(No Control - 63. Don't Forget Where You Belong)

I wake up first the following morning, and spend a few minutes watching Jess sleep. Not in a creepy way or anything - I just like being able to look at her uninterrupted. She always gets so shy when she knows I'm staring at her.

I push myself up onto my elbow and take in every inch of her body that I can see: her long eyelashes brushing her cheek, her cute little pink lips, the curve of her neck where it meets her shoulder, the smooth skin on her upper arms, her slender fingers.

God, she's beautiful. It's like every time I look at her I get a jolt as I realise how amazing she is. And she's mine. She's MY girlfriend. I am never letting her go again.

Again, not in a creepy way.

I brush her hair back over her shoulder, and then gently graze my fingertips down her back. I can feel little Harry stirring already.

I lean forward and plant a soft kiss on her shoulder, then her back, then her neck, and her skin buzzes with goosebumps in response. Her breathing changes so I know she is waking up, and I gently press my growing erection into her back. She sighs softly, and I take this as a green light, and slip my hand up her top to squeeze her breast gently. Her nipple is rock hard. Fuck.

"Harry," she murmurs softly. "Someone might walk in."

"No one will walk in," I whisper in her ear as I run my fingertips over her nipple, and she whimpers and pushes her hips back so her bum presses against my boner. I reach across and tease her other nipple, still kissing her neck, and her hand slips behind her and in between us, and curls around my dick. I exhale gently and close my eyes as she touches me, and rubs her thumb over my tip, causing me to shudder.

"Fuck, Jess," I murmur, and she squeezes me gently in reply, causing me to moan again.

I lean over her and grab a condom out of the drawer beside her, and she starts to turn over to face me, but I'm enjoying touching her like this too much.

"Stay where you are," I instruct, and for once in her life she fucking does as she's told.

I lay on my back and roll on the condom, and then scoot up behind her again and pull her leg back over my thigh. I position my hips and tease her with my tip for a minute, before pushing gently inside her.

She turns her head and buries her face in the pillow and gives a moan of enjoyment, and this spurs me on, sending a jolt of pleasure right down my dick. I stroke her nipples gently as I thrust into her, and kiss her back, shoulders and neck. She curls one arm back around my neck, tugging at my hair as I build the pace, and then grabs the pillow and presses it against her face and whimpers softly. I can feel her tightening around me, so I know she's getting close. I slide my hand deftly down her stomach and between her legs, rub my finger round in a circle against her, and I watch as she screws her eyes up, bites down on her thumb and lets go.

Knowing she's coming tips me over the edge and I thrust hard and fast to get my own release. I press my face into the crook of her neck and try not to be too loud as I finish, pulling her tightly against me because I never want to let her go; I never want this to end. It's too fucking good, this thing we've got. It's too good to lose. She's fucking amazing. She's perfect. We're perfect. We just fit.

Once the feeling has subsided, and I'm left with a gentle pulsing, I relax and breathe in the smell of her hair. It smells like home. She smells like home. I feel her hand searching under the duvet for mine, and feel a warm fuzzy glow when she interlaces our fingers.

"I don't think I will ever get tired of doing that with you," I whisper.

"I should hope not," she jokes, completely ruining the moment and turning her head to kiss me.

"I mean it," I say, sincerely.

"So do I," she retorts in the same sassy tone, and I sigh and roll my eyes at her inability to just fucking let us have this moment of closeness without taking the piss out of it.

"Sorry I can't be serious when you want me to be," she says after a pause, and I open my eyes to look at her. "I think it's an illness or something," she pouts, and she looks so genuinely remorseful that I can't help laughing.

"I'll get over it," I smile.

"You shouldn't have to. I'm a dick," she says with a sigh. "I'm sorry."

"You're not, don't be silly," I frown.

She pulls my hand out from under the duvet and kisses my knuckles, and then stares at them for a moment.

"You have really sexy hands," she declares.

Um... ok.

"Do I?"

"Yes," she says firmly. "Not that that should come as a surprise, considering everything about you is sexy."

"Shut up," I say, uncomfortably.

I don't get what all the fuss is about, honestly. I know Jess goes all quivery when I put my hair in a mun, but I just don't see it, personally.

"Oh my God are you serious?" she says, raising an eyebrow. "Don't pretend you don't know."

"I know what people say, but I don't get it," I admit, turning my face away into her hair so she can't see me. I feel suddenly shy being the object of her scrutiny like this. You think I'd get used to it when I have cameras in my face twenty-four seven, but it's ten times more embarrassing when it's someone I'm close to that's commenting on my appearance like this.

"Course not," she's saying, with a hint of sarcasm. "Cos you didn't have a clue what you were doing last night, giving me those intense looks that near enough made me collapse."

"Yeah I know that works on you," I admit, watching her stroke my fingers with hers. It feels oddly relaxing. "You're my girlfriend - I'd be worried if it didn't."

"No one else has ever had this sort of effect on me," she says, turning her face to look at me. "This isn't normal. Well, maybe for you it is," she says, as if she's conceding a point in some sort of one-sided argument. "The Harry Styles effect. But it's not for me. I shouldn't be reduced to a quivering wreck every time you look at me."

"But you are?" I ask, shyly.

"Harry - you got me to beg for it last night," she reminds me. "What more proof do you need?"

I can't help smirking at this memory, and the admission that she's never felt this way about anyone else before. I haven't either. I guess it's a first for both of us.

Maybe she is in love with me after all.

"That's enough now," she says, as if I have been prompting these revelations. "I'm not stroking your ego any more today."

That's ok, she can stroke something else instead. I have one thing in particular in mind...

"You could stroke something else instead," I suggest, trying to sound sexy and seductive and failing miserably.

"You can't be serious," she says flatly. "Is that even possible right now?"

"Give it five minutes," I nod seriously and she grins and gives me a swift kick, which makes me laugh again.

I suddenly realise I never told her I feel the same way about her as she does about me.

"You have the same effect on me," I mutter quickly, before I can chicken out.

"What effect?" she asks. "The Harry Styles effect?"

We need to talk about her using that expression.

I sigh.

"I'm not calling it that," I tell her, firmly. "But if you mean the heart beating fast, butterflies thing, yeah."

I feel suddenly shy and stupid for laying myself on the line like this. I feel vulnerable and exposed, like when I said those three stupid words to Nadine and got thanks in return.

My heart is pounding wildly and I feel my palms sweating, but as I sneak a look at her face and see her beaming smile I suddenly lose my fear, and begin to wonder if this feeling of euphoria in my chest might actually be love.

....

We manage a quick fumble in the shower half an hour later, but without a condom we're sort of restricted to what we can do. I drop to my knees to press my tongue between her legs, and am rewarded by her muffled moans as she comes hard, with one fist tugging my hair and the other one pressed into her mouth in an attempt to keep quiet. She returns the favour straight away and I close my eyes and savour the feel of her hot, wet tongue gliding up and down my shaft before she takes me fully into her mouth and brings me to my peak in under a minute.

Once we're dry, dressed and fed, Mum suggests a walk before we have lunch. Gemma offers to lend Jess a pair of walking boots as she hadn't packed anything sturdy, and we pile into Robin's car and set off; Jess, Gemma and I squashed into the back seat. As Gemma and Jess chat about girly stuff I take the opportunity to stare at Jess while she isn't paying me any attention, and more than a couple of times I catch myself grinning stupidly because she is just so fucking amazing. Unfortunately nothing gets past Gemma, and when Jess isn't looking she makes a heart shape with her fingers and mouths to me, "You love her."

My heart jumps and I scowl and quickly look away out of the window. I can see Gemma still watching me out of the corner of my eye, but I steadfastly ignore her for the rest of the short journey.

I pull my hood up in an attempt to not be recognised, and mostly it works. We are able to enjoy a leisurely walk along the banks of the River Dane, and the best part is I can hold Jess's hand nearly all the way. There is sort of an unspoken rule that whenever anyone looms in the distance we let go and walk separately, coming back together once the strangers are out of sight.

I love how I don't need to explain this stuff to her. I love how she understands we can't hold hands in public yet, because of the way my world operates, and that if this bothers her she doesn't punish me for it. I love how she actively looks over her shoulder at the other ramblers, and the second they are a safe enough distance away she is looking for my hand again.

I don't know what I'm going to do when the tour starts again and I'm in the US for the whole summer. I'm used to being away from home for long periods of time, but that was when home was Mum's house in Holmes Chapel. That was before home was Jess. I'm going to have to come home when we have a week off in August. I can't be away from her for that long.

The thought of doing the rest of the tour officially as a four-piece makes me nervous. I don't know how the fans will react to us without Zayn. I mean, we all know the band is bigger than all of us, but it worries the hell out of me that this could be the beginning of the end. What if our popularity wavers because of the unsettlement? We don't start rehearsals until next week. We've got some recording to do this week though, and maybe a bit of writing in the meantime. I've got some great lyrics in my head for my song Perfect, mostly based on recent events, but I need some help with it to make it come together. Louis is the man for the job, I think. He really bought into it when he first heard it.

"You're quiet," Jess says softly, interrupting my thoughts, and I smile down at her.

"Sorry, just in my own world," I apologise, and pull her against my side so I can sling my arm around her shoulders.

Up ahead I can see a small incline, leading up and away from the river, and I know the view is stunning from up there. Mum, Robin and Gemma are several paces ahead, so I grab Jess by the hand and pull her up the verge.

"Where are we going?" she laughs, but I don't reply, and drop her hand to run on ahead, so she follows me. I reach the top and turn around to wait for her, and help her up the last few steps.

"The view from here is beautiful," I explain, and as she steps into my arms I turn her around so her back is to me, and she can look out across the rolling green fields to the horizon. Her smile is so wide as she admires the scenery, and suddenly I want to capture this moment; my beautiful, beautiful girl embracing everything I love about this part of the world, and appreciating it because she knows how much it means to me. I reach in my pocket for my phone and step back, aiming the camera at her face while she isn't aware she is being watched, and is at her most beautiful.

She senses my absence and turns her head towards me just as I take the picture, and her face is frozen on my screen, filled with a look of love so pure it literally takes my breath away.

Her eyes are sparkling, her cheeks are rosy and a few blonde strands of hair are blowing across her face. She is undeniably perfect, and I am undeniably in love with her.

I look from my screen to her face, and the realisation that I have felt this way for some time dawns on me.

I love this girl. And she loves me.

"What?" Jess asks, smiling at me and breaking the spell.

Fuck.

"Nothing," I say quickly.

I love her.

"You're giving me a weird look," she laughs.

I love her.

"No I'm not."

"You are!" she insists, grinning at me and reaching for my hand again.

I'm in love with her.

Fuck.

I pull her to me and hold her tightly, my heart pounding due to the strength of my own feelings. Her cheek is pressed against my chest; she must be able to feel it. She's going to ask what's going on, I can tell. I'm acting weirdly and I need to stop.

I need to tell her how I feel. I need to do it here, now, before I can overthink it.

She looks up at me and I kiss her, putting as much love and emotion as I can into it, trying to convey what I feel inside. She kisses me back with rivaled intensity, and it feels like my whole body is on fire. My entire being exists solely for this girl. How could I not have known this sooner?

I need to tell her.

I pull away, resting my forehead against hers while I work up the courage to say these three words that I should have said a long time ago, if I wasn't such an idiot.

I kiss her softly.

"Jess..." I begin, and she looks deep into my eyes. She must know what's coming; it seems to be radiating from me in waves.

"Get a room!" Gemma shouts from a few feet away, and Jess jumps, stepping away from me. The moment is fucking ruined.

Thanks Gemma.

"The view's beautiful over here isn't it," she says, puffing as she reaches the top of the mound, as I flop my arms at my sides with a frustrated huff.

"It's incredible," Jess nods, turning back to admire it again.

I scowl at Gemma while Jess's back is turned and she frowns at me in confusion, lifts her arms and mouths, "What?!"

Jess turns back again and I quickly rearrange my face to look casual, as Gemma says, "We're heading back now. Mum wants to start dinner as we're eating early."

"OK," I reply, and take Jess's hand and lead her back down the slope towards Mum and Robin. Gemma looks abashed and shoves her hands in her pockets as she walks, and I know I'll be getting the third degree as soon as she gets chance.

I try to act normally on the way back to the car, but my head is swimming with my own thoughts and feelings. We get stopped by a fan asking for pictures, and Jess admits she would have fainted if she had happened to bump into me under these sorts of circumstances. Gemma takes every opportunity to rib me, and sticks up for Jess when I tease her about wanting a selfie with Gemma, and even invites her to meet up for coffee when they're back in London (there's an awkward moment when I mistakenly think she's actually inviting me - of course Gemma delights in correcting me.)

They swap numbers, and I catch Jess silently fangirling and give her an affectionate nudge, but decide not to embarrass her by drawing Gemma's attention to it.

Mum cooks a roast when we get back, and we all sit round the kitchen table keeping her company and helping out. I feel my phone vibrate with a couple of texts, but I don't even bother to look at them. I'm too busy enjoying being with my family and the girl I am in love with.

The girl I am in love with.

I'm in love with Jess.

Fucking hell, I can't believe I didn't see it before.

Yes, yes, I know several people told me but I was scared and in denial. I know that now.

After dinner Mum asks when I'm next coming back here. I'm torn, because I want to spend time with her but I also want to make the most of the little time I have left with Jess before I'm touring again.

I mentally work out my movements in my head, and then ask Jess what her plans are for next weekend. Thankfully it's nothing concrete.

"I was going to come back here for a couple more days towards the end of the week but I was sort of hoping you might come with me?" I suggest, hoping more than anything she will say yes so I don't have to choose between her and my family. I honestly don't know who would win right now.

"I'd love to," she says, with a shy smile, and once again, everything falls into place.

"We could drive up on Friday night after you finish work?" I offer, and she nods in agreement.

"Have you got time for a brew before you have to head off?" Mum asks hopefully, and as she boils the kettle and makes the tea Jess and I go up to my room and pack our stuff up.

When Jess heads to the bathroom I check my phone and see one of the texts that came through before is from Nadine.

Thought of you today - I was in that little FroYo bar in NYC that we loved so much, do you remember?? Good times!! xx

Yeah their mint and honeycomb was amazing! I reply, and then read my other messages.

Louis has written some lyrics he thinks might fit with Perfect and wants to get together as soon as possible to try them out.

My old school friend Alice has heard I'm home and wants to know if we can meet up.

Grimmy wants me to come down to Radio One tomorrow to record a Call or Delete.

I quickly send replies to all of these and slip my phone back in my pocket just as Jess is coming back in.

"Ready?" she smiles, and we take our bags downstairs and dump them in the hall.

We have a quick brew and then set off, arriving back in London late in the evening. The conversation in the car is lighthearted and jovial, and doesn't provide any opportunity for declarations of love, which is both a blessing and a curse.

"Are you coming in?" Jess asks as I pull into a space outside her flat.

"If you want me to," I say, putting the ball back in her court.

I want nothing more than to spend tonight with her, but I know she doesn't do clingy and I don't want to overcrowd her.

"Of course I do," she says immediately.

"I thought maybe you might be sick of me after spending two days solid with me," I grin.

"Don't be ridiculous," she snorts, and I follow her into her flat like a lovesick puppy.

We snuggle together on the sofa with a cup of tea and watch shit TV. It's a perfect end to a perfect weekend.

"Do you want me to arrange a meeting with Modest this week?" I ask, as we watch an old episode of Friends on Comedy Central.

"Can it be after work? I can't really take any more time off this week," she replies, without lifting her head from my chest.

"I guess so," I say, with a shrug. "I'll call them tomorrow and ask."

"Do they know about me?" Jess asks suddenly, lifting her head to look at me, and I want to hug her for her innocence of this whole celebrity world. Her public social media accounts will be under scrutiny by now, and Karen will be ready to pounce at the first sniff of any posts that may bring One Direction into disrepute. I should probably mention this to Jess at some point, but I don't want to ruin the evening.

"Of course they do," I say casually, and catch her trying to conceal a yawn. "I should let you get to bed. You have work in the morning."

I don't want to go, but I don't want to outstay my welcome.

"Stay with me tonight?" she asks, looking up at me shyly.

That just made me so fucking happy. The last thing I want to do is go back to my empty house.

"Of course," I beam. "If it's what you want."

"Yeah," she nods. "I need to make the most of you while I've got you. Before you zoom off in your private jet, swishing your hair."

She casts me a sly look, and I recall Gemma mentioning something about this this afternoon, while my head was in the clouds.

"I can see you being friends with my sister is already a bad idea," I joke, and she grins cheekily.

I run out to the car and grab my overnight bag, and the dart into the bathroom to brush my teeth. I get undressed while I'm in there, and recall the last time I was here and used her toothbrush after staying over after I took her to C London. I wonder if she ever realised? I'm not sure how she'd feel about this, so I decide to keep quiet.

I stare at my reflection in the mirror for a moment. I've got the beginnings of stubble - yessss. Shame it's nothing to be proud of; just a few small wisps across my top lip and around my chin. I can't work out if it looks manly, or just like a pathetic attempt to look grown up.

My hair is still pulled off my face in one of those mun things, and I redo it so it looks a bit tidier. I know Jess can't resist it and I'm hoping for some more action when we get into bed. I hope she isn't too tired.

I open the door to the bathroom and stop dead as I catch sight of Jess draped against the doorframe, her dressing gown hanging open to reveal a silk underwear seat. I stare at her, momentarily speechless.

"Hi," she says, with a trace of innocence that sends a jolt of desire straight to my dick.

"Fucking hell, Jess," I murmur.

"Do you like..."

"Fuck, yes," I interrupt, and I cross the hallway and pull her against me so the silk is brushing against my skin. Christ, she looks incredible. She feels incredible.

She traces her finger over my swallow tattoo, and then strokes my bottom lip softly.

Fucking hell, that never fails to get me hard.

I remember her being pressed up against me in Lagoon the night we met, doing the very same thing and provoking the very same reaction. I knew then there was something different about her, although I never could have predicted I would fall in love with her like this.

"You know that turns me on," I breathe, staring hard into her eyes.

"Yep," she says defiantly.

"And what are you going to do, when you've got me all hot and bothered?" I ask huskily.

"Whatever the hell you want," she replies, and my now throbbing erection twitches in anticipation.

I moan softly at her words and press my hips against hers as she kisses me, and then lift her up and carry her through to the bedroom, lay her down and make love to her.

Twice.