(No Control - 68. Diana)

I call Karen on Friday morning and ask her to arrange four front row tickets and backstage passes for Jess and her friends for Friday's concert, and moan at her over the Non-Disclosure Agreement yesterday.

"Where did you even get one drawn up so quickly?" I huff.

"The legal team move fast when I tell them to," she replies, bluntly. "There's nothing more worrying than someone close to you with the potential to talk. Sophia and Eleanor signed. So did Danielle. It's commonplace in high-profile relationships."

"I know that," I snap. "But I'm not being categorised with everyone else. I can't believe you went behind my back."

"She'll have to sign one eventually," Karen says.

"She will never sign one," I retort angrily, and say a curt goodbye before I say something I regret.

I drive over to the studio mid-morning and spend a couple of hours with the boys writing some more tracks for the new album. Louis seems distracted and snappy, and doesn't bite when I ask why he was calling Karen so insistently yesterday. We're just breaking for lunch, when Julian, Jamie and Mo leave the room.

"Um, guys?" I ask the boys tentatively, and they all turn to look at me. "I sort of need your help with something. But you can't laugh, OK?"

"If it's red and itchy, see a doctor," Niall says immediately and Liam cackles appreciatively.

"Fuck off, it's nothing like that," I mutter, feeling my face getting hot.

"You've proposed to Jess!" Liam grins.

"Jess is pregnant!" Niall adds.

"Don't be fucking stupid," I snap. "Just hear me out."

Louis is surprisingly quiet, and looks worried as he stares down at his hands.

"OK, so remember when we were in LA and we facetimed Jess's sister?" I say to Louis and Liam, and they both look at me blankly. "You know - you spoke to her, and she told us Jess had a dream about me -" I clear my throat, embarrassed. "About me singing my solo to her in What Makes You Beautiful, at a concert."

"Oh yeah!" Liam says, as recognition dawns.

"OK," I say eagerly, spurred on. "Well, when I heard that, I sort of made my mind up that I wanted to do it, for real."

Louis is beginning to smirk. I ignore him.

"So I called Karen and arranged front row tickets for them for Friday, but I need you guys to be in on it. I thought instead of singing that bit in the middle of the stage like we normally do, we could sort of sneak to whichever side Jess is on and sing it there. It wouldn't be a big disruption really. But I really want to do it for her."

Liam is beaming at me, Louis is smirking and Niall is nodding.

"Mate, I think it's an awesome idea. She's gonna be so happy," Liam says, patting me on the back.

"Fine with me," Niall shrugs.

"You're fucking whipped," Louis teases, with a roll of his eyes.

"Yeah, yeah," I mutter. "Are you with me or not?"

"Course," he nods. "Have you told her you love her yet?"

"I told her that I loved her, was not sure if she heard!" Liam sings. "The roof was pretty windy and she didn't say a word."

"Huh?" I ask, confused, and Louis smiles and gives Liam a high five.

"It's a song I'm re-working with Tommo," Liam explains. "Remember it from Four?"

"We're stuck on a name though," Louis adds.

"'Me, Her And The Moon'," Liam says, looking at him.

"What?" Niall asks, frowning.

"That's fucking shit, I keep telling you," Louis sasses with another eye roll.

"'End Of The Day' is just boring though. It's too predictable."

"Payno, are you actually accusing me of being predictable?" Louis says in disbelief, and Niall and I chuckle.

"So do you love her then?" Liam asks me, changing the subject.

"Course he fucking does," Louis interrupts before I can answer. "He's been with her more than five minutes. That's all it takes for Harold."

"Fuck off," I mutter, uncomfortably.

I don't like the way he is trivialising my feelings, or our relationship.

"Ignore him mate, he's just jealous," Liam says kindly.

"She is hot," Louis agrees, and I glare at him.

"Listen, don't tell anyone about the What Makes You Beautiful thing," I say, hastily. "I know everyone will go crazy if they get wind of it, and I don't want the hassle."

"I can't believe you remember shit like that," Louis says, shaking his head at me.

"You were just as soppy over El," I remind him, and his ears go red.

"Was not," he mutters.

John appears in the doorway and inclines his head at us, and we get up and follow him into one of the studios where he fiddles with some controls on the mixing desk before the sound of a bass guitar fills the room and my voice sings, "I've got fire for a heart, I'm not scared of the dark..."

"Bloody hell, you mixed this quick!" Niall remarks.

"I spent most of the night on it last night," John says proudly. "Obviously it's just the first edit. But what do you think?"

We listen to the rest of the song in silence, nodding and smiling.

"I feel like we need to beef the second chorus up," Liam muses.

"I was thinking exactly the same thing!" John exclaims. "I was thinking of maybe adding like oohhhhh-oh-ooohhhhhh behind the main vocal."

"Yeah yeah!" Liam nods excitedly. "That would be great!"

John gives us all a copy of the track before we leave, and I listen to it in the car on my way to pick up Jess from work but switch it off just before she gets in the car. I'm nervous to play it for her - I feel a bit self-conscious.

She hands me a frappé and I give her a quick kiss and then pull out onto the road.

"I missed you, Squidge," she says casually.

"Squidge," I echo in disbelief.

I can't believe that nickname seems to be sticking. I mean, I might not be the manliest of men, but come on.

"You know you love it," she declares, and I can't help grinning. I would never admit it, but I'm secretly chuffed that she's even given me a nickname at all.

"When do you start rehearsals for the tour?" she asks as we're driving up the M40.

"Wednesday," I reply.

"That's late, considering your first show is Friday," she says. "I can't wait to hear No Control. That will be the highlight of my life."

Ah. This is going to be awkward. She's going to freak.

She does freak. And she DM's Louis.

And then she blames Modest, which makes me smirk:

"Maybe they should try listening to the fans once in a while," she huffs. "Stop smirking at me."

"You're funny when you get all worked up about One Direction," I tease.

I can't deny I love her passion for everything in her life that she loves. I want to be one of those things she loves.

"I'm glad I amuse you," she retorts.

"Yes, you do," I grin. "I love it when you get on your high horse, especially when you tell me off."

"Oh really?" She arches one eyebrow. "I'll remind you of that next time you're in the doghouse."

"Please do."

She flicks my leg and I laugh out loud because she just has me wrapped around her little finger and there is absolutely nothing I can do about it.

I watch her out of the corner of my eye as she looks out of the window and songs along to the radio, humming the parts she doesn't know, and tapping a vague drumbeat with her fingers. I note she doesn't know the exact beat to this Calvin Harris song, and I feel a small swell of satisfaction that she only ever seems to learn the kick-drum patterns to her favourite One Direction tracks.

When the track finishes and Kings Of Leon comes on she fiddles with the stereo and channel surfs for a bit, frowning as she flicks through the stations.

"Got any good CDs?" she asks eventually.

I'm tempted to play the draft of Drag Me Down but I decide against it almost immediately. I change the media to my iPod and switch it onto shuffle, and we listen to Fleetwood Mac, the Libertines, Ed Sheeran and Augustana, before John Legend's All Of Me comes on.

I start to sing along, and I'm only on the first line when I realise how fitting these lyrics are to my feelings towards Jess. I drop my voice a bit as I sing the words, and my heart starts to pound as every line rings true: her smart mouth drawing me in and kicking me out, can't pin her down, on her magical mystery ride. I love her curves, her edges, her imperfections; she is my end and my beginning. She's my downfall, my muse, my distraction, my rhythm and blues. All of me loves all of you.

It sounds so corny, and I have heard this track a million times before, but never have the lyrics to a song meant so much to me about somebody else, except maybe Love Me Like You Do. But then again, I have never felt this way about anybody else before.

"You have a lovely voice," she says shyly, and I look over to see her looking steadfastly out of the window and avoiding my gaze. One glance at her arms tells me she's covered in goosebumps, and I get a flutter in my stomach at the thought that she still has this reaction to me, even after a few months.

"Thanks," I reply, softly, and I reach over and link my little finger with hers, and she smiles at me shyly.

.....

We arrive at Mum's and once we've dumped our bags upstairs we curl up on the sofa with cups of tea and chat to Mum and Robin for a couple of hours. Mum updates me on the cats' latest antics (I swear she loves them as much as she loves me and Gemma. Maybe more than Gemma.)

I really love being able to bring Jess here and just relax and be myself. She's only the second girl I've ever brought home since I went on the X Factor. I can tell Mum understands the significance of it, and no doubt Gemma has spilled the beans about our conversation a couple of days ago. I don't care though. For the first time in a long time I feel like everything has fallen into place.

I can see Jess concealing yawns behind her hand discreetly, and I can feel my eyes getting heavy.

"Shall we call it a night?" I ask, and she nods sleepily. She looks so cute.

I pull her up from the sofa and we say goodnight to Mum and Robin, and head upstairs. I shut our bedroom door behind us and slide my arms around Jess's waist, pulling her body against mine and pressing my lips to hers. She kisses me back softly, and I slip my hands underneath the hem of her top, pushing it up over her head before attempting to resume our kiss. She's wearing a black satin bra with a lace trim. Praise the lord.

"Harry," she pants, putting one hand on my chest and turning her head away. I use this opportunity to kiss her neck gently, and smile against her skin as it breaks out in goosebumps.

"What's the matter?" I ask quietly, reaching around her waist to unzip her skirt and letting it fall to the floor. Fuck me, she's wearing matching knickers.

"Stop," she says breathlessly.

"Why?" I ask, pulling back an inch to look into her eyes.

"Um... We can't."

"Why not?"

She's only refused me once before, but this feels different to then. Thankfully we haven't had a repeat of that incident.

"That time of the month," she mutters, and I immediately feel bad for pawing her like I just did.

"Ohhh, OK," I nod. "I understand if you'd rather not."

I mean, it doesn't really bother me, but I get it if she doesn't want to. Some people like it, some people don't.

"Definitely not," she says firmly. "But, on the plus side, I saw my doctor today and she prescribed me the pill."

Oh Jesus fucking Christ. This means we can have sex without a condom. My dick throbs at the thought, and I pull her towards me and rest my forehead against hers.

"When can we?" I groan.

"As soon we want," she smiles, and I groan again, louder this time. This is driving me insane with desire. I can't help pressing myself gently against her, and enjoying the pleasant feeling it gives me in my groin.

"Don't start getting yourself all worked up," she chides, in a whisper.

"I can't help it," I whisper back. "You don't understand what you do to me. You have no idea."

I love you.

I kiss her gently, and her cool fingers reach up to the buttons of my shirt, undoing them quickly before pushing it back over my shoulders. My dick is straining against my jeans now, and to my surprise she unzips them and pulls them down. I don't know where this is going, but I'm happy with whatever she's prepared to do.

"Now what are you going to do?" I tease, but I'm half serious. "Now we're both in just our underwear and can't take it any further?"

She says nothing, and I can't help myself from pressing my erection against her stomach, and then slowly pushing her onto her back on the bed. I am so turned on, fucking hell. I don't care if she's on her period.

She pushes me back gently, and then rolls me over onto my back (I kick my jeans off) and sits astride me, bending forward to continue kissing me. I feel her hand trail across my stomach and my dick twitches as she runs her fingers over it, before reaching into my boxers and gripping it firmly.

Fuck, this is hot.

Her hand moves slowly up and down, her thumb running over my tip at the same time. I moan softly in pleasure and close my eyes, running my fingers over her back as her movement speeds up, along with my breathing.

I focus on the way her hand feels around my length. Her fingers are soft and gentle, yet firm. I can't wait to make love to her without a barrier in between us. I don't know how long I'll last, though. I might need to, uh, do some preparation beforehand.

"What are you thinking about?" she whispers.

"You," I reply, with my eyes still closed. "Always you."

Like I would ever be thinking about anyone else. She is my everything.

I open my eyes to look at her, and she is smiling at me. Her hand begins to move faster.

"This is going to make me come," I groan softly, as I feel myself getting close.

"That was sort of the idea," she whispers, still smiling.

I lean up on my elbows and kiss her for being so fucking amazing, and I let my gaze roam over her body, taking in the satin and lace against her smooth, soft skin, accentuating every curve.

"Fuck, you look sexy in that underwear set," I gasp, pulling her face close to me and kissing her hard. She responds with a squeeze of her hand as her rhythm continues, and I whimper into the kiss.

Fuck, this is too good. I'm gone.

"Ah, baby I'm gonna come, OK?" I pant, and she pulls away from my mouth, but I follow her, craving her lips on mine again.

"No - kiss me," I beg, and she presses those unbelievably sweet lips onto mine and slips her tongue in my mouth as I feel the tension swell in my dick. I release my breath as I start to come and I feel it, hot and wet in her hand, as she strokes me through it. I groan a couple of times, my hips twitching involuntarily, and eventually her hand slows as my orgasm fades and I let myself fall back onto the bed, sweating, my heart hammering. I feel her drag her hand across my boxers which are still around my upper thighs.

As if she just wiped her hand on me.

I open one eye and smirk, and she grins back cheekily. She knows she's been caught.

"I know what you just did there," I tell her.

"Sorry not sorry," she grins.

I'm hot and sweaty, and probably extremely unattractive right now. I need a shower.

I leave Jess in bed, and by the time I return she has changed into one of my tshirts and is curled up in the middle of the bed. I slide in beside her and spoon behind her, resting my chin on her shoulder and kissing her softly. She gives a small sigh, and it makes me smile.

...

All weekend I'm dying to play Drag Me Down for Mum and Robin, but for some reason I'm still really nervous of Jess's reaction to it. I want her to love it, because she is such a big fan, and because it is a very different sound from our previous stuff. For this reason it stays in my car in my One Direction playlist and doesn't venture out until we're halfway home on Sunday night and Jess starts pestering me to listen to One Direction.

"We are NOT listening to One Direction," I veto.

"Why not? They're really good," she says, matter-of-factly.

"I am aware of that," I smirk.

"So let's listen to them then," she says firmly.

"Definitely not," I say, equally as firmly.

"Why?" she asks.

"Jess, I am not listening to my own music," I sigh. "I'm putting my foot down. See this?"

I wait until she is looking over at me to lift my left foot up and place it back down theatrically.

"Foot down," I declare.

Knowing how well she can play me, I know this will last all of five minutes.

"Just one song," she wheedles, but I press my lips together and shake my head.

"Fine," she huffs, folding her arms across her chest. I can see a smirk playing at the corners of her mouth. "They're not even that good anyway."

I smirk back.

"I see," I say, carefully. "Have you gone off them?"

Please fall into this trap.

"Yes," she pouts.

"Ah," I say, sadly. "Awkward. I was going to offer you and Maddie backstage passes to their concert in Cardiff next week."

She is silent for a moment as she processes this. I can almost hear the cogs whirring.

"What?!" she cries, and I grin at the road in front of me.

"Yeah, you could say I sort of know the band," I joke.

It's a terrible joke. Why is she even with me?

"I can get you front row VIP if you want as well," I continue. "But... if you've gone off them..."

"Are you joking?!" she yelps. "Please don't be winding me up."

I wouldn't risk my life.

"Of course I'm not winding you up, you muppet," I chuckle. "I wouldn't dare, not over One Direction."

"Oh my God oh my God oh my God!" she squeals, stamping her feet in excitement.

"Oh, so you haven't gone off them that much?" I grin.

"No!" she wails. "I'm sorry I said I had! I will never ever joke about that ever again!"

"I should think not."

"We HAVE to listen to one song now," she declares. "To celebrate this amazing day."

After that reaction I'm no longer worried about Drag Me Down. I feel like I could play her the sound of fingernails on a blackboard and she would still say she loved it if she thought they were One Direction's fingernails.

"Alright, alright," I laugh. "One song. But I get to pick."

Of course, she makes a fuss about this too, and ends up admitting she thinks some of our songs are shit, and she has 'least favourites.'

She starts shouting her favourite songs at me, and I nearly crash the car when Heart Attack is mentioned, about four songs in. It's quite apt, really.

"Heart Attack? Really?" I echo in disbelief.

"What's wrong with Heart Attack?" she says defensively. "Maddie used to love telling me that it was Niall that did "Ow!"s in that song, before I was a fan. I still tease her about it now."

Duly noted. I'll make sure Niall brings that up with Maddie backstage.

I'm teasing her too much to really worry about her reaction to this song now, which is probably a good thing, but I feel a jolt of nerves as I flick through the songs on my iPod using the steering wheel controls, until I find Drag Me Down, and select Play.

"Oh my Christ," she says dramatically as the first line begins. "That's you. What the fuck... is this your new stuff?"

Her arms are covered in goosebumps. Yessssss.

"Oh my God - Louis - is this... what is this?!" she yelps, as Louis' voice comes in.

Don't be jealous, don't be jealous, DO NOT BE JEALOUS.

"It's going to be our next single," I smile at her. "Do you like it?"

"It's.. it's... I love it!" she stammers. "What's it called?"

"Drag Me Down," I beam.

"It's incredible," she says breathlessly. "When are you releasing it?"

"I'm not sure yet," I say truthfully. "Probably the summer. You can't tell anyone though, obviously. It's top secret."

I remember John's words the other day about Modest pushing to get this recorded and ready to go, because something big is about to go down. We never found out what that was. I think back to Louis's mood in the studio, and frown as I remember how unusually quiet he was. He barely gave me any shit over my plans for Jess at the Cardiff show, which is very unlike him. I'm tempted to call him now, but I don't want to put him on the spot, particularly with Jess in the car. As much as he likes her, he doesn't really know her properly yet.

We get back to my house in Hampstead and I let us in and chuck my keys on the kitchen counter and dump my bag on the floor. Jess is standing in the middle of the room looking around her, thoughtfully.

"You OK?" I ask.

"Yeah, sorry," she says, absently. "It's just... strange being back here again. Last time I was here I was just a fan and you were Harry Styles from One Direction."

Just a fan? There is no such thing as 'just a fan.'

"Nothing's changed," I say softly. "We're still those people."

She's still that same beautiful girl that stood in my kitchen beating out the drumbeat to Little White Lies against her thigh with her fingers three months ago. She's still the same girl who can make my heart beat wildly just by stroking my bottom lip. She still shows the same discretion she did that first night, when she let go of my hand as we were walking out of the house party, so nobody would suspect we were leaving together, and who still, three months later, lets go of my hand when we walk along the banks of the River Dane in the village where I grew up as soon as someone comes into sight, all to protect my privacy.

"Everything has changed," she says softly from beside me

"Not for me," I shrug, and smile at her before turning away to peer in the fridge, to see what I can make us for dinner. "Are you hungry?"

"Um, yeah,"she replies. "I'm just... um, the bathroom..."

I pull a pizza out of the fridge and stick it on a tray, and shove it into the oven. I sit down on the sofa and switch the TV on, and quickly check my phone. I have texts from Grimmy, Niall, Mum, Gemma and Nadine.

Hey, what you up to? xx Nadine wants to know.

Been home for the weekend with my girlfriend, I start to type, but then I delete it. I don't want it to sound like I'm making an issue out of having a new girlfriend. I don't want her to think I'm trying to make her jealous or something childish like that. I change it to, Been home for the weekend, just got back to London.

On your own? xx, she asks.

Well, seeing as she asked.

No, with my girlfriend, I reply.

Speaking of Jess, where is she? She's been gone a while.

As if on cue, Jess appears and makes her way towards me, avoiding eye contact.

"I've put a pizza in the oven, is that OK?" I ask.

"Fine," she agrees, and sits down next to me.

I flick to one of the movie channels and once she's finished playing on her phone I reach my arm out and pull her against me so she is snuggled into my side. We sit in silence for a couple of minutes.

She's unusually quiet.

"You OK baby?" I ask.

"Yeah," she says, in the worst fake-sounding voice in the world.

"Sure?" I press. She's acting weird. Does she know I've just been texting Nadine? If she does she'll know I'm not hiding anything from Nadine, and I'm being up front about our relationship. It feels good to call Jess my girlfriend.

"Yeah, course," she says, brushing her fingers against my hand. She's still not looking at me.

Hmmm.

Wait a sec. It's that time of the month isn't it? Maybe she's feeling a bit delicate or something, or however women feel around this time. When Gemma is hormonal she cries at adverts and then yells at me when I ask why.

Mental note: don't piss Jess off with stupid questions.

Instead, I pull her closer to me and play with her hair for most of the evening while we watch a film. She's quiet, but she doesn't cry, and I hope with all my heart that she isn't pissed off with me. I'm off on tour again in less than a week. I'm going to miss her so much.