When your fingers first brush against his, you can feel your breath stutter for a moment.

Whenever he laughs- and trust me, his laugh is something to behold- you can feel it echo throughout your bones.

When he cries, you feel the sounds of the sobs breaking through the tough skin you've spent years building. You can feel your own heart breaking in sympathy, but it doesn't matter.

No matter how many times you offer, no matter how much space you give him or reassuring touches you provide, he cements the idea further and further that you're not wanted.

He doesn't want you or your help.

It takes you a while to realize that, but when you do, you regret ever letting him burrow his way into your heart.

He tells you to leave and you do. His words are cruel and for months after you still feel raw. He's gone, and he's taken with him the tough skin you built.

When all of your love for him runs out and he's the last person your mind turns in the middle of the night- you see him.

It doesn't hurt as much any more, his smile has lost its affect and his touch just annoys you now.

The sound of your name on his breath makes you cringe but secretly you do miss the sound of his voice.

He tells you he misses you. That he shouldn't have pushed you away. That he loves you, he always has and always will.

Its just a few words, a couple of simple sentences but its enough to make you feel like you've gone back in time.

Back to when your love for the man blinded you from seeing the truth. Back to two years ago when you gave your all to someone who acted as if you were nothing.

A few moments of silence, a begging look from him and a confused look from you in return. The world is against you, trying to get you to give in and yet you're strong enough to fight it now. You shake your head and he realizes that you're not the same person you were when you last saw him.

"Jon please. I-I'm sorry, I know I hurt you but I'm different now. I've changed and I'll do anything I can to fix what wounds I've made. Just give me a chance, Jon,"

He almost sounds sincere, but you've known him- knew him- for a while now. You've learnt his tells and seen first hand his lies. Someone could call you jaded. Cold hearted with a grudge but he's hurt you before and you're smart enough to know better.

"I did. I gave you plenty of chances. I was with you through everything, I gave you everything I had and you threw it back in my face. I trusted you and you broke me. You need to learn Evan, that people do not just come when you call. I am not your toy that you can just use when you want and then discard,"

There's anger in his eyes when you look at him but you don't care. You smile back at him.

"It seems as if it's my turn, to say I don't want you nor do I need you. Goodbye Evan, I hope I never see you again,"

And you don't.