I'm not sure I can." She mused, kicking sand gingerly, gazing up at the seagulls for inspiration. "I'm not sure what you're asking me."

"Your religion teaches you about adopting Kylie? Or that's just your personality? Because I can't see it Trace. It almost seems like a child collecting strays, but adopting a child is such a life-changing event, it's a lifetime commitment. You can't take that lightly and it kind of seems like you did; like it was a spur of the moment thing. So then I have to ask myself, if it was a spur of the moment thing, had you planned previously that if that moment came you would grasp it? Or was it simply impulsive?"

"Kylie's adoption wasn't impulsive when it happened. I told the birth mother when I met her that if at the end of her pregnancy she couldn't handle keeping her baby that I would take her."

She swung his hand gently. "Did I plan all my life to adopt children? Hm.... It's not a foreign policy to me. I was adopted." 

She started walking again, all the way into the bubbling surf at the end of the sand. "I think what I planned all my life to do was to help people. I think that was in me first like a gift or something. That desire to make other people's burdens lighter if possible. "

He was looking at her sideways, trying hard to understand so she took another deep breath. "It isn't always possible, and sometimes it takes a lot of time and energy, more than most people care to give, or can give. But that was what made me happiest, so I look for those opportunities."

She shook her head. "Did I take Kylie because it will help her in her life? No. I can honestly say I took Kylie in order to help her mother. Now... does my religion teach this? Yes, because I believe in Jesus Christ, and he teaches this. I follow Him. I want to be like Him, I want to emulate Him. Yeah, in that way my religion defines who I am, and helps me recognize what's inside."

"But Tracy, why not just donate to a Food Bank, or the Red Cross? Isn't that helping people?"

"I kind of like a hands-on approach. I want to help people get through their lives successfully and feel good about themselves, not feel really scared about what's around the next corner. I- I had to live like that once. My childhood was like that, Ramiro. If I can help people in similar situations...."

"I see."

She gave him a look. "So, what was that? It sounded a little condescending."

"Well, then it's just you. You're trying to make up for your past or something."

"My past wasn't my fault, Ramiro, it just affected me."

"Okay, but it also motivates you."

"Is that a bad thing?"

"Not necessarily."

"But it's not duplicatable, is that right?"

"Well, they're your experiences. I can't get them to motivate me."

"Maybe you can dig inside and find something that does motivate you."

"But I don't know what I want to do. You had this past, and now you want to help other mothers with kids. But I don't know what I want."

She smiled and squeezed his hand. "Then maybe that's where a church, maybe my church, can give you direction."

"How do I find out? You said just going to church wouldn't do it."

"Let's sit down. I may be uniquely qualified to help you here. I'm not saying for sure, but let's take it one step at a time."

They sat down and quit holding hands, each wrapping their arms around bent knees. "First of all, to identify this problem once again for both of our clarification, you're missing something in your life, and you find you would like a little more meaning."

"That's right."

"You've come to me, because you admire my approach to solving this problem in my life."

"That's right again." He smiled at her playfully. "You think I should start reading the Bible?"

Tracy stood up and pulled him up with her, they dusted off their clothes. "Ramiro, reading the Bible all by itself probably won't help you out in this situation either." She said. His eyebrows rose in query. "Well, it's a three step program, if you really are sincere in knowing, then you pray specifically to know if God has a plan for you, and if he's there, and if he's real, that kind of stuff, you figure out the details here, tailored to meet what your question about religion really is: then you read the Bible and then you write down your impressions, and then you will get answers. I can teach you how to do this. If you want."

"Will it interfere in your guy friend thing?"

"What, with Blaze? He doesn't want my kind of help, Ramiro, and..."

"No, this guy you're 'with'."

"Oh, no. He won't be threatened. He's pretty secure right now."

"Do you see him a lot? Will I meet him?"

"No. He's away right now. You might meet him later."

"Are you being deliberately evasive?"

"Yeah, actually. I am."

"It's none of my business?"

She squeezed his hand. "Thanks for understanding."

They walked back up to the gate, paparazzi now coming lazily to their feet, hoping for more interaction than sitting on the beach talking. But today, that's all they were going to get.

*****