Chapter 94
(No Control | Holding Me Ransom - 94 - Pages Between Us Written With No End)
The rest is just a blur. I don't really remember getting into the car, or fastening my seatbelt, or anything other than the screams filling the night air from the gaggle of fans outside Lagoon, and the feeling of reckless abandon and hysteria rising inside me as the car pulls away into the busy streets to take us home.
I laugh gleefully and exuberantly, leaning my head back and banging my hands on my thighs. Have we really just done that? Have we really just 'gone public'? It feels like a dream. Although that might be partly to do with the bottle of Dom Perignon.
Beside me, Jess is giddy and wild-eyed, her skin flushed and her mouth beaming.
"Fuck," I laugh. "Fuck!"
"I didn't think you'd do it," she gasps between laughs.
"I saw in your eyes you wanted me to kiss you," I explain. "It was a now-or-never moment. So I did it."
"I'm glad you did."
"Are you really?"
"Of course!"
I nod and take a deep breath, trying to calm the excitement inside.
"That's it now - we're officially public," Jess declares. "And it feels fucking amazing."
I reach across the seat and take her hand in mine.
"Damn right it does," I nod, also breathing hard.
"Congratulations, you two," Paul speaks up from the driver's seat. "For what it's worth, I'm really pleased for you both. Although I think you may have broken more than a few hearts tonight with that kiss, Harry."
That pulls me up a little. The last thing I want is an outcry from the fans, especially over the stupid Larry stuff.
"I'm hoping most people will be happy for me," I muse. "But I know there will be some form of backlash from those who are upset, or jealous."
"I can handle it," Jess says, serious all of a sudden. "We both can."
And I give her hand a squeeze.
It's good to know we're on the same page about this, and we're both ready to face the public together, as a couple. It feels incredible. I have never done this before, and it sort of feels nice that it's new territory for both of us instead of Jess having to navigate a new world that is already familiar to me. I feel a new rush of love for her and grin out of the window as cruise along my road and slow down as we approach my house.
It's a cold night, and I shiver as I jiggle the front door key in the lock, and am grateful for the warmth of the heating as we enter the hallway and I shut the door behind us.
"Do you fancy a brew?" Jess offers as I slide the bolt into the lock and slot in the chain.
"I'd love one."
"You know where the kettle is," she replies immediately, and I whirl around and chase her, squealing, through to the kitchen where I catch her and push her gently against the fridge. She grins and I definitely see a little flutter of excitement in her face as I narrow my eyes and try to look sexy. I hold the look for a second before giving in and kissing her, my dick twitching in response to the feel of her lips. I think I've done damn well to resist her this long to be honest.
"Well well, this is all too familiar," she breathes, and I move from her lips to her neck.
"Nah, Little White Lies isn't playing," I point out. "I should have had it ready for when we arrived home." All joking aside, I really should have thought of this part.
"You could always give me a personal serenade," she teases.
"Never in a million years," I declare, my lips brushing the skin of her collarbone. "That would be way too corny."
"Says the man who sang 'What Makes You Beautiful' to me in front of a stadium full of fans," she reminds me, and I pull away to look at her, wondering if she's being serious.
"Yeah, well, that was different," I shrug. "That was stage Harry, not... y'know, normal Harry."
She laughs and kisses me fully on the lips, lingering just long enough to make me think she's about to take this further, and then she pushes me back and walks over to the kettle and switches it on, bringing me back down to earth with a bump. I observe her as she fetches two cups from the cupboard, throws a tea bag in each and reaches into the fridge for the milk. She's so at home here. She just belongs - in every aspect of my life.
"You look good in my house," I tell her. "You look good with me."
"I should damn well think so," she retorts.
"I'm serious."
"So am I."
It's clear she isn't going to take this moment seriously so I take a seat at the breakfast bar while she finishes making the brews and then slips onto a stool opposite me. She gazes at me for a second before reaching towards me and winding a lock of my hair carefully around her finger.
"Your hair is so soft," she remarks, almost to herself.
"Will you miss it when I cut it?" I ask. "It's probably long enough now to donate to a wig charity. And I'll need to chop it all off if I get this part in Chris Nolan's film."
"When's your next audition for that?"
"I'm meeting them again on Friday to do another reading."
I'm trying not to think about that, but now this anniversary stuff is over I'll have nothing major to distract me and will have to start preparing for the next audition.
"I will miss your long hair, in a way," she says thoughtfully. "I'll miss the mun most of all; it's so fucking sexy." (I feel a tingle in my groin as she says this.) "But the thought of your hair possibly reverting to the Midnight Memories album era makes me weak at the knees, so I'm sure I'll be fine."
Ha! "Midnight Memories?" I echo in disbelief. "Really?"
"Don't you remember my embarrassing wallpaper on my work computer?" she demands. "The one you noticed in the background of the first selfie I sent you? That was you at the 2013 VMAs, not long after Best Song Ever was released. I was well and truly a Directioner by that point, and totally into you."
As if I could ever forget that. I never thought I'd miss the fangirling days.
"I'd forgotten how cute you are when you fangirl over me," I smile.
"I think I've done well to overcome most of that," she says seriously. "I didn't think it would ever be possible, to be honest."
"Well, it's been one hell of a crazy year," I nod.
"It certainly has."
We fall silent for a moment, me watching the steam spiralling up from my mug and waiting for my tea to cool to a drinkable temperature, and Jess taking a sip of hers. It's a wonder it doesn't cause her mouth to blister.
"How do you drink it that hot?" I wonder. "It's literally just come out of the kettle. It's practically still boiling."
"Because I don't want to drink it lukewarm like you do," she fires back. "That's disgusting."
She still doesn't give an inch. I wonder if she ever will?
"Are you happy?" I ask her.
"Of course I am. I couldn't be happier."
We've not mentioned it since we left the house party, but I feel now is the right time.
"What about Callie?"
Her smile fades. "I don't know," she sighs. "She was supposed to be my best friend, but she crossed a line. I don't know how I would ever be able to trust her again."
"You trusted me again, after everything I did," I remind her.
"Yes, but that was different."
"Was it?" I challenge gently. "Really?"
I mean, as much as I would happily never see that girl again as long as I live, I know that wouldn't make Jess happy, and ultimately I want whatever makes Jess happy.
"Yes!" she replies fervently. "What you did happened under extreme circumstances. You didn't deliberately set out to hurt me."
This is a valid point, but...
"You could say the same about Callie," I counter, and hold my hand up to silence her before she protests further and upsets herself over it all.
"I'm just saying that I think you should take your time to think about all this, before you decide to turn your back on her for good," I reason. "You have a forgiving nature, Jess. It would be a shame to throw away years of friendship on a knee-jerk reaction. Don't make any rash decisions."
She considers this for a while.
"OK," she relents, after a long pause. "OK, I promise to think about it."
"That's all I'm asking," I smile. "I love you, you know that. I want you to be happy above all else, and I don't want you losing people you're close to, and regretting it further down the line."
"I love you too," she smiles back.
I can't resist standing up and taking her in my arms, wrapping them around her tightly and breathing her in as she nuzzles up to me.
"If you'd said to me this time a year ago that we would end up falling in love and living together... I probably would have laughed in your face," she murmurs, and I huff gently.
"I don't doubt that."
She giggles against my chest.
"This is the stuff dreams are made of," she sighs dreamily. "You couldn't make it up. Ordinary girl meets pop star crush, he falls in love with her and whisks her off into the sunset. I mean, you read about stuff like this on Wattpad."
"What's Wattpad?"
There's a pause, almost as though she is panicking.
"Oh, you know, just online books and stuff," she replies very fast, and suddenly it clicks.
"Oh yeah, you mean your fanfiction," I grin. I can't believe I'd forgotten about that, but her words come flooding back to me.
"It's not my fanfiction," she's saying. "I don't write it or anything. I've just heard about that famous one."
"Ah yes, that's right," I smirk, thrilled that she has played into my hands like this. "Because this is not After and you are not my Tessa, and you were never going to take me back. I remember." At least, I hope I've remembered it correctly.
"Oh God, Harry," I groaned, burying her face in my chest. "Do we have to talk about this?"
Bingo! "So you have read it, then?" I grin, pulling back to try and look her in the eye. "Was it good?"
Her face is redder than I have ever seen it, and she pushes me away, still refusing to meet my gaze.
"Stop it. I haven't looked at any of that stuff in forever, because I have the real thing here in front of me."
"But you did read it," I press, and she finally glances at me and then away again.
"Yes."
Haha! I knew it!
"And did you like it?" I want to know. It's not often she squirms like this and it's so much fun when she does.
"Bad-boy Harry has... a certain appeal," she mutters, and I scream out loud with laughter.
Bad boy Harry? Seriously? I don't even know what that would entail but all I can imagine is a leather jacket and cigarette.
"You could write your own book," I tease her once I am able to form words again. "It would make a great read."
"Book?" she echoes in disbelief, finally looking me in the eye. "Book: singular? This would be a series! There's too much drama to cram into just one."
"A series, huh?" I smirk. "Someone's clearly thought about this."
"No I haven't!" she mutters defensively. "I'm just saying, that's all."
"You'd have to write under a pen name, of course, to disguise your true identity," I joke, and open the cupboard that houses the treats in search of a midnight snack. I grab a couple of types of crisps and chuck them onto the breakfast bar. "Fancy some scooby snacks?"
"I'm going upstairs going to drink my brew in bed, away from your incessant provocation," she retorts, a smirk pulling at the corners of her own mouth now. I love it when she can't hide her smile when she's trying to be cross with me.
"Now Jess, baby, don't be like that," I wheedle, grabbing her round the waist as she tries to make her escape. She stops as my lips brush her neck again and I feel her breathe in and out again, slowly. I can't resist another joke. "I could be your literary manager," I whisper between kisses, "for a small fee, of course..."
She pulls back, frowning at me. "You are such a loser," she begins, but I kiss her on her lips again, cutting her off and run my hand up her back, feeling for the zip of her dress. I pull away from her for a second, just long enough to check she is totally at my mercy, and as I'm leaning back in for another kiss I add, "You could call your book My Direction."
"Shut up, Harry," she chuckles, her hands cupping my face and pulling me deeper into the kiss as I gently pull on the zip and the back of her dress falls open.
"Don't you like that idea?" I tease, running my fingertips over the warm skin of her back and evoking a gentle shiver.
"Way too corny," she says, her lips millimetres from mine.
"Alright, what would you call it then?" I challenge, carefully removing her dress from her front and letting it drop to the floor. I reach for her breasts that feel soft and supple behind a plain white bra that is unfittingly innocent for the thoughts racing through my mind right now.
"Well that's easy," she answers, delving her fingers into my hair and pulling my body against hers so it is almost impossible to tell where I end and she begins. "No Control."
No Control. Of course. How could I have thought it would ever be anything else?
THE END
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But of course you know there are bonus chapters still to come!! And there is new material in these bonus chapters, one of which I had waited so patiently to write because I wanted to do it justice. I think I've said this before, but I'll also do a Q and A after the last part is published so if there is anything you want to know, ask away and I promise I'll answer xx
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