SLOWLY, I SLIPPED INTO AN INCOHERENT BOUT OF BITTERNESS THAT I DIDN'T RECOVER FROM FOR THAT ENTIRE DAY. I DIDN'T RECOVER FROM IT THE NEXT DAY, EITHER.

I didn't speak to Sabik again- at all, for I was still rightfully feeling exploited, disgusted, and exposed. Alya was quick to move past the situation with that nervous, trembling energy of hers and act like it had never happened. She wasn't as eager to strike up witty, snarky banter with Sabik, of course, that was still tense and awkward. She tried her best though. She was also regarding me with new warmth, however, which was certainly welcome. I wasn't going to lie, I enjoyed the way it felt to have her body pressed next to mine casually, or her hand brush mine whenever she walked by. I was just left feeling grateful that it wasn't as if she was pretending that nothing between us had ever happened, just the part where Sabik had busted in, screamed bloody murder, and had aimed a low blow to the part where it hurt most: my nightmares.

It felt weird, as I considered him coldly every time he entered a room, to think that he knew the turmoil going on in my head, the pain I held within, and yet he still didn't feel compassion. He only used it to his advantage.

That day of bitterness, Uma kept us busy. She sent the princess, Beebee, and I on errands, handing us a coin pouch, and promptly sending us to town to fetch something for dinner. The small excursion also served a double purpose, though, as it gave us another opportunity to scout out the beautiful city of Doria and plan our next move.

I half-expected to see that boy again, to feel the tug on my sleeve and see those big blue eyes watering with desperation.

But luckily, I decided, I didn't.

Alya quietly bought the vegetables required for tonight's dinner and unfurled her fist to give the coins. I stood close beside her, chattering softly with Beebee, and watched as Alya gave a gentle smile and a polite nod goodbye to the merchant.

Even in our solitary, she didn't want to bring up the situation with Sabik. She was uncharacteristically silent. Instead, as we walked away, another sight drew her attention. She stopped in place, breathless.

"What's the matter-" I began, but then my gaze fell on it. I knew exactly why it harbored such a reaction.

She shook her head, a dismal frown painting her face. She let out a gentle, sad sigh. "The whipping post," She whispered.

I could still see the blood spilled on the platform. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Alya twitch unpleasantly too. Her mouth slightly parted, pursed pink lips, and those eyes, those gorgeous eyes swimming with ghosts, visions, and repressed memories she barely even knew.

Silently, wordlessly, I reached out and felt her hand, taking it in mine. She jolted momentarily in surprise, looking over, but I kept my gaze focused on the post. Our fingers intertwined and I squeezed softly, reminding her that she shouldn't feel so alone.

We didn't sleep curled up next to each other that night. At least, we didn't plan on it. But somehow anyway, I found myself in the morning with the young girl pressed close to my heart, breathing softly with eyelashes kissing my skin.

As soon as I stirred, she did as well, and I was quick to push her off of me, eyes darting toward the door and wanting to avoid that horrible situation all over again.

She could read me like a book by this point, and looked at me with watchful eyes. I held my head in my hands, yawning in my exhaustion. Through my fingers, I could see her looking at me.

"What?"

"You look like shit." She said, cracking a goofy smile. "Nice bedhead."

"Oh, stop it," I rolled my eyes, scowling.

"Stop creasing your brow like that," Alya murmured, scooting close, pressing her thumb to my temple and smoothing out the line that formed there. "It makes you look old."

"I am old."

She made a soft scowling noise. "No matter the age, you're always gonna have that dreadful bedhead of yours."

I rolled my eyes and tossed a pillow at her. She caught it, giggling, and threw it back. My reflexes caught it right before it would have made direct impact with my face, and by the way Alya's eyes grew wide and scared, I could tell she knew she was fucked.

I chucked it back at her head, catching her with more force than I meant to, and upon collision, it knocked her off the bed.

The same moment she hit the floor and I opened my mouth in an "oh shit" profuse apology, the door creaked open. My head whirled around, fearing for the worst, but it was thankfully only Uma's kind face peeking in.

"Uh-" She began, speechless and confused.

Alya's disheveled curly head popped up from behind, partially hidden by the mattress. "Good morning, Uma!"

I grinned too. "Yea, morning, Uma."

"Uh, well, okay." Uma laughed, teetering as she chittered on. "Anyway, I was thinking I would lead you two kids to the base today. You've both had a day to get settled, more than enough time."

"Base?" I asked, my mind flying to home. Well, the comforts of the place I could most call home: the Resistance base. My mind went to the familiar faces I loved, of Jessika's, of Leia's, of Snap's, and Finn's.

"Yes, though our numbers are small, I'm going to try and give you two any and every amenity we have to offer." Uma continued. "So get dressed quickly, we'll be leaving soon." Suddenly, she turned to reveal Sabik standing nearby, eavesdropping. "That goes for you too, Sabik."

I made eye-contact with Sabik. Tense, glaring, icy. Curtly, he nodded at his mother.

"Of course, Mom." He simpered. "Wouldn't want to be a bad example to the other soldiers." With that, he turned and walked off.

"Uh," Uma squinted and scrunched her nose at her son's oddly-specific and dramatic statement. "Okay." She shook her head and left, bumbling and mumbling under her breath, "Young people confuse me."

Alya clambered back onto the bed, settling in a comfy position next to me, her knees folded in and her hands in her lap. She stretched her neck like a cat, yawning.

"That was weird." She commented, looking like a true vision as she fiddled with the straps of her pale blue nightgown. She turned to look at me, that common expression of concern falling in place once again. I hated when she looked at me like that. I kept focused on the doorway, where Sabik's head had been. My brow stayed furrowed angrily.

"Is something the matter, Poe? You can tell me." Her warm hands felt my scratchy, unshaven cheeks, and she turned my head gently to meet her gaze. Her brown eyes were open wide and I felt my heart melt. Damn her.

My words, however, were still a lie. "Yeah, I'm fine." I said dismissively, tugging my head away from her. I rose off the bed despite her bewildered expression and began to get dressed. "I'm not fragile, you know, Alya."

She shook her head at me and bit her lip, knowing the conversation was over. I wouldn't be cracked today in the light of day. Her voice sounded half-shattered.

"I never said you were."

•••
A/N: heyy look at me updating literally ten minutes before it's technically not my updating day! procrastination at it's finest, folks. after exam week, i am dead inside. *snapping finger guns*
anywho, sabik's turning into a real bitch. even i don't like him anymore. what a shithead.
but yea i'm dead tired so here's a meme, hope you enjoyed. if you did please let me know by commenting and voting and all that junk it rlly does motivate me and yay I just love hearing from my readers ok.

as always, thank u for reading! much love and see y'all on tuesday for the next chapter with hopefully more sleep, less caffeine, and less procrastination.
xx natalie