(No Control - 35. Same Mistakes)

We manage to see Zayn before we leave for Manila - he's really upset and keeps apologising for letting us down, but none of us blame him. The guy is clearly devastated and his private life is spiralling out of control. He promises he'll be back in a few days once he's sorted things out with Perrie, but I have this sinking feeling that he won't be.

What's he going to do if she refuses to work things out? Just come back and rejoin the tour like nothing's happened? If he's this upset right now it isn't going to be fixed by a few days at home. I know I'm being pessimistic but I can't help it, I'm a worrier.

I keep thinking back to our conversations over the last couple of weeks. Did anything I said or did contribute to his breakdown? Should I have forced him to open up more and share his problems? I could drive myself crazy thinking like this.

No one really says much on the flight; we're all just reeling. As soon as we land we are taken to our hotel and thrown straight into a meeting with the production team and the tour management. We sit around a table talking awkwardly about who will pick up Zayn's parts in all our songs, and I can tell by glancing around the table that everyone is as uncomfortable as I am about this. It feels like we're just filling his shoes, like he's a function that is easily replaced, rather than one of our best friends who is going through a tough time.

"Does anyone else feel like Zayn's just been deleted from our lives?" I mutter as we leave the meeting room.

"Yeah," everyone murmurs.

"Like, I get we need to get the contingency sorted asap so we're prepared for the show, but fucking hell," Louis grumbles.

"I know," Liam sighs. "But we owe it to the fans to give them the best performance we can."

The news has already broken across the world that Zayn has been signed off the tour until 28th March, with stress. Twitter has gone into meltdown and our PR team have told us not to tweet anything just yet until they finalise the official stance. Of course, Zayn has already broken that by tweeting about being in love with Perrie, which caused Karen to call Liam and force him to put her on speaker so she could literally yell at us all not to speak out. My ears are still bleeding.

"I just want to go out and get pissed tonight," I mutter.

"YES, Styles," Louis says, perking up. "Count me in."

We spend the afternoon rehearsing the songs in their new format which only serves to make me even more depressed, so by the time evening rolls round I am so ready for this night out. The last one wasn't exactly a success, as it triggered the chain of events that tipped Zayn over the edge, so I am keen to make this a good one.

Louis is like an excitable child as he lights up a cigarette in the back of the car on the way to the club, and keeps turning around to look at the car behind which contains Liam and Niall. We are dropped off by our driver outside the door, and Dale and Mike lead us inside and straight to the VIP section.

It's a really swanky place. There's a huge fishtank in the middle of the dancefloor with coloured lights shining up the middle that keep changing from pink to green to gold to blue. The bar is made of what looks like black marble with flecks of gold through it, and the leather seats in our booth are pristine. As soon as we sit down a bucket of champagne is brought over and we dive straight in. Complimentary snacks are brought over to us, and for the first hour we sit talking about Zayn and the tour.

Louis gets up to go to the bathroom, and returns a few minutes later followed by a couple of girls. I look up at them and catch the eye of a beautiful blonde with greeny blue eyes and a gorgeous smile.

"Hi," she smiles.

"Hi," I smile back. She's hot.

"I'm Annabelle," she says, as she slides into the booth next to me.

"I'm Harry. Nice to meet you," I say, holding out my hand.

"What brings you here tonight?" she asks.

"Just fancied a night out with my friends," I tell her. "What about you?"

"Same," she replies. "I'm on a working holiday. I've been to a conference this morning, and I've got a meeting tomorrow afternoon with some suppliers, so I thought I'd let my hair down in between with some colleagues."

"What do you do?" I ask her.

"I work in the fashion industry," she explains. "I'm a buyer. I travel the world searching for the best deals on fabrics, patterns and materials. I've never been to the Philippines before though, so this is an incredible opportunity for me."

"Sounds interesting," I say, taking a sip of my champagne. "Would you like a drink?"

"Sure," she smiles, and she puts her hand on my leg.

She's into me. I get it.

It's about time I had a little fun.

~~~~~

By midnight I'm more than drunk, and my arm has been draped around Annabelle's shoulders most of the night. I know she's up for it, and I know she'd let me kiss her if I tried, but it's all too easy. There's no chase, no excitement, no thrill.

I want someone to get my blood pumping, to make my heart pound with exhilaration.

This gorgeous girl is looking up at me, and damn she has beautiful eyes, and I know if I just leaned forward a few inches she'd be mine for the night.

"Do you want to dance?" I offer. I'm in the mood for letting myself go and being silly. I wonder if this will put her off, when she sees my hopeless moves. It strikes me that I'm not really bothered either way.

I lead her to the dancefloor, followed by security, and I wiggle my hips and point at her. She laughs, and wraps her arms around my neck and sways against me. She's not backward in coming forward.

"Are you going to make a move on me or what?" she shouts in my ear over the music after a minute or two.

"Sorry?" I ask, even though I heard her clearly. I'm just stalling for time while I decide what I want.

She doesn't answer, but moves in front of me, puts her hands on my shoulders and presses her lips against mine. I slide my arms around her waist as she slips her tongue in my mouth, and we kiss in the middle of the dancefloor for a minute before Dale taps me on the shoulder.

"You're not being very discreet, H," he says in my ear.

He's right, I'm not.

"Would you like to come back to my hotel?" I ask Annabelle.

"What for?" she winks.

I shrug. We both know what she wants.

"Whatever you want," I tell her. "Security can drive you home whenever you want to leave."

"Sounds like it might be fun," she says coyly, and she reaches her hand up to touch my lips with her finger.

I flinch, and quickly grab her wrist, pulling her hand away.

"Sorry," she says hastily, and I kiss her again so I don't have to explain myself.

A few minutes later a car has arrived, and we are escorted out of the club, leaving the others behind. Dale slips me a couple of condoms as he shoves me into the back seat, and I push them into my pocket for later.

When we arrive back at the hotel I can tell Annabelle is impressed.

"Oh my gosh, the pool's all lit up!" she exclaims. "It's beautiful."

"There's a private pool we can use," I tell her. "You wanna take a dip?"

"I haven't got a bikini," she says.

"Neither have I," I joke, and she laughs.

I lead her down to the private pool area that is completely secluded and surrounded by bushes and trees. Dale and Mike hover by the door discreetly.

When the band first got really big, like big enough to warrant a security presence at all times, it was weird having people around at moments like this. But I'm used to it now. I can tell Annabelle is a bit uncomfortable though.

"I'm going in!" I tell her, and I pull my jeans and shirt off and jump into the pool in my boxers.

"Be careful," Mike calls.

"I will," I call back. "Come on, what are you waiting for?" I say to Annabelle.

She pulls her dress over her head, kicks her shoes off and slips carefully into the pool next to me.

"See, it's not so bad is it?" I tease.

"I guess not," she responds, swimming over to me and wrapping her arms around my neck. "So what do we do now?" she asks.

"What do you want to do?"

"I think you know," she says and leans forward to kiss me again.

I kiss her back, and it's nice. Little Harry is waking up, and she reaches her hand down to my shorts but I pull my hips back. I don't want to do this in front of Dale and Mike.

Annabelle seems to take the hint and splashes me playfully, so I splash her back and she squeals when her hair gets wet. We mess about in the water for about ten minutes, before she puts her arms around me again and kisses me. She jumps and wraps her legs around my waist and I put my arms underneath her bum and squeeze her gently.

She's hot, I can't deny that. And she wants me, that much is obvious.

"What are the rooms like here?" she murmurs against my mouth.

"Really nice," I respond.

"And the beds?" she continues.

"Very comfy," I tell her.

"I think you should show me," she whispers, and presses her groin against mine.

Well if she's going to insist.....

I take her hand and we climb out of the pool. We quickly dry off and grab our clothes, and Dale makes sure the coast is clear for us to slip up to my suite unnoticed.

As soon as I close the door behind us she is kissing me. I kiss her back and lead her over to the bed where she begins pulling at my remaining clothes. I grab the condom from my jeans pocket and once we're under the covers she pulls me on top of her and I push into her. She moans underneath me, and it's fucking hot. I kiss her and she wraps her legs around my waist.

"Fuck me really hard," she whispers in my ear, so I do as she says, focussing on the pillow behind her head. "Harder," she pleads after a few minutes, so I do it so hard the headboard bangs against the wall and she cries out and scratches her nails down my back. It fucking hurts.

"I'm coming!" she squeals, like I hadn't already guessed, and I carry on pounding her, trying to get my own high, but it takes me fucking ages and by the time I come my thighs are aching.

It's good though, and I collapse on top of her afterwards to regain my breath.

"Wow," she says, but it's not exactly the word I was looking for. "I just fucked Harry Styles," she grins.

Well. I'm not quite sure how to respond to that, so I keep quiet.

She pulls the covers up and I slide out of bed to dispose of the condom and grab my boxers. When I come back she's pulling her clothes back on, and grimacing at her damp underwear that is sticking to her because it's still wet from the pool.

"Can your driver take me back?" she asks.

"Sure," I respond, thankful that this isn't going to be awkward. I quickly call Dale and he's at the door a minute later.

"Well that was fun," she grins, and stands on her tiptoes to kiss me on the cheek.

"Yeah," I smile politely.

"Nice meeting you, Harry," she says.

"Yeah, you too," I reply. "Will you be ok in the car? Do you need anything?"

I feel like I should say something else to her, but I'm feeling weirdly deflated.

"I'll be fine," she says. "Thanks for a great evening."

And with a small wave she's gone.

I probably should have warned her that security will frisk her before they let her out of sight, and will want to make sure she's got no photographic evidence on her phone.

I crawl into bed with a sigh and pick up my phone. Niall has texted me - Where did you slope off to, you sly dog!

I can't be arsed texting back.

.....

I wake up the next morning to my phone ringing. I must have forgotten to put it on silent last night.

I groan at the pounding in my head and swipe my finger across my phone screen.

"Hello?" I croak.

"You're alive, then."

Fucking Niall.

"Mmmhhh," I grunt.

"You need to get security to get your girl out discreetly. There are fans outside the hotel."

"What? Where are you?" I ask, sitting up.

Big mistake. My head feels like it's splitting in two. I lay down again.

"I'm in bed," Niall answers.

"Why are you ringing me?"

I'm so confused.

"I got just mine snuck out," Niall says in a hushed tone.

"Your what?"

"My girl," he whispers.

"Why are you whispering?" I ask.

There is pause.

"I don't know, really," Niall answers, before he begins to laugh.

"You had a girl last night?" I ask, as things suddenly become clearer.

"Yeah. She's just left, but there are fans outside, so you need to get yours out discreetly."

"She didn't stay," I tell him. "She left straight after."

"Ouch!" Niall laughs again. "Were you that bad? Mine stayed for round two. And round three."

"Fuck off," I cuss him.

"She was a stunner," he brags. "A Filipina chick. Gorgeous long silky black hair, and her accent - the way pronounced my name... fuck, man, I'm hard just thinking about it."

"Ugh," I moan in disgust. "I don't want to know that."

"To be honest, I'm surprised you hooked up," he says. "It's been a while since you've done that. Not including Jess, I mean."

My heart skips a beat at the mention of her name. What the fuck.

"Tokyo," I remind him. "And I kissed that girl in Perth."

"You're so tame, Harry," he chuckles.

"And you're supposed to be seeing Melissa," I point out.

"Yeah, but I never get caught, you know that," he says cheekily. "You lot should take a leaf out of my book. I am the soul of discretion."

We take the piss out of each other pointlessly for a few more minutes and then hang up. I can't believe the lazy bum rang me from his suite next door.

We spend the afternoon rehearsing again, and then after dinner we head to Liam's room where the others smoke and we make our way through the mini bar. To my surprise, Louis didn't hook up with his redhead last night, so Niall and I are the subjects of interrogation for the evening.

We're on our fifth beer each when my phone lights up with a call. It's Karen.

"Ooooohhhhh," the others chant softly.

"Harry's in trouble," Louis mocks gleefully.

"Hi Karen," I answer warily.

"Did you use a condom?" she snaps.

I close my eyes and sigh.

"Yes," I say wearily.

One of these days - just one day - I will be able to have sex without every fucker in my life knowing about it.

"You were pictured getting jiggy in the pool," she informs me.

"Err - hold on!" I protest, my eyes flying open. "I didn't do anything in the pool!"

"There are photos from a long range camera of you kissing some girl in the hotel pool. Don't deny it - I can see Dale in the background of one of them. And someone's given an eyewitness account of you with her in the club."

"Yeah but I didn't get jiggy in the pool!" I insist. "I only kissed her!"

"But you took her back to your room."

"Well... yeah."

Karen sighs. "We can't keep this one quiet, Harry. The Daily Mail are publishing it as we speak."

"Has the girl given her side of the story?" I ask, afraid of the answer.

"No, not yet. But you took a huge risk - AGAIN. I honestly don't know what's got into you lately. Need I remind you we are still fighting the Tokyo story -"

"No, you don't need to remind me," I interrupt. "Why couldn't you stop this one too? You stopped Louis' Thailand story."

"No we haven't," she says. "I think we're going to lose that one. I'm pretty certain they'll print it at the weekend."

"Does Louis know?" I ask and Louis lifts his nead and nods at me.

"Yes, he does," Karen says in my ear. "You know what he's like - he either ignores it or he gives them a mouthful. Actually it wouldn't hurt for you to remind him to stay off Twitter," she says quickly.

"Will do," I nod, and she rings off. "Don't go on Twitter," I tell Louis, and he rolls his eyes.

"I've already been warned," he says. "No sass, don't rise to it, just ignore it."

"Ignore what?" Liam asks, stubbing out his cigarette.

"They're going to print the story about me and that girl from the other night in Bangkok," Louis tells him.

"You're a bloody liability, Tommo," Liam sighs.

"At least I'm getting some action," Louis retorts. "I feel sorry for your right hand at the moment."

We all make similar noises of disgust at Louis, who smirks and casually blows a smoke ring in the air.

"Truth hurts," he adds.

~~~~

Niall and Liam play FIFA, and Louis and I lounge on Liam's bed looking at stupid videos on the Lad Bible. It's just gone 3am when my phone pings with a Twitter notification and my heart lurches as I realise Jess has just tweeted. I look at my watch - it must be about 8pm back home.

I open up her tweet, and see she's posted a picture of her and the tall, dark haired guy she was having lunch with last weekend. As if she's tweeting pictures of her and her boyfriend. They're standing in front of a Christmas tree - so it's obviously an old photo and they've obviously been together a while. I'm just about to throw my phone on the bed when I catch sight of the caption and pull my phone close to my face to examine it.

"The fuck are you doing?" Louis mutters.

"Jess has tweeted," I mutter back, staring in horror at the words on my screen.

"You have notifications on? You fucking loser!" Louis cackles. "Man, you are whipped."

"No - listen - 'Loved seeing my big bro Calvin Bradshaw for lunch on Saturday. Hashtag sibling love.' Fuck."

"What you on about?"

"The guy in the pictures last week. It's her brother. It's her fucking brother."

I'm blindsided by this latest news.

A mixture of emotions are fighting inside me right now. I'm happy that this guy is her brother. I'm relieved she may not have a boyfriend. I'm gutted I didn't just text her sooner and ask her about him. I'm wishing I hadn't slept with that girl last night, because I know Jess will see the story about it and she will think I am sleeping around in every city we visit.

I don't know why this would be an issue, really. She told me to go and have fun on tour. It's not like we're a couple or anything. I just wish for my own sake I hadn't done it.

I wonder if she tweeted that picture so that I would know the guy isn't her boyfriend. Or is that over-thinking it?

I attempt to share some of these thoughts with Louis, but he is falling asleep on Liam's bed and all he can say (as usual) is "Have some chill."

I swear to God if I hear that expression one more time on this tour I will throttle someone.

I scroll through Twitter and read some of my mentions, and I can see loads of fans discussing the article about me kissing Annabelle in the pool. Some are asking what's going on with me and Jess, some are telling me they're glad I got revenge on her for cheating on me - they obviously believed the story about her and her brother, same as me, and some have already seen her tweet and are backtracking, discussing the meaning behind it and wondering what is going on between us now.

One in particular catches my eye: @legendarystyless: Can't a girl and a guy just be friends without everyone assuming they're a couple? @Harry_Styles @jessie_braddy

I'm so dying to retweet it, although I never actually would. But the significance of it isn't lost on me, and I wish I could just text Jess and ask her about all this crap.

When I am sober tomorrow I am going to text her. Hell, I might even call her and find out what's going on. I've had enough of believing all these rumours flying around. I've been a dick. I've done exactly what I hate people doing to me. Mum told me I should have asked her outright - I should have listened.

I'm doing it. First thing in the morning, I'm texting her.

I'm so relieved that guy isn't her boyfriend.

......

For the second time in two days I wake up with a horrendous hangover. I roll over in bed and grab some paracetamol and a drink of water, and then lay on my back for about ten minutes with my eyes closed, trying to will away the pain in my head.

It doesn't work.

I pick up my phone and open Twitter, and begin scrolling. After about three seconds my stomach drops, and it's not because of the alcohol I drank last night. Retweeted repeatedly, from every 1D Update account in the entire universe it seems, are pictures of Jess kissing some guy. And when I say kissing, I don't mean a harmless peck on the cheek like the picture the other day with her brother. This guy is pushing her up against a wall, outside a tube station apparently, and her hands are on his jacket, pulling him towards her. There's another picture of them kissing in what looks like a bar, obviously taken on the same night because they are both wearing the same clothes.

I stare at the pictures for a couple of minutes.

The guy looks familiar. I can't think where I have seen him before.

It takes another minute for me to realise he is the same guy from the picture Jess sent me the other day. I'm guessing he works with her.

I throw my phone on the bed and go for a shower to take my mind off it.

In think about it the whole time I'm in the shower, and as I shut the water off a new thought occurs to me. They were pictured in a club and outside a tube station. Did they go home together? Did she have sex with him?

The thought of her letting that guy touch her pisses me off. More than it should. I know I'm not exactly one to talk, but I slept with Annabelle when I thought Jess had a boyfriend. I didn't think she was interested. But now I don't know what to think.

I wish I'd texted her sooner.

I pull some clothes on and walk along to Louis' room and knock on the door.

He takes ages to answer and when he does he looks like shit.

"Sorry, I was in the shower," he says.

"Look at this." I show him the pictures I've been staring at all morning.

"Fuck," Louis mutters. "Who's the guy?"

"I think they work together."

"That looks fucking hot," he says, staring at the picture of them kissing against the wall.

"Alright," I snap. I'm not in the mood for Louis' smut.

"She didn't waste any time, did she?" he remarks.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, the story about you had only been online a few hours, and she's straight into the arms of another guy?"

"You think that's the reason she did it?" I ask in surprise.

"I dunno," he replies. "But she's showing you she isn't going to hang around waiting for you. And she's obviously not going to be short of offers is she? She's a fucking babe."

I don't answer, but stare down at my phone.

"You seem gutted, mate," he says.

"I sort of am a bit."

"Are you really that into her?"

"I dunno," I shift uncomfortably. "I really did like her. I dunno."

"So fucking ask her out on another date then or something," he says exasperatedly.

"What? You've been telling me to 'have some chill' for weeks!"

"Yeah but that was before all this shit went off. If you like her, fucking tell her before she gets snapped up. Cos from the looks of things, she will. Get snapped up, I mean."

I'm silent again for a moment.

"If you don't, I will," Louis says slyly, and I snap my head up to glare at him. "Joking," he grins. "Sort of," he adds when I look away, and I glare at him again.

"You keep out of it," I tell him, and he smirks.

.....

I deliberate all day what to say to Jess, and Liam and Niall offer their words of wisdom, but it's early evening before I finally bite the bullet, as we're hanging out backstage before we're due to start our Manila show.

I decide to keep it breezy, and stick with a simple Hey you. Not heard from you in a while. How are things? x

I'm surprised when I get a reply about five minutes later - Hi. Fine thanks, been busy. Heard about Zayn, that was a shock.

No kiss on the end. Hmmm.

I scroll back through our conversations. She usually puts kisses.

I'm cutting straight to the chase.

Yeah tell me about it. We're just about to start our first show without him in about half an hour, gonna be weird. So how come you never told me about your boyfriend? x

There. Nothing about that can be misinterpreted. I wait nervously, tapping my phone against my chin.

My phone beeps and I unlock it quickly.

Hope it goes well tonight. What boyfriend? she replies.

Well that's a good response, I guess. That implies she hasn't got one. But it also implies she may not have seen the pictures online.

Still no kiss on her text, I note.

Have you been on Twitter recently? x, I ask.

This morning, yes. Are you talking about my brother? Or my work colleague?

STILL no kiss. Hmm. But she's obviously seen both sets of pictures.

The one pushing you up against a wall and kissing you outside the tube station. He was in the picture you sent me last week x, I reply, and regret it as soon as I press send.

That's my friend Gary. We work together.

Friend. FRIEND. Friend is good.

Do you kiss all your friends in that way? ;) x I attempt a winky face, to keep it lighthearted.

Not usually. Only you ;) x

Did she just friendzone me? I got a wink and a kiss though, at last. In my eyes, a winky face to someone you like means you're flirting.

You did a lot more than just kiss me ;) x

I'm pushing my luck now, and I know it. This could go one of two ways.

I made a special exception for you x, she responds.

Is she saying nothing happened with her friend?

Only for me? x, I type, but all I get back in response is a question mark, which I presume means she doesn't understand what I'm getting at. I'm obviously going to have to be straight to the point.

Did you sleep with him? x

I know I have absolutely no right to ask, but I want to know.

I hope she answers.

I hope it's the answer I want.

I'm scared to look when the reply comes through.

Wtf? Personal question! No, I didn't, it was just a drunken kiss. Why do you ask?

Uh oh. I've pissed her off. The kisses have gone again. At least she answered though. Thank fuck she didn't sleep with him.

I'm fully aware I'm grinning at my phone.

Just wondering. I'm glad you didn't x, I tell her.

Why? she wants to know.

OK. OK, I'm going to do this. Cards on the table.

Fuck, no I can't. What if she blows me out? She's not even putting kisses on her texts anymore. She's probably lost interest.

But if she's lost interest, why is she carrying on this conversation?

Fuck it, I'm doing it. No chill.

Because I like you x, I type, and quickly press send and throw my phone down on the sofa my heart pounding. I'm such a fucking loser.

It's about five agonising minutes before she replies, during which time I try and concentrate on the boys' conversation, and fail miserably. My phone beeps and I snatch it up. Louis smirks.

Bet you say that to all the girls, is her reply.

OK, it's becoming clearer. She thinks I'm sleeping around on tour, doesn't she. She's seen the article about Annabelle and she thinks I'm a player.

Only the ones I actually like x, I send back.

Her response is immediate: Like the blonde the other night?

I'm right - and she's pissed off about it. I don't know whether that's a good sign.

Not exactly. Are you pissed off? x, I ask.

"Showtime, guys!" Alex calls, poking his head into our room.

Fuck, this is not the time. I need to finish this conversation.

My phone beeps as the others start to stand up.

No, it's none of my business, you can sleep with who you want, she has said.

I type faster than I have ever typed in my life. I have to go, we're getting called. Are you free in a couple of hours? I'll text you after the show x

I turn my phone off and shove it in the pocket of my jeans before following the others out of the room.

"Well?" Louis asks as we make our way towards the stage for our pre-show huddle.

"He isn't her boyfriend," I grin, unable to help myself.

"Yessss," Louis hisses, and gives me a high five.

I'm buzzing with adrenaline as we do a quick warm up, before heading out to face the crowd, and I make a mental note there and then to be up front and honest with her about everything from now on. Even if it means looking keen.

I like her, I've decided. And I want to see where this goes.

----****----

Sorry, it's a bit of a long chapter! I've had to break it early again, as with the previous chapter, so it's still a little out of sync but bear with me :)

I am loving reading your comments on Harry's POV!! Don't forget to vote if you're enjoying it!! xx

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