(No Control | Holding Me Ransom - 54 - Why Don't We Take Just A Little More Time)

We've almost arrived at Mum's when my phone rings - it's Karen. As it's rare that a phonecall from her brings glad tidings, I exchange a look of trepidation with Jess before I answer.

"Evening, Karen."

She doesn't bother with niceties. "There's a rumour flying around Twitter."

"No way!" I gasp theatrically, still giddy from the Subway incident earlier and wanting to show off in front of Jess. "About me? Well, this has never happened before."

Jess sniggers and claps her hands over her mouth to contain her laughter while I raise my eyebrows and open my eyes and mouth wide as silence fills the car.

After a beat Karen says stonily, "Sarcasm doesn't suit you, Harry. Am I to interpret from your tone that you know what the rumour may be?"

"Hmm," I muse, stroking my imaginary beard with the fingers of my right hand and raising one eyebrow for effect. "I don't suppose... I bought some petrol at a garage! I bought some chewing gum! Wait - I've got a new jacket!"

Beside me, Jess is shaking with muted laughter. I want to puff my chest out.

"You've got a new girlfriend and you're taking her home to meet your family," Karen replies, her tone flat and unamused.

This pulls us both up short.

"What?" 

"You have apparently been spotted at a service station on the M6 Northbound with a girl. Holding hands."

Jess is wearing the same awkward expression as me.

"Shit, really?" I mutter, our mirth evaporating quickly. "I didn't think we'd been seen. "

I really don't want anyone realising where I'm going, and fans hanging around this weekend. I just want time to relax.

"So you were at a service station with a girl - Jess, I presume?"

"Yeah, we're on our way to my mum's."

"Well, the good news is there are no pictures to confirm it," Karen says, back to her normal business-like tone. "It's just a series of hysterical tweets from a couple of accounts so far. It hasn't really got off the ground and is unlikely to without photographic evidence. You know how sceptical your fans are of hoaxes."

I can feel my stomach muscles relaxing slowly.

"You don't seem particularly bothered," Karen says, her tone adopting an accusatory note.

"Well, we have been talking about going public," I begin tentatively, aware that a cold and dark Friday night is not the ideal time to be dropping this bombshell on Karen. There is probably never a good time to drop it, to be fair. "The service area was quiet, and we didn't think anyone was around."

"You didn't think anyone was around," she repeats, painfully slowly as though to allow me to hear my own words and hammer home how ridiculous they sound. It works.

"Alright," I grumble, annoyed at  being admonished like this in front of Jess. "We'll be more careful in future."

"I just don't want you to rush into this before you're both ready," she says in a gentler tone that causes my eyebrows to pull together as I look over at Jess who, like me, is confused at this turn in approach. "And I would also appreciate being kept in the loop," she adds, the briskness back again.

"Yeah, sorry," I apologise. "Duly noted."

After a brief conversation with Karen about the pap at the petrol garage just north of London, and a discussion with Jess about the hysterical tweets mentioning Corley services, we finally pull into Mum's driveway. I pull the key out of the ignition as Jess turns to me, a concerned look on her face.

"Karen mentioned that people thought you were taking your girlfriend home to meet the family," she says. "I only saw one tweet speculating that, but what if people realise that's where we're headed?"

"Yeah, I had the same thought," I confess. "We can just keep a low profile this weekend. It'll be dark by the time the bonfire and fireworks start tomorrow anyway. I'll just wear a beanie or something."

"Yes, because that will be inconspicuous," she retorts, her voice dripping with sarcasm, and I can't help grinning at her.

"Well do you have any better ideas?"

"No," she says reluctantly, and just because she looks so cute I lean across the central column of the car and kiss her on the lips, smirking as I pull away and climb out of the car because I love winning at verbal tennis. I make a point of bending down to give her a smug look before I shut the door, and once she is out of the car she gives me a gentle shove with her hand, just as Mum is opening the front door to greet us. I make a big show of stumbling on the gravel, before pouting at Mum. 

"See that, Mum? She just pushed me. It's borderline abuse."

Mum envelops me in a hug as Jess's cheeks flush bright red, and as Mum turns her back I laugh silently behind her at Jess's flustered expression.

"Have you eaten?" Mum is asking Jess. "You must be dying for a brew."

"We had a Subway on the motorway," I butt in, loudly. "Jess kissed me in front of everyone and it went viral on Twitter."

Mum's face drops as she turns to look at me, her eyes wide and concerned.

"Harry!" Jess protests, her face now puce as we make our way inside the house. "Don't say it like that!"

"Is that, or is that not, what just happened?" I ask, dropping my bag at the foot of the stairs as Mum closes the door behind us.

"I - no! That is not what just happened!"

With a good-natured roll of her eyes, Mum ushers Jess through to the kitchen while I follow, grinning to myself at how easily stressed out and wound up Jess can get.

"So what did happen?" Mum asks as she fusses around with cups and tea bags.

"Jess pounced on me in front of a crowded restaurant," I answer, before Jess can speak. "She made a big scene, it was so embarrassing."

Jess's expression is one of frustration, and identical to Mum's. It's too much, and I start to laugh.

"Will you stop trying to make me look bad in front of your family!" she hisses, which just makes me laugh harder. She looks so cross that I give in and put my arms around her from behind, breathing in her scent that sends a flush of warmth to the pit of my stomach.

"I'm sorry baby," I breathe against her skin. "I'm only winding you up."

"So is anyone going to explain the real story about this supposed public display of affection?" Mum teases as she sets the mugs down on the kitchen table and takes a seat opposite us.

Between the two of us, we explain the Corley services story. I can tell by Mum's expression that she is listening intently to this, and I get the feeling she is preparing to repeat the advice she gave me yesterday on the phone.

"All I would say to you both is-" 

I knew it.

"- think very carefully about what you want to make public knowledge," she says gently. "Once it's out there, you can never take it back. What's done cannot be undone. I want more than anything for this to work out for the two of you, but so many relationships fail under the scrutiny of the public. You're both incredibly grounded, but announcing you are a couple will take this to a whole new level. Make sure you're both fully prepared for that before you go jumping in."

"I just want this to be a normal relationship," I mutter, hating the sulkiness that has crept into my voice without me realising. I have a horrible suspicion I'm pouting.

"It is," Jess insists softly, leaning towards me.

"Sometimes it's just so exhausting having to plan everything in advance just to stay anonymous," I admit with a sigh. I really hadn't planned on having this conversation here, or now.

"I know," she replies placatingly, and she rests her head on my shoulder, her hair tickling my jawline. "But your mum's right: we should take our time with this. I'm excited not to have to hide anymore, but once we share this with the world, we can never make it private again."

She sounds like she's changed her mind. What if she was never sure in the first place? What if she wants a get-out clause; an easy escape route for if I let her down again? What if she still has a lurking doubt about my ability to stay faithful? 

I know these thoughts are stupid, but now they're in my head they won't leave. I stand up abruptly.

"I'm going to take our stuff upstairs."

"Um, OK," she says uncertainly, starting to get to her feet to accompany me.

"I'll take it," I tell her, and she freezes mid way between sitting and standing. "I won't be a minute." I just need a moment to myself, to rid myself of these idiotic ideas and clear my head.

I don't look back as I cross the room and shuffle into the hallway, but I can feel her eyes on me as I leave. I grab the bags that are lying at the foot of the stairs, hoist them all onto my back like a packhorse and stomp up to the first floor.

Once I'm safely hidden away in my bedroom behind a closed door I dump the bags down and flop onto the bed with a  huff. I know I've just behaved like a child who didn't get his own way, and I hate myself for that, but I can't help worrying that what Mum has just said has made Jess have second thoughts about telling the world about us. I don't like feeling this way. I don't like being pathetic.

I pull my phone out of my pocket and scroll through my messages to distract myself. There's one from Jeff trying to arrange a meeting with him and his dad, Irving, to discuss my future management once my contract with Modest is up, as he's now set up his own management company and wants to talk to me about signing up, but I ignore this for now - I need to reply to this when I'm in a better frame of mind. Gemma wants me to give my love to Mum and Robin, Grimmy is asking when I'm free for an evening at his house and one of my old friends from school, Jonny, is asking what time we are getting to the Bonfire tomorrow night. I quickly text Jonny back and just as I've pressed send I hear footsteps on the stairs. I close my messages, stand up and slide my phone into my pocket just as Jess taps on the door and pokes her around it.

"Hi," I greet her.

"Hi," she replies, and without a moment's hesitation she comes straight over to me and puts her arms around me. "I love you," she whispers.

It's amazing how instantly my muscles start to relax. "I love you too," I whisper back.

She pulls away and stands in front of me, staring hard into my eyes with a look of fierce determination. Her voice when she speaks, however, is gentle.

"I haven't changed my mind. I just think your mum has a really good point." 

Deep down, I know they're both right. I just don't like it. 

"I want this to work," she continues. "I can't imagine my life without you again. I've been there once before and I couldn't do it. I want to make sure we get it right this time around. If that means taking this really, really slowly, then I'm fine with that."

"I don't want you to have second thoughts," I mumble, embarrassed to be admitting my vulnerability. I avoid her gaze but in true Jess fashion she bends down into my eyeline so I have no choice but to meet her eyes.

"I'm not going to," she assures me, lifting her hands to my cheeks and starting at me earnestly. "I promise."

"You can't promise that," I argue petulantly, but she silences me with a soft kiss that goes on longer than I expected.

"I can," she counters, when she pulls away. "I promise you, Harry Styles, that we will go public with this. We've only been back together a week. Let's find our groove first; get comfortable with each other and with our relationship again." 

I slip my arm around her waist as she kisses me again. I don't want her to stop until she has quelled this raging fire of insecurity that keeps reigniting in my belly.

"It seemed like you were getting cold feet," I whisper in between kisses. Her tongue grazes mine and I feel the familiar twitch in my jeans.

"I'm not, I swear." 

Her hands run down my chest and she pulls my hips to hers; the gentle nudge against my crotch fuels my desire.

"I can't lose you again," I breathe into her mouth as she kisses me harder, lifting my top up and pulling it unceremoniously over my head, a move which I quickly mirror so she is standing in front of me in just leggings and a bra. She has never looked so fucking hot.

I pull her against me, relishing the warmth of her skin against my bare chest as she moans, "I can't lose you either." 

"Never."

I reach up her back and undo her bra, taking both her breasts in my hands as she moans again, in pleasure this time. She's fumbling with the button on my jeans now but I can tell her concentration isn't focussed on that, and is instead on my fingertips against her nipples. I kick my jeans off impatiently.

"I'm not in this lightly," she murmurs, and a strange feeling of excitement spreads through my stomach at her words that has nothing to do with the sexual tension.

"I'm not either," I assure her, pressing my hands against her hips and pushing her leggings down so my erection can press against the front of her knickers. It sends a powerful jolt of pleasure down my dick. "I love you so much, baby," I whisper, pulling her down onto the bed as she opens the waistband of my boxers and dips her hand inside. 

"I love you, too."

I let out an involuntary moan as she moves her hand up and down slowly, and I let her push me onto my back, sit astride me and begin making her way slowly down my body with a trail of kisses. I close my eyes as her lips touch my fern tattoos, and a second later her tongue slides gently over my tip, causing my hips to buck gently. She swipes her tongue all the way down my shaft and back up and I feel my muscles spasm in response. I am rock hard and now desperate for a release.

"Mmmmm... Jess...." I moan, and then gasp hard as she flicks her tongue back and forth a couple of times over my exposed tip before taking my full length into her warm, wet mouth.

Sweet fucking Jesus, this is heavenly. I am completely powerless as she moves her mouth up and down, slowly at first but then with increasing speed, her lips pressed tight around me and her hands curled around the base for extra friction. It's so good. Fuck, it's so good. 

It's too fucking good. Uh oh.

"Jess... Jess... You need to slow down."

I open my eyes and look down at her just as she lifts her gaze seductively, her hair falling in her face, her mouth around my dick. I hiss softly.

"Fuck, don't look at me like that while you're doing... that... fuck..."

Seriously, I'm not going to be able to control myself if she carries on and I want to return the favour at the same time that she's doing it to me.

"Baby... you're gonna have to stop before I come," I mumble, reaching down to her and scooping her hair out of her face. "Seriously... stop."

She lifts her head off me and smiles softly.

"It's fine, Harry."

"No... I want to do it to you, too. Come here. Lie down beside me. Put your feet up this end."

She hesitates a second but then turns around so she is lying on her side next to me, her knickers close to my face. I slide them down and then run my fingers lightly up her leg.

"Put your leg over my shoulder," I instruct. "And scoot closer to me."

She does as I ask and I pull her towards me so I can push my tongue slowly and carefully between her legs. Her sigh of enjoyment tells me I've got it right, and I repeat the motion, reaching up to her breasts to stroke her nipple again.

She moans my name, and again my dick twitches of its own accord at the sound. A second later her mouth is around me again and I close my eyes, enjoying the taste of her coupled with the satisfaction of causing her pleasure and the sensation of her tongue rubbing against my head.

I can feel her picking up her pace, her movements becoming more urgent, and I can tell she's getting close. So am I. I slip two fingers inside her as she begs me not to stop, and knowing she's on the edge sends me over. I groan hard, my lips pressed against her as I come, and a second later I feel her tighten around my fingers as she lets out a delicate cry. I moan again in satisfaction as her hips shake gently, waiting until I am certain she has finished before I stop and turn around again to lie down next to her on my stomach and smile shyly.

"You OK?"

"More than OK," she replies, her breathing still faster than normal. "You?"

"Feeling pretty awesome," I tease. "You're really good at that."

"I'll add it to my list of skills on my CV," she teases back.

We are both quiet for a moment and my mind wanders to her comment about her CV.

"What do you want to do, in the future?" I ask her. I can't believe we've never discussed this in detail before.

"You mean like career-wise? she clarifies. "I still don't know. I'd like to run my own business one day, but I don't know what. I haven't decided."

"Do you want to stay in London?"

"I don't really know that, either," she admits. "My whole life is there, but if an amazing opportunity came up somewhere else I would definitely consider moving."

"Like where?"

"I dunno," she shrugs casually. "Somewhere hot and amazing."

Good start.

"LA?" I suggest, and she looks at me quickly. I hold her gaze, hoping she understands my implication behind this.

"Yeah, I'd consider that," she answers after a moment. "As long as it was a good career move," she adds, and I nod slowly.

"Are you going over to LA next year?" she asks me.

"I will be, at some point. I need to talk to Irving - Irving Azoff, I mean, Jeff's dad - about his interest in managing me, and Jeff's also set up his own management company and has said he wants me on their books."

"That's great!" Jess beams. "See, I told you everyone would want you! Have you thought any more about doing solo stuff?"

This conversation has now become about me, which wasn't my intention but suddenly I have a desire to share a secret ambition of mine with her, something I have never told anyone, not even my mum. Something I have never even spoken out loud before, or even admitted to myself, but that has become more and more prevalent in my mind these last couple of weeks.

"OK, I'm gonna tell you something but you have to promise not to laugh."

She looks at me seriously and with a touch of concern. "Of course," she says softly.

I can't look at her while I say this - I'm too afraid of seeing a trace of mirth in her eyes. "I'd really like to try my hand at acting. It's crossed my mind before, but I could never do anything about it because the band always came first. But now I'm considering it seriously."

"Wow."

Oh God. She hates the idea.

"Do you think it's stupid?" I mutter with a sigh.

"No of course I don't!" she assures me. "I think you should give it a shot!"

"What if I'm shit though?" I can't believe I've spoken these words out loud. I feel terrified all of a sudden, which is just ridiculous. I hide my face in embarrassment.

"Then you can fall back on your ridiculously successful singing and songwriting career. But you won't be shit -" And then she says - and I can barely even write it down because it was so horrific - "I've seen your episode of iCarly. You were great."

I lift my head to stare at her, my mouth open in disbelief. "You did not just bring that up."

"What?" she giggles as I hide my face again so she can't see the blush rising in my cheeks at the memory of that episode, and the thought of her watching it. "It was great! I loved it!"

Her laughter is infectious and I can't help chuckling too, although more from embarrassment than anything else. I can't believe we're having this conversation.

"You loved it because it's me," I remind her, bluntly.

"No, I watched it because it was you," she corrects me. "I loved it because it was brilliant!"

"It was a complete piss-take!" I moan.

"Harry!" She's got that telling-off tone to her voice, which always makes me laugh. "I am trying to be supportive!"

I love her for being my own personal cheerleader, no matter what crazy idea I throw at her. I curl my arm around her and pull her towards me, kissing the top of her head and breathing in the scent of the tropical shampoo. "I love you," I mumble against her hair. "Thank you for just being you."

"I love you too. Now come on. We should go down and spend an hour with your mum before we go to bed."

Shit, I'd almost forgotten where we were. It's going to be so obvious what we've just been doing, as we've been up here so long.

"OK. Let me just brush my teeth first," I grin, and as I head to the ensuite she pinches my bum and I let our a rather unfortunately high-pitched squeal that is not at all manly. She doesn't seem to mind though, and I catch sight of her grinning up at the ceiling as I disappear into the bathroom to wash away the evidence of our moment of passion.

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Hello again! I'm still motivated thanks to NaNo, and I'm aiming to post chapters as I complete them. As always, thanks for reading and please keep the votes and comments coming (I'll reply to the comments on the last chapter later tonight) xx