(No Control - 49. More Than This, first part)

"Ed Sheeran?" she repeats, looking at me with wide eyes. "Really? Isn't he touring the world at the moment?"

I can't stop grinning. She looks pretty impressed.

"Yep," I nod. "He's on a week's break between New Zealand and South America. There will only be a few hundred people there. And you won't need to worry about keeping your distance from me while we're there," I add. "No one will be taking pictures or anything."

The good thing about private gigs like this is that they're usually full of celebrities who also want some privacy. Camera phones are frowned upon, and security is tight.

"Really?" she says excitedly. Her whole face lights up and she positively beams at me, her eyes full of... affection? Something along those lines.

"You seem more excited about that than you do about meeting Ed Sheeran," I say casually, trying to hide the fact that my stomach is doing backflips at this realisation.

"I am," she says, looking me straight in the eye, and my heart starts to pound. "Not in an ungrateful way," she says quickly. "But that night we first met and we went to that club, Lagoon, where we could just do what we wanted and not have to worry about paparazzi... well, that was awesome."

Oh my God. Did she really just say that? Was Lou right? She does care...?

I can't stop smiling.

"And there was me thinking you weren't that into me," I say, without thinking.

"What?!" she says in disbelief. She's staring at me like I've grown another head or something.

Is it so hard to believe I'm insecure around her?

She's waiting for me to speak, to explain myself, but this isn't the time or the place.

"This isn't a conversation for here," I reply in a low voice.

"What isn't?" she asks.

Oh God. Don't make me spell it out, Jess.

"What do you mean?" she persists, and I lose my bottle again and look away.

"Nothing."

"Are you guys ready?" Lou calls down the table, breaking the tension.

"Yeah," I call back, louder than necessary and looking at Lou over-eagerly so I don't have to look at Jess.

"We should get going really," Lou says, looking at me, and I scramble to my feet and make my way to the door. When I turn around to make sure Jess is behind me I can see she's hanging back nervously. Liam steps forward and takes her under his wing as we step outside, and he accompanies her to my car, waiting until she has slid onto the backseat next to me before he scoots along to the car behind.

Fuck. That should have been me, guiding her to the car. Although it's probably a good thing the paps didn't get a picture of us together.

"Big crowd of paps," I remark to Dale and Paul as the car moves off.

"Yeah, they must have been tipped off," Paul replies.

"You reckon? Seemed just like luck to me. Saw a few faces I didn't recognise," I gabble, trying to keep the conversation flowing so I don't have to look at Jess.

She's staring at me, and I know as soon as there is a pause she will ask me what I meant just now in the restaurant.

And I will tell her. I will have the conversation tonight, before she leaves for London tomorrow. I just need some Dutch courage first.

I'm going to do it. I'm going to ask her about making us official. Not public. Just official. I don't want anyone else, and I don't want her to see anyone else. I want us to be exclusive. I'm going to ask her.

Fuck, I'm nervous.

It only takes about ten minutes to arrive at the club, but believe me, ten minutes is a long time when you're trying to talk continuously. Finally we pull up outside the back door.

"We're here," I say in relief, and open the car door.

"Here?" she asks looking unsure, and I offer my hand and help her out of the car as Louis and Liam jump out of the car behind.

"It's the back entrance," I tell her.

Obviously there are no paps here as it's a private road.

"To be fair, Jess doesn't look like the sort who likes using the back entrance," Louis says cheekily as he struts towards us with a smirk on his face. I can tell he is particularly proud of that remark.

"Louis you seriously need to get some action," Jess says, exasperatedly. "You're like a sexually frustrated teenager with all these innuendos."

Liam cracks up laughing as Louis stares at her in disbelief, and doesn't respond.

"She's hit the nail on the head!" Liam says gleefully and behind Jess's back Louis flips him off and follows us up the steps and inside the door.

We walk to the bar and collect a bottle of Dom Perignon, and then grab a couple of tables together and down. Once our drinks are poured (and I've taken a large gulp) I slip my arm around Jess's shoulders.

"Is this OK?" I ask when she doesn't pull away. So far so good.

"Of course," she beams, looking up at me.

My heart soars.

I hesitate for a second and then kiss her gently on the lips.

"How about this?"

"More than OK," she smiles, shyly, and my heart skips a beat, before it begins to pound.

I decide to pave the way.

"You make my heart miss a beat when you say stuff like that," I murmur, feeling stupid and vulnerable, but maintaining eye contact. I want her to know I'm being sincere.

"You're being very..." she hesitates for a moment, "honest tonight. I think the champagne has loosened your tongue, Mr Styles."

She's got it bang on. There's no way I could admit this stuff sober.

"Maybe so," I concede, and I lose my bottle again and look away.

I need more alcohol for the next bit.

"You looking forward to seeing Ed Sheeran?" Lou asks, leaning over to us, and while Jess answers her I take the opportunity to take another gulp of my drink.

We discuss his music for a bit, and Jess admits shamefully that she isn't a huge fan, but likes his more recent releases, much to Lou's disbelief.

By about ten thirty we (or rather I) have finished the bottle, and the venue is getting pretty crowded. I get a text from Ed, saying, I'll be on in five so if you want a good view get to the front now.

Nice one, mate. Make sure you come and say hi when you're finished. I want to introduce you to Jess, I reply.

Goes without saying!, he responds. Can't wait to see this girl who's got you so smitten!

"Do you want to stand a bit closer to the stage?" I ask Jess. "I think Ed will be coming on soon. The venue's almost full."

"OK," she smiles, and I guide her through the crowd to the side of the stage, and pull her to me, gently touching her waist with my fingers.

"Where's everyone else?" she asks.

Is she kidding?

"Not gatecrashing," I grin, and she looks up at me in confusion.

"Oh come on!" I tease. "It's your last night here. I'm not sharing you all evening."

I'm getting good at being honest.

She gives me her special smile and I feel a sudden rush of affection for her. It's so strong it overwhelms me. I pull her against my chest with one arm, and kiss the top of her head, inhaling the familiar scent of her shampoo. It's so... reassuring.

"I'm really going to miss you," I say into her hair, and she lifts her head and kisses me.

The feel of her lips sends my blood racing through my veins like wildfire. My whole body burns with passion and desire. I feel almost lightheaded at this feeling. I pull her closer, my heart pounding.

I'm not imagining this connection between us. I know that now. She feels it too, I can tell. I can tell by the way she's pressing herself closer against me, her hands gently touching my chest, and the intensity with which she is kissing me.

I need to tell her how I feel, before I lose the nerve. Before I lose this moment.

I break away from her, my heart thudding so hard it's almost painful.

"Jess," I begin, and my nerves get the better of me as I suddenly get a mind blank. I should have prepared this.

For fuck's sake, it's not a speech.

I rest my forehead against hers, my eyes closed, trying to collect my thoughts so I don't mess this up. I brush her hair back over her shoulder and open my eyes.

"Jess..." I try again, and bite my lip. Deep breath. Here we go.

The fucking lights go out and the spotlight comes on on the stage as Ed walks out, holding his guitar.

Come on, mate. Fucking timing.

I let out the breath again and force a smile onto my face as we clap and he begins to play.

"What were you going to say?" Jess asks in my ear, but I shake my head, smiling.

The moment is gone.

The gig is amazing. Ed is brilliant, as always. He never fails to deliver. When he begins to play Thinking Out Loud I actually get goosebumps, because I know Jess loves this song, and I feel a jolt in my stomach when she turns to me and wraps her arms around my waist and rests her head on my chest, looking at the stage.

I begin to sway to the music, and I see Ed glance over at me and smile as he is singing. I pull back from her slightly, grab her hand and slowly twirl her around, and she responds by slipping her arms around my neck and kissing me with such emotion it gives me butterflies. I reach up and grab her hands - not because I don't want her arms around me, but because I want to hold her hands; I want her fingers interlaced with mine. We stay like this, kissing until the end of the song, and then when it's finished I move behind her and wrap my arms around her, and she leans her head back against me.

I don't want her to go. I want her to stay longer. Just another week or something.

I really, really don't want her to go.

....

After the set is finished and Ed leaves the stage we rejoin the others.

"Looking loved up there, boyo," Louis says directly in my ear as I sit down.

"Fuck off," I grin at him.

He shrugs. "I say what I see. If you can't tell she's into you by now you're more of a fool that I thought."

I say nothing, but glance at Jess who is leaning towards Lou. They are both smiling, and I have a suspicion they are talking about me. I try not to lip read, and instead get up and excuse myself to the bathroom.

I run into Ed on my way back, and give him a high five.

"Great gig, man."

"Where's your girl?" he asks.

"Sitting over there," I point, and I feel a twinge of jealousy when I see Jess has taken my seat next to Louis and they are leaning towards each other, close, and deep in conversation.

"Come on, introduce me," he says, so I lead him over to our table, and let my hand fall onto Jess's shoulder.

"You ok?" I ask. It's better than asking, 'what the fuck are you talking about with Louis?'

"Yeah, fine," she smiles.

"There's someone I'd like you to meet," I say, and step to the side to let Ed say hi. Jess stands up and they shake hands, both looking shy. Bless them.

"Harry's talked a lot about you," he tells her, and now I'm feeling shy as they're making small talk.

"I was hoping Harry would bring you so I could put a face to the name," he's now saying, and her mouth falls open and she blushes.

"Wow, really?" she says, looking at me, and I put my arms around her waist.

"Of course," he says. "So how long are you here for?"

"I fly back to London tomorrow," she replies timidly. "I've been here a week."

"What do you think of LA?" he asks, and she tells him she's had a great time.

We chat for a couple of minutes before he waves goodbye and goes off to greet some friends.

I want to get out of here. I'm tipsy, and I want to be on my own with Jess.

"You look tired," I say softly in her ear. "Do you want to call it a night?"

Please say yes.

"Can we call it a night?" she asks, like she's afraid of upsetting me. "Do you mind?"

"Of course not," I smile. I'm fucking elated. "I was kind of hoping you'd say that."

We say goodbye, and of course Louis has to give her the tightest hug. He thinks I don't hear him when he whispers in her ear that he knows he's her favourite really.

I do hear.

But I don't care, because the way she was kissing me and touching me tonight has made me see things very differently, and I am starting to believe that maybe she does want more. It's given me the confidence I needed to approach the subject.

I'm nervous as hell.

I just want to get her home and lay her down and make love to her, and forget that she is going home tomorrow. The next few hours are just going to be about us.