23
Walking through the streets of Asgard, without a heavily armed escort, for the first time in a thousand years – it was strange. Nothing had changed, and yet everything had.
Loki recognized every single thing on the walk from Gladsheim to his own hall – and yet everything was different. The millennia he was gone had brought many changes to Asgard, changes that had both destroyed his ability to recognize it and yet, had also enhanced it.
Some of the great Aesir halls had been renovated. New fences built. Different flowers planted. One of the roads had been redone. The stones beneath his feet on that particular street were smoother than they had been before. The stretch of unfinished wall surrounding Asgard had been built up and finally completed, strengthening the defenses.
Sif stared at Loki as he passed Bilskirnir. She was absolutely astonished seeing him pass by free of guards. Thor, standing behind her in the yard outside their hall, wrapped his arms around her waist and whispered into her ear, "I told you, didn't I?"
Loki's step quickened as he neared his hall. The large doors loomed before him as he vaulted over the stone wall and raced up the steps to the doors. He paused there, hand pressed against the cool, ancient wood.
Sigyn was in there. But she wasn't waiting for him. In fact, he didn't know if she even wanted him back. But he had to try. He had to try.
Pushing the doors open, Loki stepped into his own home for the first time in forever. Nothing had changed here, besides the mustiness that came from years of disuse – but he could tell that Sigyn had started to clean up the dust and cobwebs. It had the appearance of beginning to be clean.
Loki stood still for a moment, listening. He heard nothing. With a frown, he started into the great hall. If Sigyn was here, he knew exactly where she would be.
Just as he thought, she was in the wide windowed room that flanked the back of the hall. It was her favorite room in the entire place. From here you could see the arcing sky, sliding down towards Midgard and up towards Gimle, the heavens. Because of Loki's heritage, his hall was on the edge of Asgard. Although it had been a rather isolating gesture, Sigyn had always loved the view.
She stood now, gazing out the window at the fiery rays the setting sun had jetted up into the sky. Loki stopped in the doorway, unable to believe he was here at last. He had completed his task. He had gained his pardon.
He now had to plead Sigyn for her forgiveness.
Pain throbbed suddenly in his five open chest wounds, sending a chill through his bloodstream. He sank his teeth into his lip to prevent himself from gasping.
And that was when Sigyn turned around.
Her eyes widened on seeing Loki, whose hand was pressed to his chest. Her skin was pale, telling Loki that she had spent her entire time in Asgard inside their hall. He could see the tearstains on her cheeks, and this time, he knew why she had been crying.
All Loki wanted to do was stride across the room and cup her face in his hands, take her into his arms. But he knew that would be pushing his luck, so he just stayed in the doorway.
"I know," Loki started, taking a deep breath and straightening, dropping his hand from his chest. "I know I have never treated you right. I know I forget about you, I know I worry you. And I know I've caused our family unspeakable pain."
Sigyn just continued to stare at him, her eyes full of sorrow and pain.
"But," he continued, moving into the room and risking a step towards her. "I have always loved you, from the first moment I saw you. I hope you know that. I think you do. But I'm so bad at remembering to say it.
"I really don't know what to say, Sigyn. I know words can never make up for anything, and everything, I've ever done to you. I can't even tell you again how much I love you, because...it's just the wrong timing. It sounds wrong during an apology. Like that should be the reason you take me back. And I don't want you to take me back because I still love you. I want you to take me back because you still love me and believe I can make things right. And that's – that's a hard thing to believe, because I don't even know if I'm capable of it."
There was silence as Loki took another step forward, his eyes trained on Sigyn. She didn't move, just kept her dark eyes intent on his green ones, her one hand brushing absently against her long skirt.
"If you want me to leave, I will. I finished the Aesir's quest and have received their pardon. The cave isn't in my future anymore. You are free to go live your life, the way you want to live it. The way you always should have lived it. I don't have to be there. But I can't help hoping that you want me there. I know I haven't always been there before, but I want to now."
Sigyn looked Loki up and down, taking in the sight of her husband. She noticed the bandages, the careful way he held himself, and the five wounds on his chest that he was attempting to hide. She noticed everything; she always had. Her eyes widened.
"What happened to you?"
She swept across the room towards him, grasping his left arm with one hand as the other hovered in front of his chest, hesitant to touch his wounds. Loki, ever so slowly, reached up with his right hand and wrapped his fingers around her free hand. He squeezed it gently.
"Do you want me to tell you?" Loki inquired softly, staring into her eyes.
Sigyn's fingers tightened around his. "Yes."
Loki brought his left hand up, carefully, slowly, and cupped it around her cheek, caressing her soft skin. "You don't hate me."
"Why would I hate you?" Sigyn queried. "Loki, I love you. I always will."
"So, are you forgiving me?"
"Do you want to be forgiven?" she asked with a small smile.
Loki smiled. "Yes."
The couple stood there, lost in all the words they couldn't find to say. Then Sigyn cautiously stepped closer to Loki, wrapping her arms around him and moving her head so she wouldn't press against his wounds. The trickster pulled her closer to him, resting his head on her dark hair.
"Vali's alive," he murmured after a space of several moments.
Quick as a flash, Sigyn pulled back, staring up at him with eyes that dared not be hopeful. "Vali's alive?" she repeated breathlessly.
"Yes," Loki assured her. "Odin lied about killing him. He and Thor weren't able to. Our son escaped. He's still alive."
Sigyn smiled as tears fell from her eyes, tears of joy both for Vali and, Loki knew, for him.
"I never told you," Loki said, gazing into her eyes. "That you are the most beautiful woman in the Nine Worlds. You are so much more beautiful than Freya."
"Don't tease me, Loki," Sigyn warned, her tone light but teary.
"I'm serious," Loki insisted, taking her hands in his. "You have something Freya will never have. You are compassionate, and loyal, and beautiful. Freya has beauty, but she is shallow. There is nothing there. But you...you have everything. I can't believe you ever agreed to marry me."
Sigyn shook her head. "Don't say that. I loved you then, and I love you now." Looking away, she continued, "Loki, what I said back in Bilskirnir...I'm sorry."
"No, no," Loki soothed. "Don't be. You had every right to say that. I needed to hear it."
"I'm still sorry," Sigyn insisted. "I was just so angry that...that my own family could slaughter my sons like they were of no consequence. Why would they do such a thing? How could they do such a thing?"
Loki was silent for a moment. "You know why."
Sigyn met Loki's eyes once more. "But I still don't understand it."
Loki gently grasped her shoulders, allowing his sorrow at the death of Narvi to show in his eyes. "Because Narvi and Vali are my sons, as well. You being their mother doesn't matter to the Aesir. The father has always carried more weight with the gods."
"At least Vali's still alive," she murmured. "I'm grateful for that."
"I'll find him," Loki vowed, both to Sigyn and to himself. "I will. And I will bring him home."
Sigyn looked up at him as she gently leaned into his chest. "Please."
"I promise," Loki said softly, before cupping her face in his hands and slowly leaning down to kiss her.
He was home.
He was redeemed.
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