(No Control - 67. I Would)

I don't sleep very well, and when Jess's alarm sounds the following morning I groan and pull the pillow over my head. I hear her switch it off, and the next thing I know she is pulling the pillow off me and standing over me, fully dressed.

"Hurry up, I need to leave for work soon," she says, and I reach my arms out sleepily towards her. She steps into them and I pull her against the edge of the bed and rest my cheek against her leg. "Come on, get up," she urges.

"'m sleepy," I mumble.

"I know," she says softly, stroking my hair off my face. "But I can't be late for work."

I sigh and push the covers back and crawl out of her warm bed, and take the towel she is holding out to me. "I'll drive you," I mutter, and ignore her protests as I stumble, half asleep, into the shower.

I give her a lift into work and promise to pick her up at five on the dot, and then head towards the recording studio where I am meeting the others at 9.30.

They are standing around holding steaming paper cups when I get there, and we greet each other with the usual nods and high fives.

"So, are you guys ready to record Drag Me Down?" Julian asks, appearing in the doorway. "Liam, you're up first."

Liam makes his way to the door and follows Julian through to the recording booth, and the rest of us sit around the mixing desk to listen to Liam singing the track.

"We got a release date for this yet?" Louis asks, and Julian gives a brief shake of his head as he joins us.

"Something's going down, because they wanted to get it recorded and mixed asap," he tells us. "So I think it will be sooner rather than later. But we need to get our skates on with the rest of these half-written tracks. We'll end up recording them in the US while you're touring, but I want John to get them pre-recorded for you to start listening to, so you can get a feel for them."

This is what we do when we write songs: usually John Ryan records a demo version for us with him singing the words, so we can spend a few weeks listening to them to learn the lyrics before we record them. None of us have co-written Drag Me Down, and it's always harder to learn a song you haven't helped write.

"H, I want to run through some lyrics for Perfect," Louis says to me. "I can't get it out of my head, and I've got an idea I think you might like."

"Oh yeah?" I ask, looking at him with interest, but he shakes his head.

"I'll tell you when we've finished Drag Me Down."

We're all pretty tight, and manage to get our vocals laid down in only a few takes.

"John, can I borrow you?" Liam asks as John enters the studio with Maureen McDonald and Jamie Scott, more of our songwriters. "I want to run through some lyrics I've been thinking of myself."

"I want Jamie," Niall calls, which leaves Julian and Mo to join me and Louis in one of the studios.

"OK, so Perfect," Louis begins. "I have an idea and I want you to hear me out before you say no, OK?"

"Oh God," I moan, closing my eyes and grinning.

"Now, see, you're already on the wrong foot with it," Louis scolds, grinning too. "Just listen."

I fold my arms and sigh, and smirk at him. "Go on."

"OK, so you wanted a line about the paps, didn't you? And that big fight with Jess started because of Swifty, who can't get over you and keeps trying to get your attention by writing songs about you... so...." He clears his throat and sings, "And if you like cameras flashing time we go out, oh yeah.... and if you're looking for someone to write your breakup songs about, baby I'm perfect. Baby we're perfect."

He looks at me, smirking.

"The bit - 'Baby I'm perfect' - that's you calling out Swifty for writing stupid songs about you, and then 'Baby we're perfect' - that's you saying you and Jess are perfect together, so she can write a song about that if she wants. Like, come on Taylor, write one about me and Jess, I dare you."

"I fucking love it," I breathe. "It's genius!"

"Oi oiiiii!" Louis cheers, and we high five each other.

"Let's run through the whole song so far," Mo pipes up. "Harry, take the lead, Louis join in at the chorus."

I start to sing the verse I've been working on in my head over the last couple of weeks.

"I might never be your knight in shining armour, and I might never be...." I trail off, but Louis jumps in.

"I might never be the one you take home to mother," he sings, and I nod, beaming at this line.

"And I might never be the one who brings you flowers, but I can be the one, be the one tonight," I continue. "When I first saw you from across the room, I could tell that you were curious. Baby I hope you know what you're looking for, and I can't always keep promises."

"OK, we need to tweak a couple of those lyrics," Mo interrupts. "I don't like baby. Use girl instead, it flows better. And then lead into I hope you're sure what you're looking for, cos I'm not good at making promises."

"Yessss," Louis breathes. "That's it. That works."

Mo smiles at us. "OK, carry on."

"I have a few lines for the chorus," Louis says, looking at Mo and then at me.

"Go for it," I nod.

"If you like causing trouble up in hotel rooms -" (I smirk - this is so Louis.)

"And if you like having secret little rendezvous," I interrupt, and he nods fervently.

"If you like to do the things you know that we shouldn't do," he continues, "Then baby I'm perfect, baby I'm perfect for you. And if you like midnight driving with the windows down, and if you like going places we can't even pronounce, and if you like to do whatever you've been dreaming about, then baby you're perfect."

"So let's start right now," Mo chimes in.

"Sweet," Louis approves.

"You got a second verse?" she asks.

"I've had some thoughts over the past few weeks," I say, shyly, and she nods and waits for me to continue.

"I might never be the hands you put your heart in, or the arms that hold you any time you want them. But that don't mean that we can't live here in the moment, cos I can be the one you love from time to time...." I clear my throat nervously. "And then into the bridge again."

I feel shy sharing these words with them. I've never written a song so purely about one person before. I feel like I'm baring my soul to them or something. But I needn't have worried, because they are grinning at me excitedly.

"Has John heard this?" Mo asks, and beside her Julian nods his head. He's been quiet all the way through.

"I gotta be honest, I think it's potentially your next single, after Drag Me Down," he says, and my heart swells a bit because this is the second time he's said this. I didn't want to get my hopes up at first because we rarely release the songs we helped write. The majority of our singles are written by our songwriters, it's only been Story Of My Life and Steal My Girl that we all co-wrote, and Midnight Memories that Louis and Liam helped write. The songs we write usually become album tracks. So this is huge for me and Louis.

We grin at each other, and then spend the next hour re-working the melody so it fits the lyrics properly, and then John comes in and suggests some note changes and drum patterns that sound amazing. He admits he loves it even more, and says he'll record it this week and send us a copy, along with the first draft of Drag Me Down with our vocals.

We all get back together at the end and discuss the No Control project, where Louis informs us all that Modest have decided it won't be added to the setlist until the Brussels show, much to our annoyance.

"Man, the fans are gonna be pissed off," Niall remarks, shaking his head.

"Tell me about it," Louis moans. "I don't see why we can't just add it in the set from Cardiff onwards, but they're adamant to stick to the plan of keeping the old set list in the cities we didn't visit on the Where We Are Tour."

"The fans want to hear it though," Liam argues. "I think we owe it to them to sing it."

We all murmur our agreement, but we all know it is pointless arguing once the decision has been made. I remember I need to discuss my What Makes You Beautiful solo with them, because I still intend to sing it to Jess next Friday in Cardiff, but decide to bring it up another time. I definitely won't be telling anyone at Modest about that idea.

I pick Jess up at 5pm, and it takes us an hour to get across London at rush hour to Fulham, where the Modest offices are located. I can tell she is nervous as we walk through the building and I smile and nod at the staff as I pass.

We head straight up the stairs to Karen's office on the first floor, and I whisper "Don't be nervous but stand your ground - she can be a bit of a dragon."

As if on cue, Karen appears in the corridor and looks Jess up and down, before introducing herself and inviting us through to her office.

"So, you want to go public with your relationship?" she begins, cutting to the chase in typical Karen style.

"Yeah," I reply, clearing my throat, feeling suddenly nervous.

"And how do you feel about it, Jess?" Karen asks, shifting her gaze.

"Fine," Jess replies, confidently.

"It doesn't worry you?"

"It'll be a big change," Jess says, thoughtfully. "But I'm ready for it."

"Really?" Karen smirks, and I can see she is already rubbing Jess up the wrong way. I know she doesn't like anyone thinking she isn't capable of handling herself. It's one of the things I love about her - her fire and determination.

"I think so," she counters, shortly.

"So what attracted you to Harry?" Karen asks, clasping her hands in front of her on the desk and staring unblinkingly at Jess.

"His eyes."

"His eyes?" Karen repeats, with a slight air of disbelief. "Really? Not his fame or his money?"

What the fuck?!

"Karen!" I snap.

"No. I am not interested in either of those," Jess responds, and I can see her anger levels rising.

"But you enjoy the perks," Karen persists.

I open my mouth to tell Karen off again, but Jess jumps in.

"Yes, I enjoy going for walks in Holmes Chapel with Harry and his family. I enjoy the late night phonecalls when he's on tour and wants to know what I've done at work that day," she says, and I feel the warm fuzzy feeling in my stomach again. "And I enjoy laughing at our own private in-jokes that no one else understands. So yes, I love the perks."

God, I'm so moved by her words I could literally burst. She loves everything about me that is real. That makes me so fucking happy.

I reach over and squeeze her hand.

"What will you do when the next story hits the headlines about some random female being linked to Harry?" Karen asks, clearly not moved by Jess's words.

"I'll ring Harry and hear his side of the story," she answers, and I smile again because she is admitting she now trusts me and won't go jumping to conclusions about me.

"What about if you fall out, the relationship ends and you're hurt and angry and want revenge?"

"Been there, done that," she says, flatly. "It never crossed my mind to get revenge."

Ha, take that, Karen.

"You're out and about, fans get pushy asking for pictures," Karen fires at Jess.

"If Harry wants to, we'll pose for pictures," Jess shrugs. "Unless it goes crazy or something, and then security will get us the hell out of there."

Check her out, knowing the drill.

"Do you swear?" is Karen's next question.

"When I am annoyed or excited, but not in front of people I don't know," is the response.

It's like watching a Wimbledon match. My head is snapping between the two of them watching these comments fly back and forth. Jess is holding her own remarkably well.

"Are you in love with Harry?"

Woah, curve ball!

"That's none of your business," Jess snaps, looking pissed off.

"People will ask you," Karen points out.

"I will ignore them," Jess retorts.

"Why?"

"How is this relevant?" I interrupt, trying to steer this awkward conversation away from this awkward subject. This is not the time or the place for these words to be thrown around. No one listens to me.

"Because I don't discuss my relationships with anyone, never mind strangers," Jess declares.

Good answer.

"The media can be very cunning when they want to get a reaction from you."

Good point.

"I'm sure they can, but I think I've done alright so far," Jess says, with finality.

"Yes, I suppose you have," Karen concedes. "Alright then, Jess. Just pretend for a moment that I am a journalist who has cornered you and Harry briefly, and will print - and twist - everything you say."

Oh jeez. I never thought to prepare her for the quick-fire round. But something tells me she's going to do just fine.

"How does Harry feel about Zayn leaving the band?" Karen begins.

"All Harry wants is for his friends to be happy."

"What do you think Zayn's departure will mean for One Direction?"

"They've got a hugely loyal fanbase who will support them through their toughest times."

"Is Harry a good boyfriend?"

"Of course he is."

Yesssssssssss.

"What is the most romantic thing he has ever said or done?"

"I think you should probably ask Harry."

Noooooo, please don't ask me.

"What do you love most about him?"

My heart skips a beat. How will she answer this?

"Being interviewed by his management company."

I can't help laughing, and try to conceal it but it comes out as a snort instead, and Karen gives me a wry smile.

"Are you still against the Confidentiality Agreement?" she says, addressing me, and my face falls.

I told her I didn't want this brought up. I should have known she'd push her luck.

"You know I am," I remind her.

"The what?" Jess asks.

"I wanted you to sign a legal agreement to prevent you from sharing any personal information relating to Harry, One Direction or any of their affiliates," Karen explains to Jess. "But Harry has refused."

"I'll sign whatever you want me to sign," she offers.

No fucking way.

"No you won't," I say firmly.

"I will," she insists, turning to look me in the eye. "I've got nothing to hide, Harry. I'm not going to talk to the press about you, no matter what may happen between us. I don't want the attention brought to my door, so I certainly wouldn't ever sell a story about you."

I know this is true. I believe her with all my heart. And I will never give her reason even to consider it anyway.

"You say that now," Karen says darkly. "But things can change. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. By signing this agreement you help to protect Harry in the future."

"Of course I'll sign it," she nods seriously.

No. She's not getting it. I'm not forcing this upon her.

"No!" I raise my voice, and this gets their attention. "I'm not having you sign anything, Jess. I trust you. If it was anyone else, I would be all for it. But I know you, and I know you wouldn't sell me out. The last couple of months have proved that."

"It makes no difference to me either way," she says softly, only to me, and I watch as Karen produces a fucking contract and lays it on the desk in front of her. "I'm not going to talk, so who cares if there's a legal agreement in place preventing me?"

"It makes a difference to me," I reply, looking deep into her beautiful eyes. "I trust you. And that's enough."

"You're being incredibly reckless, Harry," Karen interjects, ruining the moment. "If Jess wants to sign it, let her sign it."

"No!" I say forcefully, and push the contract back towards Karen with my index finger. "I am completely against this. I told you I didn't even want this brought up."

"It's standard procedure," she shrugs, pushing it back again so it sits in front of Jess. "Sign at the bottom please, Jess."

I've fucking had enough of this. Jess always sticks up for me. I'm not afraid of doing the same for her.

I grab the contract and bend down to drop it under my chair where no one can reach it.

"No," I emphasise.

"I can't force this, but I strongly advise you to cooperate, Harry," Karen says, warningly.

"I'm not having it," I declare, giving Karen a firm look. "And that is final."

We stare at each other for a moment before she finally gives in and moves on to discuss how we will let the world know about our relationship. We have already vetoed the idea of an interview.

"So you just need to let the paparazzi see you out together somewhere," she says.

"Yeah, and then once it's gone viral you can get our next interviewer to ask the right questions, and I'll just confirm it," I nod. "I don't want any surprise questions though."

"OK. Is this going to be within the next week?"

"We haven't really decided yet," I reply, casting a glance at Jess. "Just when it feels right, I suppose."

"I'd prefer it if you tell me beforehand," Karen requests. "But if you get spotted and you realise, just let me know asap ok? Just so I'm prepared. No more surprises."

She gives me a knowing smile, and Tokyo and Manila pop into my head, along with the conversation in my car the day after I was first spotted out with Jess, the day Karen found out I'd asked Jess out on a proper date, the day I told her I was inviting Jess to LA, and the day I insisted on a public denial over the Joy Muggli rumours.

"Karen's never been more out of the loop than she has been since we got together," I explain to Jess. "She hates it."

"It's my job to manage you and the others," Karen reminds me with a smile. "I like to know what I'm dealing with."

Her phone starts to ring, and I see Louis' name on the caller ID, but she ignores it.

"Right, I think that's everything for now," she says, giving us both a genuine smile, and I take Jess's hand as we stand up. Her phone vibrates again with a second call from Louis.

"Someone's keen," I remark, and she frowns as she diverts it again.

"We'll see ourselves out," I call over my shoulder, and watch as Jess shakes her hand.

Her phone vibrates again and she glances up at me. "I'd better take this, it seems urgent. Bye guys."

We leave her office and head back down the corridor in silence, but just as we reach the stairs Karen's voice can be heard half-yelling, "Is this some sort of sick joke?"

Jess darts a glance at me and I give a small shrug. I can't even begin to imagine what Louis has done now to provoke that response from Karen. Started a new Twitter fight, maybe?

We don't say anything until we are safely in my car.

"That was intense," Jess sighs as she shuts the door, and I reach over to her and press my lips to hers and stroke her cheek softly, trying to convey everything I am feeling right now.

"What was that for?" she squeaks as I break the kiss.

"You were incredible in there," I tell her, shyly.

Wh... really?" she says, equally as shyly.

"The things you said... about me..," I begin, feeling a flutter in my stomach as I recall her words about the perks of being with me. "And you were... would you really have signed that stupid agreement?" I splutter.

"Yes," she says sincerely. "I would. You should have let me."

Fuck, I love her so much.

"No. I'm not budging on this. I'm not having you think I don't trust you," I tell her.

We pull out of the car park and head out of the complex.

"It's not about that. It's about keeping your management on our side," she argues.

"Not like that," I argue back. "I told Karen I wouldn't entertain the idea but she didn't listen, as usual."

"It didn't come as a surprise," she says. "I've been expecting something like that for a while now. It really isn't a problem."

Most girls would run a mile when presented with a contract in a relationship. Or would at least be apprehensive. But yet she takes it in her stride, because.... (I think back to her words last week) Because I am worth it.

I can't help smiling.

"I love that you just get it. I was worried you'd be pissed off," I admit.

"I don't get pissed off about stuff like that," she reminds me, and I think once again how lucky I am to have struck gold with this girl.

And I promise myself, there and then, that I will never ever do anything to risk losing what we have.